Talking on the Phone vs Texting

About a week and a half ago, I started communicating with Cory on POF. He looked gorgeous in his pictures (none of them made me question whether he was a ‘catfish‘). Cory recently graduated from University / moved to Toronto. His profile stated that as a recent graduate, he was doing lots of soul searching and introspection to figure out where to go in his life and his response has been to a) drink lots of tea and b) BLOG.

I thought to myself… wouldn’t it would be funny if we were both blogging about our dating stories? It would be interesting to read both of our first date perspectives about one another. Little did he know that I was a blogger myself.

We started talking about what our favourite teas were, as he mentioned working at a tea store. I was telling him about my adventures attending high tea. From there we talked briefly about where we lived (turns out we are only 10-15 away from each other), what we studied, and what our plans for the future were career wise.

After about 5 messages back and forth I made the next move and gave Cory my cell number. I suggested he call or text me sometime as it would be an easier way to have a conversation.

This past Tuesday he texted me. The first two days we were texting very quickly back and forth. On day 2 I asked if he wanted to call me but he said:

“I’m actually watching [fill in movie name] with my housemate. We haven’t seen much of each other lately so we’re catching up. Rain check!”

I thought to myself… that’s fair. At least he asked for a rain check. Mean while we kept texting back and forth a bit while he was watching the movie. As the next few days passed our text messages ranged from being an hour apart to days apart.

This past Wednesday, Cory told me he was having an interview the following day so I told him to let me know how it went. The following day I never heard from him. I texted him Friday night asking how it went. Still no response…

I was beginning to question whether this guy was being legit. I decided to be a ‘catfish‘ detective by dragging and dropping two of his online profile pictures into a google image search. I came across his LinkedIn (which seemed pretty up to date with everything he told me about himself) and it also provided me with his last name. From there I searched that name on Facebook and sure enough, I found him! 930 friends, 2 mutual ones and he even shared some of his WordPress blog posts on his wall which was set to public. I was too tempted and clicked the link and scrolled through. He did have some relationship posts but the majority of what I skimmed through talked about life in general. He is a great writer.

Anyway, I decided to text one last time this morning saying, “everything okay?” About an hour later he wrote back, apologizing for not responding sooner. He was out of town attending his old Universities homecoming weekend. He asked how my weekend was going.

I was getting tired of all the texting. I wrote back saying that he should just call me when he got back in town and we could talk more then. He wrote back saying:

“I’m not really a phone conversation person. I feel a lot is lost when you can’t see body language and hear tone. Although I’m hypocritical because I like to text… haha”.

Yeah, completely hypocritical I’d say. Sure, some people just aren’t comfortable with talking on the phone, I get that. Still – I felt something just wasn’t adding up. I wrote back:

“That’s fair! I like texting too but I find it’s really hard to have any sort of real conversation. Are you interested in meeting up at some point?”

Cory wrote back saying:

“This is true for any prolonged length. For sure. My schedule is a little sporadic this week but maybe we can find time for coffee, or tea! :P”

I haven’t responded yet. I would like to meet him, but part of me thinks I’d feel more comfortable at least hearing his voice once before. Perhaps even if it’s just to arrange where to meet. What would you suggest I do with him? Ever experienced something similar?

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My Chocolate was Hot on Easter Sunday

To all my followers that were hopeful Facebook boy would truly be my prince charming: unfortunately I don’t have good news. In fact, I’ve been screaming at myself for being so easily manipulated to think he was actually interested in developing something with me. Instead, he used me for my design skills and once I was of no more use to him, he stopped communicating with me. So it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Business boy and I had been messaging each other back and forth over the past week on a Jewish online dating site. Even though I’m not very religious, I thought it would be nice to try it out and find some guys who were a bit more serious about looking to find the right girl. After my date with Facebook boy, I was feeling pretty defeated but I figured this would be the last guy I met up with before wrapping up the last few weeks of school.

