When a “spark” fizzles out

It’s been difficult writing a follow up blog post since my date last September. Truth be told, I thought he was going to be a keeper. For those who have been curious to know what happened…

I went over to his place for what baby face framed as a “celebratory birthday dinner for both of us”. I couldn’t go empty handed, so I wrapped up a bottle of merlot, and the cutest kitchen hand towel that had a pattern of every bagel type imaginable. Re-read my last post if you don’t get the reference.

He greeted me with a warm embrace, and proceeded to give me a tour of his 550 sq.ft bachelor pad. I wasn’t exactly impressed with the fact that he had dirty plates and magazines strewn across his bed and couch (could have used a bit more tidying before I got there), but it wasn’t a deal breaker. He had a huge map over his bed with red pins marking all the places he had traveled to, so I excitedly jumped up on his bed to examine closer and started ooing and aahing over some of them. He came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, whispered in my ear that there were so many places on the map we could mark off together, and that was enough to make me turn right around, pull him down on the bed, and get this birthday celebration started. One problem: I couldn’t stop thinking about how much my stomach was growling, and really needed to eat something.

Baby face didn’t have a solid dinner game plan, which was surprising since I had thought he would have started cooking a romantic meal for us by the time I got there. All he had purchased was a bag of frozen shrimp – so was planning on frying those up, and tossing together a russian salad. I was frustrated, as my stomach was growling louder and louder — and he had no clue that I wasn’t a shrimp fan, but I wasn’t going to be rude and tell him to come up with an option B. I let him do his thing. As he started to fry up the shrimp, I got some tunes playing in the background and playfully wrapped my arms around him — he was pleased with the distraction. I then assisted to cut up the veggies, while taking breaks to distract him even more.

We were dancing along to the music like a happy little couple, and at that point I felt it was the perfect opportunity to present him with his second gift (the bagel towel). I told him to close his eyes for a second. I grabbed the towel out of the bag, and placed it on the stove handle. He then opened his eyes and started searching, as if it were a game of ‘Where’s Waldo’. He searched for… what felt like 10 minutes, and I was soaking in every second of his cute puppy dog expression, hopelessly trying to find the treasure I placed. I ended up pointing it out, and he was ecstatic. His reaction made up for the meal he was scrambling to put together.

After dinner, we danced our way over to the bedroom (I had about 3 glasses of wine to make up for the lack of food in my system), and the clothes started falling off piece by piece. I was like… okay… I’m ready. I’m a bit tipsy but hang on… he’s completely naked, and he’s basically ready to go all in. I pushed him away for a second and said we needed a condom. “Really? I promise we’ll be safe. I’ve done this lots of times”. There was no way I was letting him do that, when I had no clue how many other girls he had been with. I basically said that it wasn’t going to happen without one. He seemed reluctant, and at that point I really should have just left, but I didn’t want to lose him because of it. Baby face said, “I don’t have any, do you?” I felt like rolling my eyes, as I couldn’t really fathom how a guy wouldn’t have condoms in his own bachelor pad, but I grabbed one from my purse, and thought – okay dude, deal with it.

5 minutes later… 10 minutes later…. we’re lying awkwardly next to each other, neither happy with how that played out. He had gone limp as soon as he put it on. He was probably embarrassed, and I just lay there feeling disappointed for both of us. To make light of what happened, I said “maybe we should have had oysters instead of shrimp”. We laughed and ended off the night cuddled up watching two episodes of The Office. I ubered home, and en route he texted me saying he still had a great time.

I was willing to give it one more shot. We texted back and forth the next 2 days. Day 3 he messages me on Facebook a long winded message, bottom line saying he didn’t feel a “spark” with me, and was looking for marriage in the near future (obviously not seeing it with me). I was angry and upset that he even connected with me after I left, especially if he never felt a spark. It was definitely a cover up for him being unable to perform. So my line back to him: “Yeah, your “spark” clearly fizzled out for obvious reasons. Good luck finding what you’re looking for.” Harsh, I know, but made me feel better. Two minutes later he unfriends me on Facebook.

I couldn’t stop comparing all my new matches to him, and I just wasn’t finding the same type of chemistry. It was making dating for me even more discouraging.

This year I have a lot to look forward to. Between celebrating my friends getting married, moving into my own condo, and traveling to a number of destinations, it will be a non-stop ride. I also look forward to the next dozen dates, and hoping one of them will move into 2019 with me. Looks like you’re all stuck with me as suburban girl looking for love… for now. Happy 2018 everyone.

