Florida Sunshine Cleanse

After my date with LinkedIn boy last month – I was hesitant as to whether or not I should see him again. I was afraid that the more intimate we got… the more attached I’d get. After giving it some deep thought over the next few days and taking into account all of your insightful feedback, my final decision was to go with the flow, and if he were to ask me out – I would see him again. I’d go with what I felt comfortable with, even if it slightly tampered with my heart.

A few more casual, flirtatious text messages were sent back and forth the week following our date, but after that I never heard from him again. Unless you count the dozens of email notifications I received whenever he went live on his gaming website. Needless to say – I’ve now unsubscribed from those email alerts, at the same time unsubscribing from the fantasy of any future between the two of us.

Since then I’ve spoken to a few more guys on OKC and Tinder – but majority of them, similarly to LinkedIn boy, were just looking for a ‘Friends with Benefits’ type relationship. Feeling discouraged, I logged off all online accounts and focused more on going out with my friends.

On a positive note, this Canadian suburban girl just got back from a road trip which was a 24+ hour drive each way! I spent over a week right by the ocean and beautiful palm trees. Lying by the pool and beach with the scorching sun washing over me, feeling the mist of the ocean tickling the tip of my toes, sipping a yummy Pina Colada in hand… I felt free. Free from all my boy troubles, stress of finding a full-time job, amongst a list of other things.

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I was very tempted to stay in Florida permanently and continue to soak in the beautifully tanned men. However, reality sunk in the day we departed and before I knew it, I was back in Toronto.

Still, I am happy to be back. I’d highly recommend you take a road trip or spontaneous vacation, even if it’s just for a week – to de-stress and reflect. Being away reminded me how it’s important to go out on adventures and live life to the fullest. I promised myself to do less online scouting for love and more going out with friends and exploring my beautiful city.

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Should I be ‘Game’?

Over a month later, and I finally have an update on Zach, the guy I met through LinkedIn! If you haven’t read about him, take a quick read over ‘Business Meets Pleasure‘ and ‘Post Valentines‘. I followed your advice, and stopped wasting my time pursuing him. About a week later, he reached out to me again – which I found very interesting. Since then, we had been writing back and forth every few days.

Friday night, I casually asked Zach what he was up to this weekend. He told me he was free Saturday night, and asked if I wanted to go out. I was pretty excited that he asked, although I knew my expectations shouldn’t be very high. I suggested going to Dave & Busters, which was very appropriate as we were both gamers – and knew it would be a place for us both to relax and have fun.

Zach picked me up at 8pm last night and I felt sparks flying as soon as I got in the car. When we got to D&B’s, we went to the restaurant/bar area to grab some food. Conversation flowed pretty smoothly. Zach told me how he mentioned to some of his friends how he met a girl off of LinkedIn, and they responded, “how can you get a date off LinkedIn, when I can’t even get one girl off of Tinder?!” I couldn’t stop laughing.

After dinner, we proceeded over to the games/arcade room.

As soon as we walked in, both of us turned into giddy school kids. I ran over to the first game I saw, where you had to hit a button 3 times and if you landed on ‘7’ each time, you won the ticket jackpot. Sure enough, on my very first game, I WON THE JACKPOT!! I couldn’t believe it. He seemed pretty impressed, which was one of my goals for the evening.

We played a good hour and a half of games. He creamed me at Guitar Hero, but I creamed him at Mario Kart. Once we ran out of points, it was time to go over to claim our prize. For 860 tickets, Zach picked out a blue pucker fish for me, which we named ‘Lorenzo’.

We headed back to his car around 11:30pm. Zach warmed up the seats so it was nice and toasty – and to top it off he started playing Spanish tunes from his iPod which was incredibly sexy. I suggested we go to a Tim Hortons in my area. When we got there, the parking lot was pretty vacant. He parked, and blasted the music a bit louder, and started singing along to it. I was more than a bit mesmerized, and just lay there staring at him / stupidly grinning / trying to remain somewhat sexy and flirtatious myself. He then looked over at me and asked what I was thinking about. I told him way too many things were running through my head and asked what he was thinking.

