Florida Sunshine Cleanse

After my date with LinkedIn boy last month – I was hesitant as to whether or not I should see him again. I was afraid that the more intimate we got… the more attached I’d get. After giving it some deep thought over the next few days and taking into account all of your insightful feedback, my final decision was to go with the flow, and if he were to ask me out – I would see him again. I’d go with what I felt comfortable with, even if it slightly tampered with my heart.

A few more casual, flirtatious text messages were sent back and forth the week following our date, but after that I never heard from him again. Unless you count the dozens of email notifications I received whenever he went live on his gaming website. Needless to say – I’ve now unsubscribed from those email alerts, at the same time unsubscribing from the fantasy of any future between the two of us.

Since then I’ve spoken to a few more guys on OKC and Tinder – but majority of them, similarly to LinkedIn boy, were just looking for a ‘Friends with Benefits’ type relationship. Feeling discouraged, I logged off all online accounts and focused more on going out with my friends.

On a positive note, this Canadian suburban girl just got back from a road trip which was a 24+ hour drive each way! I spent over a week right by the ocean and beautiful palm trees. Lying by the pool and beach with the scorching sun washing over me, feeling the mist of the ocean tickling the tip of my toes, sipping a yummy Pina Colada in hand… I felt free. Free from all my boy troubles, stress of finding a full-time job, amongst a list of other things.

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I was very tempted to stay in Florida permanently and continue to soak in the beautifully tanned men. However, reality sunk in the day we departed and before I knew it, I was back in Toronto.

Still, I am happy to be back. I’d highly recommend you take a road trip or spontaneous vacation, even if it’s just for a week – to de-stress and reflect. Being away reminded me how it’s important to go out on adventures and live life to the fullest. I promised myself to do less online scouting for love and more going out with friends and exploring my beautiful city.

My Chocolate was Hot on Easter Sunday

To all my followers that were hopeful Facebook boy would truly be my prince charming: unfortunately I don’t have good news. In fact, I’ve been screaming at myself for being so easily manipulated to think he was actually interested in developing something with me. Instead, he used me for my design skills and once I was of no more use to him, he stopped communicating with me. So it’s time to say goodbye and move on.

Business boy and I had been messaging each other back and forth over the past week on a Jewish online dating site. Even though I’m not very religious, I thought it would be nice to try it out and find some guys who were a bit more serious about looking to find the right girl. After my date with Facebook boy, I was feeling pretty defeated but I figured this would be the last guy I met up with before wrapping up the last few weeks of school.

We decided it’d be great to grab a hot chocolate/coffee over the weekend. Business boy told me he was heading up to his cottage on Saturday (I desperately wanted to ask him to take me with but contained myself). He said he’d call me when he got back Saturday afternoon to arrange plans. Sure enough the next day I heard from him. He sounded very cute on the phone. We talked for a few minutes and decided to meet at a shopping mall the next day that was located between the two of us. I thought this would be a good spot – instead of having to sit down the whole time over a drink, we could walk around a bit.

I woke up Sunday morning when it hit me: the shopping mall is probably closed today, being Easter Sunday! Still lying in bed, I called the shopping mall and sure enough no one was picking up. I sent him a text message saying the mall was most likely closed so would he be open to just going somewhere else to grab a drink. He said he’d be cool to meet me at a coffee shop in my area which was very sweet of him (and refreshing, compared to Facebook boy who made me come to him). So I gave him the name and intersection and we decided to meet at 3:30 pm today.

I got to the coffee shop ten minutes early and found a table for two towards the back. I sat down and threw my coat on the chair. I then started getting a bit fidgety and was looking around the shop which was fairly busy but still comfortable/not too loud. I sent him a text saying I got there and asked how much longer he’d be. I received a message back saying he was a few minutes away.

My heart was leaping back and forth. I saw a guy walk in and he looked at me but he didn’t look at all like Business boy. He sat down at a table towards the front, so I sighed in relief and continued fidgeting. A few minutes later another guy walked in, and as he came closer he totally looked like the guy in the pictures I saw, probably ten times cuter. I got up to hug him. He was very tall (about 6’2), muscular and was wearing a cologne that got me a bit too giddy.

Before we sat down, Business boy offered to buy me a drink (what was I thinking with the last guy?) and so I went up to the counter with him to order a hot chocolate. He also got a drink for himself. Standing there with him I was in awe of how gorgeous he was and was already starting to feel butterflies. I told myself to remain calm and try to not smile so much.

