It’s Official

Well – here’s the post you’ve all secretly been waiting for. Ryan and I are officially in a relationship now! It hasn’t been blurted out to the world (i.e. over Facebook)… but we’ve made it very clear to one another that we aren’t interested in seeing anyone else. Who thought this day would come?

Even though we’ve only been dating for a month a half – I’ve already developed pretty strong feelings towards him (and I’m almost 100% positive he feels the same way about me).

Last Wednesday he picked me up from the subway after work. We grabbed a slice of pizza for dinner and then went over to his place. We walked inside and I immediately got introduced to his mother. She seemed very sweet and friendly. It was a brief ‘hello, nice to meet you’ – as she was on her way out to grab dinner with friends. When she left we went to his room to ‘watch a movie’ ;). I kept asking him what time she was going to come home – as the last thing I wanted was for her to walk in on us and think I was a complete slut. Sure enough my worst fear came true, as we heard the front door open much sooner than he expected. I scrambled to throw my clothes back on. My face was all red and blotchy from kissing, and my hair completely disheveled. Oh no…

Thankfully, we got back to a presentable state fairly quickly. His plan was for us to head to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. We saw her sitting on the couch and she smiled at the two of us as we walked in. I smiled back, but felt very awkward. Although why should I? I’m his girlfriend after all… After grabbing water, I walked out to talk to her a bit more. We didn’t talk for too long – as Ryan was motioning for me to come back to his room. Anyway, I believe I made a decent first impression, as when I left she said it was really nice meeting me, and hoped to see me again soon.

Fast forward to yesterday evening. My parents had been anxious to meet Ryan for quite some time, so I figured that now was a good time since I had recently met his mother. He came over around 5 (my parents were heading to a show at 6 – so they would only have at the very most an hour to grill him with questions). I was a bundle of nerves waiting for him to arrive. Mostly nervous that my parents would completely embarrass me. They did promise to be on their best behaviour.

It really went so much better than expected. Ryan hit it off with my dad. They were talking to one another about products they were developing, and bonded over music and travel stories. My mom pulled me aside and told me she thought he was stunning, smart, and I certainly picked a good one. Aw, shucks!

When they left, he told me he thought my family was great. I grinned from ear to ear, happy that they bonded so well. I’m still waiting for someone to pinch me, to wake up from this dream…

So where does this leave my blog? To be fair to Ryan, and knowing he might one day read this, I feel it’s best for me not to dive into anything more personal between the two of us as our relationship grows. I’ll just leave that up to your imagination. ;) So because of this, I will be taking a break from writing – but I will definitely let you know when suburban girl is totally in love.

For now I just want to send out a big thank you to everyone who has been following along my journey to find love – especially to those who’ve been supporting me since the beginning. To know I’ve inspired some of you, is more than I could have asked for.

Also – I have faith that my favourite Unfortunate Virgin Male (who all my readers should follow) – will also end up with a success story!

The next time I write, you will know that I’m either in love, engaged, or getting married. Or that I’m desperately heart broken.

My Valentines

Ryan asked to take me out last night for Valentine’s Day. I was pretty excited about it – as I’ve never been asked out on Valentine’s Day before.

He picked me up around 7:30pm (our usual Saturday night time). Conversation flowed so naturally. I was excited to tell him about my week – and hear about what he’d been up to. We sung along to car tunes like ‘Hotel California’ and ‘Take Me To Church’ while holding each others hand the majority of the car ride.

He parked on the street of the restaurant and once the meter was filled – we started walking over. Little did either us realize that it was -36 degrees outside. I was silly and didn’t wear gloves or a hat. Ryan offered me to wear his, but I felt bad taking them. I latched onto him for warmth but I was still feeling numb in my fingers and face. We looked at the building number to our left.. which was 800 and the restaurant was 200. Both of us made the decision to go back to the car and drive to a closer parking spot.

