He’s Perfect, but…

Tonight I went on a date with another ‘fish’ who I started talking to last week. He was 28 (7 years older than me), a lawyer and looking for a relationship. I thought, this guy may in fact be the winner of my heart. I had never talked with a guy who was 28, but I figured that I need a guy that is at least 24, 25 – who has maturity and a sense of where he is going in life and what he wants versus the majority of guys my age who are looking for something more casual.

I knew he was a bit shorter than me before meeting him. However, it wasn’t until we met tonight that I realized he was in fact quite a bit shorter than I imagined him being. Although, I was willing to look past that as he appeared in front of me as cute as in the pictures I had seen. We decided to meet up for drinks at a location he suggested which was closer to his area than mine but I was fine with it. Once we sat down one of the first things I learned was his apartment was conveniently connected right next to where we went. He even threw in a wink. I knew he was just being flirtatious though so I went with it and we talked for an hour sitting down at a booth. The music was loud but it was still easy to converse with one another. By that point I felt comfortable from the cocktail except conversation wasn’t flowing as naturally as I hoped it would. I guess part of my mind was still preoccupied with knowing his place was right next door. Throughout our conversation, he would make remarks like ‘you should come over to my place to watch such and such movie sometime’ and ‘I have the place to myself’. He was checking his phone several times towards the end of the hour and I wondered if he was losing interest. As I was nearing the end of my cocktail a panic button clicked inside of me and I excused myself to the washroom and called my friend to pick me up. When I sat back down conversation started a bit slow but got back to a steady flow. He offered me a second drink but I politely declined. At which point I was interrupted by my phone again to see a message from my friend saying she was waiting outside to pick me up.

I apologized and explained my ride was here early and he was a bit caught of guard saying that was one of the earliest ending Saturday night outings he’d be on. I agreed and felt bad but he still sweetly paid the bill and when I offered to pay he said ‘no… don’t worry, you can pay next time’.

I’ll probably need a night to sleep on it, but I just don’t know if he’s the guy I’m meant to be with. I know you don’t always feel butterflies the first time you get to know someone (although I did feel them with the last guy I dated who turned out to be a bit of a coward). It could have just been fear that had taken over me… as I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to his apartment on our first date and knowing it was right there made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I question whether 28 is too old and with that age comes too much experience. I wouldn’t call him a player at all, in fact he came across as a gentleman which is rare to see a lot nowadays. However, he knew the right things to say (of course, he’s a lawyer!) and maybe I found all those factors put together a bit intimidating which didn’t allow me to fully relax as much as I could have.

A) Would you date a guy 7 years older than you? B) Should height ever be an issue or does that just make someone look completely shallow?  C) Is it the new norm to check your phone while on a date or is that just being rude?

What a Charmer

Last week, I had started talking to a guy I found online and there was an immediate connection. Asides from being incredibly good looking he spoke very maturely through his writing and I was impressed with regards to how ambitious he was. What was so refreshing was after a few correspondences back and forth the initial night we talked, he asked if I’d like to meet for coffee. I explained I wanted to get to know him a bit more first but I would love to meet up with him in person soon.

From there we exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone several times throughout the week. Another refreshing thing about him… he told me he wasn’t a fan of texting and much preferred talking on the phone as it was easier to get a fluid conversation going. At that point I was thinking to myself, is this guy too good to be true? I really find it rare nowadays for a guy my age to be so willing to talk on the phone vs preferring to hide behind their technology. I told myself no silly, it’s rare but guys like that do exist and I should meet him and see how the dynamics are face to face.

By our third conversation, I felt my feelings already growing for him despite not even having met. At that point I knew I was ready to meet him face to face before my feelings grew any stronger, so we set a date to meet for dinner… which was for tonight.

Although I knew he didn’t like to text, I thought I would send him one yesterday to confirm our dinner plans for tonight. He asked if we could change the time from 4 to 6PM which I was fine with and at that point plans were set in stone and I was feeling pre-butterflies in my stomach. I knew not to get my hopes up too high but I just had a good feeling and wished the time sped faster to head to the restaurant.

As today I had a day off from classes, I decided to primp myself for the evening. As I was in the middle of painting my nails, I heard my phone buzz and once my nails had dried with one hand I turned on my cell phone and his name appeared. I opened the message and he said:

I won’t be able to make it this evening. I’m so sorry about the short notice – something related to work that is really crucial got pushed up by a week. Again, please accept my apology for the last minute nature of this.

