Identity Leaked

Apologies for being MIA for such a long period of time. I have been busy completing a summer internship. I would have thought that by now I would have had at least one adventure to report with one of the guys who also work there, but no such luck. However, I have been hired to work full time now at the same company so I’m sure that story will come along soon enough.

What’s consumed my thoughts over the last few days has to do with one of my closest friends. Let’s call him Matt. Matt sent me a lengthy email the other day, and as soon as I opened it my heart sunk. This dear friend of mine, one who has had strong feelings for me for quite some time (which I have been unable to reciprocate) told me he knew about both my blog AND that I was on online dating.

I had wondered why Matt seemed so distant over the last week, and the email pretty much summed up why.

I had mentioned to him several months ago to give online dating a shot, to see who else was out there. I guess he was bound to come across my profile eventually. If Matt had just come across that alone, it wouldn’t have been so upsetting. The fact that he also found out about my blog made me feel horrible… as I was to blame.

Several months ago, I had hinted I had a secret blog to him. I can’t even remember how it came up in conversation, although I said it; and of course, it got him curious. As I’m sure anyone would be, hearing the word ‘secret’ or ‘mysterious’. Matt told me that several times when we were screen-sharing through Skype either my email popped up or I had left a WordPress tab open accidentally. He apologized for invading my privacy (as it wasn’t any of his business) but he couldn’t help but search up the WordPress name that kept popping up and sure enough, he put two and two together.

I was so afraid of the inevitable that Matt would feel completely shattered reading all my stories if he came across this. Finding out I was meeting up with all these different guys to hopefully find my prince charming, when he had hoped that he could be that for me all along.

I told Matt I was proud of him for being so brave and honest. I told him that I care so deeply for him as a friend, but unless he worked through his anxieties and built up more confidence in himself, I could never be with him romantically.

Writing my blog posts have really opened my eyes to the type of guy I need in my life. Ultimately, I need to be true to myself, whether anonymous or real.


The Ex and Her Daughter

Let me introduce to you Jon’s ex: Danielle. I learned about Danielle within the first week of talking to Jon. In fact, I was first introduced to her through his webcam while we were on Skype. She said a quick hello just as she was about to leave his house. When I asked who she was, Jon claimed Danielle was just a good friend of his.

When Jon was over at my house and we were lying on the hammock together, the past relationships topic came up. Not quite sure how, as I tend to avoid that on the first date, but it did. I knew there was a girl from South Africa who Jon had broken up with early 2013, but then he informed me that he was with Danielle afterwards and they recently broke up – about 2 months ago. I also learned that she has a little girl, and when Jon was dating Danielle he formed a strong attachment with her daughter and is now the primary father figure in her life. Danielle’s new boyfriend doesn’t have the same attachment with her daughter as he does. Jon told me that Danielle is still one of his best friends, but he knew it would never result to anything more a second time around. I prayed that was the truth.

This past Tuesday, Jon texted me:

Danielle wants to know if you want to go downtown this weekend for her birthday? It’s on Saturday. And she mentioned something about staying in a hotel but I don’t know the details. It’s totally up to you, just thought it would be fun. :)

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. On one hand, I thought it may be awkward going to his ex girlfriend’s birthday party. On the other hand, I was curious to see the dynamics between them. I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable staying at the hotel afterwards, but I’d at least go downtown with them so I could spend some time with Jon.

I asked Jon to call me later than day to give me more details. He then texted me back that night to say:

I think Danielle might cancel. :( Having boyfriend problems. So it might be the weekend after.

I was disappointed to hear that as my family had booked to go away for Canada’s Day weekend, so I wouldn’t be able to join them. That would mean I’d have to go another 2 weekends before seeing Jon again.

I asked Jon if he still wanted to hang out, just the two of us this weekend. He then told me his grandmother was coming in from South Africa and he promised to spend the weekend with her. I was like, whaaaaaaat? I wrote:

How would you be able to go downtown with Danielle this weekend if your gran was in town?

Jon: I told my mom that I had an obligation to Danielle and told her she cancelled before you asked me to hang out.

I guess that was fair, but Jon could have still made an effort to see me before committing to spending the whole weekend with his grandmother.

He then wrote to me 3 days ago asking how my day was. I responded but asked if he wanted to call me (easier to have a conversation that way). He wrote back saying he was at Danielle’s house watching The Sopranos. I asked where Danielle lived and he told me 10 minutes away. She had picked him up because he still isn’t driving. Jon said she owed him a ton of rides so the distance was nothing.

