Hopeless Romantic or Kinky Ass?

Just over a week ago, I reached out to Aaron on PlentyofFish. On his profile, it said he was looking for a relationship, lived in the same city as me and that he was a hopeless romantic.

We sent several messages back and forth and I learned we had quite a bit in common. Both of us shared a love for music, turns out his sister went to the same art/design University as me (which is rare considering how small my school’s population is), and we lived fairly close by each other.

About two days into our conversation…

Aaron: “So suburbangirl4love…. tell me something about yourself! Something that maybe you’ve never told anyone before…or maybe too embarrassed to tell… lol could be for any reason.”

Me: “Hmmm.. well I’m a pretty open person – I don’t think there is really anything I haven’t told my friends. I can tell you some things about me that I haven’t shared with you yet. I can definitely be a bit of a nerd. Love Mario kart n64 (kind of the champ at that game) and lately I’ve kinda gotten into chess. Too awesome, right? Your turn.”

Aaron: “Ahah thats not embarrassing at all! You’re only the champ because you haven’t faced me yet! I don’t think you get an embarrassing or fun fact about me until you step up the game ;) Chess is fun though. I haven’t played in years.”

Me: “How am I supposed to step up the game, hmm?”

Aaron: “Let’s start with something embarrassing…. of course there’s always the pro move of pulling out the something kinky card, but then this isn’t the majors now ;)”

I had to give this some serious thought. Unfortunately, my mind drew a blank – which was kind of sad. I’ve always been very sweet and mature, so I never got myself into any wild or embarrassing situations that really stood out in my mind. Anyway, of course, the only logical thing to do was to Google search ‘top 50 embarrassing situations to be in’ and on the list – it said ‘your bathing suit falling off in public’. I grinned, as reading this finally triggered a story. I recalled my experience back when I was a counselor at Day Camp. Of course, on the day of the swim test, I wore this flimsy string bikini that I hadn’t worn in forever thinking it’d be cute to show off. Then, about half way through the test I noticed several of the male life guards were staring.. and when I looked back down I notice my top had completely gone loose. I’d say that was pretty embarrassing.

Aaron: “ooo naked camp stories is it. Well in that case I see your couple of guy counselors and raise you your entire cabin full of kids. When I was a CIT, at the dining hall no less, once everyone was seated my buddy comes up from behind me and pantsed me in front of everyone… now that put the ass in embarrassing!”

That put a huge grin on my face. Anyway, we wrote a bit more harmless, flirtatious comments back and forth until he asked if I had WhatsApp on my phone so we could talk through that instead.

5 days ago I checked my phone and saw I got a new Facebook friend request alert from none other than him. I was confused as I never gave him my name on Facebook. I asked him how he found me and all he said was that it took him two tries… first time he added another girl who looked like me, who is apparently my doppelganger.

Anyway, I was fine with it and added him back.

The flirtatious comments from him continued over the next two days – telling me I needed to unwind at the end of a long work day with a nice hot chocolate by the fire, massage and rom com in the background. It was sweet and still it was nothing that made me feel uncomfortable.

This brings us up to three days ago.

Aaron: “You said you like lazy Sundays?”

Me: “For sure! Chilling in my PJ’s all day – the life.”

Aaron: “Hahah. Oh. My lazy Sundays, I prefer naked.”

I waited awhile to respond, meanwhile he wrote again saying I had been quiet.

Me: “To be honest, I was a little taken aback by your last comment. I don’t want you to think I’m just on this site for hooking up.”

Aaron: “Ahaha no, I know you aren’t and to be honest I don’t want you to think I am either. At the same time though, I know there is a sexual side to relationships and having been in one for 4 years I know how important it is to have one where you’re both on the same level physically as well as emotionally.”

Me: “I totally get that – but without having met me, a comment like that could be misinterpreted and may be a bit premature. ;) If you want to get to know me better, it might be best to move this to a phone conversation sometime or meet up for coffee.”

No response. It’s been two days since I sent that.