We decided it’d be great to grab a hot chocolate/coffee over the weekend. Business boy told me he was heading up to his cottage on Saturday (I desperately wanted to ask him to take me with but contained myself). He said he’d call me when he got back Saturday afternoon to arrange plans. Sure enough the next day I heard from him. He sounded very cute on the phone. We talked for a few minutes and decided to meet at a shopping mall the next day that was located between the two of us. I thought this would be a good spot – instead of having to sit down the whole time over a drink, we could walk around a bit.

I woke up Sunday morning when it hit me: the shopping mall is probably closed today, being Easter Sunday! Still lying in bed, I called the shopping mall and sure enough no one was picking up. I sent him a text message saying the mall was most likely closed so would he be open to just going somewhere else to grab a drink. He said he’d be cool to meet me at a coffee shop in my area which was very sweet of him (and refreshing, compared to Facebook boy who made me come to him). So I gave him the name and intersection and we decided to meet at 3:30 pm today.

I got to the coffee shop ten minutes early and found a table for two towards the back. I sat down and threw my coat on the chair. I then started getting a bit fidgety and was looking around the shop which was fairly busy but still comfortable/not too loud. I sent him a text saying I got there and asked how much longer he’d be. I received a message back saying he was a few minutes away.

My heart was leaping back and forth. I saw a guy walk in and he looked at me but he didn’t look at all like Business boy. He sat down at a table towards the front, so I sighed in relief and continued fidgeting. A few minutes later another guy walked in, and as he came closer he totally looked like the guy in the pictures I saw, probably ten times cuter. I got up to hug him. He was very tall (about 6’2), muscular and was wearing a cologne that got me a bit too giddy.

Before we sat down, Business boy offered to buy me a drink (what was I thinking with the last guy?) and so I went up to the counter with him to order a hot chocolate. He also got a drink for himself. Standing there with him I was in awe of how gorgeous he was and was already starting to feel butterflies. I told myself to remain calm and try to not smile so much.

We sat down with our drinks in hand and conversation immediately started flowing naturally. He showed a lot of interest in what I was studying and how my graduate show worked. He told me about how he was working in finance/marketing and continued presenting himself in a very sexy and professional way. As he talked he had a bit of a crooked smile which I found a bit distracting but cute. I’d like to think I did a very good job listening and asking questions in response. Not once did either of us check our cell phones and we pretty much talked about everything from our similar music tastes to how important family was to countries we have/want to travel to. We seemed to have such a similar outlook on life and he just seemed really mature, yet down to earth. Most importantly, I got a sense that he was looking for something more than just hooking up or having a good time. Which is something I’ve learned is what I want at this point in my life.

Two hours later our cups were dry and he told me he had to go home for a family dinner. I found it so attractive that he put the time aside every Sunday to catch up with them. As we were getting ready to leave he asked if I drove here. I had actually been given a lift to the coffee shop so he offered to give me a ride home. I was still feeling so giddy and the butterflies were growing stronger. I was happy he was going to be with his family, but selfishly I would have loved to spend more time with him.

We walked into the parking lot and he told me to stop once we got to the black Mercedes. My jaw dropped. I tried remaining cool and collected. It was so sleek and inside I was screaming: out of happiness this time. I directed him to my house and once arrived we hugged goodbye. Once I got inside my dad was cooking in the kitchen and I told him the guys name (only because Business boy said his parents used to live in the same city as my dad). My dad recognized the last name and sure enough – he had gone to University with both his parents. We couldn’t believe what a small world it is!

If he writes again (let’s keep our fingers crossed), I will have to tell him about that. Maybe it’s a sign? What do you think?

Is he Playing Hard to Get?

The latest fish I met is surprisingly the guy I was referring to in my ‘What a Charmer’ blog post. Over a month ago I was talking to a guy who suggested to meet up for coffee soon after our initial online introduction. I was so excited to meet him but then he shockingly let me down at the last minute saying he was too busy with work and he wasn’t ready to date or be in a relationship. I was pretty upset over it as he had led me on and felt at the very least he owed me one coffee date, but that was the end of it.

