When the Parents are Out

Ryan and I had been flirtatiously texting back and forth since our dinner and movie date. In fact – the following day, he wrote “ya… it probably won’t be good for you to wait another eight days to see me again like before”.

I knew the upcoming week would be crazy for me at work. So I suggested he come over for dinner on Saturday, as my parents were going out for the evening. He was all for it so plans were locked in.

Throughout the week I created a ‘sexy evening playlist’. Knowing that Ryan was potentially coming up to my room, I had to spend some serious time creating it in order to set the mood. 2.5 hours later – I was quite satisfied with the list. Here are a few songs that are great to take note of:

Earned It AND What You Need – The Weeknd. Thinking About You – Frank Ocean. Hold On We’re Going Home – Drake. Crave You [Adventure Club Dubstep Remix] – Flight Facilities. Love Me Again – John Newman. Anything Sam Smith. Anything John Legend. (If I missed any essentials – please share them!)

Saturday arrived and I was a bundle of nerves and excitement. After thoroughly examining the groceries in my fridge, I settled on making Chicken Parmesan, beans and pasta. Simple enough! I cleaned up my room and threw the majority of teddy bears in my bed drawer. Added some gloss to my lips and spritzed some perfume.

Ryan arrived at 7:30 looking handsome as ever. We proceeded into the kitchen and he seemed quite impressed with how I laid the table and the display of food. I was quite proud of myself – considering I’m not the best cook in the world. We enjoyed each others company over dinner – although I knew in the back of our minds we were both wanting to finish quickly so we could get past the awkward sexual tension.

After cleaning up, I offered to give him a tour of my house – which he happily agreed to.

We walked upstairs. “So here’s my washroom… oh and this is my bedroom”.

Ryan started walking around examining the certificates on my walls and then came across the guitar in the corner of my room. I picked it up and asked for him to play me something. Without using a pick – he started strumming and played beautiful melodies… which were quite mesmerizing. I asked for him to teach me some strumming patterns. So he wrapped his one arm around me and maneuvered my fingers over the strings, and as much as I was trying to pay attention, it was hard with his lips so close to me.

I tried strumming – but the sound wasn’t right. He proceeded to say – “if you don’t get it right the next time you try, I should get a kiss”. After he said that, I damn well wasn’t even going to try to make it sound right. After an unsuccessful second attempt, I placed the guitar down, turned on my playlist and dimmed the lights. I sat back down on my bed next to him.

“So about that kiss…”

As we were making out quite heavily – he noticed something in the corner of his eye. My cat had walked in and was giving him the evil eye, as if protecting me from this intruder. We continued kissing but he couldn’t stop laughing at the awkwardness of having my cat watching so attentively. So I grudgingly got up, placed her out of my room, shut the door, and the focus was back on me.

Almost 3 hours later I get a phone call from my younger sister saying she was on her way home from a friends party. I told him he was welcome to stay to meet her – so we hustled to get back to a presentable state and went downstairs. The meet and greet was very short. They simply said “hi, nice to meet to you” to one another, and then as any typical teenager would – she ran up to her room. Ryan and I made some waffles and ice cream and finished off the night by watching Saturday Night Live with his arm wrapped around me. He left at 12 – as I knew my parents were heading back around 12:30.

Being around him felt so comfortable. He’s sweet, respectful and a complete gentleman.

Ryan told me he’s mentioned me to his mom – so I’m thinking that’s a good sign. My family knows about him too. So am I off the market yet? I don’t know… I think I need a few more dates to evaluate. At the very least… I’m definitely thinking I will have a special Valentines this year.

The Tinder Epilogue

The last few days of texting back and forth with Jon led to this:

So when do you think you’ll be able to start driving again?

Jon: I have no idea. :( The doc said he will check up on me again in a month. I am going camping for 2 weeks. So excited. :D

Who are you going camping with? / when?

No response.

I was fed up. One part of me felt like writing again to say “fuck you for your erratic behaviour!” I wanted straight up answers, and all he kept giving me was small talk. I got the impression that he wasn’t interested to pursue what we had anymore. There was no more effort on his part. No more texts saying, “you’re beautiful, you know that” or “I’ll never stop telling you how stunning you are”. I still couldn’t fathom how Jon could go from being so completely enthralled with me to just start slowly writing me off. Did lying on the hammock, having our arms around each other, mean nothing to him? I felt stupid for having gone through the effort of transcribing the song he played on guitar and creating lyrics to go with it. I had hoped what we had would work out, and I could sing the lyrics to him when we were dating exclusively.