Do you feel this hopeless romantic went too far? Maybe I should have just gone along with it instead of perhaps scaring him off a bit. I could respond saying, “well, you’ve been quiet”.

However, if he’s only looking to have a sexual conversation online and not have the courage to ask me out on a date, is he really worth it?

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Talking on the Phone vs Texting

About a week and a half ago, I started communicating with Cory on POF. He looked gorgeous in his pictures (none of them made me question whether he was a ‘catfish‘). Cory recently graduated from University / moved to Toronto. His profile stated that as a recent graduate, he was doing lots of soul searching and introspection to figure out where to go in his life and his response has been to a) drink lots of tea and b) BLOG.

I thought to myself… wouldn’t it would be funny if we were both blogging about our dating stories? It would be interesting to read both of our first date perspectives about one another. Little did he know that I was a blogger myself.

We started talking about what our favourite teas were, as he mentioned working at a tea store. I was telling him about my adventures attending high tea. From there we talked briefly about where we lived (turns out we are only 10-15 away from each other), what we studied, and what our plans for the future were career wise.

After about 5 messages back and forth I made the next move and gave Cory my cell number. I suggested he call or text me sometime as it would be an easier way to have a conversation.

This past Tuesday he texted me. The first two days we were texting very quickly back and forth. On day 2 I asked if he wanted to call me but he said:

“I’m actually watching [fill in movie name] with my housemate. We haven’t seen much of each other lately so we’re catching up. Rain check!”

I thought to myself… that’s fair. At least he asked for a rain check. Mean while we kept texting back and forth a bit while he was watching the movie. As the next few days passed our text messages ranged from being an hour apart to days apart.

This past Wednesday, Cory told me he was having an interview the following day so I told him to let me know how it went. The following day I never heard from him. I texted him Friday night asking how it went. Still no response…

I was beginning to question whether this guy was being legit. I decided to be a ‘catfish‘ detective by dragging and dropping two of his online profile pictures into a google image search. I came across his LinkedIn (which seemed pretty up to date with everything he told me about himself) and it also provided me with his last name. From there I searched that name on Facebook and sure enough, I found him! 930 friends, 2 mutual ones and he even shared some of his WordPress blog posts on his wall which was set to public. I was too tempted and clicked the link and scrolled through. He did have some relationship posts but the majority of what I skimmed through talked about life in general. He is a great writer.

Anyway, I decided to text one last time this morning saying, “everything okay?” About an hour later he wrote back, apologizing for not responding sooner. He was out of town attending his old Universities homecoming weekend. He asked how my weekend was going.

I was getting tired of all the texting. I wrote back saying that he should just call me when he got back in town and we could talk more then. He wrote back saying:

“I’m not really a phone conversation person. I feel a lot is lost when you can’t see body language and hear tone. Although I’m hypocritical because I like to text… haha”.

Yeah, completely hypocritical I’d say. Sure, some people just aren’t comfortable with talking on the phone, I get that. Still – I felt something just wasn’t adding up. I wrote back:

“That’s fair! I like texting too but I find it’s really hard to have any sort of real conversation. Are you interested in meeting up at some point?”

Cory wrote back saying:

“This is true for any prolonged length. For sure. My schedule is a little sporadic this week but maybe we can find time for coffee, or tea! :P”

I haven’t responded yet. I would like to meet him, but part of me thinks I’d feel more comfortable at least hearing his voice once before. Perhaps even if it’s just to arrange where to meet. What would you suggest I do with him? Ever experienced something similar?

Sangria’s, X’S and O’S

Over the last week, my Italian ‘fish’, Joey, has quickly slipped away back into the dating pond. I’m just as confused as many of you may be – after reading about the successful date I had with him two weeks ago. At any rate, I was back on the prowl and might have found myself an even better contender.

Meet David: a 24 year old accountant who also appreciates high tea and shares a love for traveling.

