Things aren’t always as they appear

Wondering why suburban girl fell off the face of the planet for the last year? I’ve wondered that question too for awhile. Deep down, I started feeling discouraged. It felt like every time I shared about what I thought was a positive match, it would end up falling apart for some reason or another.

Truth be told – I’ve missed writing, and sharing my journey to find love. So let’s jump back into it (for anyone who is still following along). Or welcome, if you’re coming across my blog for the first time!

**

Aaron and I met Sunday evening at a local restaurant.

I heard my phone chime while parking. It was a text from him. “Just got here. I’m the tall white Jewish boy, good luck finding me. :P”

Walking into the restaurant, I quickly glanced around the room and sure enough saw him sitting at a booth. He didn’t get up to hug me. Instead, he extended his arm for a handshake. I suggested we move outside (as it was beautiful out and there was a spacious patio). He was easy going about it.

His profile didn’t lie – 6’2 and very lanky (my ideal look). When we sat down across from each other – I was quickly mesmerized by his beautiful blueish-green eyes and perfect teeth.

The next two hours were spent chatting about our families, work and musical tastes. Towards the latter end of the date – we started playfully flirting with each other. We joked about the spoons we were using to eat our slices of cake (he was the big spoon and I was the little), and about who would be first to take advantage of the other if we consumed too much of the Bailey’s Irish cream cheesecake.

However, after 3 mosquito bites – I was ready to call it a night. He walked me to my car, we hugged goodnight, and I drove home feeling excited about the potential to see him again.

–> Fast forward 2 days. Still no text from Aaron. At this time I had an awful pit in my stomach that something wasn’t right. And so the self-criticism began: Did I come across as desperate? Was he not attracted to me? Was I too sweet? Am I boring? The thoughts wouldn’t go away. They stung. I spoke to several of my friends who kept telling me – don’t let him get to you. You’re beautiful. It’s his loss.

However, I needed closure – even though I knew that it may hurt more than being ghosted. So I bravely sent him a text Wednesday aft:

“Hey. I enjoyed hanging out with you Sunday eve! Since I haven’t heard from you, wondered if you felt the same?”

Hours went by and no response. What a dick! I thought. He’s such a coward!

I slumped into bed, feeling very down about it. I was about to turn my lights off when I got another chime on my phone around 11. It was Aaron. I took a deep breath and opened the text.

“Hey! Sorry I didn’t text. Been dealing with a lot of work stuff. I was actually going to ask when you wanted to meet for round 2? :)”

**

Moral of the story – never assume it’s you. Also – don’t be afraid to seek clarity if you’re uncertain about something.

Date #2 is locked in for Saturday night!

 

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Disco Fever

Ryan and I went out last night. Our fourth consecutive weekly date – meaning it’s been a month since we first started seeing each other! Despite the horrible snow storm that hit my city, he still picked me up and we headed over to a local bowling alley. As soon as we arrived to our lane, the glow in the dark / disco lights kicked in and I was glowing head to toe. We gave ourselves gangster display names and picked up our bowling balls. Our first few turns were equally horrible and embarrassing – with one gutter ball after the next… although we just laughed it off. I even did the granny style bowl for one round, and still, no pins got knocked down.

Anyway, by the fourth turn we got into the swing of things. Each time there was a strike, we gave each other a kiss. Even though I’m not a huge fan of PDA – there were couples to our left and right acting the same way around each other, so it didn’t bother me whatsoever.

bowlingkiss

We bowled for an hour – which was quite a work out! Ryan then drove us to a dessert cafe. We decided to split the New York Cheesecake with fruit (it seems like cheesecake is becoming our signature dessert to share). Ryan shared that he met up with two other girls from JSwipe before me — which thankfully didn’t work out. He asked if I’d been on any other online dates or if I had any interesting stories to share. What was I supposed to say?! I’ve only been on about 80 first dates or so… I could have easily talked about the goose hunter, the time I though I met my perfect match over LinkedIn or perhaps one of my awkward Tinder exchanges, but I simply said I’d also been on a few dates and left it at that for now.

We played with each others fingers and stared into each others eyes for quite awhile. Ryan said that he missed lying in bed with me, which put a huge grin on my face. I told him we should do it again soon – although it’s difficult having to coordinate around our parents schedules / when they would be out of the house. I joked around saying we should take a trip to Niagara Falls next weekend and he replied saying “let’s do it”. He seemed pretty serious too. I told him I was down. Next weekend is also Valentine’s Day – so that would be pretty cute for us to spend the weekend away together. Anyway – it was just casual talk and we will see if he brings it up again.

