Hopeless Romantic or Kinky Ass?

Just over a week ago, I reached out to Aaron on PlentyofFish. On his profile, it said he was looking for a relationship, lived in the same city as me and that he was a hopeless romantic.

We sent several messages back and forth and I learned we had quite a bit in common. Both of us shared a love for music, turns out his sister went to the same art/design University as me (which is rare considering how small my school’s population is), and we lived fairly close by each other.

About two days into our conversation…

Aaron: “So suburbangirl4love…. tell me something about yourself! Something that maybe you’ve never told anyone before…or maybe too embarrassed to tell… lol could be for any reason.”

Me: “Hmmm.. well I’m a pretty open person – I don’t think there is really anything I haven’t told my friends. I can tell you some things about me that I haven’t shared with you yet. I can definitely be a bit of a nerd. Love Mario kart n64 (kind of the champ at that game) and lately I’ve kinda gotten into chess. Too awesome, right? Your turn.”

Aaron: “Ahah thats not embarrassing at all! You’re only the champ because you haven’t faced me yet! I don’t think you get an embarrassing or fun fact about me until you step up the game ;) Chess is fun though. I haven’t played in years.”

Me: “How am I supposed to step up the game, hmm?”

Aaron: “Let’s start with something embarrassing…. of course there’s always the pro move of pulling out the something kinky card, but then this isn’t the majors now ;)”

I had to give this some serious thought. Unfortunately, my mind drew a blank – which was kind of sad. I’ve always been very sweet and mature, so I never got myself into any wild or embarrassing situations that really stood out in my mind. Anyway, of course, the only logical thing to do was to Google search ‘top 50 embarrassing situations to be in’ and on the list – it said ‘your bathing suit falling off in public’. I grinned, as reading this finally triggered a story. I recalled my experience back when I was a counselor at Day Camp. Of course, on the day of the swim test, I wore this flimsy string bikini that I hadn’t worn in forever thinking it’d be cute to show off. Then, about half way through the test I noticed several of the male life guards were staring.. and when I looked back down I notice my top had completely gone loose. I’d say that was pretty embarrassing.

Aaron: “ooo naked camp stories is it. Well in that case I see your couple of guy counselors and raise you your entire cabin full of kids. When I was a CIT, at the dining hall no less, once everyone was seated my buddy comes up from behind me and pantsed me in front of everyone… now that put the ass in embarrassing!”

That put a huge grin on my face. Anyway, we wrote a bit more harmless, flirtatious comments back and forth until he asked if I had WhatsApp on my phone so we could talk through that instead.

5 days ago I checked my phone and saw I got a new Facebook friend request alert from none other than him. I was confused as I never gave him my name on Facebook. I asked him how he found me and all he said was that it took him two tries… first time he added another girl who looked like me, who is apparently my doppelganger.

Anyway, I was fine with it and added him back.

The flirtatious comments from him continued over the next two days – telling me I needed to unwind at the end of a long work day with a nice hot chocolate by the fire, massage and rom com in the background. It was sweet and still it was nothing that made me feel uncomfortable.

This brings us up to three days ago.

Aaron: “You said you like lazy Sundays?”

Me: “For sure! Chilling in my PJ’s all day – the life.”

Aaron: “Hahah. Oh. My lazy Sundays, I prefer naked.”

I waited awhile to respond, meanwhile he wrote again saying I had been quiet.

Me: “To be honest, I was a little taken aback by your last comment. I don’t want you to think I’m just on this site for hooking up.”

Aaron: “Ahaha no, I know you aren’t and to be honest I don’t want you to think I am either. At the same time though, I know there is a sexual side to relationships and having been in one for 4 years I know how important it is to have one where you’re both on the same level physically as well as emotionally.”

Me: “I totally get that – but without having met me, a comment like that could be misinterpreted and may be a bit premature. ;) If you want to get to know me better, it might be best to move this to a phone conversation sometime or meet up for coffee.”

No response. It’s been two days since I sent that.

Do you feel this hopeless romantic went too far? Maybe I should have just gone along with it instead of perhaps scaring him off a bit. I could respond saying, “well, you’ve been quiet”.

However, if he’s only looking to have a sexual conversation online and not have the courage to ask me out on a date, is he really worth it?

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Menchies or Munchies?

