The Most Unconventional First Date

It had been almost 3 weeks since I started talking to my South African boy, Jon, on Tinder. Since my last blog post, A True South African Gentleman, we continued talking on a daily basis through Skype and text. The more we talked, the more I felt like we had known each other forever. However, I also started growing a bit tired of our online relationship. I didn’t want what we had to turn into another one of my hopeless fantasies that would never result in anything.

Living about an hour away from each other wasn’t ideal, but Jon and I were both interested enough to make things work. He had gotten into a pretty serious accident and hurt his back around when we first started talking, so he still wasn’t completely comfortable driving on his own just yet. Jon told me that his sister offered to drive the both of them to my area. When he suggested that to me, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was about time we had our first date, yet if his sister came along it could make things a bit awkward and also make her feel like a bit of a third wheel. After a long period of contemplation, I decided to have them both over to my house Saturday evening.

When Saturday arrived, I was pretty nervous. I think I changed my outfit at least five times, and my nails have never gone through so many colour changes within an hour. I had actually planned a special surprise for them. My dad offered to cook up a South African delicacy, boerewors (which is a type of sausage).

So yes, I know what you’re thinking. We pretty much fast tracked ten dates for our first ever face to face meeting.

Jon and his sister arrived and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I hugged him and his sister hello. Jon then presented me with a bouquet of beautiful lilacs and I smiled bashfully. He admitted his sister had helped pick out the flowers, which was so incredibly sweet.

We went out to my backyard and my dad had started cooking on the BBQ. I made the introductions. It was so much for me to take in at once. Yet, surprisingly it wasn’t as awkward as you may think. In fact, the four of us got into great conversation right away and it felt like we had all known each other for quite some time. Jon and his sister were grinning at one another as soon as they smelled the boerewors (they knew what it was instantly).

After dinner, my dad left and I opened up a bottle of ice wine for the three of us to share. I gave Jon my guitar and he started playing some of his own, original music as the sun was fading. It was so romantic, although I couldn’t get completely into the moment as his sister was sitting behind him. She was just relaxing and had her eyes closed, so at points of the evening it did feel like it was just the two of us. I sang along with him to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay, and he even taught me a few of the chords which are perfection. Seriously, the most beautiful guitar chords I’ve ever heard. He’s such an incredible guitarist (I told him he needs to get his own YouTube channel going). After Jon gave us a little show, he passed it along to his sister for her to play a song.

I have a chimineya in my backyard, so at that point we decided to get a fire going. Jon started placing the firewood inside the pit. It was mesmerizing to watch the fire flutter back and forth and seeing little sparks exiting the pit, within seconds disappearing into thin air. The smell of the firewood was heavenly. We made some s’mores and afterwards Jon and I went to lie on my hammock. His sister was on her phone so we just went over. I colossally failed the first time around as I jumped onto the hammock and managed to do a complete 360 degree turn and toss myself over the other side. We just laughed it off and then positioned ourselves comfortably onto the hammock and were lying in each others arms. His head rested on mine and my one hand lay on his chest. He told me he could fall asleep right then and there. It was so perfect. In that moment, I felt like he was my boyfriend. His sister had gone to the washroom for quite some time as we were lying there. We looked at each other at certain moments and I thought of kissing him. However, I decided to wait. It was just the first date, and I wanted to share that moment when it was just the two of us and no one else around.

His sister came over to join us after a little while (dragged a lawn chair over to the hammock and lay facing us). We kept talking and laughing, and the more we talked, the more similarities I discovered. Around 10:30pm the mosquitoes had done an excellent job of attacking his sister and I, so we quickly brought everything inside. We moved into the living room and he had his arm around me on the couch, even with my dad hanging around the house.

Despite it being such a nontraditional first date, it somehow just felt right. Totally worth the 10+ mosquito bites. He texted me on the car ride home saying how incredible I was and thanked me again. It was so sweet and genuine and I couldn’t wipe away the large grin from my face.