I wrote out a follow up text which took quite some time to compose. I didn’t want to come across angry, nor desperate. I just wanted to write something that’s intent would hopefully get him to snap back into gear and make more of an effort to fight for me. I sent the following text yesterday evening:

Hey. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you and I loved meeting you and your sister but I’ve noticed you’ve become distant. I’d appreciate you telling me where your heads at. Because if you’re not interested in getting to know me more, then I have another guy who is interested and I’ve been holding off.

Okay, yes, I lied. There are no other current suitors on the horizon. However, it was my own subtle, plea of desperation for him to fight for me. For him to realize what a good thing I was and to not let his ex get the better of him / manipulate him to think otherwise.

I waited for a response all day today. As the day went on with no response, I knew it probably wasn’t going to have a great ending. I braced myself for the worst. At quarter to 5, my phone flashed and I saw he texted. I took a deep breath, opened the message, and read:

I am so sorry for being distant without realizing it. Your text yesterday has made me think long and hard about why that is. You are an incredible girl, with a lot going for you! I have come to the conclusion that I just can’t handle anything long distance at the moment. Especially when school starts. You deserve someone that has the time for you :). So basically I think I have been distant for the last bit because deep down I knew I didn’t want us to get more attached to each other, only hurting you more. I am so happy to know you have someone else!! You deserve an amazing guy!!

My eyes started tearing up and I hurried towards the washroom, away from my co-workers. I locked myself in a stall, and started sobbing. I called my mom and told her about what happened. She tried consoling me, but it didn’t take away the pain that I felt. Why? I kept thinking to myself. How can this be? It seemed we were so perfect for one another.

I extremely appreciate the support and guidance from all of you. I agree, there were a lot of red flags to begin with, and he certainly comes with quite a bit of baggage from his past relationships. I think the long distance line he said was bull shit. An hour really isn’t bad. And camping when he’s still recovering from his injury? Something doesn’t add up there. I really do feel like the ex got to him, and he probably still has feelings for her. So maybe this is for the best.

The question is, do I give it one last attempt and respond? Maybe just being completely honest with him about how I feel would be good to get off my chest before closing the door.

On a more uplifting note, there may actually be a new suitor around the corner. Here’s a sneak preview:

Zach: Hey, I’m friends with Cory who works with your mom…not a random creeper. Said I should say hello.

The Most Unconventional First Date

It had been almost 3 weeks since I started talking to my South African boy, Jon, on Tinder. Since my last blog post, A True South African Gentleman, we continued talking on a daily basis through Skype and text. The more we talked, the more I felt like we had known each other forever. However, I also started growing a bit tired of our online relationship. I didn’t want what we had to turn into another one of my hopeless fantasies that would never result in anything.

Living about an hour away from each other wasn’t ideal, but Jon and I were both interested enough to make things work. He had gotten into a pretty serious accident and hurt his back around when we first started talking, so he still wasn’t completely comfortable driving on his own just yet. Jon told me that his sister offered to drive the both of them to my area. When he suggested that to me, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was about time we had our first date, yet if his sister came along it could make things a bit awkward and also make her feel like a bit of a third wheel. After a long period of contemplation, I decided to have them both over to my house Saturday evening.

When Saturday arrived, I was pretty nervous. I think I changed my outfit at least five times, and my nails have never gone through so many colour changes within an hour. I had actually planned a special surprise for them. My dad offered to cook up a South African delicacy, boerewors (which is a type of sausage).

So yes, I know what you’re thinking. We pretty much fast tracked ten dates for our first ever face to face meeting.

Jon and his sister arrived and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I hugged him and his sister hello. Jon then presented me with a bouquet of beautiful lilacs and I smiled bashfully. He admitted his sister had helped pick out the flowers, which was so incredibly sweet.

We went out to my backyard and my dad had started cooking on the BBQ. I made the introductions. It was so much for me to take in at once. Yet, surprisingly it wasn’t as awkward as you may think. In fact, the four of us got into great conversation right away and it felt like we had all known each other for quite some time. Jon and his sister were grinning at one another as soon as they smelled the boerewors (they knew what it was instantly).