We had been talking back and forth on OKCupid for just over a week, when we decided to move things over to Facebook. The first thing I noticed was that our birthdays were three days apart. Thought that was pretty neat. Next, I saw we shared one mutual friend. Turns out that mutual friend was a girl I went to both elementary school and high school with! As I looked through a few pictures he was tagged in, I put the puzzle pieces together and figured out they were cousins. Small world! Anyway, I suggested the two of us go out for drinks to celebrate our birthdays.

Which leads us to tonight.

The two of us met up at Jack Astor’s Bar & Grill for drinks and dinner downtown. When I got there he was already waiting in the front entrance and stepped outside as he saw me walking up the stairs. He was very cute – just like in the pictures! We hugged each other hello and then proceeded to sit down at a booth inside the dining room.

We looked over the drink menu, and decided to share a pitcher of red Sangria. I could tell David was pretty nervous, as I was initiating the majority of conversation towards the beginning. Maybe it was just my beautiful presence which made his knees week. ;) Anyway, I felt like as we continued making our way through the bottle of Sangria, he felt more at ease and asked me more questions.

We talked about our families, and I was really pleased to hear how close he was with his parents and siblings. Our conversation pretty much covered all areas including places we traveled to, our University experiences, work life and pets (so happy he shared a love for cats like I do!)

The atmosphere was really nice and after about an hour of sitting down together, they dimmed the lights in the room. It was as if the waitress telepathically read my mind as it definitely made the setting more romantic.

Along with our Sangria’s, we shared a garlic bread and pizza. It was deelish! As we finished off our meal, I noticed there were some crayons at the table and our plates covered a sheet of drawing paper. That led into several games of X’s and O’s (which I won twice) and we also played a few games of hang man. Definitely a fun ice breaker activity on a first date. It was also a good way of learning what kind of bands he liked, cities he visited, and TV shows he watched. Even if you don’t have a Jack Astor’s in your city, I’m sure there is a similar restaurant that can allow you and your date to relive some of those classic childhood games.

Just over two hours later, he paid the bill (I offered to contribute) and we walked towards the subway. Once we got there I thanked David again for dinner. He said he had a nice time and hoped I got home safely. We had a nice hug goodbye and then we proceeded our separate ways. I had a silly grin on my face while taking the escalator down into the subway.

I texted him when I got home saying, “Hey. Just wanted to let you know I got home safe and thanks again for a great evening!”

David responded about ten minutes later saying, “Glad to hear that. :)”

I really hope he’s interested in going on a second date! Don’t want to get too excited, but I think he is definitely a good one. Thoughts?

Little Boy Blue

Hope you didn’t think I forgot about you! It’s been quite the crazy last few weeks. I wrapped up my final University classes/presentations and can officially say I am done! However, I don’t think it will really sink in until I wear the graduation robe and shake the President’s hand in June. My feelings are pretty mixed about being finished. On one hand I am very excited to start a new chapter in my life and continue meeting new people and stepping outside my comfort zone. On the other hand, I have made such amazing friendships at my school that it will be very strange not seeing them around everyday.

I had talked to you awhile back in my post ‘More Than a Friend’ about a guy I’ve known since my second year of University that I instantly developed a strong bond with. Since then, our friendship has grown leaps and as time went on, he started developing strong, romantic feelings for me. I so wished I could reciprocate those feelings and have that happily ever after with him. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t see us as going past a platonic friendship. I considered him my best guy friend. Someone who I felt completely comfortable talking to about anything, with full assurance everything would remain between the two of us. Sadly, the physical attraction was never there on my end. He suffers from several health conditions, which makes him very self-conscious of his body image and as well struggles with self-confidence. He is also very shy to begin with and after having gotten to know him for three years, he opens up to me much more than his family. I knew that deep down it couldn’t go any further than platonic as I needed that special person in my life to have that level of confidence to push mine higher. Perhaps the attraction could grow if I was open to giving it a chance. However, the fact that I know how self-conscious he is and all the struggles he deals with makes it hard for me to be open to more between us. I casually mentioned to him when we first had this discussion that maybe it would be good for him to talk to someone to help deal with the struggles he faced, but he was very opposed to the idea. He said:

I have you.