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Signals

Jeremy and I got matched on Coffee Meets Bagel two weeks ago. The app had been on my phone for a little while and I really wasn’t having any luck… up until his handsome profile popped up.

Over the next week we were writing back and forth quite a bit. I discovered we shared a lot in common and he sounded quite mature and grounded for a guy in his mid 20s. He also conveniently lived a walk away from where I work! So it was only natural that the next step was to meet up for drinks after work one evening.

I met up with Jeremy last Thursday after work at a cute little Italian restaurant with a beautiful outdoor patio. He was waiting outside the restaurant when I arrived – and he looked even more handsome than in his photos. We hugged hello and made our way inside (he held the door open for me, which made my heart melt just a little). Unfortunately for us, it was 40 degrees out so we opted to eat inside.

We had the whole upper level dining area to ourselves – truly couldn’t have asked for a more romantic setting! Once we got past the initial nervous banter, conversation seemed to flow pretty well. We picked up where we left off on the app and started diving into more about our families and travel adventures. I was inadvertently twirling my hair the entire night and he seemed to be sending me signals he was interested as well. First off – there was no checking his phone the entire time we were together (except for when he showed me pictures of his dogs – which were incredibly cute). Second, he combed his hand through his luscious surfer hair multiple times — guys, am I reading too much into that one or is that a definite sign of showing off / interest? Third – there were a few times that he stretched his arms up to show off his biceps — I was definitely liking what I saw.

Once we finished dinner – he offered to pay. Huge signal he likes me, right? Otherwise, he could have just split the bill since we shared a salad and pizza. He then walked back to the subway station with me even though it was past his street to go home. At that point we hugged goodbye and I felt the date ended on a great note.

So here I am — trying to get through my work day last Friday… although every 5 seconds I’m glancing over at my phone hoping to see his name pop up. 5PM rolls around and nothing. Saturday, nothing. At this point I was starting to get worried but figured maybe by the third day he’d message (playing it cool). Sunday, nothing.

Monday evening I decided to send him a text playing it cool and just said, “Hey! How was your weekend?” He responded almost an hour later, “Hey, weekend was good. Went up to a friends cottage.”

That’s it. He didn’t ask me how my weekend was, or any question in return. Obviously, I was feeling confused and hurt. I thought I picked up all these signals that he was interested, but I guess I was wrong. There’s been no correspondence since Monday – I never responded, because I didn’t feel there was anything to respond to. Wishing I had some closure – even though I know we only went on one date.

Thoughts?

Real Estate Guy: Part 2

I recently got back from The Bahamas – which was the perfect remedy for escaping the cold Canadian Winter. I’d give anything to be back on the beach with a rum punch in my hand, while getting cat called by the Bahamian men…

In the midst of all the last minute packing and finalizing work projects, I forgot to provide everyone with an update on Real Estate Guy (who I talked about in my last post here).

I ended up driving over to his brother’s birthday party around 11PM and REG greeted me at the doorway. I could see the party was already in full gear; there were at least 20-30 people on the main floor. Some were playing beer pong, and others were busy putting together the final touches on his brothers birthday cake. He took me around and introduced me to all his friends – including his roommates and his brothers girlfriends. Everyone was very friendly! I was overall feeling very comfortable with the setting and surprisingly didn’t feel too overwhelmed by the number of people.

After about an hour – we went downstairs to the basement, and there I discovered another large group of people – who I found out were his brothers friends. When he introduced me to his brother – we gave each other a friendly hello, and that was it. I was so relieved his brother didn’t mention anything about us going on a date years ago…

Later on REG gave me a tour of his place – we laughed over all his embarrassing childhood photos on the walls. The tour ended in his old bedroom. It was definitely your typical boys room – with playboy model posters on the wall and all his sports trophies lined up on his chest of drawers. We lay down on his bed and stared into each others eyes. He just couldn’t stop smiling as he stared at me and I couldn’t help but giggle. He kept asking, “what’s so funny?” and I kept saying… “nothing, you’re just a really sweet guy”.

We started kissing and… I could feel something wasn’t right. I wasn’t feeling any sort of spark or excitement when he kissed me. I thought to myself — it’s probably just the setting. It wasn’t very romantic – and I felt a bit uncomfortable being there for too long while his friends were still downstairs. So I cut the kissing and cuddling session short, and we went downstairs to join his friends for a bit longer. At 3AM he walked me to the door, we kissed goodnight and with that I left.