Finally, we arrived at a great middle eastern restaurant. Our food portions arrived and were humongous – enough to feed an army. Schnitzel, skewers, fries, salad, pita. After cleaning up our plates – Ryan asked about the small bag to my left with the “fluffy” paper coming out from the top, which was his cute way of referencing the tissue paper. I had bought him a little something and was so excited for him to open it. I passed it along and told him to open the card first. He seemed genuinely shocked and happy that I got him anything. The card was perfect – it said ‘I only have eyes for you’ on the front – and inside I wrote a cute, sappy message about how I’m so happy to have gotten matched with him and look forward to spending more days of the week together. Cue the ‘aww’… Then he took out the little stuffed monkey I bought which he was slightly embarrassed to hold but thought it was very cute.

He looked up at me and expressed how this was the nicest gift he’s ever received from any girlfriend. Did he just mention girlfriend? So I’m his current girlfriend? He then took out a LINDOR Chocolate box to give me – although he felt very silly and embarrassed to have gotten me something so small in comparison. I told him to stop it — just being with him that evening was all I needed. Cute the second ‘aww’.

Afterwards we walked over to a Jazz Bar which was a block away (thankfully). It was packed but we managed to get two seats near the bar which gave us a perfect view of the band.

Photo 2015-02-14, 11 37 05 PM

The room was filled with couples left and right. It was such a cute and intimate crowd. Ryan wrapped his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. We were enjoying the lovely instrumental sounds of the Jazz band.

I wasn’t sure what I was starting to feel – but gazing up at Ryan… I certainly was beginning to feel loved. Love is something I’ve never experienced before, and I’m not sure that feeling has really taken over yet. However, I certainly feel like I am with someone who genuinely cares about me and when I think about my master check list of what I want in a boyfriend – he pretty much crosses everything off. Love is a feeling that scares me – the idea of fully giving myself to someone and then being completely heart broken is always a risk. Taking that leap is something that is so scary for me, but the more I’m with him, the more I feel ready to risk it all.

We left around quarter to 12 and rushed over to his car – so we could blast the heater and get toasty again. It was en route home when we started to hear a police siren approaching behind us. Shit! Ryan realized it was directed at us, so we pulled over. Neither of us had any idea as to why, and he seemed a little shocked.

The police officer came up to his window and said that we had apparently made an illegal left turn. Neither of us had seen any prohibited turn signs – but apparently there was one. We searched through his mom’s car to find the insurance papers and passed them over. The officer returned (thankfully he was a friendly guy) and saw that Ryan had a clean record so he only received a ticket to pay. I felt horrible – it had turned out to be a very expensive evening for him. He handled the whole situation very well though – which I was happy to see. Always good to see how a guy handles those sorts of situations…

My rebel drove us the remainder of the way home and parked in my driveway. He asked to see me again Monday – since it’s Family Day (no work!) So that will most likely happen.

So I guess guys… I can admit I have a boyfriend. Suburban girl isn’t ready to say she’s found love just yet – and this blog isn’t going anywhere for a little while. However, it is extremely exciting to report after so many dates that have gone nowhere – I have finally met a pretty incredible guy.

I took the bold step to delete all my online dating profiles / apps yesterday. It felt very bizarre, knowing it won’t be part of my normal daily routine to check them. However, I believe it’s healthy moving forward in this relationship. I need to give it a chance. Wouldn’t you agree?

Hope everyone had a lovely day yesterday – whether with your loved one, friends or family.

50 Questions: Tinder Edition

This morning I woke up and while lying in bed, I decided to check Tinder for fun. There I was, still half asleep, checkmarking and x’ing the guys pictures when I came across this guy Max who looked familiar (not to mention, very cute). I decided to checkmark him and sure enough he had already checkmarked me back. We were a match! I wrote hello and he immediately wrote back… “Hey. I feel like I know you from somewhere.” After thinking of a few possible places with no luck, he finally remembered that he helped his friend put his OKcupid account together and that he remembered seeing my picture from there. I proceeded to ask who his friend was and the name didn’t ring a bell. This is how the Tinder conversation proceeded (I’m in blue):

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Max told me he worked in the business world. I asked what got him interested in the app and he said it was very simple and popular so he was just checking it out. He also went on to tell me he had a girlfriend, and was just looking to do some research about the app. Max literally had 50 questions to ask me and wanted to do it in this forum so he could refer back to them. I considered going along with it, even though I was a bit disappointed that he was already taken. He said he had several friends, such as the one from OKcupid who he could introduce me to. So he told me to add him on Facebook to see what his single friends looked like. Then the conversation moved over to private Facebook chat:

Screen-Shot-2013-07-20-at-12.36.48-PMThis made me even more perplexed, since he had previously told me there were “legit” 50 questions he had in mind and he even wanted to refer back to them. I started digging a little more asking if he was perhaps designing a similar app and was doing research for it. He denied this emphatically and started backing off a little. But not before he asked me how old I was. Again, not wanting to reveal too much about myself, I said – 20 something.