After dinner, my dad left and I opened up a bottle of ice wine for the three of us to share. I gave Jon my guitar and he started playing some of his own, original music as the sun was fading. It was so romantic, although I couldn’t get completely into the moment as his sister was sitting behind him. She was just relaxing and had her eyes closed, so at points of the evening it did feel like it was just the two of us. I sang along with him to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay, and he even taught me a few of the chords which are perfection. Seriously, the most beautiful guitar chords I’ve ever heard. He’s such an incredible guitarist (I told him he needs to get his own YouTube channel going). After Jon gave us a little show, he passed it along to his sister for her to play a song.

I have a chimineya in my backyard, so at that point we decided to get a fire going. Jon started placing the firewood inside the pit. It was mesmerizing to watch the fire flutter back and forth and seeing little sparks exiting the pit, within seconds disappearing into thin air. The smell of the firewood was heavenly. We made some s’mores and afterwards Jon and I went to lie on my hammock. His sister was on her phone so we just went over. I colossally failed the first time around as I jumped onto the hammock and managed to do a complete 360 degree turn and toss myself over the other side. We just laughed it off and then positioned ourselves comfortably onto the hammock and were lying in each others arms. His head rested on mine and my one hand lay on his chest. He told me he could fall asleep right then and there. It was so perfect. In that moment, I felt like he was my boyfriend. His sister had gone to the washroom for quite some time as we were lying there. We looked at each other at certain moments and I thought of kissing him. However, I decided to wait. It was just the first date, and I wanted to share that moment when it was just the two of us and no one else around.

His sister came over to join us after a little while (dragged a lawn chair over to the hammock and lay facing us). We kept talking and laughing, and the more we talked, the more similarities I discovered. Around 10:30pm the mosquitoes had done an excellent job of attacking his sister and I, so we quickly brought everything inside. We moved into the living room and he had his arm around me on the couch, even with my dad hanging around the house.

Despite it being such a nontraditional first date, it somehow just felt right. Totally worth the 10+ mosquito bites. He texted me on the car ride home saying how incredible I was and thanked me again. It was so sweet and genuine and I couldn’t wipe away the large grin from my face.

As my dad and I got comfortable to watch the latest Hell’s Kitchen episode, we noticed Jon’s wallet had fallen out of his pocket and was tucked into the couch!

I quickly texted him: You totally left your wallet on purpose to see me again, right? ;)

Jon: Oh crap! I like having a great excuse like that.

He couldn’t get anyone to drive him back the next day. However, his mom was visiting their family friends in my area the following day so I just dropped it off there.

I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Hopefully it’ll just be the two of us next time! The only thing that worries me is the hour distance between us. Do you think I should be concerned about that?

Are My Values Old-Fashioned?

Since my last blog post, I want to give a big shout out to my amazing followers! Some of you gave such great insight as to how I should approach the situation with the guy I’ve recently been dating. I agreed that since the last text I had sent him didn’t exactly warrant any response, I thought I’d write a casual message the next day (Thursday) asking how class was. After I sent the text I went out with a few of my girlfriends and felt satisfied knowing I tried my best and if he really wanted to see me again, he’d make the effort. Sure enough an hour later he wrote to me while in his class. It was the reassurance I needed that he had a nice time on our last date. Our conversation led to him asking me if I wanted to hang out today (Friday) if I wasn’t busy. I had a class this morning but we made plans for me to go over to his place in the afternoon once I got home since he didn’t have the car til later.

I arrived and things immediately picked up from where they left off several days before. We started watching Anchorman (one of his favourite movies) but I wasn’t getting the humour so much so we moved to playing a game of pool in his basement. The attraction was building up again as we played the game and afterwards we lay down on his couch and decided to watch Napoleon Dynamite – well… we caught bits and pieces of it ;).

Things started to get more physical and part of me was nervous to be more intimate with him as I could tell he wanted more but I wasn’t yet sure where our relationship status was. After all… it was only date #3. I knew he had a lot more experience than me which I have no problems with except for the fact that I sensed he wanted more and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I guess I’m still saving myself for that special guy who is fully into me and I trust not to go around behind my back and be with other girls. I’ve never experienced the chemistry I’ve had with this ‘fish’ by date #3 in comparison with the other dozen. When I was just lying there in his arms I thought it would be an appropriate time to be honest with him about how I felt. He was a bit surprised at first and said he didn’t expect to hear that but he was very sweet and said he was willing to go at whatever pace I wanted and just to tell him if things were getting too intense.