I then saw he was online this past Thursday and knew he lied to me. Well, he could have all along just been looking for a fun time and wanted nothing serious but I still wasn’t going to let him off the hook. I called him out on it and sent him a message saying something along the lines of, “so much for you being so busy with work that you don’t have time to meet up with anyone.” I figured he would disregard my message but instead he wrote back saying between now and the 6th of November he had mid terms and he was just on the site wasting a bit of time since school/work was calming down a bit. Then he wrote:

After Nov 6 I think I will have some time to slow down and catch my breath. To be honest, when I was speaking with you I just got kind of overwhelmed, and I had to stop and catch my breath. If you are feeling up to it I would love to meet up with you after my midterms. I think we hit it off pretty well. What do you think?

He also apologized for cancelling last minute and said he understood if I didn’t want to meet up with him anymore. I took a bit of time to process the message. Ultimately I decided to meet him and give it a another shot since I also felt we hit it off the first time we talked.

We spoke quite a bit that night, and went from possibly meeting after November 6th, to the following evening (Friday) for coffee. It all felt like a bit of deja vu. I was excited but also a bit nervous he would let me down last minute like the first time.

Thankfully he didn’t and in fact was right on time. Just like in his pictures he was incredibly gorgeous and I felt at ease talking to him within the first few minutes of sitting down next to one another.

At the end of our first date, we hugged goodbye and he even asked for me to join him to a work function he was invited to the following week as his plus 1!

Update: almost the end of the weekend and still no text message from him (although I know he is more of a phone talker). Also I had deleted him off Facebook last time, and we had mentioned re-adding each other but I feel before I do, I should hear from him first. I absolutely hate this ‘playing hard to get’ game. It could just be he’s very busy with work but is it not a good sign I haven’t heard from him yet?

Meeting ‘fish’ in the most random of places — FATE?

Saturday night I reluctantly decided to go out with my family to see a Flamenco Performance at a small coffee shop downtown, Toronto as my dad’s old time friend growing up was performing and playing the African drums. I initially thought… it’ll probably just be an older crowd wanting to go see Flamenco and I’d feel like a complete third wheel with my parents… but I had no other plans for my Saturday night and my parents convinced me it would be a great ‘family bonding’ experience. So I got myself out of my PJ’s, threw on some clothes, applied some makeup and away we went.

Our first stop was to quickly grab dinner at a restaurant prior to going to see the show. We went to a pretty popular spot which I had never been to before. It was completely packed but we decided to wait in line as it seemed to be moving at a fast pace and the location was minutes away from our next destination. While waiting in line, my mom whispered to me that there was a guy at the table next to where we were standing who kept looking over at me. I glanced over and he appeared to be sitting with his family. There was a girl opposite him and I couldn’t tell whether it was his sister or his girlfriend. I opted for option 1 as once again he looked over and our eyes caught each other. He actually was quite cute and I could immediately feel my cheeks going red and looked away, thinking nothing would come out of it anyway.

Later once my family had ordered dinner his family got up to leave and as they were walking out he quickly turned around and our eyes caught each other once again — seconds later he left to follow his family. I immediately thought… wait a second. I vaguely remembered his face and then I knew it was one of the guys I was corresponding with online months ago. I told my mom and she said I should message him if he’s still online and see if it really was him. I decided against it as even if it was him, there must of been a reason we had stopped writing in the first place.

Today, Monday, I get an email notification from the dating site saying I’ve received a new message and when I checked, sure enough IT WAS HIM! He said ‘I swear I saw you at x place Saturday night’. I couldn’t believe he knew it was me… we had never even met before and I thought to myself, is this fate? What are the chances of seeing him there? We both must have pretty incredible visual memories. I said yes and he went on by saying ‘you’re hot ;)’. Reading this in my bed I immediately felt my cheeks flush red, and I was very flattered. The fact that my pictures did me justice in real life and he liked what he saw made me feel really amazing. I then went to explore his profile again and there it was… I remembered he had only completed high school. I think at the time it didn’t sound as if he really had any ambition other than working in sales and with me being so far along in my career, I wanted to be with someone who was equally passionate about work. When I checked today, he actually now mentions something about wanting to study in University so I messaged back earlier and asked what his story was. If he is currently studying/ wants to study.