We saw each other again last Sunday. The evening started with dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant. It was our third date and I thought conversation would maybe get a bit deeper. I was still unsure about where him and his ex stood (as 2/3 of his Facebook photos were of him and her). However, it just stayed surface level. Afterwards we went to see a movie at a theater nearby. About half way in he reached to hold my hand. I did feel something when he held my hand – which I thought was a good sign.

When the movie ended, he drove me home. I thanked him for a really nice evening. He told me I should come back to his place the following weekend for a hot tub and wine date and I nodded saying we’d speak more about it later. He then leaned in again and kissed me. I tried to completely relax and clear my head, and be in the moment. I closed me eyes and as we were kissing, but I still felt nothing. I felt… awful.

Perhaps part of me wished he had a bit of a play hard to get / bad side. I know I need someone who is sweet and sincere, but I crave that element of mystery and danger. Passion and chemistry are things you need to build in a relationship, and if I wasn’t feeling anything by date 3, I didn’t feel it would be fair to lead him on any further. It’s been almost a week since our date, and neither of us haven’t written to the other.

Another blogger I follow suggested you should wait at least a week in between dates when you first start seeing someone. I feel like there is something to that. Maybe it was too much too soon, and that was part of what turned me off. What are your thoughts on this?

So here I am again, back to square 1. Months away from reaching a quarter of a century, and trying to stay as optimistic as possible that my prince charming is out there somewhere. I still have a lot of adventures planned for the rest of this year, so I have faith that he is out there!

It’s a Small World…

About a week ago I got a new match on Bumble; let’s call him Real Estate Guy. We wrote back and forth during the week, and I learned we had quite a bit in common. He lived downtown, but grew up in the same suburban city as me (his family literally lives a few streets away). We went to the same high school — but I never crossed paths with him as he was a year below me. We joked about how the app had a brilliant algorithm in place to match people up.

His first name wasn’t very common and sounded quite familiar — so I thought why not do a quick Facebook search. Sure enough, his profile was the first to pop up – and as soon as I saw his last name, I freaked out. Years ago I worked as a front desk receptionist at my dads office – and this guy would come in frequently as he had a sports injury that needed treatment. I was smitten by him and got my dad to investigate – but unfortunately he was in a relationship at the time.

Fast forward 6 or 7 years later – and here we are. We had our first date last night! I chose not to tell him about my crush on him years before or even to remind him that he had been into my dads office.

He picked me up in his stick shift Audi and away we went to a local restaurant for dessert and and drinks.

Over the next two hours conversation flowed so well. I was happy to learn he was very close with him family and also a travel enthusiast. Most importantly, I found another cat lover!

After about 2 hours – we decided it was too early to call it a night on a Friday evening. Next stop: glow in the dark mini-putting. Trust me, you can never be too old to go! We had a great time.

He drove me home around 11:30.

“So what are you up to for the rest of the weekend?” I said.

“My parents are out of town and we are going to have a party for my brothers birthday tomorrow night. Actually, you should come!”

I told him that sounded fun and I’d let him know. With that he walked me to my door (what a gentleman!) As we said goodnight, he leaned in and kissed me. It was so sweet. He was so sweet…

I woke up this morning with another realization. Oh. My. God. I ran to Facebook and searched his last name again. I found his brother’s page – the one whose birthday it was. I couldn’t believe it. I went on a date with him years ago – I have no idea whether he remembers me or not. If he does, it could be very awkward if I go to the party tonight.

I think the best thing to do is just play it cool if I go. I doubt he’d say anything, but still. What!! What would you guys do?

—-

I wanted to give you an update on Finance Guy from Valentine’s Day. After giving it quite a bit of thought – I decided not to pursue anything further with him. I felt as though his lifestyle and mine just didn’t match. It was a fun adventure, but onto the next!

I Picked Up a Bumble Bee

…and I didn’t get stung.

I’ve been talking to Cody for about a month. We met off of a new dating app called Bumble, which asks the woman to send the first message within 24 hours of being matched. Not long after messaging over Bumble, we exchanged numbers and started texting back and forth.

It seemed like we shared quite a lot in common – and I wanted to meet the guy already! It had already been a few weeks and I was growing antsy…

I asked Cody if he was around for the holidays. Thankfully he picked up on my subtle hint to get together, and asked if I wanted to grab a coffee over the weekend. We made plans to meet this afternoon.