I valued how he felt so open to talk to me about his feelings. However, I didn’t think it was healthy to not have any other close friends to talk to and felt it was important he was able to open up to someone else aside from me.

After all of this happened several months ago and we were completely honest with one another, I felt our friendship was strong enough to get through it (as hard as I knew it was for him). This leads us to today.

We were at school clearing out our lockers and fixing a final project to go on display for an upcoming graduate show. As I was eating lunch with him in the student cafe, I could tell he appeared sad. I asked him what was on his mind. He said:

A lot of things.

I asked:

Like what?

He was being kind of vague so I simply started listing off a few things. I asked if it could be about finishing school and not really having any definite next plans. He said that was part of it. I then asked if it had to do with me and being sad that we weren’t going to see each other as often. I could tell from his reaction to that line it was definitely part of it. He proceeded to tell me how he thought I knew how much he cared about me. It was hard on him recently when other students would ask if the two of us were dating. I guess being because we spent a lot of time together at school. He still couldn’t wrap his head around why I didn’t want to be with him. The more he talked, the more I felt sick and upset and I couldn’t form the right responses. I simply said to him how much I cared about him, but I just still didn’t see us as more than platonic. I told him that I felt he really needed to talk to someone about everything going on and feel better about himself/take better care of himself before I were to even consider that. He said:

That’s the thing though. I feel I can only get better when I’m around you. I feel totally comfortable around you.

Still, he would never wear a t-shirt around me. He still suffered from social anxieties and health issues – which I don’t think I could take on in a romantic relationship. I needed to breathe and so I made up an excuse to go to the washroom. After having taken some time to gather my thoughts together, I returned to the table and said:

I would really like to book for the two of us to see a therapist. We have health insurance through school and I feel it would be really healthy for our friendship to talk to someone at least once. Please at least think about it.

He was still very skeptical and didn’t seem like he would. I couldn’t say anymore other than to let me know his decision this weekend. The subway ride home was pretty uncomfortable. There was a lot of silence and small casual talk. When his stop arrived he said:

You’re still my best friend.

I said:

You are mine too. Don’t worry, we will get through this.

I really hope we can. What do you think of my situation and suggestion to him?

The Mercedes was a Rental?

Yesterday I was on such a high from my hot chocolate date on Sunday. I saw Business boy was on Facebook chat in the evening but I decided not to message him. I presumed he wanted to wait a bit longer before messaging me. Today has been quite the emotional roller coaster. By this afternoon, it had almost been 48 hours since we had seen each other and still no message from him. I started questioning everything. Did he not find me attractive? Was I too sweet for him? Did he not feel the same connection I did?

On Sunday when I got home from my date, I had told one of my best friends in Germany how amazing I felt it went. We Skyped this afternoon and I told her how I was feeling confused as to where his head was at. Part of me wanted to write to see how he was doing, and also to tell him what a small world it was that my dad and his parents may have gone to University together. The other part of me wanted to wait for him to write to make sure he was genuinely interested in getting to know me more. I agreed with her that he could just be shy and was waiting for me to write to him. I mean, he seemed pretty confident when I met him, but maybe it was too old fashioned of me to think that the guy should always be the one to take the next step. So I bravely composed a text message to him at 3:48 pm:

Hey! How are you? This is kind of a small world but I think my dad and your parents may have gone to University together.

I figured he wouldn’t respond til he finished work so I continued Skyping with my friend and then watched some television to distract myself. The hours ticked by and still nothing. I had dinner around 6:30 pm and afterwards I thought I’d check to see if he had been on Facebook recently. I typed in his name and when I clicked to his page all I saw was ‘Add as a friend’. My jaw literally dropped. I felt numb and couldn’t contain my emotions.