As my dad and I got comfortable to watch the latest Hell’s Kitchen episode, we noticed Jon’s wallet had fallen out of his pocket and was tucked into the couch!

I quickly texted him: You totally left your wallet on purpose to see me again, right? ;)

Jon: Oh crap! I like having a great excuse like that.

He couldn’t get anyone to drive him back the next day. However, his mom was visiting their family friends in my area the following day so I just dropped it off there.

I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Hopefully it’ll just be the two of us next time! The only thing that worries me is the hour distance between us. Do you think I should be concerned about that?

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My Chocolate was Hot on Easter Sunday

To all my followers that were hopeful Facebook boy would truly be my prince charming: unfortunately I don’t have good news. In fact, I’ve been screaming at myself for being so easily manipulated to think he was actually interested in developing something with me. Instead, he used me for my design skills and once I was of no more use to him, he stopped communicating with me. So it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Business boy and I had been messaging each other back and forth over the past week on a Jewish online dating site. Even though I’m not very religious, I thought it would be nice to try it out and find some guys who were a bit more serious about looking to find the right girl. After my date with Facebook boy, I was feeling pretty defeated but I figured this would be the last guy I met up with before wrapping up the last few weeks of school.

We decided it’d be great to grab a hot chocolate/coffee over the weekend. Business boy told me he was heading up to his cottage on Saturday (I desperately wanted to ask him to take me with but contained myself). He said he’d call me when he got back Saturday afternoon to arrange plans. Sure enough the next day I heard from him. He sounded very cute on the phone. We talked for a few minutes and decided to meet at a shopping mall the next day that was located between the two of us. I thought this would be a good spot – instead of having to sit down the whole time over a drink, we could walk around a bit.

I woke up Sunday morning when it hit me: the shopping mall is probably closed today, being Easter Sunday! Still lying in bed, I called the shopping mall and sure enough no one was picking up. I sent him a text message saying the mall was most likely closed so would he be open to just going somewhere else to grab a drink. He said he’d be cool to meet me at a coffee shop in my area which was very sweet of him (and refreshing, compared to Facebook boy who made me come to him). So I gave him the name and intersection and we decided to meet at 3:30 pm today.

I got to the coffee shop ten minutes early and found a table for two towards the back. I sat down and threw my coat on the chair. I then started getting a bit fidgety and was looking around the shop which was fairly busy but still comfortable/not too loud. I sent him a text saying I got there and asked how much longer he’d be. I received a message back saying he was a few minutes away.

My heart was leaping back and forth. I saw a guy walk in and he looked at me but he didn’t look at all like Business boy. He sat down at a table towards the front, so I sighed in relief and continued fidgeting. A few minutes later another guy walked in, and as he came closer he totally looked like the guy in the pictures I saw, probably ten times cuter. I got up to hug him. He was very tall (about 6’2), muscular and was wearing a cologne that got me a bit too giddy.

Before we sat down, Business boy offered to buy me a drink (what was I thinking with the last guy?) and so I went up to the counter with him to order a hot chocolate. He also got a drink for himself. Standing there with him I was in awe of how gorgeous he was and was already starting to feel butterflies. I told myself to remain calm and try to not smile so much.

We sat down with our drinks in hand and conversation immediately started flowing naturally. He showed a lot of interest in what I was studying and how my graduate show worked. He told me about how he was working in finance/marketing and continued presenting himself in a very sexy and professional way. As he talked he had a bit of a crooked smile which I found a bit distracting but cute. I’d like to think I did a very good job listening and asking questions in response. Not once did either of us check our cell phones and we pretty much talked about everything from our similar music tastes to how important family was to countries we have/want to travel to. We seemed to have such a similar outlook on life and he just seemed really mature, yet down to earth. Most importantly, I got a sense that he was looking for something more than just hooking up or having a good time. Which is something I’ve learned is what I want at this point in my life.

Two hours later our cups were dry and he told me he had to go home for a family dinner. I found it so attractive that he put the time aside every Sunday to catch up with them. As we were getting ready to leave he asked if I drove here. I had actually been given a lift to the coffee shop so he offered to give me a ride home. I was still feeling so giddy and the butterflies were growing stronger. I was happy he was going to be with his family, but selfishly I would have loved to spend more time with him.