He had mentioned that his mom was arriving home around 5 and he wanted her to think I was just a mutual friend who wanted a ‘guitar lesson’. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t comfortable with telling his mom the truth as I’m fairly open about it with my parents. However, I went with it as it was only date #3… so when we heard the door open we grabbed his two guitars and practiced strumming the strings. I was actually doing very well and he taught me how to play the chords to Green Day’s ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’. Then we went up to the main floor as he said he’d give me a ride home earlier. Before we got out the door his mom appeared and he introduced us. She seemed very sweet. He mentioned to his mom he was going to give me a ride home… I wonder if she still bought the story after that. I mean… how many students who come over for a ‘guitar lesson’ really get a personal drive home?

Anyways, I’ve subscribed to Matthew Hussey’s blog posts for awhile now (if you haven’t heard of him – he is a life coach / life strategist and talks a lot about relationships from a male’s perspective – check out GetTheGuy on my Blogroll). In his post ‘The Question You Should Avoid Asking On A First Date’, it says:

  1. Just looking for a relationship scares a guy – it makes him feel like you are using him to cover up your own loneliness. This neediness scares him off.
  2. Most men don’t know they want a relationship until they have fallen for you.

So I completely agree and never really thought about it that way before. However, now that date #3 has already happened and things are getting more intimate, I’m not sure what to do or if I should approach the conversation with him. So far it seems he doesn’t want to be attached to a relationship right now (as he just got out of a 4 year relationship several months ago) and is looking for fun. Except I’m faced with the issue of wanting to be more physical with him but silently freaking out inside about perhaps getting heart broken. I know the risk of that happening is just as probable while in a proper relationship, but still I want to know he’s not seeing other girls if I take the next step.

Is that too much to ask? Is the relationship status talk too soon?

I’m Just a Playful Girl at Heart

Yesterday I went on date #2 with the guy I blogged about in my most recent post ‘Is smoking weed a turn on or turn off?‘. He picked me up at 7pm and took me to a glow in the dark mini-putt somewhat in the area. It was incredibly foggy; one of the foggiest nights I could remember in a long time. I was a bit nervous having him drive but he reassured me beforehand he drove ‘like a grandmother’ and that I was in good hands. He completely held true to his word and the drive there was very comfortable. We blasted 102.1 and were singing along horribly to different rock songs.

Once arrived, we got V.I.P. treatment as his friend is the manager there. As it was a Tuesday, we were one of the only ones there (which I wasn’t complaining about). At first we were very serious about counting how many times it took to get the ball in the hole… no sexual innuendo intended. By the third round, things got more playful/flirtatious. As I was winning by a few points, I thought we could make a bet to make the game a bit more interesting. Of course PG rated as it was only the second date so we concluded that the loser had to either a) buy the winner a drink or b) be tickled for 30 seconds non-stop. As the rounds went on we were trying to distract one another by using our puts to create pretend obstacles. So although the last time I had been mini-putting was probably when I was 15/16, there was something really special about being there with him and kind of reliving that playful/giddiness feeling from my childhood. It was also pretty sexy watching him try to impress me (although failing… but in all fairness I had told him I’d been practicing my mini-put game in my basement for the last 21 years). We physically kept getting closer as the rounds went on. I picked up on his cologne and part of me just wanted to grab him out of my comfort zone and kiss him right there but the other part of me was like… maybe now is not the right time.

Afterwards as part of our V.I.P. treatment his friend gave us free credits for the basketball arcade games so we challenged each other to see who could score the most points. I swear we must have played at least 5 rounds of that and I’d say we were pretty on par with one another. For the last game we played on the same machine and I kept accidentally shocking him but I just took that as a sign there was definitely some ‘electric chemistry’ building between us. We got to redeem our tickets afterwards for a few small prizes including 2 temporary tattoos. He got a guitar and I got a butterfly.

By the time we left it was 9pm and we went back to his car and hung out there for a bit. Again, blasted the music and just talked about everything from our dysfunctional families to who could make a meaner Kraft Dinner. The whole time I kept thinking about wanting to kiss him but I held back and suggested we put on the tattoos. He had a water bottle in his car so he went first and placed the butterfly on my lower back. I may have gotten him to hold onto in a bit longer than you had to. Then I placed his guitar on his upper arm and to be honest it was such a sexy exchange and I highly recommend all of you try this on your next date. Afterwards we decided to go to a Tim Hortons to grab a hot drink but by the time we got there they were JUST closing. So back to the car we went. Luckily we got to steal their wifi so he reclined our chairs back and we watched silly post-wisdom teeth removal videos to playing this Unicorn Dash game on his Android that had a cheesy song called Always by Erasure in the background. I couldn’t stop laughing but it still kind of set the mood I guess.