“Give me a number.” He demanded. Woah….. I’d had enough. “Sorry, that’s all you’re going to get.” I said. “Good luck with your research”.

What are your Tinder highlights?

The Tinder Epilogue

The last few days of texting back and forth with Jon led to this:

So when do you think you’ll be able to start driving again?

Jon: I have no idea. :( The doc said he will check up on me again in a month. I am going camping for 2 weeks. So excited. :D

Who are you going camping with? / when?

No response.

I was fed up. One part of me felt like writing again to say “fuck you for your erratic behaviour!” I wanted straight up answers, and all he kept giving me was small talk. I got the impression that he wasn’t interested to pursue what we had anymore. There was no more effort on his part. No more texts saying, “you’re beautiful, you know that” or “I’ll never stop telling you how stunning you are”. I still couldn’t fathom how Jon could go from being so completely enthralled with me to just start slowly writing me off. Did lying on the hammock, having our arms around each other, mean nothing to him? I felt stupid for having gone through the effort of transcribing the song he played on guitar and creating lyrics to go with it. I had hoped what we had would work out, and I could sing the lyrics to him when we were dating exclusively.

I wrote out a follow up text which took quite some time to compose. I didn’t want to come across angry, nor desperate. I just wanted to write something that’s intent would hopefully get him to snap back into gear and make more of an effort to fight for me. I sent the following text yesterday evening:

Hey. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you and I loved meeting you and your sister but I’ve noticed you’ve become distant. I’d appreciate you telling me where your heads at. Because if you’re not interested in getting to know me more, then I have another guy who is interested and I’ve been holding off.

Okay, yes, I lied. There are no other current suitors on the horizon. However, it was my own subtle, plea of desperation for him to fight for me. For him to realize what a good thing I was and to not let his ex get the better of him / manipulate him to think otherwise.

I waited for a response all day today. As the day went on with no response, I knew it probably wasn’t going to have a great ending. I braced myself for the worst. At quarter to 5, my phone flashed and I saw he texted. I took a deep breath, opened the message, and read:

I am so sorry for being distant without realizing it. Your text yesterday has made me think long and hard about why that is. You are an incredible girl, with a lot going for you! I have come to the conclusion that I just can’t handle anything long distance at the moment. Especially when school starts. You deserve someone that has the time for you :). So basically I think I have been distant for the last bit because deep down I knew I didn’t want us to get more attached to each other, only hurting you more. I am so happy to know you have someone else!! You deserve an amazing guy!!

My eyes started tearing up and I hurried towards the washroom, away from my co-workers. I locked myself in a stall, and started sobbing. I called my mom and told her about what happened. She tried consoling me, but it didn’t take away the pain that I felt. Why? I kept thinking to myself. How can this be? It seemed we were so perfect for one another.

I extremely appreciate the support and guidance from all of you. I agree, there were a lot of red flags to begin with, and he certainly comes with quite a bit of baggage from his past relationships. I think the long distance line he said was bull shit. An hour really isn’t bad. And camping when he’s still recovering from his injury? Something doesn’t add up there. I really do feel like the ex got to him, and he probably still has feelings for her. So maybe this is for the best.

The question is, do I give it one last attempt and respond? Maybe just being completely honest with him about how I feel would be good to get off my chest before closing the door.

On a more uplifting note, there may actually be a new suitor around the corner. Here’s a sneak preview:

Zach: Hey, I’m friends with Cory who works with your mom…not a random creeper. Said I should say hello.