Zach: “I’m thinking… that you should kiss me and then we’ll go and grab some Hot Chocolate.”

At that point I just went for it, and I’ll tell you… it was definitely worth the wait. ;)

A good half hour later, the conversation started getting a bit deeper (past relationships, sexual experiences, etc.) which started making me feel a bit uncomfortable. I could tell from what Zach was sharing with me that he had quite a bit more ‘experience’. We were pretty honest with one another in the car, and he made it clear that at this point in his life he wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship. When he first said it, I was a bit disappointed. However, I appreciated the honesty. He told me he was really enjoying spending time with me, but it was my decision whether to go any further (knowing for right now it would just be harmless fun or friends with benefits).

He dropped me off back at my house around 12:30am and kissed me goodnight. All of last night my brain was floating in a million directions as to what I should do. On one hand I think it’s important to gain sexual experience and go with the flow. He’d definitely be a great teacher. On the other, there’s always the fear of getting too attached / risking your heart getting broken. Your two cents?

Defining the Male ‘Friend Code’

Two days ago I came across a guy’s profile that caught my interest on PlentyofFish. Rob’s profile says he is an aspiring author, and is looking for a girl with good intentions, with a positive outlook on life and doesn’t like to play games.

Me: “Hey! What do you write about?”

Rob: “Love and revenge. Or at least that’s what my novels about. What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is ‘insert here‘. I have a few writers in my family as well. So tell me a bit more about yourself.”

Meanwhile, I have still been communicating with Matt, who you may remember from my post back in June called ‘12AM by the Fireplace. Meow.‘ The guy who was looking to have a good time, but wasn’t interested in having an exclusive relationship. Since we hung out that night, he never bothered to ask me out again. It was difficult for me as I had been on several dates following him (which you are all up to speed with). However, none that I had the same physical chemistry with. I hated the fact that I still missed him.

Three months had gone by, and then I received a message from him wishing me a happy birthday. I acknowledged it, asked how he had been doing, which slowly led to us talking again. Not frequently, but every now and then through WhatsApp or ‘SnapChat’. It was all friendly, although as the weeks went by some messages got to be a bit more flirtatious. He had started making hints to see me again, although I was still under the impression he was only ‘interested’ in having fun. I am entitled to have fun… it’s just a matter of making sure my feelings wouldn’t get shattered if I got too far with him and then he moved along to the next girl.

Anyway, the two stories do collide – and you are about to find out how.

Matt sent me a ‘SnapChat’ two nights ago (the night I had started messaging Rob). I sent him one back the same night, and he opened it, but never responded. I didn’t think anything of it but I wrote to him the next day with a cute, playful message.

Me: *devil grinning face* Way to not respond to my SnapChat.

Matt: “Lol. Well I wasn’t exactly motivated to. You hit on my friend on POF playa.”

Me: Who?

Matt: “For me to know and you to be paranoid about. Small world.”

Me: “I’ve only been talking to one other guy so I’m pretty sure I know who it is… That’s pretty awkward”

Matt: “Yep. Really awkward for me.”

I didn’t respond to Matt. I presumed Rob must of told Matt he was also checking out the online dating scene and as soon as he got my name and told Matt, he immediately knew who I was. It’s not like I owed Matt anything.. but it was still awkward. Especially if they were close.

I went back on POF and wrote to Rob.

Me: “I heard we have a mutual friend in common…”

Rob: “Yeah apparently. Is that weird for you?”

Me: “Well, what did Matt say about him and I? How close are the two of you?”

Rob: “We’re close but he said you guys just didn’t work out. He was just like.. go for it if you like. Lol. Guys aren’t like girls with all that friend code shit, unless they actually had a relationship with the girl.”

I was obviously disappointed. It wasn’t shocking to hear Matt’s comment about the two of us, but deep down it did sting as he had still been leading me to believe he was interested over the past few weeks.