We walked into the parking lot and he told me to stop once we got to the black Mercedes. My jaw dropped. I tried remaining cool and collected. It was so sleek and inside I was screaming: out of happiness this time. I directed him to my house and once arrived we hugged goodbye. Once I got inside my dad was cooking in the kitchen and I told him the guys name (only because Business boy said his parents used to live in the same city as my dad). My dad recognized the last name and sure enough – he had gone to University with both his parents. We couldn’t believe what a small world it is!

If he writes again (let’s keep our fingers crossed), I will have to tell him about that. Maybe it’s a sign? What do you think?

Learn more about Suburbangirl4love

Typically I ignore chain emails, but two bloggers I follow, Impossible To Date and Not Guilty by Reason of Menopause, have nominated me for the Liebster Blog award! They both considered me to be a talented writer and found my blog entertaining. Thank you! Knowing that you are both enjoying my crazy love antics really touches me. It feels great knowing I can share and connect with all of you around the world that can relate to what I’m going through. I’d highly encourage everyone to follow their journey’s as well.

liebster-award

As part of this award, they have both asked me eleven questions to answer. I have combined several from each.

1. Why did you start blogging? I started blogging to find others that could relate to my love hurdles and experiences. I needed an outlet to express everything I was feeling and hopefully inspire others and challenge them with their own love lives.
2. If you could be a superhero who would you be and why? Cat woman. Powerful, sexy and I’d be able to hear all the conversations of my ‘fish’ going on miles away. ;)
3. Where would you rather be right this second? Back in the Caribbean without a doubt. Don’t get me wrong I love the Winter (Hot Chocolate, Toboganning) but I don’t miss the slushy roads and -15 degree Celsius weather.
4. Whom have you lost touch with, but still wonder about? A girl who used to be my best friend. We lost touch over a year ago and wonder if she’s still reading my blog and if she has ever thought about reaching out again.
5. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be? Creative Director at a well established design studio. Slowly working my way towards that!
6. If you had the ability to fix or cure one thing in the world, what would it be? Cancer. I would find a cure for it in a heartbeat if I could.
7. What do you dream about most often? My future. I envision myself, hubby and two kids sitting around a table sharing stories about our day and just feeling content and happy.
8. Are you afraid of the dark? When I was younger. Now I need there to be complete darkness to get to sleep.
9. What inspires you? Blogging sites. Peers. Family. Graffiti on the streets of Toronto. Travelling. Lyrics to a song.
10. What is something that always brings a smile to your face? Being with my family and friends. There’s never a dull moment around them.
11. When did you immediately “click” with someone you just met? What was the long term result? The latest guy I’ve been blogging about. We really did click the first day we met each other. A few weeks later we are still talking but he’s become more distant and it’s hard to say where our relationship will go. Will keep everyone updated.

As part of this award I have been asked to nominate several bloggers to let them know how terrific I think they are. I find your stories relatable and give me new perspective on my life. Please note I follow many of you and if you don’t see your name listed below that doesn’t mean I don’t thoroughly enjoy reading your blog.

Next if I have listed your blog these are the following questions I’d love you to answer.

1. What’s your favourite part about blogging?
2. What’s your biggest fear?
3. How do you envision your life in 10 years from now?
4. What have you learnt most about finding love through your adventures to date?
5. What inspires you?
6. If a genie could grant you three wishes right now, what would they be?
7. Who is the most important person in your life?
8. If you could turn back time to a specific moment, what would it be?
9. What’s the most important thing you value in life?
10. One object or person you could never live without?
11. Do you believe in finding ‘the one’?

If you choose to continue this along, the rules are to thank the person who nominated you. Then answer the eleven questions that person has asked you. Nominate 11 new bloggers or less depending on what you’d like and ask them 11 questions in return. The Liebster Award should be sent to bloggers with less than 200 followers, that you really enjoy reading, and those that you’d love to gain more exposure in the blogging world.