We sat down with our drinks in hand and conversation immediately started flowing naturally. He showed a lot of interest in what I was studying and how my graduate show worked. He told me about how he was working in finance/marketing and continued presenting himself in a very sexy and professional way. As he talked he had a bit of a crooked smile which I found a bit distracting but cute. I’d like to think I did a very good job listening and asking questions in response. Not once did either of us check our cell phones and we pretty much talked about everything from our similar music tastes to how important family was to countries we have/want to travel to. We seemed to have such a similar outlook on life and he just seemed really mature, yet down to earth. Most importantly, I got a sense that he was looking for something more than just hooking up or having a good time. Which is something I’ve learned is what I want at this point in my life.

Two hours later our cups were dry and he told me he had to go home for a family dinner. I found it so attractive that he put the time aside every Sunday to catch up with them. As we were getting ready to leave he asked if I drove here. I had actually been given a lift to the coffee shop so he offered to give me a ride home. I was still feeling so giddy and the butterflies were growing stronger. I was happy he was going to be with his family, but selfishly I would have loved to spend more time with him.

We walked into the parking lot and he told me to stop once we got to the black Mercedes. My jaw dropped. I tried remaining cool and collected. It was so sleek and inside I was screaming: out of happiness this time. I directed him to my house and once arrived we hugged goodbye. Once I got inside my dad was cooking in the kitchen and I told him the guys name (only because Business boy said his parents used to live in the same city as my dad). My dad recognized the last name and sure enough – he had gone to University with both his parents. We couldn’t believe what a small world it is!

If he writes again (let’s keep our fingers crossed), I will have to tell him about that. Maybe it’s a sign? What do you think?

Lonely Girls Valentine Fantasy

Last night I was heading home from the subway and just as I was leaving the station I saw a man holding a single red rose as he was heading up the escalator. I thought to myself whoever was about to receive that token of love was a lucky girl.

I’ve never celebrated Valentine’s Day with a guy I cared about. Probably because none of my serious relationships lasted long enough to make it to February 14th. I feel like part of ‘Valentine’s Day’ is just a clever marketing tactic for restaurants and theatres to up their prices. Despite this, I’d love nothing more than to go out on a romantic date; where the guy opens the door for me, takes me to see a romantic comedy and then buys me an overly expensive dish of chicken-fettuccine alfredo. Then he’d take me to a hotel where rose petals are scattered down the front aisle towards the bedroom (of course I’m referencing ‘The Bachelor’). Then we’d lie in each others arms for hours and even though there would be moments of silence it would just feel… right. Or we could skip the expensive meal and he could make a home cooked meal… equally as attractive in my books.

I know Valentine’s Day is more than just a money monster. It’s also about being with someone you truly care about and sharing in each others affection. It’s about making the other person smile and laugh. Maybe opening your door to a dozen roses or a big teddy bear with numerous x’s and o’s written across it.

I am fortunate enough to have a great family that still celebrates Valentine’s Day together. I wake up with a heart shaped container filled with ferrero rochers, and my dad always makes a fantastic dinner for all of us to share. There is always so much love in my household and as much as I’d love to share a romantic night with someone, I really do have a lot of special people in my life. My closest girlfriends wished me a happy Valentine’s Day, despite some of them currently living outside the country.

The fact that I do have such great friends and family doesn’t make this lonely girl feel extremely sad or bogged down. I am so appreciative for what I do have in my life and look forward to the successes and opportunities that are waiting ahead of me. I also want to thank all of you for continuing along this journey with me. All your feedback, suggestions and stories really make me feel like I’m not alone and to keep pushing forward.

What’s your take on Valentine’s Day? What did you do to celebrate? Or maybe you simply stayed at home in your pajamas like me and watched re-runs of ‘Catfish’ and ‘Modern Family’.

The Summer Untouchables

Every year my family goes to a resort which takes no more than an hour and a half to get there by car. We go for a number of reasons. 1) It’s a great family bonding experience. 2) Buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner is heaven. 3) The entire sports staff are approximately my age and they each look like they could be abercrombie models.

Well bullet 3 should have been bullet 1 as my cousin and I couldn’t get over how good looking they were and for the majority of our trip stayed in the extreme sports area to talk/flirt with them with our little fantasy clouds hovering over us grinning ear to ear.