The Ex and Her Daughter

Let me introduce to you Jon’s ex: Danielle. I learned about Danielle within the first week of talking to Jon. In fact, I was first introduced to her through his webcam while we were on Skype. She said a quick hello just as she was about to leave his house. When I asked who she was, Jon claimed Danielle was just a good friend of his.

When Jon was over at my house and we were lying on the hammock together, the past relationships topic came up. Not quite sure how, as I tend to avoid that on the first date, but it did. I knew there was a girl from South Africa who Jon had broken up with early 2013, but then he informed me that he was with Danielle afterwards and they recently broke up – about 2 months ago. I also learned that she has a little girl, and when Jon was dating Danielle he formed a strong attachment with her daughter and is now the primary father figure in her life. Danielle’s new boyfriend doesn’t have the same attachment with her daughter as he does. Jon told me that Danielle is still one of his best friends, but he knew it would never result to anything more a second time around. I prayed that was the truth.

This past Tuesday, Jon texted me:

Danielle wants to know if you want to go downtown this weekend for her birthday? It’s on Saturday. And she mentioned something about staying in a hotel but I don’t know the details. It’s totally up to you, just thought it would be fun. :)

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. On one hand, I thought it may be awkward going to his ex girlfriend’s birthday party. On the other hand, I was curious to see the dynamics between them. I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable staying at the hotel afterwards, but I’d at least go downtown with them so I could spend some time with Jon.

I asked Jon to call me later than day to give me more details. He then texted me back that night to say:

I think Danielle might cancel. :( Having boyfriend problems. So it might be the weekend after.

I was disappointed to hear that as my family had booked to go away for Canada’s Day weekend, so I wouldn’t be able to join them. That would mean I’d have to go another 2 weekends before seeing Jon again.

I asked Jon if he still wanted to hang out, just the two of us this weekend. He then told me his grandmother was coming in from South Africa and he promised to spend the weekend with her. I was like, whaaaaaaat? I wrote:

How would you be able to go downtown with Danielle this weekend if your gran was in town?

Jon: I told my mom that I had an obligation to Danielle and told her she cancelled before you asked me to hang out.

I guess that was fair, but Jon could have still made an effort to see me before committing to spending the whole weekend with his grandmother.

He then wrote to me 3 days ago asking how my day was. I responded but asked if he wanted to call me (easier to have a conversation that way). He wrote back saying he was at Danielle’s house watching The Sopranos. I asked where Danielle lived and he told me 10 minutes away. She had picked him up because he still isn’t driving. Jon said she owed him a ton of rides so the distance was nothing.

I didn’t respond and waited almost 48 hours before doing so. Even though I thought I wasn’t going to have to play games with this guy, I figured maybe he needed to pursue me a bit.

Yesterday early afternoon I texted him and asked how his weekend was going with his grandmother. I still haven’t heard back. I don’t know what’s going on. So many things are running through my head. Danielle was having problems with her boyfriend, so what if she convinced Jon to get back together with her? Should I be concerned about how close Jon is with her daughter? I really don’t want to lose hope about him, but I’m starting to feel like he’s drifting away.

Tinder P.2: Another One Bites the Dust

As promised, I’d follow up on my Tinder experiment. For those of you who didn’t read my last post, Tinder is an app for the iPhone which allows you to ‘hot or not’ local singles and if you get a match, you’d enter into a private chat with them. Most of the conversations I had were short, sweet and purely entertaining. I was ready to call it quits after the first two hours of downloading it until I started talking to my match, Cory (see last blog post).

The evening had rolled around and Cory still hadn’t called to follow up on our conversation from earlier. I had been looking forward to it as he made himself out to be a genuinely nice guy. Plus, we had mutual friends who I liked so there were definitely a lot of positives that made me hopeful about him. I waited that night as he was supposed to confirm making plans to go mini-putting the next day. I figured that maybe he just ended up going out with his buddies as it was a Saturday night so I went to bed thinking he’d probably send me a message early the next day.

I ended up sleeping in on Sunday. When I woke up, I checked my phone and I had no missed calls or texts from him. At that point I felt like something was up. Still, I stopped myself from messaging him as he said he would write to me.