I didn’t respond and waited almost 48 hours before doing so. Even though I thought I wasn’t going to have to play games with this guy, I figured maybe he needed to pursue me a bit.

Yesterday early afternoon I texted him and asked how his weekend was going with his grandmother. I still haven’t heard back. I don’t know what’s going on. So many things are running through my head. Danielle was having problems with her boyfriend, so what if she convinced Jon to get back together with her? Should I be concerned about how close Jon is with her daughter? I really don’t want to lose hope about him, but I’m starting to feel like he’s drifting away.

The Most Unconventional First Date

It had been almost 3 weeks since I started talking to my South African boy, Jon, on Tinder. Since my last blog post, A True South African Gentleman, we continued talking on a daily basis through Skype and text. The more we talked, the more I felt like we had known each other forever. However, I also started growing a bit tired of our online relationship. I didn’t want what we had to turn into another one of my hopeless fantasies that would never result in anything.

Living about an hour away from each other wasn’t ideal, but Jon and I were both interested enough to make things work. He had gotten into a pretty serious accident and hurt his back around when we first started talking, so he still wasn’t completely comfortable driving on his own just yet. Jon told me that his sister offered to drive the both of them to my area. When he suggested that to me, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was about time we had our first date, yet if his sister came along it could make things a bit awkward and also make her feel like a bit of a third wheel. After a long period of contemplation, I decided to have them both over to my house Saturday evening.

When Saturday arrived, I was pretty nervous. I think I changed my outfit at least five times, and my nails have never gone through so many colour changes within an hour. I had actually planned a special surprise for them. My dad offered to cook up a South African delicacy, boerewors (which is a type of sausage).

So yes, I know what you’re thinking. We pretty much fast tracked ten dates for our first ever face to face meeting.

Jon and his sister arrived and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I hugged him and his sister hello. Jon then presented me with a bouquet of beautiful lilacs and I smiled bashfully. He admitted his sister had helped pick out the flowers, which was so incredibly sweet.

We went out to my backyard and my dad had started cooking on the BBQ. I made the introductions. It was so much for me to take in at once. Yet, surprisingly it wasn’t as awkward as you may think. In fact, the four of us got into great conversation right away and it felt like we had all known each other for quite some time. Jon and his sister were grinning at one another as soon as they smelled the boerewors (they knew what it was instantly).

After dinner, my dad left and I opened up a bottle of ice wine for the three of us to share. I gave Jon my guitar and he started playing some of his own, original music as the sun was fading. It was so romantic, although I couldn’t get completely into the moment as his sister was sitting behind him. She was just relaxing and had her eyes closed, so at points of the evening it did feel like it was just the two of us. I sang along with him to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay, and he even taught me a few of the chords which are perfection. Seriously, the most beautiful guitar chords I’ve ever heard. He’s such an incredible guitarist (I told him he needs to get his own YouTube channel going). After Jon gave us a little show, he passed it along to his sister for her to play a song.

I have a chimineya in my backyard, so at that point we decided to get a fire going. Jon started placing the firewood inside the pit. It was mesmerizing to watch the fire flutter back and forth and seeing little sparks exiting the pit, within seconds disappearing into thin air. The smell of the firewood was heavenly. We made some s’mores and afterwards Jon and I went to lie on my hammock. His sister was on her phone so we just went over. I colossally failed the first time around as I jumped onto the hammock and managed to do a complete 360 degree turn and toss myself over the other side. We just laughed it off and then positioned ourselves comfortably onto the hammock and were lying in each others arms. His head rested on mine and my one hand lay on his chest. He told me he could fall asleep right then and there. It was so perfect. In that moment, I felt like he was my boyfriend. His sister had gone to the washroom for quite some time as we were lying there. We looked at each other at certain moments and I thought of kissing him. However, I decided to wait. It was just the first date, and I wanted to share that moment when it was just the two of us and no one else around.

His sister came over to join us after a little while (dragged a lawn chair over to the hammock and lay facing us). We kept talking and laughing, and the more we talked, the more similarities I discovered. Around 10:30pm the mosquitoes had done an excellent job of attacking his sister and I, so we quickly brought everything inside. We moved into the living room and he had his arm around me on the couch, even with my dad hanging around the house.