I felt so comfortable but quite honestly it was so distracting having his one arm on my leg and I couldn’t concentrate much on the small android screen anymore. We tried finding each others ticklish spots but if was a bit awkward while in the car. So we just sat there staring at one another and he asked me what was on my mind. I told him he made me nervous. He said ‘how so?’ I just said he did… I couldn’t explain it. Then I told him I felt he was too far away. He said ‘you want me to come closer?’ I’m pretty sure at that time I knew it felt right to lean in and kiss him so I did and it totally felt right. I can officially check off the bucket list making out in a guys car. Last night really felt like I was 16 again and I really am hopeful that things work out with him. Although you never know.

What date nights have you experienced that made you feel like you were reliving your giddy/childlike days? What was that one song that played on the radio that was border line cheesy but you’ll never forget hearing that song while sharing a moment with someone special?

Is smoking weed a turn on or turn off?

Happy new year everyone! As hopeful as I was to have found the right guy for me last year, the right one just hasn’t stuck yet. So I’ve reset the clock and I’ve told myself 2013 will be a great year. I’ll be graduating in a few months, have to start looking for a job (pretty nerve racking), but hopefully all my travels and experiences this year will also help me find someone special.

About a week ago I gave Plenty Of Fish another shot so I signed up and came across a guy’s profile which said he lived in the same area as me. Very cute; tall, blue eyes, looked Italian, and his description came across sweet and genuine. I messaged him and within a few hours received a message back. Since then we kept going back and forth figuring out how many similarities we shared from HBO TV shows to similar taste in music to mutual friends. Awkwardly enough it turned out I knew his ex-girlfriend from back in elementary school who he had been with for 4 years. However, I hadn’t talked to her since Gr. 5 so it would have been very awkward if I still kept in contact with her.

So we went from POF emails to texting back and forth which led to him asking me out of the blue yesterday afternoon if I wanted to hang out at his place that evening. He said, ‘I hope it doesn’t scare you off… I’m not just looking for one thing’. He told me his mom took the car that day/night to visit one of his older brothers in Waterloo so he was trapped in his house and would be busy working on homework the rest of the weekend. He suggested even meeting up for coffee at a local Tim Hortons but 1) I’ve never liked coffee dates (I find them uncomfortable) and 2) I knew he wasn’t lying about who he said he was. I called him and we talked on the phone for a bit and I really enjoyed it. So although some of you may think I’m crazy for going over to his place on the first date, I went for it. I told my mom and promised I’d text her once I got there to make sure I felt comfortable and she knew his address in case she didn’t hear from me.

I went over around 8:30PM and I immediately felt comfortable. He gave me a tour of his place and then took us into the basement where he had a pool table set up. We played a few rounds while getting to know each other which led to being a bit flirtatious as the games went on. Then he gave me a private show of him playing the guitar which was pretty sexy. I was on vocals, but it was very embarrassing… we just laughed it off. Somehow or another the conversation led into partying which then led into him asking me if I ever smoked weed. I said I’ve never smoked anything before. He was honest about how he used to smoke weed a lot and still does but has been on a break from it for awhile. He told me it helps keep him feeling productive. I told him I didn’t judge people based on that and I was fine with it but in the back of my head I wondered if I could date a guy who smoked weed frequently. What were the side effects? It was then edging towards 11PM and I felt as much as I wanted to stay and order in food (he suggested) and perhaps watch a movie, I wanted to keep him wanting more. Plus I had to get up at 6AM yesterday morning to go downtown for an 8:30AM class. So I had to make up a little excuse to leave early… although I felt bad since he was all alone. He was so gentleman like and helped put on my coat and then we hugged goodbye. I didn’t want to leave but out the door I went and hoped he’d write to me again soon.

Still haven’t heard from him yet, but hopefully he felt some sort of connection on his end as I felt on mine. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s still sleeping (it’s pretty crazy that I’m not still in dreamland on a Saturday morning). So the big question is – what do you guys think about dating a guy who likes to smoke weed? Purely weed… not cigarettes. Is it something that shouldn’t raise too much of a red flag?