He dropped me off at home and before going inside – we had a sweet and passionate make out session to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. I exited the car just a little bit on Cloud 9. He texted me when he got home saying he arrived back safely and to have a good night. I wrote back saying goodnight and even added a little pink heart into the message. ;)

Several of my friends think I may need to soon change my blog title to ‘Suburban Girl Found Love’ – but I don’t feel I’m there just yet. It’s still early into the relationship and I don’t want to jinx anything. I was thinking if he asked me out on Valentine’s Day – it would be the perfect opportunity to figure out whether we were exclusive or not. I’m not ready to put all my eggs in one basket unless he tells me he’s willing to focus on me, and only me. Would my fellow bloggers agree?

Mazel Tov – It’s a Match!

Even though I promised myself as a New Years Resolution to pull back from online dating  – I was enticed to download a new dating app similar to Tinder, but for Jewish Singles. Religion has never been a big factor for me with guys I’ve dated in the past – but I personally feel there are sometimes more things to share in common / talk about with someone from the same religious background.

About a month ago I got matched with Ryan – a cute Jewish single who lived in the same neighborhood as myself. I learned he studied engineering in California and had recently moved back to the city. His pictures were stunning – brown hair, blueish-green eyes AND dimples. I prayed he wasn’t catfishing me. Ryan asked if I wanted to meet up for coffee – so I picked a local spot and we met just over a week ago.

I had a huge sigh of relief when I first spotted him – he was just as cute as in his pictures. Also – quite tall (which is always a bonus, since I’m taller than average height for a girl). We met around 8PM and he ordered us both a drink. Conversation went very smoothly – I could tell he was a very go-with-the-flow, laid back guy and we seemed to be on the same page about a lot of things. I liked that we shared similar family values (both coming from large families), and he was also a big traveler – like myself. The coffee shop was closing at 11PM so we got kicked out – although both of us would have easily stayed for at least another hour. Which is surprising for me… since I usually hate coffee dates (find it very uncomfortable sitting face to face talking – without doing anything). With him I could be myself – which is so important to feel.

Ryan walked me to my car, and we hugged each other goodnight. The next day he texted me saying he had a fun night, and would love to do it again sometime! I grinned from ear to ear – but didn’t get too excited, as my last Tinder date ended the same way – only for the guy to never follow up for the second date…

Thankfully Ryan was different and planned for us to go see a movie and grab dessert last night. He picked me up for 7:30PM, and drove us to a nearby theatre. He was a great driver – which put me at ease. We went to see a psycho thriller movie called ‘The Boy Next Door’ starring Jennifer Lopez… which to tell you the truth, is not really worth paying the money for. However, there were still moments that made me jump, so I squeezed his arm a few times… which were pretty built ;). We inched closer and closer together, and I dangled my left arm on my leg – hoping he’d reach out for it. Sure enough after about the third arm squeeze he interlocked his fingers with mine and I held onto his arm for the last 1/4 of the movie. Mission accomplished.

After the movie we went to a nearby restaurant. He ordered a beer and I got us the most incredible dessert to share – cheesecake wrapped in a soft tortilla shell drizzled with caramel (which was heavenly). Our table also had kraft paper / crayons for us to draw and release our inner child play. We played some games of hang man, puzzles, and he even challenged me to a game of thumb wars – which took me back to Grade 7. Then we got into a game of 2 truths and a lie, which is a perfect way to learn interesting and personal bits of information about your date.

Ryan had been a gentleman all evening. He purchased our movie tickets, and let me pick whatever I wanted off the menu at the restaurant. He complimented me on my brown eyes, and even told me he thought my braces were cute. I mean – they are hardly cute in my opinion, but I still thought it was sweet of him to say that. Nice to know that chivalry isn’t dead!

The restaurant was closing at 12 and so we left at quarter to. It was absolutely freezing outside, so I latched onto him for warmth as we walked over to his car. We made it back to my house around midnight and he parked outside. This is the moment that usually gets my stomach turning upside down – over thinking whether to go in for the kiss or not. Thankfully he made things easy for me by leaning over, softly placing his hands over my cheeks and embracing me in a passionate kiss. Oh boy – was he a good kisser… It only lasted for about 5 minutes – but I felt like that was the perfect length of time for a second date.

When we leaned away from each other – he said to me “until next time”. Let’s hope that means a third date will be on the horizon! 2015 is definitely off to a good start.

The Mercedes was a Rental?

