Spring has Sprung, but not My Love Life

I thought I’d kick off the first day of Spring by grabbing Gelato with my latest Tinder match, David. We had started talking on March. 15. David and I had a few mutual friends, and didn’t live too far from one another. I made it clear right off the bat that I wasn’t looking for a casual hookup, and he felt the same way. Once that was out of the way, we started getting into a lengthy conversation through our Tinder messages. By day 2, he asked for my cell number, and so the conversation continued via texting. We talked about practically everything; where we went to school, places we’ve traveled, family, friends, likes/dislikes.. the list goes on for miles.

By day 3, we added each other on the iPhone application called Snapchat. What I really like about this app, is that you can send instant pictures and videos to one another for a certain number of seconds – which gives me a sense of relief, knowing their face matches that of their pictures. David and I also made plans to meet on Thursday (today).

By day 4, we must have sent at least 100 text messages back and forth between one another. We still hadn’t spoken on the phone. I had thought of bringing up the option several times but by this point, it didn’t really make sense as I had plans to meet him the next day.

I met up with David after work today, around 5:15pm. To sum up our date… we certainly clicked and there weren’t any long, awkward pauses as I thought there might be. However, I felt the conversation fell a bit flat. It was a bit of a let down as we really didn’t have any of the first date conversation topics left. I wasn’t ready to jump into talking about anything more serious, so all we had left to talk about was how work was and the weather (and that’s a sign to get out!) I also quite honestly didn’t feel the physical attraction was there in person, even though I did find him cute in his pictures.

After about an hour and a half – not even.. we decided to head our separate ways. There was no mention of seeing each other again.

A valuable lesson I’ve taken away from this – is that when you start talking to someone new.. you shouldn’t get to know each others full life story before you meet. It’s important to get to know each other in person. Otherwise, it may sometimes feel like a big let down and disappointment.

So yes, spring has officially sprung, but my love life is unfortunately still pretty cold.

Epiphany over the Caribbean Sea

Yesterday I arrived home from a one week family vacation. We flew to San Juan, Puerto Rico and from there cruised along the Caribbean Sea to St. Thomas, St. Kitts, Aruba and Curacao. It was absolute paradise. Definitely can’t complain going from Toronto’s -15 degrees Celsius to 30 degrees Celsius weather.

My goal going into this vacation was just to relax and enjoy every single moment of my travels and time with my family. Which is exactly what I did. I sat on the top deck of the cruise ship by the pool and stared out into the swaying, aquamarine ripples of the ocean as we awaited our first port. It felt like I was in the middle of nowhere, just a speck floating in this large vessel on water and in that moment it made the world seem infinite. I felt completely relaxed and with the sun beaming down and a subtle breeze passing by every so often; I felt like all my anxieties, troubles and fears had temporarily floated away.

Having no access to technology was difficult at first but as the trip continued it felt refreshing not to have it by my side 24/7. In fact, not knowing if any of my ‘fish’ had written to me felt great, and made me realize that it was taking away from appreciating what I did have in my life and just living in the moment.

I got home from my trip with a sun burn that was peeling, but was surprisingly darker than I’ve ever been. When we landed back in Toronto I was already reminiscing about the islands, dolphin encounter and laying on the beaches in Aruba and St. Kitts with a Pina Colada in hand. There were several guys with their families that looked my age on the cruise, but I really wanted to not focus on chasing after anyone and if anything let them chase me.

When I arrived back in Toronto to the freezing cold, I felt like the last week had been a dream. I flipped through my pictures and couldn’t believe I experienced all of it. Really, it was an escape from reality. Although I’m home now and back to daily routine, I want to continue not to let my obsession over finding ‘the one’ take away from experiencing life to the fullest.

My advise to all of my readers: make yourself a Pina Colada and lay down on your couch. Play a YouTube soundtrack of the ocean breeze. (Yes guys, this goes for you too. You can get a beer instead of a Pina Colada if preferred). Close your eyes, shut your technology off and discover that feeling that pushes away all the stressful things in your life and transports you to a contented place.