Despite it being such a nontraditional first date, it somehow just felt right. Totally worth the 10+ mosquito bites. He texted me on the car ride home saying how incredible I was and thanked me again. It was so sweet and genuine and I couldn’t wipe away the large grin from my face.

As my dad and I got comfortable to watch the latest Hell’s Kitchen episode, we noticed Jon’s wallet had fallen out of his pocket and was tucked into the couch!

I quickly texted him: You totally left your wallet on purpose to see me again, right? ;)

Jon: Oh crap! I like having a great excuse like that.

He couldn’t get anyone to drive him back the next day. However, his mom was visiting their family friends in my area the following day so I just dropped it off there.

I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Hopefully it’ll just be the two of us next time! The only thing that worries me is the hour distance between us. Do you think I should be concerned about that?

A True South African Gentleman

Quick update on Matt: What an idiot. I have not heard from him since he came over to my house. Clearly he was just looking to hook up. I was naive enough to think he was going to make more of an effort a second time around.

Moving on to a happier note. This may be a shock to many of you but I have a new potential love interest from… Tinder. I know what you’re thinking: this coming from the girl who vowed to stop using the app after her last Tinder experience. See ‘Tinder P.2: Another One Bites the Dust‘.

Since then I had stopped liking pictures and initiating conversations. However, I completely forgot my profile was still floating in Tinder land. The last week of May, I got a notification on my phone saying ‘You’ve got a new match’. This reminded me I still had the app and just as I was about to delete it, that match messaged me. Tinder told me that Jonathan was 16 miles away, we had 3 mutual friends, and our shared interests were the TV show, Modern Family, and the band, Deadmau5. I could see four pictures of him and couldn’t believe how handsome he was. In fact, he looked pretty similar to my high school Disney crush, Zac Efron. I’m sure some of you secretly loved watching him as Troy Bolton in the Disney movie ‘High School Musical’, in his Wild Cats jersey and rocking the long, shaggy haircut.

I decided Jon would be the last guy I talked to on Tinder before calling it quits. We started off just talking casually. I asked how he knew our mutual friends. I learned one of them was a family friend of his from when he grew up in South Africa. I thought that was so neat, as my mom also grew up there. The more we talked, the more interested I was in learning more about him.

We added each other on Facebook and started messaging each other on a daily basis. We were both equally fascinated in one another, and couldn’t believe how many similarities we shared. I learned that we both had very artistic families, shared similar music tastes and were both very family oriented. He shared with me that he was at a point in his life where he was looking to find someone to share his life with. I was certainly beginning to get excited about this guy!

Over the last two weeks of writing to Jon, I keep becoming more and more infatuated with him and wonder whether what we have can translate to something real. We spoke on the phone for the first time last night. Might I add it went on for two hours! I couldn’t believe it. Conversation flowed as smoothly as it did writing back and forth. We didn’t run out of things to talk about. He talked and communicated so sincerely. Oh, and the slight South African accent was just a bonus! We even Skyped last night. I was so nervous about it, but seeing him on webcam, vice versa, felt so comfortable and we had a great time. Afterwards I headed to bed with quite the cheesy, large grin on my face.

While I was fast asleep, he sent me a text message at 12:36AM saying: I want you to wake up and read that I actually can’t stop thinking about you :D

So sure enough when I woke up this morning and read that text, it made me feel so amazing. My intuition tells me this guy is very genuine and the real deal. He’s not the type to play games. He even told me he’s talked to his family and best friends about me which is exciting yet nerve racking at the same time. Of course there is still the constant fear of whether he won’t like me when we meet in person. I guess only time will tell.

We are planning to meet within the next week and a half and I’m hopeful that something great will come out of this. Who knows, maybe this South African gentleman will be my Disney prince.

The Mercedes was a Rental?

Yesterday I was on such a high from my hot chocolate date on Sunday. I saw Business boy was on Facebook chat in the evening but I decided not to message him. I presumed he wanted to wait a bit longer before messaging me. Today has been quite the emotional roller coaster. By this afternoon, it had almost been 48 hours since we had seen each other and still no message from him. I started questioning everything. Did he not find me attractive? Was I too sweet for him? Did he not feel the same connection I did?