Yesterday I was on such a high from my hot chocolate date on Sunday. I saw Business boy was on Facebook chat in the evening but I decided not to message him. I presumed he wanted to wait a bit longer before messaging me. Today has been quite the emotional roller coaster. By this afternoon, it had almost been 48 hours since we had seen each other and still no message from him. I started questioning everything. Did he not find me attractive? Was I too sweet for him? Did he not feel the same connection I did?

On Sunday when I got home from my date, I had told one of my best friends in Germany how amazing I felt it went. We Skyped this afternoon and I told her how I was feeling confused as to where his head was at. Part of me wanted to write to see how he was doing, and also to tell him what a small world it was that my dad and his parents may have gone to University together. The other part of me wanted to wait for him to write to make sure he was genuinely interested in getting to know me more. I agreed with her that he could just be shy and was waiting for me to write to him. I mean, he seemed pretty confident when I met him, but maybe it was too old fashioned of me to think that the guy should always be the one to take the next step. So I bravely composed a text message to him at 3:48 pm:

Hey! How are you? This is kind of a small world but I think my dad and your parents may have gone to University together.

I figured he wouldn’t respond til he finished work so I continued Skyping with my friend and then watched some television to distract myself. The hours ticked by and still nothing. I had dinner around 6:30 pm and afterwards I thought I’d check to see if he had been on Facebook recently. I typed in his name and when I clicked to his page all I saw was ‘Add as a friend’. My jaw literally dropped. I felt numb and couldn’t contain my emotions.

I began over analyzing everything. Was this guy feeding me a load of shit on Sunday? Was there any truth to what he made me believe we had in common? The tears kept flowing and I couldn’t make sense of why he would just drop me like that without any explanation. More questions continued popping into my head. Maybe he thought I was a stalker. Though I thought he would find that small world story so cool? Maybe I should have waited and instead completely blew my shot with him.

After having taken a few hours to calm down and decide what to do, it became very clear to me this guy owed me an explanation. At the very least to say the attraction wasn’t there on his end. I just couldn’t believe he would delete me and ignore my message as if I didn’t ever exist and we never met up. I wrote again at 8:15 pm:

So you delete me off Facebook and I don’t even get an explanation? Wow. I really thought you were different. Can you at least tell me what was so bad that I deserved that?

11:30 pm and still no response. You know what – I think I got my closure. This guy was obviously not who I thought he was. I mean, he didn’t have to give me a ride home if he wasn’t interested. Then to drop me out of the blue with no explanation? I don’t deserve that.

So I felt pretty down tonight. Dumb-founded and completely caught off guard. Going from an extreme high to low. Self-conscious and upset with myself for believing he would be different.

As for continuing my search online: I think I’m going to take a break for a little bit. Don’t worry though, there will definitely be more stories to report without a doubt. I’ll just find them in places I’d least expect to.

Do you have any theories to what could of happened with him?

My Chocolate was Hot on Easter Sunday

To all my followers that were hopeful Facebook boy would truly be my prince charming: unfortunately I don’t have good news. In fact, I’ve been screaming at myself for being so easily manipulated to think he was actually interested in developing something with me. Instead, he used me for my design skills and once I was of no more use to him, he stopped communicating with me. So it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Business boy and I had been messaging each other back and forth over the past week on a Jewish online dating site. Even though I’m not very religious, I thought it would be nice to try it out and find some guys who were a bit more serious about looking to find the right girl. After my date with Facebook boy, I was feeling pretty defeated but I figured this would be the last guy I met up with before wrapping up the last few weeks of school.

We decided it’d be great to grab a hot chocolate/coffee over the weekend. Business boy told me he was heading up to his cottage on Saturday (I desperately wanted to ask him to take me with but contained myself). He said he’d call me when he got back Saturday afternoon to arrange plans. Sure enough the next day I heard from him. He sounded very cute on the phone. We talked for a few minutes and decided to meet at a shopping mall the next day that was located between the two of us. I thought this would be a good spot – instead of having to sit down the whole time over a drink, we could walk around a bit.

I woke up Sunday morning when it hit me: the shopping mall is probably closed today, being Easter Sunday! Still lying in bed, I called the shopping mall and sure enough no one was picking up. I sent him a text message saying the mall was most likely closed so would he be open to just going somewhere else to grab a drink. He said he’d be cool to meet me at a coffee shop in my area which was very sweet of him (and refreshing, compared to Facebook boy who made me come to him). So I gave him the name and intersection and we decided to meet at 3:30 pm today.