Meeting ‘fish’ in the most random of places — FATE?

Saturday night I reluctantly decided to go out with my family to see a Flamenco Performance at a small coffee shop downtown, Toronto as my dad’s old time friend growing up was performing and playing the African drums. I initially thought… it’ll probably just be an older crowd wanting to go see Flamenco and I’d feel like a complete third wheel with my parents… but I had no other plans for my Saturday night and my parents convinced me it would be a great ‘family bonding’ experience. So I got myself out of my PJ’s, threw on some clothes, applied some makeup and away we went.

Our first stop was to quickly grab dinner at a restaurant prior to going to see the show. We went to a pretty popular spot which I had never been to before. It was completely packed but we decided to wait in line as it seemed to be moving at a fast pace and the location was minutes away from our next destination. While waiting in line, my mom whispered to me that there was a guy at the table next to where we were standing who kept looking over at me. I glanced over and he appeared to be sitting with his family. There was a girl opposite him and I couldn’t tell whether it was his sister or his girlfriend. I opted for option 1 as once again he looked over and our eyes caught each other. He actually was quite cute and I could immediately feel my cheeks going red and looked away, thinking nothing would come out of it anyway.

Later once my family had ordered dinner his family got up to leave and as they were walking out he quickly turned around and our eyes caught each other once again — seconds later he left to follow his family. I immediately thought… wait a second. I vaguely remembered his face and then I knew it was one of the guys I was corresponding with online months ago. I told my mom and she said I should message him if he’s still online and see if it really was him. I decided against it as even if it was him, there must of been a reason we had stopped writing in the first place.

Today, Monday, I get an email notification from the dating site saying I’ve received a new message and when I checked, sure enough IT WAS HIM! He said ‘I swear I saw you at x place Saturday night’. I couldn’t believe he knew it was me… we had never even met before and I thought to myself, is this fate? What are the chances of seeing him there? We both must have pretty incredible visual memories. I said yes and he went on by saying ‘you’re hot ;)’. Reading this in my bed I immediately felt my cheeks flush red, and I was very flattered. The fact that my pictures did me justice in real life and he liked what he saw made me feel really amazing. I then went to explore his profile again and there it was… I remembered he had only completed high school. I think at the time it didn’t sound as if he really had any ambition other than working in sales and with me being so far along in my career, I wanted to be with someone who was equally passionate about work. When I checked today, he actually now mentions something about wanting to study in University so I messaged back earlier and asked what his story was. If he is currently studying/ wants to study.

So despite my initial negative thoughts of having to go out with my parents, it actually turned out to be an amazing night and I really had fun. It was great talking to my parents, I would have never bumped into an old ‘fish,’ and I absolutely loved the Flamenco Performance. It was at this really neat coffee shop on an outdoor patio and the scene was very bohemian and relaxing. I breathed in the smell of firewood, drank Sangria and the air was filled with conversation, laughter and a gorgeous night sky.

Point of the story, don’t think negatively about anything. What you may think is negative can in fact turn into a very positive and fun experience.

My question to all of you. Is a situation like this a sign… fate should I say? Should I give him a shot even if he still lacks professional ambition?

Online Relationship – Yay or Nay?

For the last 4 weeks I’ve become completely smitten over a guy who I’ve met online. Through texting, Skype and talking on the phone our conversations kept getting stronger and progressively more intense as the weeks went on.

Why? I guess you can say the mystique of not meeting in person. The similarities we have in common also made me develop strong feelings for him. How I’d classify him would be the perfect combination of a bad boy and nerd. We would talk/ flirt back and forth for a few minutes and then he would drift back in and out of our conversation as he was busy playing Starcraft. We’d play word games back and forth over Facebook and he continued getting more bonus points in my books as I find an intelligent guy who can spell and show off words you never even knew existed is extremely sexy and attractive.

While I was away over the long weekend in another capital city I felt like he was there with me. My family was beginning to get sick of me spending too much time on the phone/ on Skype vs. spending time with them. I felt guilty. However, I was so caught up in what I felt was a very strong and alluring online relationship that I was hooked into. I kept asking myself, is there such thing as online relationships having happy endings? A friend of mine told me to watch out, as online can be very different from real life. I really know nothing about him, although deep down my instincts tell me there’s just something about him I can’t let go of.