I chatted on the phone about three times with Kevin, one of my most recent potential suitors from POF, prior to us meeting the other night. Each conversation was about an hour long, and he was really growing on me. His voice was sexy, and he had just the right balance of sarcasm and humour. During our first hour long phone conversation, we decided to ask each other random questions back and forth. Both of us share the same favourite colour: purple. We both take the subway everyday to get to work. He’s allergic to cats: major strike against him. Although as we continued asking each other questions, all of what we shared in common made up for that large strike. From everything we gathered about each other, he created a story of ‘how we met’, if the two of us were to work out:

We were both on the subway, en route to work. With suburbangirl4love being so directionally challenged, she asked me for directions. Something clicked and we decided to exchange our names to add each other on Facebook. From there we saw we had several mutual friends and decided it would be cool to go out and get to know each other more. So on our first date, we grabbed a bite and then proceeded to buy each other purple shirts.

He then proceeded to go into how lame he thought it was (sounded better in his head and regretted saying it out loud). I thought it was really cute and told him I wouldn’t change a thing.

So Kevin and I decided to meet at Menchie’s (frozen yoghurt place) Wednesday night. Being in condo sales, Kevin works about 10 hours each day so it was nice of him to meet up with me after work. Menchie’s closes at 11pm week nights so we had decided to meet for 9:30. He texted me around 8:30 to say he was about to leave downtown and he’d probably make it home for around 9:30. I told Kevin to text me when he was about to leave to head over to meet me.

I waited and waited in anticipation. 9:30 turned to 10. I finally heard from him to say he was leaving his house and would be there for quarter after. So I thought… okay, we’ll at least have 45 minutes to hang out. I walked over to Menchie’s and sat outside waiting for him. Within 5 minutes, I literally got 3 different mosquito bites which just made my fidgeting worse.

20 after 10, Kevin arrives and first thing I think: super cute but definitely shorter than me. I get up to hug him hello and I awkwardly bend over a little to hug him. Yes, he was definitely a bit shorter.  Anyway, I put that aside and we walked into Menchie’s. He told me it was his first time which was cool so I showed him how it works and proceeded to greedily fill my cup with Cake Batter, Peanut Butter and Cookies n’ Cream Frozen Yoghurt. Then the usual toppings: cheese cake bits and strawberries. My salivation almost made me forget about him for a second. Then my brain snapped back and we went to the counter. He said it was on him. (Bonus points!)

We sat down and conversation went really well. We picked up from our phone conversations and I found out we shared a lot more in common. 11pm arrived and the Menchie’s crew started closing up which meant we were going to be kicked out soon. I suggested we walk and talk around the plaza. We got up again and I noticed the height difference, although it didn’t bother me as much this time. We started walking around and the mosquitos instantly attacked us. We sat down on a bench and continued talking. That’s when I get call #1 from my mother. I pick it up and she asked where I was. I told her I was just hanging out in the area. Of course, she started freaking out, asking me to be more specific. I mouthed to Kevin how she was being a typical, overprotective mom. For laughs, I put her on speaker phone so he could hear how worked up she was getting about me (out of love, of course). I had told Kevin she knew who I was with beforehand. He said that was cool, because for all she knew, he could of been some serial killer.

Kevin proceeded to shout into the phone about how I was in safe hands. Oh, and that we were just getting high and drunk. I immediately went off speaker phone and told my mom none of that was true. My mom knows me, so she believed me, but she of course got very concerned about him after she heard that. Not because she worried about him influencing me, but apparently because she found him to be too nonchalant considering he had never met her before. I said I’d keep her updated. We then walked over to sit on the grass and there were definitely some flirtatious vibes going back and forth. It had only been about 20 minutes since phone call #1, and then I see my mom calling again. I pick it up and she said that she was going to send my dad to pick me up in the next ten minutes. I said to her that Kevin offered to give me a ride home. She then proceeded to freak out at me: “Listen to me right now. Please, do not get in the car with him.” She continued and her voice kept growing with concern and anger for me to listen to her. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like she was ruining the end of my date. I could tell Kevin was getting frustrated and God knows what he was thinking about my family and me. I hung up on my mom (I know, horrible). Kevin then said:

It’s getting kind of late, and I know we both have to get up early for work tomorrow. Do you still want a ride home?

My mom’s voice got in my head and I told him I was just going to walk home (as much as I would have loved for him to drive me home). He understood. I felt like an idiot. We hugged goodbye and there really wasn’t any mention of seeing each other again. I felt like the night could have ended on such a better note if my mom hadn’t interfered.

My dad found me about halfway home so I hopped in the car but was too angry to speak. When I got home I stormed to my room. My mom came upstairs shortly after and apologized several times. She felt really bad, but was genuinely concerned about me getting into a car with him.

I was really upset with her that night, but I forgave her soon after. As her actions were only out of love and concern for me.