So now I have no clue what to do. There are plenty of other fish in the sea… so maybe it’s better to move away from both of them. Even if I did continue talking to Rob, how could I guarantee he wouldn’t tell Matt everything? I have no clue how much guys open up to each other about girls – especially ones that they have both dated. How far does the male ‘friend code’ go? How do I even know this whole thing wasn’t planned out by Matt – and maybe this is some sort of game now. If they are close… maybe Rob is just like Matt. Although Rob said he doesn’t want a girl that plays games… so doesn’t that mean he’s looking for something more? Okay, phew, my question rant is over!

My head is about to explode and I’m off to a job interview. Hopefully the fresh air will do me good. I’m sure that a combination of that plus any suggestions from my amazing followers will give me the insight I need to move forward with this situation.

Storia D’amore

Over the last few days I’ve been writing back and forth with Joey on OkCupid. I stumbled across his profile and immediately liked what I saw. He was Italian (tall, dark and handsome). Joey proclaimed he was a huge geek when it came to TV shows, video games, board games, the arts — all of which I equally geek out over! To top of it all off he was studying to become a lawyer and spoke fluent Italian (what girl wouldn’t want to have the sexy Italian language whispered into her ear night and day?) Guys, time to pick up a new language!

We decided to meet Tuesday evening to grab dinner / drinks. I was pretty nervous, though excited! The plan was for him to meet me at the subway station close to where I work and from there go find a local pub and perhaps walk around the area afterwards to spot out some celebrities (as the Toronto International Film Festival is going on right now). At 5:30pm I received a text saying “can you call me when you get this?” I immediately braced myself for the worst, and dialed his number. He picked up after a few rings…

Joey: So I hope you don’t find this really weird but I was on the bus over to you and I got a horrible nose bleed. It’s pretty bad. Probably from the humidity outside. I need to go back home to shower / get changed.

Me: That’s horrible! I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to take a rain check on hanging out?

Joey: No, tonight still works! I’m not too far from my house. Can we meet up in half an hour / 45 minutes?

So the new plan was for me to venture further down the subway line (about 10 stops away from where I currently was) to go to a shopping mall which was closer to him. We decided to meet on the subway platform. Pretty romantic spot, right?

I started walking down the platform to spot him. The humidity was dreadful. It’s about 40 degrees Celsius here and I was praying my hair wouldn’t turn into a complete frizz ball by the time I made it to where he was standing. I finally spotted him. I know what you’re thinking and no… we didn’t run into each others arms and share a passionate kiss. However, we did share a really nice hug hello. We walked into the shopping mall which was connected to the subway and instantly started cooling down.

Joey was just as cute as how he appeared in his pictures. Conversation started off slowly until we parked ourselves down inside a Pickle Barrel restaurant. We ordered food and conversation picked up — we talked about everything from our travels to family to our pets.

We shared a Caesar salad. Of course I had to order the spaghetti and meatballs (classic Italian dish). He ordered a curry dish, and shared a bit of my pasta as it was very filling (unfortunately there was no Lady and the Tramp moment).

We finished dinner around 8:30pm and he suggested we go see a movie, as there was a theater inside the same mall. I definitely wanted to continue our date so we paid the bill and headed over to the theater. The earliest time the next movie played was an hour later, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do as I knew the movie probably wouldn’t end til around 11pm and I would still need to subway back home to the suburbs. Joey said it was totally up to me. He had already seen that movie but would totally see it again. He even offered to drive me home afterwards, depending on what I felt comfortable with.

I decided to stay and watch the movie with him. Over the next hour before the movie started we explored the Indigo store next door, and then played a game of air hockey (which I totally let him win). Afterwards, we got cozy in the theater and started watching. There were definitely some flirtatious vibes in the air! Our legs were touching, and my head was pretty close to resting on his shoulder a few times.

The movie ended at 11pm and we got to the subway around half past. I knew the subway ran until 1:30am but I had never taken it on my own that late at night. Let alone, I had never taken that route before, and knew I’d have to transfer subway lines twice to get back home. Again, he offered to drive me home but I felt bad as he was tired so I insisted to just subway home. I was embarrassed to discover I ran out of tokens and the worker at the booth would only accept cash. Being the gentleman he was, Joey handed me a $10 bill and let me buy some tokens with it. I insisted on paying him back later on but he said not to worry about it.