On Sunday when I got home from my date, I had told one of my best friends in Germany how amazing I felt it went. We Skyped this afternoon and I told her how I was feeling confused as to where his head was at. Part of me wanted to write to see how he was doing, and also to tell him what a small world it was that my dad and his parents may have gone to University together. The other part of me wanted to wait for him to write to make sure he was genuinely interested in getting to know me more. I agreed with her that he could just be shy and was waiting for me to write to him. I mean, he seemed pretty confident when I met him, but maybe it was too old fashioned of me to think that the guy should always be the one to take the next step. So I bravely composed a text message to him at 3:48 pm:

Hey! How are you? This is kind of a small world but I think my dad and your parents may have gone to University together.

I figured he wouldn’t respond til he finished work so I continued Skyping with my friend and then watched some television to distract myself. The hours ticked by and still nothing. I had dinner around 6:30 pm and afterwards I thought I’d check to see if he had been on Facebook recently. I typed in his name and when I clicked to his page all I saw was ‘Add as a friend’. My jaw literally dropped. I felt numb and couldn’t contain my emotions.

I began over analyzing everything. Was this guy feeding me a load of shit on Sunday? Was there any truth to what he made me believe we had in common? The tears kept flowing and I couldn’t make sense of why he would just drop me like that without any explanation. More questions continued popping into my head. Maybe he thought I was a stalker. Though I thought he would find that small world story so cool? Maybe I should have waited and instead completely blew my shot with him.

After having taken a few hours to calm down and decide what to do, it became very clear to me this guy owed me an explanation. At the very least to say the attraction wasn’t there on his end. I just couldn’t believe he would delete me and ignore my message as if I didn’t ever exist and we never met up. I wrote again at 8:15 pm:

So you delete me off Facebook and I don’t even get an explanation? Wow. I really thought you were different. Can you at least tell me what was so bad that I deserved that?

11:30 pm and still no response. You know what – I think I got my closure. This guy was obviously not who I thought he was. I mean, he didn’t have to give me a ride home if he wasn’t interested. Then to drop me out of the blue with no explanation? I don’t deserve that.

So I felt pretty down tonight. Dumb-founded and completely caught off guard. Going from an extreme high to low. Self-conscious and upset with myself for believing he would be different.

As for continuing my search online: I think I’m going to take a break for a little bit. Don’t worry though, there will definitely be more stories to report without a doubt. I’ll just find them in places I’d least expect to.

Do you have any theories to what could of happened with him?

Online Relationship – Yay or Nay?

For the last 4 weeks I’ve become completely smitten over a guy who I’ve met online. Through texting, Skype and talking on the phone our conversations kept getting stronger and progressively more intense as the weeks went on.

Why? I guess you can say the mystique of not meeting in person. The similarities we have in common also made me develop strong feelings for him. How I’d classify him would be the perfect combination of a bad boy and nerd. We would talk/ flirt back and forth for a few minutes and then he would drift back in and out of our conversation as he was busy playing Starcraft. We’d play word games back and forth over Facebook and he continued getting more bonus points in my books as I find an intelligent guy who can spell and show off words you never even knew existed is extremely sexy and attractive.

While I was away over the long weekend in another capital city I felt like he was there with me. My family was beginning to get sick of me spending too much time on the phone/ on Skype vs. spending time with them. I felt guilty. However, I was so caught up in what I felt was a very strong and alluring online relationship that I was hooked into. I kept asking myself, is there such thing as online relationships having happy endings? A friend of mine told me to watch out, as online can be very different from real life. I really know nothing about him, although deep down my instincts tell me there’s just something about him I can’t let go of.

When I got back home from my trip, reality sunk in and we started talking about meeting up as we both finished school for the year. I was so scared at the thought of meeting him. Through the online realm, he presents himself as a very easy going, confident, sexy guy yet also loves nerdy things like Starcraft and Scrabble. Really the perfect package – which is why I kept thinking this is WAY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. I couldn’t help but scare myself into thinking what he would think of me when he met me in person. Would my pictures do me justice? Would I present myself in an ideal manner that he expected? I obviously would have to be true to myself, yet our online relationship had become so heated I was afraid at the thought of how meeting in person would effect our ‘relationship’ if you’d in fact call it that.

Well today was the day. We decided to meet at a Dessert Cafe. I arrive on time and began waiting in high anticipation and a bundle of nerves. I had gotten up early preparing out every little detail from what I would wear to what coloured nail polish I’d apply. Trivial things that one really shouldn’t need to over think but I had become so smitten over this guy I had such high hopes and wanted to impress him. Half an hour later he arrives, explaining he had to drop by the bank on the way there.