I read over the message several times and of course I was disappointed that he let me down several hours prior to meeting. I wrote back stating ‘that’s disappointing’ and left it at that. I thought he should feel bad and I didn’t want to let him off the hook for that. I felt he at least deserved to suggest another day that would work. The response I got back was even more shocking. He stated that he genuinely liked me but he felt to be honest, he wasn’t ready to date or be in a relationship. That it was too busy to balance seeing someone with school and work. I couldn’t believe he was telling me all of this after having led me along for a whole week. Despite the short time, we had talked so much and I felt he at least owed me one date. I simply wrote back saying:

Well… I’m grateful you told me ahead of time but you should get your act together before you lead a girl on next time.

No response.

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

I’d like to Deposit Cheques… and my Cell Number.

Last Friday my family decided to go to the mall to make some bank deposits. Once having arrived at the mall we were initially going to grab a bite to eat for dinner in the food court. However, since the bank was right where we walked in, that became our first stop. As we waited in line I was starving and also incredibly tired from a long day at work. Not to mention, I had no makeup on, my hair was unwashed and the bags under my eyes were probably quadruple the depth they usually were.

5 minutes later we got to the front of the line and a guy who looked fairly young compared to the other tellers motioned to us that he was available. *hint hint nudge nudge* When we got to his teller booth he greeted us hello. As he did I examined him a bit more carefully and noticed he had dimples, a sweet smile and was wearing glasses. My mother immediately dumped a handful of cheques on the counter and expressed they were all given to my sister for her Bat Mitzvah and asked if he knew what that was. He smiled again and said ‘of course, I’m Jewish.’ We were surprised as he looked Italian… and of course my mom lit right up. She had to find out more about him. I’m talking personal questions and putting him on the spot with, ‘Where do you go to school? How old are you? Any siblings?’ As she kept asking him he was responding very coolly and casually and I was impressed… but deep down I was turning 50 shades of red as I knew what my mom was doing. After having answered several questions he looked over at me and asked where I went to school and what I was studying. He seemed interested and turned out we actually had a lot in common. However, the more he continued talking to my mom, I knew the level of redness deep down started projecting to my cheeks and across my face.

He appeared cute, but wasn’t the typical bad boy, scruffy look I usually go for. It was obvious my mom was leading up the dreaded question and before I could stop her… ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ There it was. Out in the open. I knew my face was now 50 shades of red and I had to turn away. He answered no.

It was clearly a mistake to have turned for those few seconds as when I turned back, I saw that my mom had written my cell phone number on a piece of paper and given it to him. She finished making the deposits after having done a pretty good job making sure he wasn’t a criminal. Then she left and said she’d give us a few minutes to get to know each other. Let me repeat… GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Well if my face wasn’t red, it definitely was now, but I tried acting as cool as he was presenting himself. He then said… ‘I could throw this out if you don’t want me to have it.’ I giggled nervously and said of course he could keep it. We ‘got to know each other’ for a few more minutes which was only about a 6/10 on the awkward scale. I walked away not sure whether I wanted to kill my mother or give her an incredibly big bear hug. In the end I did neither, and thought it’d be a good blog post even if nothing resulted of it.

Sure enough just to brief you on what’s happened since. A few hours later… he called me! I was shocked… looking the way I was… but it was a nice surprise. I missed the call so I texted the number and sure enough it was him. He asked me out for drinks and we went out last night! I had a really nice time getting to know him and he was a true gentleman the entire night.

Now I’m not going to say mother’s always know best… but you never know. She seemed to have pretty good instincts and sometimes someone has to make a bold move. He texted me this morning saying he had a great time and wants to see me again. So, I will just have to update all of you if anything progresses with that!

Ever had a similarly embarrassing story that involved one of your parents or siblings? Comment here or if you’d like your story anonymously shared or under a username, send it to suburbangirl4love@gmail.com.

16 vs. 21

So my cousin and I hung out this afternoon and she was explaining to me about her love life and two guys in particular that she is currently smitten over.

I’ll start off by saying she’s 16.

If it were a game show, here’s how it would be presented…

Contender #1 is a year younger, goes to the same school, is tall and handsome and is book smart. Sounds like a perfect catch no?

Contender #2 is about 5 years older. He’s also tall and handsome, in University and has this charm that she’s attracted to. She met him at a party awhile back.