So despite my initial negative thoughts of having to go out with my parents, it actually turned out to be an amazing night and I really had fun. It was great talking to my parents, I would have never bumped into an old ‘fish,’ and I absolutely loved the Flamenco Performance. It was at this really neat coffee shop on an outdoor patio and the scene was very bohemian and relaxing. I breathed in the smell of firewood, drank Sangria and the air was filled with conversation, laughter and a gorgeous night sky.

Point of the story, don’t think negatively about anything. What you may think is negative can in fact turn into a very positive and fun experience.

My question to all of you. Is a situation like this a sign… fate should I say? Should I give him a shot even if he still lacks professional ambition?

Generally when something is too good to be true… it always is.

Hey all,

So I probably won’t forgive myself for this one, but I had to post about it to add to my list of embarrassing, horrible judgments I can make every now and then. About a week ago I found a guy on PofF (Plenty of Fish) that was drop dead gorgeous, my age, said he went to school in Toronto and even resembled a TV show character that I am madly in love with. So I immediately thought, this guy can’t be real. What the heck though, I’m going to write anyways.

So I come up with a cute and witty message and wait a few days. No response. I look through my sent messages.. and turns out he was online an hour before so I write again (sometimes you have to persevere to get what you want). I simply said, ‘playing hard to get?’ Crazily enough, he responded that night and I got so excited when I got the alert to my phone but had to calm myself down saying I should probably lower my expectations as he will probably just say he wasn’t interested.

Turns out he was interested though. He apologized for not getting back to me sooner and asked me how I was liking the school I’m at – which I have to say is refreshing as the last few guys I’ve been in contact with simply write a response with no question back and then I say to myself… so where am I supposed to go from here?

Anyway we wrote back and forth quite a few times that night. After a few messages back and forth he explained to me that his friend had actually created the account as a joke for him, or as he would call it an ‘experiment’. He wasn’t expecting much really from the site and wanted to let me know as he thought I seemed like a nice girl (which clearly I am!) So of course I was confused as here I am talking to this guy who has started opening up bits and pieces to me and now he’s being truthful about how he ended up on the site, except I had no clue where to go from there. It didn’t seem like he wanted to end the conversation so I told him he couldn’t be such a tease and just stop talking. I was already smitten and it had only been a few hours. I thought to myself, how on earth is this guy not taken?

As the night continued I was the one who kept asking questions as he explained to me he wasn’t really sure how to approach conversation through this form of dating. He wasn’t answering all of my questions which I liked as it kept the mystery and desire to continue reeling more information out of him. From the questions he did answer, I couldn’t believe how much more we had in common. We lived in the same neighbourhood, he went to a school I was familiar with and even had the same religious background. I seriously thought I’d faint.

By the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers. This is when things started getting weird. He began asking me to send pictures of myself to him. So I sent him a nice, flattering picture (of course nothing too revealing as I barely know him). He responds saying ‘send me better pics ;)’. I immediately knew what he was referring to. I played along for a bit as I wanted to make sure he was who he says he was by asking him to send a picture of him before I sent more. He explained he was ‘camera shy’ which started making me feel something wasn’t right (especially since he had several up on the site). Then he kept pushing me for more pictures.

For those of you who don’t know what sexting is…

Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. The term was first popularized in early 21st century, and is a portmanteau of sex and texting, where the latter is meant in the wide sense of sending a text possibly with images.

So I made it clear to him I wasn’t looking for that and asked him more questions about his life as he really hadn’t opened up about anything regarding his personal interests, family, etc. It became clear he was only looking for one thing and had no interest in getting to know me on a personal level.