I texted Kevin shortly after I got home to apologize for what happened and hoped he didn’t get the wrong impression of me or my family. I told him I freaked out at my mom and he responded, saying I shouldn’t blame her. So update: I haven’t heard from him since then. You know what though, if he’s not going to give me a second chance based on that, then he really isn’t worth having in my life. Your thoughts?

He’s Perfect, but…

Tonight I went on a date with another ‘fish’ who I started talking to last week. He was 28 (7 years older than me), a lawyer and looking for a relationship. I thought, this guy may in fact be the winner of my heart. I had never talked with a guy who was 28, but I figured that I need a guy that is at least 24, 25 – who has maturity and a sense of where he is going in life and what he wants versus the majority of guys my age who are looking for something more casual.

I knew he was a bit shorter than me before meeting him. However, it wasn’t until we met tonight that I realized he was in fact quite a bit shorter than I imagined him being. Although, I was willing to look past that as he appeared in front of me as cute as in the pictures I had seen. We decided to meet up for drinks at a location he suggested which was closer to his area than mine but I was fine with it. Once we sat down one of the first things I learned was his apartment was conveniently connected right next to where we went. He even threw in a wink. I knew he was just being flirtatious though so I went with it and we talked for an hour sitting down at a booth. The music was loud but it was still easy to converse with one another. By that point I felt comfortable from the cocktail except conversation wasn’t flowing as naturally as I hoped it would. I guess part of my mind was still preoccupied with knowing his place was right next door. Throughout our conversation, he would make remarks like ‘you should come over to my place to watch such and such movie sometime’ and ‘I have the place to myself’. He was checking his phone several times towards the end of the hour and I wondered if he was losing interest. As I was nearing the end of my cocktail a panic button clicked inside of me and I excused myself to the washroom and called my friend to pick me up. When I sat back down conversation started a bit slow but got back to a steady flow. He offered me a second drink but I politely declined. At which point I was interrupted by my phone again to see a message from my friend saying she was waiting outside to pick me up.

I apologized and explained my ride was here early and he was a bit caught of guard saying that was one of the earliest ending Saturday night outings he’d be on. I agreed and felt bad but he still sweetly paid the bill and when I offered to pay he said ‘no… don’t worry, you can pay next time’.

I’ll probably need a night to sleep on it, but I just don’t know if he’s the guy I’m meant to be with. I know you don’t always feel butterflies the first time you get to know someone (although I did feel them with the last guy I dated who turned out to be a bit of a coward). It could have just been fear that had taken over me… as I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to his apartment on our first date and knowing it was right there made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I question whether 28 is too old and with that age comes too much experience. I wouldn’t call him a player at all, in fact he came across as a gentleman which is rare to see a lot nowadays. However, he knew the right things to say (of course, he’s a lawyer!) and maybe I found all those factors put together a bit intimidating which didn’t allow me to fully relax as much as I could have.

A) Would you date a guy 7 years older than you? B) Should height ever be an issue or does that just make someone look completely shallow?  C) Is it the new norm to check your phone while on a date or is that just being rude?

More Than a Friend

Over the last three years of school I’ve developed an incredible friendship with a guy who at first appeared to me as very awkward, closed off and shy. I was never sure whether to approach him to say hello (as I would see him on the subway going home often standing on his own) and always wanted to say something but never sure whether he wanted to talk.

It wasn’t until one of our classes when we were given a partner assignment and by chance happened to get each others names. Since then over the last three years I have seen him slowly grow out of his quiet, awkward shell and we have become so close that we can talk to each other about anything. We can relate on levels that others may not be able to understand due to our past and we both value each others friendship more than words can say.

Since last summer I noticed a change in his behaviour. The way he acted around me, his constant fidgeting… I could sense he was battling something internally that he wouldn’t share with me. Up until recently I remained silent as it was never anything extreme and I still felt at ease in his presence but this past week things changed dramatically. When we were together working on an assignment it felt very formal and tense talking to him. He was fidgeting more than usual and when I looked into his eyes I could tell there was something wandering in his head that was trapped. It was as if whatever was on his mind kept growing and trying to get out but the more he kept it in the more violent it became.

After our class this past Friday we rode the subway home together and before he got off at his stop, he turned to me and said…

I really want to tell you something. (pause) I’m just too afraid.

Then he walked off and I was at a loss. I reflected on our friendship over the last three years and what may have caused it to change. I had always sensed how much he cared for me; through his actions and harmless flirtatious comments here and there but I never knew exactly how he felt towards me. I never talked to him about my relationships out of fear he did feel something towards me and if that was the case never wanted to hurt him.

However, I knew it was time he told me how he felt whatever may happen as a result of it. I composed a heart felt email to him Friday night when I got home explaining how I genuinely cared for him and I could sense something wasn’t right. I told him that nothing he would say would jeopardize our friendship.