So after doing a thorough text message and facebook picture investigation – I explained to her I thought contender #1 was the better option. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against the fact that contender #2 is 5 years older as I clearly state in ‘The Dating Age Gap’ how a number can’t define a connection between two people. However, I explained that 16 vs. 21 and 20 vs. 25 are two very different match games. With 16 vs. 21 the 16 year old being my cousin is attracted to the idea of physically being with someone who is older and has more experience. Also the fact that he is gorgeous makes the attraction that much stronger. Not to say all 21 year olds are like this, but I’m going to presume the majority who flirt with girls in their early stages of high school aren’t looking for ‘true love’ or a committed relationship. They are experienced and know how to charm a girl and almost act like persuasive snakes to get certain things that younger girls are sometimes vulnerable enough to give into. 20 vs. 25 can be read more indepth about in ‘The Dating Age Gap’ post.

Contender #1 – despite her hesitation regarding the fact he’s a year younger, I think is still someone she shouldn’t lose sight of. The fact that she knows a lot about him and they go to the same school and live close by means that she’s within her comfort zone. Also, the fact that he is in the more premature stages of a proper relationship makes him a stronger contendor for something long term and meaningful. I understand that at 16 she can’t help but worry how her friends may perceive her dating a guy 1 year younger – but I say go for it.

Usually I wouldn’t recommend dating younger as in my personal experience they are all incredibly immature and are ‘Justin Bieber’ clones. The way she described him though and how smitten she was just goes to show how much of a good thing she thinks he is. So I say make the first move and go out for dinner or to the movies. Get to know him more 1 on 1. Don’t focus too much on what your friends will think. We all need to trust our own hearts and if we always based our decisions on what our friends thought we’d never achieve a full level of happiness.

The dating age gap

Hey blogasphere. I know it’s been awhile since my last post. Mainly because I’ve been really focused on school work, in other words, no contact with the male population except for the usual guys in class (no noteworthy stories there). Now that I’ve had some time to settle in I’ll share stories as I get em, starting with the current hot topic – the dating age gap.

So my friend encouraged me to check out the online dating scene which I’ve been somewhat skeptical about – especially just after seeing a movie called ‘Trust.’ Not sure if any of you have heard of it. Pretty much a 14 year old girl who talks to this guy over the Internet who she thinks is her age and turns out to be some 40 year old. Creepy and unsettling!

HOWEVER, I’ve actually heard a lot of positives about online dating experiences. A few of my friends actually had/ have long term relationships with guys/girls they met online and I thought well.. as long as I’m cautious, I guess there is no harm.

So I stumble across this guys profile – and he seems pretty perfect. Same religious background, tall (I’m talking basketball player height), same family values, also loves cats, loves kids, is ambitious, the list goes on. The only thing is I see he’s 25, but really I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. When I think about guys my age (20) compared to guys 5 years older like my cousin (who is like a brother to me). I feel that I connect much more with my cousin’s male peer group than my own. I think maturity is a big thing, and the truth of the matter is a lot of 20 years old’s are still figuring out what they want to do, and partying it up, soaking up their early 20s. Now.. at least my perspective is that 25 year olds have a pretty good idea of where they are going in life, or at least have found some area of interest. They are for the most part independent and aren’t so much talking ‘let’s go get drunk,’ but more so ‘I still like to party, but I’m more focused on my career now/ finding the right girl.’ This isn’t to say I don’t date guys my age or even a year or two older, but I don’t always feel that we are in sync with values and direction.

Anyway – so I send him a message and he responds with a really sweet one, and since then we’ve written back and forth on the site a few times, which turned into texting, and hopefully soon to be phone conversations. I mean it’s kind of ridiculous that the virtual writing back and forth goes on for such a long period of time, but you need to at least develop an understanding of the person’s character and their values before physically meeting up with them.

So I posed a question to my cousin and her friend last night during a family dinner. I asked if they thought a 5 year age gap was too large. They both agreed that it’s perfectly fine. It’s about the connection you have and their maturity level – at least for some people. They said the only area of concern is EXPERIENCE. It’s very true and more than likely if you date someone 5 years older they will have quite a bit more experience than you do – but it’s obvious to note that honesty is the best policy in regards to my personal experience. If I end up meeting up with this guy and really falling for him, I’d be honest about my experience (or inexperience). If he seriously is mature and the amazing guy that he sounds like, I don’t think that will be an issue.

I stumbled across a site called www.experienceproject.com. There is a whole section on stories of young adults/women dating older men. It’s interesting how a lot say they date men twice their age not just related to their maturity level, ‘been there done that,’ and experience but it’s ultimately the connection you have with that person.

Personally I’d feel iffy it was anymore than a 5 year age gap but from the conversations we’ve had I think I’m developing a pretty strong connection and I see no harm in meeting up for coffee and taking it from there!