So close, yet so far.

Last Sunday, I found a guy on PlentyOfFish that seemed a bit too good to be true. Very good looking, 6’0′ tall, 26 years old, practiced law and lived in the same neighbourhood as me! He didn’t include much of a description in his profile aside from, “I’m new to this, just trying it out.” Usually I like reading a bit more about the guy before sending a message, but the little I already knew about him peaked my interest enough, so I sent a message.

Adam responded to my message within half an hour, and we started writing back and forth pretty quickly. Especially after discovering we lived a few streets away from each other! We also learned we went to the same high school, equally loved going to concerts, and were both on POF to connect with people outside our own circle of friends.

By midnight, we had probably sent about 15 messages back and forth and we both had work the next day. He ended off the conversation saying: “Well here’s my number if you want to text me sometime :) It was nice talking to you!” Then we both wished each other goodnight and logged off. I went to bed still thinking, he’s just way too good to be true, but it definitely ended my night on a positive note.

We texted back and forth for the next few days; and continued to learn more about one another. This past Wednesday evening, he wrote to me asking how my day was. I proceeded telling him how I had a very long day and it would probably be easier if we talked on the phone a bit. He told me he was having a BBQ dinner with his family. I suggested maybe he could call me later on, or another day later in the week. He responded:

Adam: Ya, okay. I recently got out of a relationship. :s It makes me a bit nervous.

Me: What makes you nervous?

Adam: Like moving on so fast.

Me: Well I’m not looking to rush into a relationship either. It’s always nice just to meet new people and see where it goes. (even though I would love that, but didn’t want to frighten him!)

Adam: Yeah, that’s true.

Then he switched the subject and we texted back and forth a bit more that night. Now if some of you think this guy could possibly be a catfish (click here if you don’t know what I’m referring to), he isn’t. How do I know? This is very bizarre – but as I was looking through Tinder after the first few days of us talking, his picture came up! The same one he used on his POF profile. I couldn’t believe it. Same name, and Tinder connects to your Facebook account, so I could see we had two mutual friends (both, really nice people). I did a quick Facebook search and he seemed to be legit. He’d been truthful about where he had gone to school.

We texted back and forth for a bit last night, although our conversation was cut short as Adam was just on his way out to go downtown.

I’m curious as to what all of you think I should do about him. I definitely don’t want to be the rebound again, but perhaps if I take things slowly and go at his pace, this could turn into something great. Throw your thoughts at me!

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12AM by the Fireplace. Meow.

Last night I received a text message from French Fry boy. Let’s call him Matt. You can get a bit of a recap from my blog posts, I Fed Him French Fries for Crying Out Loud! and I’m Just a Playful Girl at Heart.

To summarize, I started talking to Matt at the beginning of January and there was an immediate attraction from both sides. He had just gotten out of a pretty long term relationship so we casually hung out a few times over the next month. By casual, I mean either hanging out at one of our houses or occasionally going out mini-putting or tobogganing. Whenever I was around him, he made me feel like a giddy school girl. Still, at the same time he scared me, as he had quite a bit more sexual experience and I felt our relationship was progressing faster than I was used to. In fact, further than I had gone with any relationship in the past. I liked where it was going, although I wasn’t ready to give myself for the first time to a guy who I didn’t sense was ready to be exclusive. I knew it would be absolutely heart breaking if he were to just drop me for the next girl afterwards. I went at a pace I was comfortable with. Then, when I got back from my trip to the Caribbean in February, he made no effort to see me. In all fairness, we were both very busy with finishing up the last few months of school. Still, the fact that nothing came of our relationship once I got back was upsetting, but I accepted it.