The next day I got a new notification in my email that he had responded. As I read it, I started crying as my prediction was right. He did in fact have stronger romantic feelings for me that had been growing since the summer. He was always afraid to tell me how he felt as he never wanted things to be awkward if I didn’t feel the same, especially because we are working on several projects together this year.

After reflecting and organizing my thoughts, I sent an email back to him. I explained how honoured I felt that he cared for me that much. I was also so happy he finally expressed his feelings which I knew was hard for him to do as I am one of the only people he feels comfortable talking to, and since the subject was me he had no one else to turn to. I told him that I value his friendship so much and it means the world to me, but I didn’t feel there was a romantic connection that could develop. I would also never want to sacrifice our dynamic work relationship, especially if we were to go into business together post graduation.

I know that it will probably take him some time to process my email response and it may be a bit awkward at first when I see him, but I really hope we can get back to how our friendship used to be.

The Summer Untouchables

Every year my family goes to a resort which takes no more than an hour and a half to get there by car. We go for a number of reasons. 1) It’s a great family bonding experience. 2) Buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner is heaven. 3) The entire sports staff are approximately my age and they each look like they could be abercrombie models.

Well bullet 3 should have been bullet 1 as my cousin and I couldn’t get over how good looking they were and for the majority of our trip stayed in the extreme sports area to talk/flirt with them with our little fantasy clouds hovering over us grinning ear to ear.

Half way through the trip we dubbed them the untouchables. Why? We figured with a combination of incredibly good looks and their natural flirtatiousness, what was stopping them from having that effect on all the girls who drooled over them throughout the entire summer? A lot of these guys work there to be outdoors everyday, party and hookup. Now I don’t want to make that assumption for each of them but living somewhat further away from the resort, I knew nothing serious would happen with any of them. When I asked my younger cousin what she though I got a reply “I’d hookup with one of them”. Why? “They are so hot!” I pondered whether they appeared “hot” simply because they were or if it was because we were contained in this magical resort where everything appeared delicious, scrumptious and almost too good to be true.

I feel whenever I go to a resort I’m away in a fantasy world that thrills me for 5 days and then I go back to reality when home. Since it was my cousins first dose of it she still can’t fathom the fact that the sports staff won’t be in her eyes view until next summer. I explained to her it’s definitely a clever marketing tactic on the resort’s part to keep guests returning!

16 vs. 21

So my cousin and I hung out this afternoon and she was explaining to me about her love life and two guys in particular that she is currently smitten over.

I’ll start off by saying she’s 16.

If it were a game show, here’s how it would be presented…

Contender #1 is a year younger, goes to the same school, is tall and handsome and is book smart. Sounds like a perfect catch no?

Contender #2 is about 5 years older. He’s also tall and handsome, in University and has this charm that she’s attracted to. She met him at a party awhile back.

So after doing a thorough text message and facebook picture investigation – I explained to her I thought contender #1 was the better option. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against the fact that contender #2 is 5 years older as I clearly state in ‘The Dating Age Gap’ how a number can’t define a connection between two people. However, I explained that 16 vs. 21 and 20 vs. 25 are two very different match games. With 16 vs. 21 the 16 year old being my cousin is attracted to the idea of physically being with someone who is older and has more experience. Also the fact that he is gorgeous makes the attraction that much stronger. Not to say all 21 year olds are like this, but I’m going to presume the majority who flirt with girls in their early stages of high school aren’t looking for ‘true love’ or a committed relationship. They are experienced and know how to charm a girl and almost act like persuasive snakes to get certain things that younger girls are sometimes vulnerable enough to give into. 20 vs. 25 can be read more indepth about in ‘The Dating Age Gap’ post.

Contender #1 – despite her hesitation regarding the fact he’s a year younger, I think is still someone she shouldn’t lose sight of. The fact that she knows a lot about him and they go to the same school and live close by means that she’s within her comfort zone. Also, the fact that he is in the more premature stages of a proper relationship makes him a stronger contendor for something long term and meaningful. I understand that at 16 she can’t help but worry how her friends may perceive her dating a guy 1 year younger – but I say go for it.

Usually I wouldn’t recommend dating younger as in my personal experience they are all incredibly immature and are ‘Justin Bieber’ clones. The way she described him though and how smitten she was just goes to show how much of a good thing she thinks he is. So I say make the first move and go out for dinner or to the movies. Get to know him more 1 on 1. Don’t focus too much on what your friends will think. We all need to trust our own hearts and if we always based our decisions on what our friends thought we’d never achieve a full level of happiness.