Two days passed and still nothing. I was pretty shocked. Well, to be honest I half expected it to happen as I figured the majority of people don’t take the app seriously. It’s just more of a game / time waster. However I just felt there could be something there. So after the two days had passed I texted him and asked if everything was okay as I hadn’t heard from him. He still had me on Facebook so I just had no clue what was going on. Later that day I still got no response.

Perhaps he asked one of our mutual friends about me and they said something to turn him off. Maybe one of his friends simply just said to him it was way too sketchy to be thinking about meeting up with a girl from Tinder. Ultimately though, if he was swayed by his friends to stop talking to me, then I don’t need someone like that in my life. I ended up just deleting him off Facebook.

Another one bites the dust.

I keep asking the age old question: What’s wrong with me.

My girlfriends keep saying to me I need to ask myself more: What’s wrong with him. I did nothing wrong. He was the one who was so eager to give me his cell number and ask me out. Yet still I feel like I’m the one who did something wrong.

I’m still chasing after the wrong guys and I’m trying to veer away from that. How do you tell the bad from the good? Can’t I get a mixture of both?

I’d like to Deposit Cheques… and my Cell Number.

Last Friday my family decided to go to the mall to make some bank deposits. Once having arrived at the mall we were initially going to grab a bite to eat for dinner in the food court. However, since the bank was right where we walked in, that became our first stop. As we waited in line I was starving and also incredibly tired from a long day at work. Not to mention, I had no makeup on, my hair was unwashed and the bags under my eyes were probably quadruple the depth they usually were.

5 minutes later we got to the front of the line and a guy who looked fairly young compared to the other tellers motioned to us that he was available. *hint hint nudge nudge* When we got to his teller booth he greeted us hello. As he did I examined him a bit more carefully and noticed he had dimples, a sweet smile and was wearing glasses. My mother immediately dumped a handful of cheques on the counter and expressed they were all given to my sister for her Bat Mitzvah and asked if he knew what that was. He smiled again and said ‘of course, I’m Jewish.’ We were surprised as he looked Italian… and of course my mom lit right up. She had to find out more about him. I’m talking personal questions and putting him on the spot with, ‘Where do you go to school? How old are you? Any siblings?’ As she kept asking him he was responding very coolly and casually and I was impressed… but deep down I was turning 50 shades of red as I knew what my mom was doing. After having answered several questions he looked over at me and asked where I went to school and what I was studying. He seemed interested and turned out we actually had a lot in common. However, the more he continued talking to my mom, I knew the level of redness deep down started projecting to my cheeks and across my face.

He appeared cute, but wasn’t the typical bad boy, scruffy look I usually go for. It was obvious my mom was leading up the dreaded question and before I could stop her… ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ There it was. Out in the open. I knew my face was now 50 shades of red and I had to turn away. He answered no.

It was clearly a mistake to have turned for those few seconds as when I turned back, I saw that my mom had written my cell phone number on a piece of paper and given it to him. She finished making the deposits after having done a pretty good job making sure he wasn’t a criminal. Then she left and said she’d give us a few minutes to get to know each other. Let me repeat… GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Well if my face wasn’t red, it definitely was now, but I tried acting as cool as he was presenting himself. He then said… ‘I could throw this out if you don’t want me to have it.’ I giggled nervously and said of course he could keep it. We ‘got to know each other’ for a few more minutes which was only about a 6/10 on the awkward scale. I walked away not sure whether I wanted to kill my mother or give her an incredibly big bear hug. In the end I did neither, and thought it’d be a good blog post even if nothing resulted of it.

Sure enough just to brief you on what’s happened since. A few hours later… he called me! I was shocked… looking the way I was… but it was a nice surprise. I missed the call so I texted the number and sure enough it was him. He asked me out for drinks and we went out last night! I had a really nice time getting to know him and he was a true gentleman the entire night.

Now I’m not going to say mother’s always know best… but you never know. She seemed to have pretty good instincts and sometimes someone has to make a bold move. He texted me this morning saying he had a great time and wants to see me again. So, I will just have to update all of you if anything progresses with that!

Ever had a similarly embarrassing story that involved one of your parents or siblings? Comment here or if you’d like your story anonymously shared or under a username, send it to suburbangirl4love@gmail.com.