Matt and I continued talking casually through text – a bit more frequently as of a month ago. Things had calmed down for both of us school wise. I really didn’t think anything more would happen between us up until last night when he asked me if I wanted to hang out as his mom was out of town. His friend was coming in from Burlington to visit him around 7PM so he’d let me know when he’d be free to pick me up. I messaged him around 9PM to let him know my parents would be out between 9:30-11:30PM and that he should just come over to hang out with me. I didn’t get any response. I was waiting and waiting and still, at 11PM I hadn’t heard from him. I couldn’t believe it and was ready to officially write him off when he messaged me at 11:30PM saying he had just dropped his friend off at the bus stop. Matt asked if he could pick me up to go over to his house for an hour or two and then he’d drop me back off at my house.

I was thinking about it and first off, I wasn’t sure how comfortable I felt with him driving me if he had just been smoking weed with his friend. Secondly, I wondered what his intentions were for wanting me over to his house while his mom was away (aside from trying to get in my pants). So I gave him an ultimatum saying either he could come over to my house or it just wouldn’t happen.

Matt was trying so hard to convince me he wouldn’t ever do anything to make me feel uncomfortable. However, I stood my ground and stayed with my ultimatum. He was on the fence about it as he didn’t want my parents to catch us doing anything. I assured him my family would be fast asleep by the time he got to my house. He ultimately caved in… I couldn’t believe it. I was nervous and excited. I made sure all the lights were out upstairs. My parents had gone to bed and he got to my house at 12AM. Yeah, I know it’s late. Still, I didn’t care what time it was. I just really wanted to see him.

I waited by the front door for him and 10 minutes later he showed up. Immediately I was all giddy again (trying to still remain sexy and composed). I literally pounced on him when he walked in, gave him a hug, and in that moment it really felt like it hadn’t gone any longer than a week since I’d last seen him. We tip toed into my basement and plopped onto the couch. One of my kittens followed us into the basement and jumped onto Matt’s lap. All of a sudden, my kitten went ballistic and started digging into him and rolling in circles as if he was high off of catnip. I said:

“Wow, he must really like you.”

Matt: “It seems that way. Meow.”

“I’ve never seen him go this crazy. Do you think he’s smelling something on your pants?”

Matt: “Maybe it’s the weed from earlier.”

“Hahaha.”

Could the smell of weed really have the same effect as catnip? Who knows. Still, we both got a kick out of it. Then I joked around that my kitten was getting more attention than me so I moved the kitten upstairs and closed the door to the basement. Finally.

The pure, innocent angel in me was saying to just take things slow. However, the devilish, inner vixen was saying to turn out the lights, put the fireplace on and pounce on him. I decided to put the fireplace on and dim the lights. I joined him back on the couch and we talked for quite awhile. We seemed so comfortable around each other and I felt really relaxed. However, the more we were talking the more I wanted to kiss him. I could tell he was being hyper vigilant. I said:

“Afraid my dad’s going to come down with a gun?”

Matt: “Noooooo.”

“So then. Why are you being so good?”

Matt: “I’m always good. An angel, really.”

“Is that so?”

I decided not to get all Fifty Shades of Grey at this point in my blog post. What I can say, is that he was certainly a good teacher! ;) I also ended up with a temporary tattoo on my lower back (a snake). We were just having fun and he continued at a pace I was comfortable with. He gave me a goodnight kiss by my front door and left around 3:30AM. I was pretty flushed and overall I was exuding happiness.

I told Matt that the next time we go out he needs to surprise me with something special planned, so hopefully he will stick to that. I still haven’t heard from him since last night but hopefully he’ll get back into gear this time around and continue making the effort to see me.

So when do you think is the right time to ask him if he is seeing anybody else?

Tinder Experiment: Found a Match

As a graduation gift last week, my family bought me an iPhone. Ever since I started using it, I can’t understand why I stuck with the Blackberry for so long. I can download ten times as many applications without the phone freezing on me, and the resolution and picture quality is infinitely better than what I had.