Still, I didn’t want to let him go. I knew he was a bad boy, but I thought I could say something or convince him to approach the whole situation differently. Maybe he was testing me. Ultimately it got to a point where I knew I was never going to go against my morals and values. I decided to make it 100% clear I wasn’t interested in what he wanted and if that’s all he was interested in… to not write to me again.

As I was waiting for a response I decided to do some more investigating to make sure this guy was being truthful with me. Not to scare some of you who may be thinking about experimenting with online dating now or in the future… this is what I found out. This drop dead gorgeous, too good to be true guy ended up not being who he said he was. I contacted my best friend who was in the same graduating class that he claimed to be in. I got her to check her yearbook and there was no one by the name he gave me. I gave her his picture and she had never seen his face before, and this was coming from a girl I’ve known for years who can recognize someone from a mile away.

So I’m at the point suspecting this guy is definitely not who he says he is. He probably realized I caught on to his game to lure in young adults in their 20s. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually in his 40s or 50s and simply fed me all the information I wanted to hear.

He wrote back a few hours after I had made things clear to him what I was looking for. He stated he was confused about what to do. At that point he began telling me the TRUTH. I find out he is actually two years younger than me (which explains why I couldn’t find him in my friend’s graduating class). He had given me a fake last name which I find out when he adds me on Facebook (I put him on my Limited Profile). I said to myself… I need to stop talking to him but I still felt the need to find out more so we continued talking. Almost as an experiment for myself. As a guy who claimed to be a vegetarian, virgin and seriously focused on his career – which he later confirmed except for the virgin part, why was he trying to sound so macho and bad? It was an interesting Psychology experiment. So up until yesterday we continued talking. I felt more and more sure as the conversation went on that things would go nowhere. I had closure understanding that he was incredibly immature. Ultimately, I need to find someone who is older. Not to say I wouldn’t possibly date someone a year younger (please read my 16 vs 21 post if you haven’t already), but only under circumstances that he was mature for his age. As this guy continued going into sexual stories and banter about what he expected out of being together (didn’t get the impression he was looking for anything long term), I officially axed the communication and we haven’t talked since.

From a girl who is very cautious and is familiar with the online dating world, this has been what started off as the scariest experience to the craziest one to one heck of a learning experience. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I actually met up with this guy.

Word of advice to everyone. I’m not saying sites likes PofF are bad. In fact, you can meet some really nice, genuine guys. However, there are guys like this one who can pretend to be someone else at first. Who can feed you whatever information you want to hear. You really know nothing about them. Don’t give them your Facebook if you have your last name on there or any personal/ revealing information. Plus, don’t always get taken in by looks (which is easy to do on online sites). Talk on the phone (which he said he wouldn’t do because it gave him ‘a headache’). Ask them a few personal questions to make sure they are real. I know from previous experience a spark can easily be lost within a week if no contact is made. However, if the guy takes 2-3 days to respond after each message you send, wait! You need to be so careful.

FYI – Watched a 1 hour CBC Doc Zone episode two nights ago called ‘Sext Up KIDS’. It’s all about how youth and teens (especially young girls) are presented as over sexualized through how they dress, their role models and the media in general. It also related to this post regarding how many pornographic sites guys are exposed to online at potentially a very young age, then having expectations of what they want from girls, and how early on. Definitely an episode I’d recommend for everyone to watch.

You can access the link at: http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html.

It’s the Little Things that Make your Day

So I thought I’d share a short and sweet story today.

My friend and I went to our school’s food court for lunch. Once she had grabbed herself a muffin we headed back towards our school for class, when a random stranger taps me at my waist area. He looks in his mid 20s – good looking, dark features, possible European? I see he’s sitting with his friend and when our gazes meet, he says ‘I just wanted to say you’re gorgeous.’