Lonely Girls Valentine Fantasy

Last night I was heading home from the subway and just as I was leaving the station I saw a man holding a single red rose as he was heading up the escalator. I thought to myself whoever was about to receive that token of love was a lucky girl.

I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with a guy I cared about. Probably because none of my serious relationships lasted long enough to make it to February 14th. I feel like part of ‘Valentine’s Day’ is just a clever marketing tactic for restaurants and theatres to up their prices. Despite this, I’d love nothing more than to go out on a romantic date; where the guy opens the door for me, takes me to see a romantic comedy and then buys me an overly expensive dish of chicken-fettuccine alfredo. Then he’d take me to a hotel where rose petals are scattered down the front aisle towards the bedroom (of course I’m referencing ‘The Bachelor’). Then we’d lie in each others arms for hours and even though there would be moments of silence it would just feel… right. Or we could skip the expensive meal and he could make a home cooked meal… equally as attractive in my books.

I know Valentine’s Day is more than just a money monster. It’s also about being with someone you truly care about and sharing in each others affection. It’s about making the other person smile and laugh. Maybe opening your door to a dozen roses or a big teddy bear with numerous x’s and o’s written across it.

I am fortunate enough to have a great family that still celebrates Valentine’s Day together. I wake up with a heart shaped container filled with ferrero rochers, and my dad always makes a fantastic dinner for all of us to share. There is always so much love in my household and as much as I’d love to share a romantic night with someone, I really do have a lot of special people in my life. My closest girlfriends wished me a happy Valentine’s Day, despite some of them currently living outside the country.

The fact that I do have such great friends and family doesn’t make this lonely girl feel extremely sad or bogged down. I am so appreciative for what I do have in my life and look forward to the successes and opportunities that are waiting ahead of me. I also want to thank all of you for continuing along this journey with me. All your feedback, suggestions and stories really make me feel like I’m not alone and to keep pushing forward.

What’s your take on Valentine’s Day? What did you do to celebrate? Or maybe you simply stayed at home in your pajamas like me and watched re-runs of ‘Catfish’ and ‘Modern Family’.

I’d like to Deposit Cheques… and my Cell Number.

Last Friday my family decided to go to the mall to make some bank deposits. Once having arrived at the mall we were initially going to grab a bite to eat for dinner in the food court. However, since the bank was right where we walked in, that became our first stop. As we waited in line I was starving and also incredibly tired from a long day at work. Not to mention, I had no makeup on, my hair was unwashed and the bags under my eyes were probably quadruple the depth they usually were.

5 minutes later we got to the front of the line and a guy who looked fairly young compared to the other tellers motioned to us that he was available. *hint hint nudge nudge* When we got to his teller booth he greeted us hello. As he did I examined him a bit more carefully and noticed he had dimples, a sweet smile and was wearing glasses. My mother immediately dumped a handful of cheques on the counter and expressed they were all given to my sister for her Bat Mitzvah and asked if he knew what that was. He smiled again and said ‘of course, I’m Jewish.’ We were surprised as he looked Italian… and of course my mom lit right up. She had to find out more about him. I’m talking personal questions and putting him on the spot with, ‘Where do you go to school? How old are you? Any siblings?’ As she kept asking him he was responding very coolly and casually and I was impressed… but deep down I was turning 50 shades of red as I knew what my mom was doing. After having answered several questions he looked over at me and asked where I went to school and what I was studying. He seemed interested and turned out we actually had a lot in common. However, the more he continued talking to my mom, I knew the level of redness deep down started projecting to my cheeks and across my face.

He appeared cute, but wasn’t the typical bad boy, scruffy look I usually go for. It was obvious my mom was leading up the dreaded question and before I could stop her… ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ There it was. Out in the open. I knew my face was now 50 shades of red and I had to turn away. He answered no.