Half way through the trip we dubbed them the untouchables. Why? We figured with a combination of incredibly good looks and their natural flirtatiousness, what was stopping them from having that effect on all the girls who drooled over them throughout the entire summer? A lot of these guys work there to be outdoors everyday, party and hookup. Now I don’t want to make that assumption for each of them but living somewhat further away from the resort, I knew nothing serious would happen with any of them. When I asked my younger cousin what she though I got a reply “I’d hookup with one of them”. Why? “They are so hot!” I pondered whether they appeared “hot” simply because they were or if it was because we were contained in this magical resort where everything appeared delicious, scrumptious and almost too good to be true.

I feel whenever I go to a resort I’m away in a fantasy world that thrills me for 5 days and then I go back to reality when home. Since it was my cousins first dose of it she still can’t fathom the fact that the sports staff won’t be in her eyes view until next summer. I explained to her it’s definitely a clever marketing tactic on the resort’s part to keep guests returning!

A Philosophical Tweet

Every girl wants a bad boy, who will be good just for them, and every boy wants a good girl, who will be bad just for them.

I checked my email inbox today and stumbled across this Tweet by @frank_oceaan that had been re tweeted by someone that I follow. I read it thoroughly word by word and couldn’t believe how true it was.

I feel a large number of us live in somewhat of a fantasy world. Girls like myself like the idea of a ‘bad boy,’ or simply someone who appears unattainable. Coming from a small suburban city and sheltered the majority of my life departing slowly now at adulthood, I partly crave the unattainable due to fear of attaching myself to someone who is attainable. When I have the attainable, sweet and romantic guy who has genuine feelings for me… I runaway. In constant doubt and uncertainty as to whether it’s related to physical attraction, missing the ‘bad boy’ edge that I constantly crave, or simply out of fear of intensifying our relationship. I feel I thrive off of the excitement of the catch, and once it’s gone, I’m afraid of whether I will ever feel that again or if there is something else better.

I get afraid that I typically go after the wrong guy, and I understand that my mentality needs to change and I can’t set my standards incredibly high. Of course my dream would be to take the ultimate ‘bad boy’ and change him to be more of a gentlemanly, sweet guy while maintaining somewhat of his edge… but the reality of that happening is slim to none. Of course at the same time I want a guy who will genuinely treat me like a lady, but have somewhat of an edge to him and surprise me with things that aren’t so sweet on every date we go on.

So what’s your perfect guy? Is he a combination of good and bad?

Butterflies: Fantasy or Fact?

I thought I’d post a follow up to my banker boy blog post.

We ended up going out on date #2 last week and it was a perfect evening. We started at Indigo where he told me to meet him outside, for me to find him holding a beautiful single pink and white rose to present to me. I was flattered but extremely caught off guard, as I had never been given one on a date before. He continued being a perfect gentleman throughout the evening. He bought us ice cream — and then he drove us to a romantic spot where we could walk down a path by a beautiful pond. There were benches and a gazebo. After having finished our ice creams on the bench, we walked down the path a bit and we had our arms around each other. I felt comfortable but then we approached a spot overlooking the water which was ideally the perfect spot for a first kiss. He still had his arm around me and we glanced at each other several times but neither leaned in to make the first move. Then there was the awkward silence staring out into the crystal blue water.

I began overanalyzing the entire situation, wondering why I wasn’t feeling butterflies in my stomach to kiss him. I thought to myself maybe that just means I’m not attracted to him. Isn’t one supposed to feel those butterflies by date #2? Especially in such a romantic setting? Option 2 was I was just overtaken with nerves, believing he had much more experience than me and was afraid of messing everything up.

You see, I’m used to dating younger, immature boys who don’t typically give me roses or compliments. I like the chase. I feel safe knowing they are approximately at the same level I am in regards to dating and aren’t looking for anything serious at the beginning. Whereas, this guy I was with was very much the opposite — and his eagerness to please made me scared and back off a bit (almost convincing myself I wasn’t attracted to him as a defense mechanism).

Now my friends believe attraction does need to be there to a certain level, but a relationship builds over time. I should stop over thinking things, and if I don’t feel comfortable with the speed at which things are progressing and I genuinely like him as a person (which I do) — I just need to be honest.

So which type of guy would you typically go for and what do you think are the most important qualities you look for. Is it just a fairy tale fantasy to think those butterflies should be there by date #2?