When I got back home from my trip, reality sunk in and we started talking about meeting up as we both finished school for the year. I was so scared at the thought of meeting him. Through the online realm, he presents himself as a very easy going, confident, sexy guy yet also loves nerdy things like Starcraft and Scrabble. Really the perfect package – which is why I kept thinking this is WAY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. I couldn’t help but scare myself into thinking what he would think of me when he met me in person. Would my pictures do me justice? Would I present myself in an ideal manner that he expected? I obviously would have to be true to myself, yet our online relationship had become so heated I was afraid at the thought of how meeting in person would effect our ‘relationship’ if you’d in fact call it that.

Well today was the day. We decided to meet at a Dessert Cafe. I arrive on time and began waiting in high anticipation and a bundle of nerves. I had gotten up early preparing out every little detail from what I would wear to what coloured nail polish I’d apply. Trivial things that one really shouldn’t need to over think but I had become so smitten over this guy I had such high hopes and wanted to impress him. Half an hour later he arrives, explaining he had to drop by the bank on the way there.

He appeared just as gorgeous as in the pictures I’d seen. Tall, broad build, dark features, and I immediately melted. We hugged hello and sat down and we seemed to feel very comfortable in each others presence. I tried not to be critical of myself and my actions, but I couldn’t help it every time I looked at him. We ordered a waffle with ice cream and strawberries to share. He was showing me games like Angry Birds on his Android phone and we played some of them. Conversation was alright, except it was hard to think of things to talk about. We had talked and asked each other questions for the last 4 weeks, so there were moments of silence which were both nice yet a bit tense. We finished the waffle and I had a tea, and by that time only an hour had passed. I was desperately wanting him to make some sort of move. I couldn’t take his flirtatious actions of putting his hands through his hair and raising his muscular arms above his head. He even yawned a few times, yet I surprisingly found that attractive. Kind of rude, but attractive.

He had told me in advance he had to leave early. An hour and a half later the time had arrived for him to leave and I was waiting for him to say something to reassure me he had a good time and the spark wasn’t lost but it was very hard to read him – a real mystery boy. He got up, walked around to my side of the table and said, “do I get a hug goodbye?” As much as I felt there was so much more to find out and more reassurance I needed, I got up and gave him a hug goodbye. He gave a very tight hug, and I felt secure in his arms and didn’t want to let go but I did. He smiled and said he would text me.

He left and as he walked out the doors I felt very conflicted reassessing everything that went on in the short time we were together after weeks of talking online. I then realized the bill had not yet arrived, and I felt foolish that he left me with it. I thought… maybe he forgot? Or maybe he thought to ditch and dash, as he didn’t plan on seeing me again. Slightly humiliated, I paid the bill.

When I got home he texted me stating he had totally forgotten about the bill and that he’d make it up to me the next time I saw him. Relieved that he at least had the decency to own up to having forgotten, I still wasn’t sure if he was going to live up to his word. Would he make an effort to see me again?

The question I have is… when you’ve been talking to someone solely online for weeks vs. a few days prior to meeting in person is it more of a bad vs. good thing? Sure, it’s very alluring and sexy to be flirtatious and almost feel vulnerable with that person having opened up so much about your life. However, when so much is said online, is the relationship realistically doomed when the first real encounter is made? Can the reality of meeting a person really live up to their online presence?

I guess we will have to see if any more moves are made. It’s certainly his turn to make a move now.

Generally when something is too good to be true… it always is.

Hey all,

So I probably won’t forgive myself for this one, but I had to post about it to add to my list of embarrassing, horrible judgments I can make every now and then. About a week ago I found a guy on PofF (Plenty of Fish) that was drop dead gorgeous, my age, said he went to school in Toronto and even resembled a TV show character that I am madly in love with. So I immediately thought, this guy can’t be real. What the heck though, I’m going to write anyways.