He appeared just as gorgeous as in the pictures I’d seen. Tall, broad build, dark features, and I immediately melted. We hugged hello and sat down and we seemed to feel very comfortable in each others presence. I tried not to be critical of myself and my actions, but I couldn’t help it every time I looked at him. We ordered a waffle with ice cream and strawberries to share. He was showing me games like Angry Birds on his Android phone and we played some of them. Conversation was alright, except it was hard to think of things to talk about. We had talked and asked each other questions for the last 4 weeks, so there were moments of silence which were both nice yet a bit tense. We finished the waffle and I had a tea, and by that time only an hour had passed. I was desperately wanting him to make some sort of move. I couldn’t take his flirtatious actions of putting his hands through his hair and raising his muscular arms above his head. He even yawned a few times, yet I surprisingly found that attractive. Kind of rude, but attractive.

He had told me in advance he had to leave early. An hour and a half later the time had arrived for him to leave and I was waiting for him to say something to reassure me he had a good time and the spark wasn’t lost but it was very hard to read him – a real mystery boy. He got up, walked around to my side of the table and said, “do I get a hug goodbye?” As much as I felt there was so much more to find out and more reassurance I needed, I got up and gave him a hug goodbye. He gave a very tight hug, and I felt secure in his arms and didn’t want to let go but I did. He smiled and said he would text me.

He left and as he walked out the doors I felt very conflicted reassessing everything that went on in the short time we were together after weeks of talking online. I then realized the bill had not yet arrived, and I felt foolish that he left me with it. I thought… maybe he forgot? Or maybe he thought to ditch and dash, as he didn’t plan on seeing me again. Slightly humiliated, I paid the bill.

When I got home he texted me stating he had totally forgotten about the bill and that he’d make it up to me the next time I saw him. Relieved that he at least had the decency to own up to having forgotten, I still wasn’t sure if he was going to live up to his word. Would he make an effort to see me again?

The question I have is… when you’ve been talking to someone solely online for weeks vs. a few days prior to meeting in person is it more of a bad vs. good thing? Sure, it’s very alluring and sexy to be flirtatious and almost feel vulnerable with that person having opened up so much about your life. However, when so much is said online, is the relationship realistically doomed when the first real encounter is made? Can the reality of meeting a person really live up to their online presence?

I guess we will have to see if any more moves are made. It’s certainly his turn to make a move now.

To tame or not to tame a Gr. 3 crush

So last night I go to my aunt’s house for dinner. After we eat, I’m hanging out with my cousin and her friend. The three of us were talking about what exactly we look for in a guy which led to each of us scrolling through our BBM (Blackberry) lists to see if we could find a new perfect match.

I stumble across this guy who for purposes of confidentiality we will call David. I added David the last time I was with my cousin as a joke. She had said to me she was talking to this guy in University who was gorgeous and smart. I looked at his picture and thought he was for sure, but she also told me he was a big partier and just liked to fool around with girls. So I added him to BBM jokingly and we just had a casual conversation. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere but I was curious. As soon as David asked me to go on Skype (my cousin warned me not too) I backed off and we stopped talking.

Anyway – that was over a few months ago. I stumble across his name again on my list last night. My cousin says ‘Oh, you still talk to..’ and mentions David’s last name. When I heard his last name I said ‘WHAT! That can’t be…’. I had a crush in Gr.3 on a guy with exactly the same name. So I go ahead and write to him and ask if he went to my old elementary school. He says.. yes! I couldn’t believe it..

Anyways we we begin talking more last night. I decide to keep more of an open mind about him. He’s actually really nice and I’m interested… kinda. I still don’t know very much about him. The crazy part is that he totally remembered me.. vaguely but still! I said do you remember (I said my first and last name) and he said yeah. That girl with glasses? Who performed a monologue in the school talent show? I was shocked and excited that he remembered. I said to David that I remembered going to his birthday parties back in Gr. 3.

I was the one to end the conversation last night. I added him on Facebook. Now it’s his turn to make a move.

So the question is.. to tame or not to tame? I only hear from my cousin he is a bad boy. He didn’t even know me the first time we talked and wanted to go on Skype right away. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, right? It’s just a way to get to know someone more, as long as he doesn’t try to do anything else.

If he writes again I’m open to talking more and seeing where it goes. What do you guys think?