He waited on the platform with me (got through with his monthly pass). We talked a bit longer although we were back out in the heat and the humidity started making us both fade quite a bit. When the subway started emerging from the tunnel, we shared a fairly long hug goodbye. I told him I had a really nice time and said hopefully we can hang out again soon. He agreed (which I certainly hoped he meant).

I managed to get home safe and sound that night! He texted me around 12:30am to make sure I got home okay, which was so sweet. I didn’t get to bed until 1:30am that morning. Joey and I talked more last night (he initiated the conversation) which is definitely a good sign!

Sweet, genuine guys like him don’t come around very often, and I really hope this one does work out. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed!

Menchies or Munchies?

I chatted on the phone about three times with Kevin, one of my most recent potential suitors from POF, prior to us meeting the other night. Each conversation was about an hour long, and he was really growing on me. His voice was sexy, and he had just the right balance of sarcasm and humour. During our first hour long phone conversation, we decided to ask each other random questions back and forth. Both of us share the same favourite colour: purple. We both take the subway everyday to get to work. He’s allergic to cats: major strike against him. Although as we continued asking each other questions, all of what we shared in common made up for that large strike. From everything we gathered about each other, he created a story of ‘how we met’, if the two of us were to work out:

We were both on the subway, en route to work. With suburbangirl4love being so directionally challenged, she asked me for directions. Something clicked and we decided to exchange our names to add each other on Facebook. From there we saw we had several mutual friends and decided it would be cool to go out and get to know each other more. So on our first date, we grabbed a bite and then proceeded to buy each other purple shirts.

He then proceeded to go into how lame he thought it was (sounded better in his head and regretted saying it out loud). I thought it was really cute and told him I wouldn’t change a thing.

So Kevin and I decided to meet at Menchie’s (frozen yoghurt place) Wednesday night. Being in condo sales, Kevin works about 10 hours each day so it was nice of him to meet up with me after work. Menchie’s closes at 11pm week nights so we had decided to meet for 9:30. He texted me around 8:30 to say he was about to leave downtown and he’d probably make it home for around 9:30. I told Kevin to text me when he was about to leave to head over to meet me.

I waited and waited in anticipation. 9:30 turned to 10. I finally heard from him to say he was leaving his house and would be there for quarter after. So I thought… okay, we’ll at least have 45 minutes to hang out. I walked over to Menchie’s and sat outside waiting for him. Within 5 minutes, I literally got 3 different mosquito bites which just made my fidgeting worse.

20 after 10, Kevin arrives and first thing I think: super cute but definitely shorter than me. I get up to hug him hello and I awkwardly bend over a little to hug him. Yes, he was definitely a bit shorter.  Anyway, I put that aside and we walked into Menchie’s. He told me it was his first time which was cool so I showed him how it works and proceeded to greedily fill my cup with Cake Batter, Peanut Butter and Cookies n’ Cream Frozen Yoghurt. Then the usual toppings: cheese cake bits and strawberries. My salivation almost made me forget about him for a second. Then my brain snapped back and we went to the counter. He said it was on him. (Bonus points!)

We sat down and conversation went really well. We picked up from our phone conversations and I found out we shared a lot more in common. 11pm arrived and the Menchie’s crew started closing up which meant we were going to be kicked out soon. I suggested we walk and talk around the plaza. We got up again and I noticed the height difference, although it didn’t bother me as much this time. We started walking around and the mosquitos instantly attacked us. We sat down on a bench and continued talking. That’s when I get call #1 from my mother. I pick it up and she asked where I was. I told her I was just hanging out in the area. Of course, she started freaking out, asking me to be more specific. I mouthed to Kevin how she was being a typical, overprotective mom. For laughs, I put her on speaker phone so he could hear how worked up she was getting about me (out of love, of course). I had told Kevin she knew who I was with beforehand. He said that was cool, because for all she knew, he could of been some serial killer.