I began over analyzing everything. Was this guy feeding me a load of shit on Sunday? Was there any truth to what he made me believe we had in common? The tears kept flowing and I couldn’t make sense of why he would just drop me like that without any explanation. More questions continued popping into my head. Maybe he thought I was a stalker. Though I thought he would find that small world story so cool? Maybe I should have waited and instead completely blew my shot with him.

After having taken a few hours to calm down and decide what to do, it became very clear to me this guy owed me an explanation. At the very least to say the attraction wasn’t there on his end. I just couldn’t believe he would delete me and ignore my message as if I didn’t ever exist and we never met up. I wrote again at 8:15 pm:

So you delete me off Facebook and I don’t even get an explanation? Wow. I really thought you were different. Can you at least tell me what was so bad that I deserved that?

11:30 pm and still no response. You know what – I think I got my closure. This guy was obviously not who I thought he was. I mean, he didn’t have to give me a ride home if he wasn’t interested. Then to drop me out of the blue with no explanation? I don’t deserve that.

So I felt pretty down tonight. Dumb-founded and completely caught off guard. Going from an extreme high to low. Self-conscious and upset with myself for believing he would be different.

As for continuing my search online: I think I’m going to take a break for a little bit. Don’t worry though, there will definitely be more stories to report without a doubt. I’ll just find them in places I’d least expect to.

Do you have any theories to what could of happened with him?

French Fry Boy Update / Found my Facebook Prince Charming

Hi everyone. First off, I thought I’d write a follow up on french fry boy. Since my last blog post, there was absolutely no contact between us until this evening. Here is how our text message conversation went:

Hey! Wow long time, how’s life treating you?

Me: Pretty good… you?

Could always be better but I’m hanging in there. Finally recovered from being sick?

Me: Yeah.

Ouch. Real conversation murderer there.

I responded by telling him straight up how I was frustrated with him for being so distant since I got back from vacation. I told him it felt like he wasn’t interested anymore and I didn’t deserve for him to just be messaging me out of the blue every so often. He wrote back saying he never meant to create any drama or stress. If it made me feel better he hadn’t seen any of his friends in the past couple of weeks. He apologized and said if I’d prefer he didn’t message me anymore, to let him know. He didn’t want to complicate anything. I did want to give him some benefit of the doubt as it sounded like he may be going through a hard time and he had told me about some anxieties he was dealing with.

Me: I liked where things were going between us and then when I got back from vacation its like things backtracked. I know you weren’t looking for anything serious from the beginning but I felt we developed a strong connection. If you don’t think your open to anything becoming more serious it’s better if we just stay friends.

I sent that about half an hour ago. I’m sure you’re all thinking I’m silly and should have just ignored him. However, I needed closure. I probably would have been devouring 10 tubs of Ben and Jerry’s by now if it weren’t for all of your support.

Now onto a happier note.

As many of you know, I was unable to attend the local speed dating event put on by a University/College organization two weeks ago. What many of you don’t know is that when my friend and I first got invited to the Facebook event, we may have peeked over the ‘attending’ and ‘maybe’ lists. Don’t tell me you’ve never done that before! Anyway, I stumbled across this really cute guy’s profile. From what I could see, he appeared tall, had that prince charming quality to him and was also in his final year of University downtown. Mean time while I was putting all these bits of information together, my friend had found two guys of her liking and sent them a private message to see if they were interested in talking further! I couldn’t believe she did that. I wasn’t sure how stalker like it would appear. However, we could conclude they were ‘single and looking to mingle’ from being marked as ‘attending’ and I thought – good for her! What does she have to lose.

Somehow or another she convinced me to message this guy I stumbled upon. I said:

Hey. I know this is pretty random but my friend and I got this local speed dating event invitation on Facebook and we may have peeked at the list to see who was invited. Are you going?

A few days later and still no response. I figured it was unlikely I’d hear back so I wasn’t disappointed.