So I come up with a cute and witty message and wait a few days. No response. I look through my sent messages.. and turns out he was online an hour before so I write again (sometimes you have to persevere to get what you want). I simply said, ‘playing hard to get?’ Crazily enough, he responded that night and I got so excited when I got the alert to my phone but had to calm myself down saying I should probably lower my expectations as he will probably just say he wasn’t interested.

Turns out he was interested though. He apologized for not getting back to me sooner and asked me how I was liking the school I’m at – which I have to say is refreshing as the last few guys I’ve been in contact with simply write a response with no question back and then I say to myself… so where am I supposed to go from here?

Anyway we wrote back and forth quite a few times that night. After a few messages back and forth he explained to me that his friend had actually created the account as a joke for him, or as he would call it an ‘experiment’. He wasn’t expecting much really from the site and wanted to let me know as he thought I seemed like a nice girl (which clearly I am!) So of course I was confused as here I am talking to this guy who has started opening up bits and pieces to me and now he’s being truthful about how he ended up on the site, except I had no clue where to go from there. It didn’t seem like he wanted to end the conversation so I told him he couldn’t be such a tease and just stop talking. I was already smitten and it had only been a few hours. I thought to myself, how on earth is this guy not taken?

As the night continued I was the one who kept asking questions as he explained to me he wasn’t really sure how to approach conversation through this form of dating. He wasn’t answering all of my questions which I liked as it kept the mystery and desire to continue reeling more information out of him. From the questions he did answer, I couldn’t believe how much more we had in common. We lived in the same neighbourhood, he went to a school I was familiar with and even had the same religious background. I seriously thought I’d faint.

By the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers. This is when things started getting weird. He began asking me to send pictures of myself to him. So I sent him a nice, flattering picture (of course nothing too revealing as I barely know him). He responds saying ‘send me better pics ;)’. I immediately knew what he was referring to. I played along for a bit as I wanted to make sure he was who he says he was by asking him to send a picture of him before I sent more. He explained he was ‘camera shy’ which started making me feel something wasn’t right (especially since he had several up on the site). Then he kept pushing me for more pictures.

For those of you who don’t know what sexting is…

Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. The term was first popularized in early 21st century, and is a portmanteau of sex and texting, where the latter is meant in the wide sense of sending a text possibly with images.

So I made it clear to him I wasn’t looking for that and asked him more questions about his life as he really hadn’t opened up about anything regarding his personal interests, family, etc. It became clear he was only looking for one thing and had no interest in getting to know me on a personal level.

Still, I didn’t want to let him go. I knew he was a bad boy, but I thought I could say something or convince him to approach the whole situation differently. Maybe he was testing me. Ultimately it got to a point where I knew I was never going to go against my morals and values. I decided to make it 100% clear I wasn’t interested in what he wanted and if that’s all he was interested in… to not write to me again.

As I was waiting for a response I decided to do some more investigating to make sure this guy was being truthful with me. Not to scare some of you who may be thinking about experimenting with online dating now or in the future… this is what I found out. This drop dead gorgeous, too good to be true guy ended up not being who he said he was. I contacted my best friend who was in the same graduating class that he claimed to be in. I got her to check her yearbook and there was no one by the name he gave me. I gave her his picture and she had never seen his face before, and this was coming from a girl I’ve known for years who can recognize someone from a mile away.

So I’m at the point suspecting this guy is definitely not who he says he is. He probably realized I caught on to his game to lure in young adults in their 20s. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually in his 40s or 50s and simply fed me all the information I wanted to hear.