It was clearly a mistake to have turned for those few seconds as when I turned back, I saw that my mom had written my cell phone number on a piece of paper and given it to him. She finished making the deposits after having done a pretty good job making sure he wasn’t a criminal. Then she left and said she’d give us a few minutes to get to know each other. Let me repeat… GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Well if my face wasn’t red, it definitely was now, but I tried acting as cool as he was presenting himself. He then said… ‘I could throw this out if you don’t want me to have it.’ I giggled nervously and said of course he could keep it. We ‘got to know each other’ for a few more minutes which was only about a 6/10 on the awkward scale. I walked away not sure whether I wanted to kill my mother or give her an incredibly big bear hug. In the end I did neither, and thought it’d be a good blog post even if nothing resulted of it.

Sure enough just to brief you on what’s happened since. A few hours later… he called me! I was shocked… looking the way I was… but it was a nice surprise. I missed the call so I texted the number and sure enough it was him. He asked me out for drinks and we went out last night! I had a really nice time getting to know him and he was a true gentleman the entire night.

Now I’m not going to say mother’s always know best… but you never know. She seemed to have pretty good instincts and sometimes someone has to make a bold move. He texted me this morning saying he had a great time and wants to see me again. So, I will just have to update all of you if anything progresses with that!

Ever had a similarly embarrassing story that involved one of your parents or siblings? Comment here or if you’d like your story anonymously shared or under a username, send it to suburbangirl4love@gmail.com.

Is the Subway (TTC) the New Matchmaking Service?

I was on the subway this morning en route to my summer class and observed across from me there was a woman who appeared in her late 20s, petite and dressed casually, who sat with her hands clutching onto the purse in her lap. She herself was in the midst of observing her environment cautiously. A few stops later on the subway line, a man who appeared also in his late 20s/ early 30s walked on and looked around to find a place to sit. He appeared tall, built and also dressed casually. He eyed the spot next to her but prior to sitting he noticed her, and both of their eyes met each other. He gave her a crooked smile and I didn’t notice whether she smiled back, but he then went to sit next to her.

For the next few subway stops they would casually catch a glance at the other. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t help myself. It appeared like a perfect love story and I wanted to see how it would play out. You could tell the woman was trying to concoct a plan in her head to talk to him, but all she could think of was the continuous pattern of glances. I was hopeful their glances would lead to something more. After those few subway stops had passed, the man stood up and moved his bag over to where the doors open to let passengers out. So now he stood on the other side of her. As the subway continued to move, he bent down to purposely take longer than usual to fumble through the papers in his bag, as his body was purposely positioned to view her side, and he continued looking up every few seconds. I could tell she was trying to catch his glance in the corner of her eye several times. She took out her mirror and played with her hair a bit which caught his attention, but by the time she looked over, he was standing up again looking over a paper he ultimately pulled out of his bag.

You could tell she appeared disappointed and lost at what to do. Two stops later, the man picked up his bag and exited the subway. She of course noticed and the disappointment that crossed her face was much more evident and I couldn’t help but feel bad for her.

On my way home, there was an incredibly cute guy who was reading a novel and was wearing a business suit — which as you may have read in a previous blog post, I give out bonus points to intellects. I felt in the same predicament as her. “He’s so bloody cute, but how do I start up a conversation?” Better yet… “is it appropriate to try and pursue someone on the subway of all places?”

What are your thoughts? Should either the man or woman on the subway have been bold and given each other their phone numbers? Is the subway an inappropriate place to pick up someone? Or is it just the opposite… do you think it could actually be the perfect place to introduce yourself if you get some sort of vibe or positive feeling?

Online Relationship – Yay or Nay?

For the last 4 weeks I’ve become completely smitten over a guy who I’ve met online. Through texting, Skype and talking on the phone our conversations kept getting stronger and progressively more intense as the weeks went on.

Why? I guess you can say the mystique of not meeting in person. The similarities we have in common also made me develop strong feelings for him. How I’d classify him would be the perfect combination of a bad boy and nerd. We would talk/ flirt back and forth for a few minutes and then he would drift back in and out of our conversation as he was busy playing Starcraft. We’d play word games back and forth over Facebook and he continued getting more bonus points in my books as I find an intelligent guy who can spell and show off words you never even knew existed is extremely sexy and attractive.