Now of course my over-analytical mindset jumped to conclude he was just a perve who came on to many girls that way. Once I eliminated the pessimistic options, I thought.. Wow. That really made my day. As no matter what his intentions were, he still took notice and reached out to me. It made me feel very positive and changed my mentality from ‘urgh.. I have to sit through another 2 hours of class’ to ‘I’m going to make the most of it.’

So although I’ll probably never meet him again and presume he’ll never read this.. I would like to thank you whoever you are. For adding some positivity and light to my incredibly long and exhausting week.

On a final note – I want to thank all of my loyal readers / new subscribers. Please help get the word out about my blog by passing it along to your friends and family!

What Happens at St. Louis Bar & Grill…

Last night I went with my friends from work to St. Louis Bar & Grill. I work part time at an ad agency in Toronto which is convenient as there are about a million restaurants in walking distance. Despite the cold we ran a few blocks over so it wasn’t bad. We had an amazing dinner there. The food and service was great. We arrived around 5:30 and were finishing up dinner around 7 when all of a sudden these guys start filling up the restaurant and around the bar area. I find out 5 minutes later The Leafs are playing against the Tampa Bays and I’m telling you this restaurant was fully packed.. not that I was complaining!

My friends and I were having great conversation until I was distracted by this one guy who walked in past me and sat at a table directly in front of the one I was at. He sat down with his 2 friends. They ordered wings and beer to prep themselves for the hockey game and of course being the silly girl I am was literally staring at this one guy in awe of how gorgeous he was. In fact.. he looked identical to that new guy Ben from the Bachelor. I pointed him out to my friends and luckily I had a girl and guy with me so I got to hear both perspectives on what they thought. My guy friend shrugged and said casually yeah, I guess he’s okay. My girlfriend said she agreed with me that he was stunning and I should make a move. Being the super shy person that I am, I thought to myself no way…

Except I wouldn’t let myself leave the restaurant. I really don’t have a clue about hockey, but it didn’t matter. I wanted to talk to him but obviously I didn’t just want to go up while his 2 friends were with him. I wasn’t going to tell him he looked just like that guy from the Bachelor, as I’m not sure what you guys think – but he’d probably think it was strange and it’s more than likely he wouldn’t even know who I was talking about. Hence.. I would end up looking like an idiot.

So my friends and I decided to order a drink. I thought it would calm me down but the drink had just the opposite effect on me. Instead I immediately borrowed a pen from my girlfriend and wrote down my # on a clean napkin and added some cute message that went something along the lines of.. ‘it’s a new year, right?’ Ah well now that I’m writing it now it sounds kind of ridiculous but it was an.. in the moment thing. I was shaken not sure what to do with the napkin after I wrote the message on it. I still was no way going up to him. We made eye contact once or twice but I wasn’t even sure if he had a girlfriend.

Ultimately my guy friend suggested I give the napkin to the waitress and she pass it on to him. So that’s exactly what I did. Hah! :S I whispered to her when the bill arrived that firstly I never do anything like this.. WHICH I DON’T. I said to her.. listen. It’s a new year. I think the guy sitting directly in front of me is really cute and could she please give him the napkin I wrote on. She was super sweet about it and wished me luck. I told her NOT to give it until I left the restaurant which she agreed and wished me a happy new year.

So on that note that’s my crazy story #1 of the new year. I guess I can check giving my number to a stranger off my 2012 list. I’m not sure if you guys think it was crazy of me to do. A lot of my friends think it was a bold move. I agree. However, no phone call yet so obviously I’m in paranoid mode right now. He could very well have a girlfriend. His friends could have ripped the napkin up making fun of him for it. There are a number of different outcomes that could have happened. I don’t even know that the napkin even got directly to him.

You know what though.. the point of this is that you have to go for what you want. It’s a new year, and there should be no regrets. Of course I’ll be a little disappointed if I don’t hear from him, but it’s not the end of the world. I’d be more upset with myself if I didn’t give him my #. Wondering what if. So I am proud of myself for doing what I did. Wonder if any of you have been in a similar situation? Or have thought of it?