One of my followers, Dayna, suggested I try out a mobile application called Tinder. Having investigated it a bit more on my new phone, I learned it was similar to a ‘hot or not’ app you could find on Facebook a few years ago. You download the Tinder app to your phone, connect to your Facebook account and then select the distance/proximity you want your matches to be within. It didn’t take me any longer than two minutes to configure that. Then, I was presented with the image of a guy, below it stating how old he was, if we shared any mutual friends / any similar interests from Facebook. Below that I could decide whether to ‘x’ him or ‘heart’ him. If I were to heart him (which meant I liked him), and he liked me back, it would instantly pop up saying we were a match which would then enter us into a private chat.

So I began my x’s and hearts and couldn’t believe how fast an hour went by. I had actually come across some of the guy’s I had talked with before on other online dating websites.

I had about 15 matches already so at that point I decided to look through them. A few had already sent me a message:

1. Hey, whats up?

2. Did you catch the Leafs game? :(

3. If I were to flip a coin, what are the chances I’d get head? .. almost made me delete the app instantly.

4. Are you also drowning your sorrows in beer after that Leafs game?!

5. Post leafs game fail hangout?

6. THE LEAFSSSSS. NOOOOOOOO.

Yes, I am proud to be a Canadian. However, to be honest I didn’t really follow the Leafs much this season. I did watch the final game against Boston, so I at least understood why all these guys were so upset about it. Still, I found it kind of interesting that they all just started talking to me casually like we knew each other for a long time. After a bit of correspondence back and forth with two of them, that was the end of it. It was like they just needed to vent about the Leafs to someone cute and then move on. Bizarre!

So I was ready to call it quits with this app when a new guy popped up as a match. Let’s call him Cory. From the same city, same age, ten mutual friends and pretty cute! I thought why not send him a message. I learned that he studied finance and went to a high school I was familiar with. Cory was asking me questions aside from anything that had to do with the Leafs, which was refreshing! Our conversation was going pretty well and about half an hour later he gave me his Facebook and said for me to feel free to add him there.

Of course like any curious girl would do, I searched him and saw he had 600 Facebook friends and no shirtless profile pictures. He passed the initial test. So I added him (put my Limited profile on). Soon after he added me back and sent me a private message saying:

Good Find! Facebook Chat is much more legit!

From there we continued talking for quite awhile. I asked why he got Tinder in the first place. He said it was going around his campus awhile ago and he just checks it from time to time to see who is out there. He told me he was open to dating if the right girl came along. I was really starting to like him and he seemed very nice. It also put me at ease to know that our mutual friends were people I consider very nice and genuine. Conversation was going so well.

This morning I asked him how he was doing. After a few messages back and forth he gave me his cell number and asked if I wanted to grab coffee tomorrow. I was kind of excited, but didn’t want to get myself too worked up after what happened on my last coffee date. I suggested maybe we do something a little different like mini putting. My last experience doing that was fun and made me feel really comfortable. He thought that sounded great and so I told him to give me a call later on tonight to finalize plans. He said he would.

So thank you Dayna for giving me the idea to try out Tinder. It was an interesting experiment, and it has been a bit of a confidence booster. I will definitely let you all know how the phone conversation goes tonight and how mini putting goes tomorrow!

Do you think this is an insane way to meet a guy? Do you believe it’s ‘sketchier’ than an online dating website?

Are My Values Old-Fashioned?

Since my last blog post, I want to give a big shout out to my amazing followers! Some of you gave such great insight as to how I should approach the situation with the guy I’ve recently been dating. I agreed that since the last text I had sent him didn’t exactly warrant any response, I thought I’d write a casual message the next day (Thursday) asking how class was. After I sent the text I went out with a few of my girlfriends and felt satisfied knowing I tried my best and if he really wanted to see me again, he’d make the effort. Sure enough an hour later he wrote to me while in his class. It was the reassurance I needed that he had a nice time on our last date. Our conversation led to him asking me if I wanted to hang out today (Friday) if I wasn’t busy. I had a class this morning but we made plans for me to go over to his place in the afternoon once I got home since he didn’t have the car til later.