While I was away over the long weekend in another capital city I felt like he was there with me. My family was beginning to get sick of me spending too much time on the phone/ on Skype vs. spending time with them. I felt guilty. However, I was so caught up in what I felt was a very strong and alluring online relationship that I was hooked into. I kept asking myself, is there such thing as online relationships having happy endings? A friend of mine told me to watch out, as online can be very different from real life. I really know nothing about him, although deep down my instincts tell me there’s just something about him I can’t let go of.

When I got back home from my trip, reality sunk in and we started talking about meeting up as we both finished school for the year. I was so scared at the thought of meeting him. Through the online realm, he presents himself as a very easy going, confident, sexy guy yet also loves nerdy things like Starcraft and Scrabble. Really the perfect package – which is why I kept thinking this is WAY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. I couldn’t help but scare myself into thinking what he would think of me when he met me in person. Would my pictures do me justice? Would I present myself in an ideal manner that he expected? I obviously would have to be true to myself, yet our online relationship had become so heated I was afraid at the thought of how meeting in person would effect our ‘relationship’ if you’d in fact call it that.

Well today was the day. We decided to meet at a Dessert Cafe. I arrive on time and began waiting in high anticipation and a bundle of nerves. I had gotten up early preparing out every little detail from what I would wear to what coloured nail polish I’d apply. Trivial things that one really shouldn’t need to over think but I had become so smitten over this guy I had such high hopes and wanted to impress him. Half an hour later he arrives, explaining he had to drop by the bank on the way there.

He appeared just as gorgeous as in the pictures I’d seen. Tall, broad build, dark features, and I immediately melted. We hugged hello and sat down and we seemed to feel very comfortable in each others presence. I tried not to be critical of myself and my actions, but I couldn’t help it every time I looked at him. We ordered a waffle with ice cream and strawberries to share. He was showing me games like Angry Birds on his Android phone and we played some of them. Conversation was alright, except it was hard to think of things to talk about. We had talked and asked each other questions for the last 4 weeks, so there were moments of silence which were both nice yet a bit tense. We finished the waffle and I had a tea, and by that time only an hour had passed. I was desperately wanting him to make some sort of move. I couldn’t take his flirtatious actions of putting his hands through his hair and raising his muscular arms above his head. He even yawned a few times, yet I surprisingly found that attractive. Kind of rude, but attractive.

He had told me in advance he had to leave early. An hour and a half later the time had arrived for him to leave and I was waiting for him to say something to reassure me he had a good time and the spark wasn’t lost but it was very hard to read him – a real mystery boy. He got up, walked around to my side of the table and said, “do I get a hug goodbye?” As much as I felt there was so much more to find out and more reassurance I needed, I got up and gave him a hug goodbye. He gave a very tight hug, and I felt secure in his arms and didn’t want to let go but I did. He smiled and said he would text me.

He left and as he walked out the doors I felt very conflicted reassessing everything that went on in the short time we were together after weeks of talking online. I then realized the bill had not yet arrived, and I felt foolish that he left me with it. I thought… maybe he forgot? Or maybe he thought to ditch and dash, as he didn’t plan on seeing me again. Slightly humiliated, I paid the bill.

When I got home he texted me stating he had totally forgotten about the bill and that he’d make it up to me the next time I saw him. Relieved that he at least had the decency to own up to having forgotten, I still wasn’t sure if he was going to live up to his word. Would he make an effort to see me again?

The question I have is… when you’ve been talking to someone solely online for weeks vs. a few days prior to meeting in person is it more of a bad vs. good thing? Sure, it’s very alluring and sexy to be flirtatious and almost feel vulnerable with that person having opened up so much about your life. However, when so much is said online, is the relationship realistically doomed when the first real encounter is made? Can the reality of meeting a person really live up to their online presence?

I guess we will have to see if any more moves are made. It’s certainly his turn to make a move now.