He wrote back a few hours after I had made things clear to him what I was looking for. He stated he was confused about what to do. At that point he began telling me the TRUTH. I find out he is actually two years younger than me (which explains why I couldn’t find him in my friend’s graduating class). He had given me a fake last name which I find out when he adds me on Facebook (I put him on my Limited Profile). I said to myself… I need to stop talking to him but I still felt the need to find out more so we continued talking. Almost as an experiment for myself. As a guy who claimed to be a vegetarian, virgin and seriously focused on his career – which he later confirmed except for the virgin part, why was he trying to sound so macho and bad? It was an interesting Psychology experiment. So up until yesterday we continued talking. I felt more and more sure as the conversation went on that things would go nowhere. I had closure understanding that he was incredibly immature. Ultimately, I need to find someone who is older. Not to say I wouldn’t possibly date someone a year younger (please read my 16 vs 21 post if you haven’t already), but only under circumstances that he was mature for his age. As this guy continued going into sexual stories and banter about what he expected out of being together (didn’t get the impression he was looking for anything long term), I officially axed the communication and we haven’t talked since.

From a girl who is very cautious and is familiar with the online dating world, this has been what started off as the scariest experience to the craziest one to one heck of a learning experience. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I actually met up with this guy.

Word of advice to everyone. I’m not saying sites likes PofF are bad. In fact, you can meet some really nice, genuine guys. However, there are guys like this one who can pretend to be someone else at first. Who can feed you whatever information you want to hear. You really know nothing about them. Don’t give them your Facebook if you have your last name on there or any personal/ revealing information. Plus, don’t always get taken in by looks (which is easy to do on online sites). Talk on the phone (which he said he wouldn’t do because it gave him ‘a headache’). Ask them a few personal questions to make sure they are real. I know from previous experience a spark can easily be lost within a week if no contact is made. However, if the guy takes 2-3 days to respond after each message you send, wait! You need to be so careful.

FYI – Watched a 1 hour CBC Doc Zone episode two nights ago called ‘Sext Up KIDS’. It’s all about how youth and teens (especially young girls) are presented as over sexualized through how they dress, their role models and the media in general. It also related to this post regarding how many pornographic sites guys are exposed to online at potentially a very young age, then having expectations of what they want from girls, and how early on. Definitely an episode I’d recommend for everyone to watch.

You can access the link at: http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html.

What to Do with an Overly Passionate Pen Pal from New Zealand

Oh the situations I get myself into. Thought I’d share about my on and off pen pal over the last several months. He’s from New Zealand. How may you ask I got in touch with him?

My friend and I a few months ago were having lunch and discussing how great it would be to find pen pals again and send them letters through the mail the old fashioned way. So we excitedly ran back to my house and started the search online. A solid hour later still there was nothing like we wanted. It seemed every pen pal site was online/ email based. For the fun of it, my friend created an account for me to see what kind of messages I would get. So a week later NZ boy writes. He seems very interesting (same age, in biochem, studying abroad in Australia, etc.) So I thought there was no harm in writing back as he seems legit and he did write me a very lengthy email. So we begin corresponding back and forth a few times – not so frequently as I’m pretty busy with work and he writes me.. I’m telling you guys paragraphs upon paragraphs of information. Some bits more interesting than others. Nonetheless when I do read his message I make myself some tea and cookies and settle in to then respond.

NOW, when I say we’ve been talking a few months – I mean to say it’s only been a few messages to him on my end and a few more from his end. We’ve exchanged one or two pictures but that’s it.

A week ago he started talking about how eagerly he wanted me to come visit NZ or possibly visiting here. How he’d cook for me, etc. Truth be told though, I wasn’t sure how comfortable I’d feel having him visit here, and had no plans to visit NZ anytime soon. From his pictures I didn’t think we’d have any ‘romantic’ chemistry (hate to sound shallow). Plus in his emails I started getting really turned off with the amount of ‘hahas’ and ‘:)’ which in his LATEST email 2 days ago turned into ‘;)’ and ‘x’s. When I’m talking ‘haha’ I’m talking this word is being used 3 times in every sentence. So yes, he writes again 2 days ago even though I haven’t responded to his last. He goes on about how he misses me and can’t wait to see me, etc.

So what do I do? Write back with a million ‘hahas’ and say your so funny. Well that would be cruel. Do I tell him I’m seeing someone? Do I just ignore and cut off further communication. Or do I just tell him I don’t want to lead him on but if he’s wanting a friend, I’m happy to continue talking. Please comment, I’d love to hear your thoughts!