I arrived and things immediately picked up from where they left off several days before. We started watching Anchorman (one of his favourite movies) but I wasn’t getting the humour so much so we moved to playing a game of pool in his basement. The attraction was building up again as we played the game and afterwards we lay down on his couch and decided to watch Napoleon Dynamite – well… we caught bits and pieces of it ;).

Things started to get more physical and part of me was nervous to be more intimate with him as I could tell he wanted more but I wasn’t yet sure where our relationship status was. After all… it was only date #3. I knew he had a lot more experience than me which I have no problems with except for the fact that I sensed he wanted more and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I guess I’m still saving myself for that special guy who is fully into me and I trust not to go around behind my back and be with other girls. I’ve never experienced the chemistry I’ve had with this ‘fish’ by date #3 in comparison with the other dozen. When I was just lying there in his arms I thought it would be an appropriate time to be honest with him about how I felt. He was a bit surprised at first and said he didn’t expect to hear that but he was very sweet and said he was willing to go at whatever pace I wanted and just to tell him if things were getting too intense.

He had mentioned that his mom was arriving home around 5 and he wanted her to think I was just a mutual friend who wanted a ‘guitar lesson’. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t comfortable with telling his mom the truth as I’m fairly open about it with my parents. However, I went with it as it was only date #3… so when we heard the door open we grabbed his two guitars and practiced strumming the strings. I was actually doing very well and he taught me how to play the chords to Green Day’s ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’. Then we went up to the main floor as he said he’d give me a ride home earlier. Before we got out the door his mom appeared and he introduced us. She seemed very sweet. He mentioned to his mom he was going to give me a ride home… I wonder if she still bought the story after that. I mean… how many students who come over for a ‘guitar lesson’ really get a personal drive home?

Anyways, I’ve subscribed to Matthew Hussey’s blog posts for awhile now (if you haven’t heard of him – he is a life coach / life strategist and talks a lot about relationships from a male’s perspective – check out GetTheGuy on my Blogroll). In his post ‘The Question You Should Avoid Asking On A First Date’, it says:

  1. Just looking for a relationship scares a guy – it makes him feel like you are using him to cover up your own loneliness. This neediness scares him off.
  2. Most men don’t know they want a relationship until they have fallen for you.

So I completely agree and never really thought about it that way before. However, now that date #3 has already happened and things are getting more intimate, I’m not sure what to do or if I should approach the conversation with him. So far it seems he doesn’t want to be attached to a relationship right now (as he just got out of a 4 year relationship several months ago) and is looking for fun. Except I’m faced with the issue of wanting to be more physical with him but silently freaking out inside about perhaps getting heart broken. I know the risk of that happening is just as probable while in a proper relationship, but still I want to know he’s not seeing other girls if I take the next step.

Is that too much to ask? Is the relationship status talk too soon?

The Texting Game

I’m sure all of you have been through it before. You go on an incredible date and once you get home you think about how you’re already falling for that person. Then you continuously glance at your cellular device every 5 seconds with those puppy dog, glazed over eyes. Doing this with high hopes that he/she will write to you saying how much they enjoyed the night as well.

Tuesday night I came home from my date feeling extremely giddy and slightly infatuated. I had mentioned for him to message me saying he got home safe as it was a very foggy night. However, I didn’t hear from him and by 1 a.m. I thought it’d be best to turn my phone off to try and get some sleep.

However, my mind kept repeating all of the nights events over and over while lying in my bed. Somehow or another I got to sleep but I woke up to my room still incredibly dark and not a sound in my crazy, loud household. I felt wide awake and looked over at my alarm clock which read: 4:10 a.m. Shit. I knew it was going to be a long night. I kept rolling back and forth from side to side and couldn’t sleep. I tried listening to music but that didn’t help. At some point I must have fallen asleep again as the second time I woke up it was daylight and the sounds of my cranky sister screaming for breakfast and my 3 cat’s meowing for food told me it was time to get ready to head to class. I checked my phone and still no message. Slightly disappointed I took off my makeup from the night before (didn’t want to go to school with raccoon eyes), had a bowl of cereal and hopped on the bus.