Kevin proceeded to shout into the phone about how I was in safe hands. Oh, and that we were just getting high and drunk. I immediately went off speaker phone and told my mom none of that was true. My mom knows me, so she believed me, but she of course got very concerned about him after she heard that. Not because she worried about him influencing me, but apparently because she found him to be too nonchalant considering he had never met her before. I said I’d keep her updated. We then walked over to sit on the grass and there were definitely some flirtatious vibes going back and forth. It had only been about 20 minutes since phone call #1, and then I see my mom calling again. I pick it up and she said that she was going to send my dad to pick me up in the next ten minutes. I said to her that Kevin offered to give me a ride home. She then proceeded to freak out at me: “Listen to me right now. Please, do not get in the car with him.” She continued and her voice kept growing with concern and anger for me to listen to her. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like she was ruining the end of my date. I could tell Kevin was getting frustrated and God knows what he was thinking about my family and me. I hung up on my mom (I know, horrible). Kevin then said:

It’s getting kind of late, and I know we both have to get up early for work tomorrow. Do you still want a ride home?

My mom’s voice got in my head and I told him I was just going to walk home (as much as I would have loved for him to drive me home). He understood. I felt like an idiot. We hugged goodbye and there really wasn’t any mention of seeing each other again. I felt like the night could have ended on such a better note if my mom hadn’t interfered.

My dad found me about halfway home so I hopped in the car but was too angry to speak. When I got home I stormed to my room. My mom came upstairs shortly after and apologized several times. She felt really bad, but was genuinely concerned about me getting into a car with him.

I was really upset with her that night, but I forgave her soon after. As her actions were only out of love and concern for me.

I texted Kevin shortly after I got home to apologize for what happened and hoped he didn’t get the wrong impression of me or my family. I told him I freaked out at my mom and he responded, saying I shouldn’t blame her. So update: I haven’t heard from him since then. You know what though, if he’s not going to give me a second chance based on that, then he really isn’t worth having in my life. Your thoughts?

I’m Just a Playful Girl at Heart

Yesterday I went on date #2 with the guy I blogged about in my most recent post ‘Is smoking weed a turn on or turn off?‘. He picked me up at 7pm and took me to a glow in the dark mini-putt somewhat in the area. It was incredibly foggy; one of the foggiest nights I could remember in a long time. I was a bit nervous having him drive but he reassured me beforehand he drove ‘like a grandmother’ and that I was in good hands. He completely held true to his word and the drive there was very comfortable. We blasted 102.1 and were singing along horribly to different rock songs.

Once arrived, we got V.I.P. treatment as his friend is the manager there. As it was a Tuesday, we were one of the only ones there (which I wasn’t complaining about). At first we were very serious about counting how many times it took to get the ball in the hole… no sexual innuendo intended. By the third round, things got more playful/flirtatious. As I was winning by a few points, I thought we could make a bet to make the game a bit more interesting. Of course PG rated as it was only the second date so we concluded that the loser had to either a) buy the winner a drink or b) be tickled for 30 seconds non-stop. As the rounds went on we were trying to distract one another by using our puts to create pretend obstacles. So although the last time I had been mini-putting was probably when I was 15/16, there was something really special about being there with him and kind of reliving that playful/giddiness feeling from my childhood. It was also pretty sexy watching him try to impress me (although failing… but in all fairness I had told him I’d been practicing my mini-put game in my basement for the last 21 years). We physically kept getting closer as the rounds went on. I picked up on his cologne and part of me just wanted to grab him out of my comfort zone and kiss him right there but the other part of me was like… maybe now is not the right time.

Afterwards as part of our V.I.P. treatment his friend gave us free credits for the basketball arcade games so we challenged each other to see who could score the most points. I swear we must have played at least 5 rounds of that and I’d say we were pretty on par with one another. For the last game we played on the same machine and I kept accidentally shocking him but I just took that as a sign there was definitely some ‘electric chemistry’ building between us. We got to redeem our tickets afterwards for a few small prizes including 2 temporary tattoos. He got a guitar and I got a butterfly.