I got to the coffee shop ten minutes early and found a table for two towards the back. I sat down and threw my coat on the chair. I then started getting a bit fidgety and was looking around the shop which was fairly busy but still comfortable/not too loud. I sent him a text saying I got there and asked how much longer he’d be. I received a message back saying he was a few minutes away.

My heart was leaping back and forth. I saw a guy walk in and he looked at me but he didn’t look at all like Business boy. He sat down at a table towards the front, so I sighed in relief and continued fidgeting. A few minutes later another guy walked in, and as he came closer he totally looked like the guy in the pictures I saw, probably ten times cuter. I got up to hug him. He was very tall (about 6’2), muscular and was wearing a cologne that got me a bit too giddy.

Before we sat down, Business boy offered to buy me a drink (what was I thinking with the last guy?) and so I went up to the counter with him to order a hot chocolate. He also got a drink for himself. Standing there with him I was in awe of how gorgeous he was and was already starting to feel butterflies. I told myself to remain calm and try to not smile so much.

We sat down with our drinks in hand and conversation immediately started flowing naturally. He showed a lot of interest in what I was studying and how my graduate show worked. He told me about how he was working in finance/marketing and continued presenting himself in a very sexy and professional way. As he talked he had a bit of a crooked smile which I found a bit distracting but cute. I’d like to think I did a very good job listening and asking questions in response. Not once did either of us check our cell phones and we pretty much talked about everything from our similar music tastes to how important family was to countries we have/want to travel to. We seemed to have such a similar outlook on life and he just seemed really mature, yet down to earth. Most importantly, I got a sense that he was looking for something more than just hooking up or having a good time. Which is something I’ve learned is what I want at this point in my life.

Two hours later our cups were dry and he told me he had to go home for a family dinner. I found it so attractive that he put the time aside every Sunday to catch up with them. As we were getting ready to leave he asked if I drove here. I had actually been given a lift to the coffee shop so he offered to give me a ride home. I was still feeling so giddy and the butterflies were growing stronger. I was happy he was going to be with his family, but selfishly I would have loved to spend more time with him.

We walked into the parking lot and he told me to stop once we got to the black Mercedes. My jaw dropped. I tried remaining cool and collected. It was so sleek and inside I was screaming: out of happiness this time. I directed him to my house and once arrived we hugged goodbye. Once I got inside my dad was cooking in the kitchen and I told him the guys name (only because Business boy said his parents used to live in the same city as my dad). My dad recognized the last name and sure enough – he had gone to University with both his parents. We couldn’t believe what a small world it is!

If he writes again (let’s keep our fingers crossed), I will have to tell him about that. Maybe it’s a sign? What do you think?

Speed Dating vs Online Dating

I got interested to participate in a speed dating event after reading Deb’s blog post about her experience which you can read by clicking here. Like Deb, it’s been on my dating adventure bucket list and I’m sure it would make for an interesting blog post if nothing else.

Yesterday I got a Facebook invitation to attend a local Speed Dating event put on by Hillel (a Jewish organization that students can join through different schools across the world). Not that I’m a super religious girl, but I thought going would make for a fun and interesting experience. I called my girlfriend and told her that we could pick up nice Jewish boys to bring home to our parents. We couldn’t stop laughing as we imagined different case scenarios but figured why not! It could be a total bust and we may be the only two there along with one awkward, quiet guy waiting in the corner of the room… but it could also be the extreme opposite. Of course we knew not to get our hopes up too high but just to sign up knowing we’d go into it with an open mind and as a fun, casual evening.

If you think about it, speed dating is kind of like online dating in the sense that you are still getting to know the other person through asking them a set of questions. The only main difference is that instead of asking them preliminary questions prior to meeting, the in person meeting happens right away. That means you can’t spent 20 minutes coming up with the perfect response, or playing the game where you wait a few hours or even a day or two prior to responding so you don’t appear too eager. With online dating there is never a 100% guarantee that the pictures attached to the description is real whereas in person what you see is what you get.

So maybe speed dating is better. Of course I’ll be a bit self-conscious of what I should say or how to act, but I’ll try to be myself as much as possible. That means they probably won’t see me stop smiling, I’ll be a bit awkward and play with my watch if I find their conversation too boring and I’ll probably ask them right off the bat if they are allergic to cats (because if they are that’s a huge deal breaker).

Anyway the speed dating event is happening in two weeks and I’m looking forward to it.

Has anyone else participated in an event like this? Or maybe heard about an experience from one of your friends?