As the day went on the lack of sleep was getting to me. It was hard to focus on anything my professor was lecturing about as I kept wondering if he had written. After class I checked my phone only to get a message from my friend who had written ‘did he message you yet’. No… he did not. I was beginning to freak out. Maybe he didn’t mean anything he said the night before. Did he think I was a horrible kisser? If he did… screw him! If  that was the case though, why would he have said to me after we shared that moment it had been one of the best nights he had in awhile? On the other hand he could have just been really busy that day… so as much as I wanted to message him I waited.

Sure enough I got a text that evening from him saying ‘Hey! How was youuuuur day?’ My puppy dog eyes reappeared and I wanted to immediately respond but then I thought to myself… when does the ‘game’ end? Do I have to wait and respond in an hour to keep him wanting more? Do guys even think about it or do they just respond whenever they get a chance to? Sometimes I freak out at myself for over analyzing all the small details but I can’t help myself. So about 20 minutes later I messaged him saying I had a class in the morning. I also said I had a great time with him. I didn’t really ask him any questions but when I pressed the enter button I was hopeful he’d write back saying he had a great time too.

No response.

So I wonder if I should text him again later today with a question this time or maybe just ask if he wants to talk on the phone? I find it so awkward asking a guy if he wants to talk… maybe I should just call him tonight.

Guys… your thoughts? Am I over analyzing the situation? Girls – what would you do?

Is he Playing Hard to Get?

The latest fish I met is surprisingly the guy I was referring to in my ‘What a Charmer’ blog post. Over a month ago I was talking to a guy who suggested to meet up for coffee soon after our initial online introduction. I was so excited to meet him but then he shockingly let me down at the last minute saying he was too busy with work and he wasn’t ready to date or be in a relationship. I was pretty upset over it as he had led me on and felt at the very least he owed me one coffee date, but that was the end of it.

I then saw he was online this past Thursday and knew he lied to me. Well, he could have all along just been looking for a fun time and wanted nothing serious but I still wasn’t going to let him off the hook. I called him out on it and sent him a message saying something along the lines of, “so much for you being so busy with work that you don’t have time to meet up with anyone.” I figured he would disregard my message but instead he wrote back saying between now and the 6th of November he had mid terms and he was just on the site wasting a bit of time since school/work was calming down a bit. Then he wrote:

After Nov 6 I think I will have some time to slow down and catch my breath. To be honest, when I was speaking with you I just got kind of overwhelmed, and I had to stop and catch my breath. If you are feeling up to it I would love to meet up with you after my midterms. I think we hit it off pretty well. What do you think?

He also apologized for cancelling last minute and said he understood if I didn’t want to meet up with him anymore. I took a bit of time to process the message. Ultimately I decided to meet him and give it a another shot since I also felt we hit it off the first time we talked.

We spoke quite a bit that night, and went from possibly meeting after November 6th, to the following evening (Friday) for coffee. It all felt like a bit of deja vu. I was excited but also a bit nervous he would let me down last minute like the first time.

Thankfully he didn’t and in fact was right on time. Just like in his pictures he was incredibly gorgeous and I felt at ease talking to him within the first few minutes of sitting down next to one another.

At the end of our first date, we hugged goodbye and he even asked for me to join him to a work function he was invited to the following week as his plus 1!

Update: almost the end of the weekend and still no text message from him (although I know he is more of a phone talker). Also I had deleted him off Facebook last time, and we had mentioned re-adding each other but I feel before I do, I should hear from him first. I absolutely hate this ‘playing hard to get’ game. It could just be he’s very busy with work but is it not a good sign I haven’t heard from him yet?