By the time we left it was 9pm and we went back to his car and hung out there for a bit. Again, blasted the music and just talked about everything from our dysfunctional families to who could make a meaner Kraft Dinner. The whole time I kept thinking about wanting to kiss him but I held back and suggested we put on the tattoos. He had a water bottle in his car so he went first and placed the butterfly on my lower back. I may have gotten him to hold onto in a bit longer than you had to. Then I placed his guitar on his upper arm and to be honest it was such a sexy exchange and I highly recommend all of you try this on your next date. Afterwards we decided to go to a Tim Hortons to grab a hot drink but by the time we got there they were JUST closing. So back to the car we went. Luckily we got to steal their wifi so he reclined our chairs back and we watched silly post-wisdom teeth removal videos to playing this Unicorn Dash game on his Android that had a cheesy song called Always by Erasure in the background. I couldn’t stop laughing but it still kind of set the mood I guess.

I felt so comfortable but quite honestly it was so distracting having his one arm on my leg and I couldn’t concentrate much on the small android screen anymore. We tried finding each others ticklish spots but if was a bit awkward while in the car. So we just sat there staring at one another and he asked me what was on my mind. I told him he made me nervous. He said ‘how so?’ I just said he did… I couldn’t explain it. Then I told him I felt he was too far away. He said ‘you want me to come closer?’ I’m pretty sure at that time I knew it felt right to lean in and kiss him so I did and it totally felt right. I can officially check off the bucket list making out in a guys car. Last night really felt like I was 16 again and I really am hopeful that things work out with him. Although you never know.

What date nights have you experienced that made you feel like you were reliving your giddy/childlike days? What was that one song that played on the radio that was border line cheesy but you’ll never forget hearing that song while sharing a moment with someone special?

More Than a Friend

Over the last three years of school I’ve developed an incredible friendship with a guy who at first appeared to me as very awkward, closed off and shy. I was never sure whether to approach him to say hello (as I would see him on the subway going home often standing on his own) and always wanted to say something but never sure whether he wanted to talk.

It wasn’t until one of our classes when we were given a partner assignment and by chance happened to get each others names. Since then over the last three years I have seen him slowly grow out of his quiet, awkward shell and we have become so close that we can talk to each other about anything. We can relate on levels that others may not be able to understand due to our past and we both value each others friendship more than words can say.

Since last summer I noticed a change in his behaviour. The way he acted around me, his constant fidgeting… I could sense he was battling something internally that he wouldn’t share with me. Up until recently I remained silent as it was never anything extreme and I still felt at ease in his presence but this past week things changed dramatically. When we were together working on an assignment it felt very formal and tense talking to him. He was fidgeting more than usual and when I looked into his eyes I could tell there was something wandering in his head that was trapped. It was as if whatever was on his mind kept growing and trying to get out but the more he kept it in the more violent it became.

After our class this past Friday we rode the subway home together and before he got off at his stop, he turned to me and said…

I really want to tell you something. (pause) I’m just too afraid.

Then he walked off and I was at a loss. I reflected on our friendship over the last three years and what may have caused it to change. I had always sensed how much he cared for me; through his actions and harmless flirtatious comments here and there but I never knew exactly how he felt towards me. I never talked to him about my relationships out of fear he did feel something towards me and if that was the case never wanted to hurt him.

However, I knew it was time he told me how he felt whatever may happen as a result of it. I composed a heart felt email to him Friday night when I got home explaining how I genuinely cared for him and I could sense something wasn’t right. I told him that nothing he would say would jeopardize our friendship.

The next day I got a new notification in my email that he had responded. As I read it, I started crying as my prediction was right. He did in fact have stronger romantic feelings for me that had been growing since the summer. He was always afraid to tell me how he felt as he never wanted things to be awkward if I didn’t feel the same, especially because we are working on several projects together this year.

After reflecting and organizing my thoughts, I sent an email back to him. I explained how honoured I felt that he cared for me that much. I was also so happy he finally expressed his feelings which I knew was hard for him to do as I am one of the only people he feels comfortable talking to, and since the subject was me he had no one else to turn to. I told him that I value his friendship so much and it means the world to me, but I didn’t feel there was a romantic connection that could develop. I would also never want to sacrifice our dynamic work relationship, especially if we were to go into business together post graduation.

I know that it will probably take him some time to process my email response and it may be a bit awkward at first when I see him, but I really hope we can get back to how our friendship used to be.