Which brings us to yesterday when I received a new private message alert on Facebook:

I just got this message now… yea I was there, crazy experience! So do you normally randomly message cute guys on Facebook? :P

I couldn’t believe he wrote back! From there we talked back and forth which went on for about 2 hours! I didn’t get to bed until 1:30 am. He told me he ended up going to the event. It was an ‘interesting’ experience but it was hard for him to take it seriously because it’s not the typical way he meets new people.

At the end of our conversation he gave me his phone number and I encouraged him to make the next move. He’s even suggested to go out for dinner with me which is so refreshing. I took a screenshot of him giving me virtual flowers. I mean, how original and cute is that! Well, we were both deliriously tired from a long day of school so I guess it made it seem that much more amazing.

Screen Shot 2013-03-20 at 11.31.08 PM

I’m excited to see where things go. No word from him today but hopefully he will make his move tomorrow. I’ll definitely keep all of you updated. Anyone reading this ever experience a similar situation? What’s the most random place you’ve introduced yourself to a guy/ made the first move?

Meeting ‘fish’ in the most random of places — FATE?

Saturday night I reluctantly decided to go out with my family to see a Flamenco Performance at a small coffee shop downtown, Toronto as my dad’s old time friend growing up was performing and playing the African drums. I initially thought… it’ll probably just be an older crowd wanting to go see Flamenco and I’d feel like a complete third wheel with my parents… but I had no other plans for my Saturday night and my parents convinced me it would be a great ‘family bonding’ experience. So I got myself out of my PJ’s, threw on some clothes, applied some makeup and away we went.

Our first stop was to quickly grab dinner at a restaurant prior to going to see the show. We went to a pretty popular spot which I had never been to before. It was completely packed but we decided to wait in line as it seemed to be moving at a fast pace and the location was minutes away from our next destination. While waiting in line, my mom whispered to me that there was a guy at the table next to where we were standing who kept looking over at me. I glanced over and he appeared to be sitting with his family. There was a girl opposite him and I couldn’t tell whether it was his sister or his girlfriend. I opted for option 1 as once again he looked over and our eyes caught each other. He actually was quite cute and I could immediately feel my cheeks going red and looked away, thinking nothing would come out of it anyway.

Later once my family had ordered dinner his family got up to leave and as they were walking out he quickly turned around and our eyes caught each other once again — seconds later he left to follow his family. I immediately thought… wait a second. I vaguely remembered his face and then I knew it was one of the guys I was corresponding with online months ago. I told my mom and she said I should message him if he’s still online and see if it really was him. I decided against it as even if it was him, there must of been a reason we had stopped writing in the first place.

Today, Monday, I get an email notification from the dating site saying I’ve received a new message and when I checked, sure enough IT WAS HIM! He said ‘I swear I saw you at x place Saturday night’. I couldn’t believe he knew it was me… we had never even met before and I thought to myself, is this fate? What are the chances of seeing him there? We both must have pretty incredible visual memories. I said yes and he went on by saying ‘you’re hot ;)’. Reading this in my bed I immediately felt my cheeks flush red, and I was very flattered. The fact that my pictures did me justice in real life and he liked what he saw made me feel really amazing. I then went to explore his profile again and there it was… I remembered he had only completed high school. I think at the time it didn’t sound as if he really had any ambition other than working in sales and with me being so far along in my career, I wanted to be with someone who was equally passionate about work. When I checked today, he actually now mentions something about wanting to study in University so I messaged back earlier and asked what his story was. If he is currently studying/ wants to study.

So despite my initial negative thoughts of having to go out with my parents, it actually turned out to be an amazing night and I really had fun. It was great talking to my parents, I would have never bumped into an old ‘fish,’ and I absolutely loved the Flamenco Performance. It was at this really neat coffee shop on an outdoor patio and the scene was very bohemian and relaxing. I breathed in the smell of firewood, drank Sangria and the air was filled with conversation, laughter and a gorgeous night sky.

Point of the story, don’t think negatively about anything. What you may think is negative can in fact turn into a very positive and fun experience.

My question to all of you. Is a situation like this a sign… fate should I say? Should I give him a shot even if he still lacks professional ambition?