I walked into the coffee shop right on time and sure enough spotted him at one of the booths, writing away in a journal. I walked towards the booth.

“Cody?”

“Hey, nice to meet you!” He put his hand out to shake mine.

I saw he already had a coffee – so I put my coat down and went to grab myself a tea.

When I sat down, we jumped into conversation about how we were enjoying the holidays. Conversation flowed smoothly from one subject to the next, and the more I learned about him, the more attractive he seemed. Physically – he was a 10/10 in my books. 6’2, personal trainer / fitness coach, dark and handsome. Maturity wise, he seemed on the same level as me which is quite rare to find in a lot of people in their mid 20s.

3 hours later, he walked me to my car.

Cody: “So this was fun. We should do this again sometime soon”.

I happily agreed, and with that we hugged each other good bye and drove off.

UPDATE: We’ve been texting non-stop since we got home. In fact, I may even be seeing him on New Years!!

To be continued…

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Ryan and I lay in each others arms on my bed. Burning tears were streaming down my cheeks, as I burrowed my head into his chest. “It’s going to be okay, baby” he said, holding onto me tightly and kissing my forehead. I looked up into his eyes which were red and cloudy with tears.

Around 2AM I walked downstairs with him, gripping onto his shirt tightly until we got to the front door. He tilted my head up and wiped away my tears with his finger. “We will always be in each others lives… don’t forget that”. I nodded and we gave each other one last kiss before he walked out. I stood by the door sobbing, with an awful, heart-wrenching pain that I had never experienced before.


After 9 incredible months of dating Ryan from JSwipe, it was time to say farewell to one another. Ryan was accepted into a PhD program half way around the world, which will take about 4 years to complete.

We knew about 3 months in that he would be leaving to go. It wasn’t an easy time in our relationship. At that point we were developing strong feelings for one another, and I hated the though of him leaving me. It was a difficult decision, but Ryan knew he couldn’t turn it down. It was one of the most prestigious and competitive programs in his field of study.

I could have ended the relationship at that point to avoid the heartbreak and sadness later on. However, I knew I had to let my fears go – not willing to give up the special bond we had.

We carried forward and went on a countless number of dates. Between our lazy nights at home watching American Horror Story, going to The Zoo, spending the night at a fancy hotel for his birthday and slow dancing together at his sisters wedding – we made so many wonderful memories together.

Before we knew it, October arrived and it was inevitable to talk about the future of our relationship. It was a very tough and emotional discussion to have, but ultimately it was decided that we weren’t going to try and do long-distance. As much as we cared for one another deeply, it would be very tough to be apart from one another for so long. As well, I needed the opportunity to explore other relationships – as this is all very new to me… in order to compare and decide what exactly I want in a life time partner.

I can finally say to the whole blogosphere that I did find love, and it has been an absolutely incredible journey to get to this point (even though it meant I had to experience heart break). A part of me will always love Ryan – we plan on staying in each others lives forever. We’ve been talking frequently since he landed – and I look forward to video chatting with him in a day or two once he is all settled in.

Who knows – maybe he will end up being the one I’m meant to be with forever. For now, my journey continues, and I hope you will stay along for the ride.

Disco Fever

Ryan and I went out last night. Our fourth consecutive weekly date – meaning it’s been a month since we first started seeing each other! Despite the horrible snow storm that hit my city, he still picked me up and we headed over to a local bowling alley. As soon as we arrived to our lane, the glow in the dark / disco lights kicked in and I was glowing head to toe. We gave ourselves gangster display names and picked up our bowling balls. Our first few turns were equally horrible and embarrassing – with one gutter ball after the next… although we just laughed it off. I even did the granny style bowl for one round, and still, no pins got knocked down.

Anyway, by the fourth turn we got into the swing of things. Each time there was a strike, we gave each other a kiss. Even though I’m not a huge fan of PDA – there were couples to our left and right acting the same way around each other, so it didn’t bother me whatsoever.

bowlingkiss

We bowled for an hour – which was quite a work out! Ryan then drove us to a dessert cafe. We decided to split the New York Cheesecake with fruit (it seems like cheesecake is becoming our signature dessert to share). Ryan shared that he met up with two other girls from JSwipe before me — which thankfully didn’t work out. He asked if I’d been on any other online dates or if I had any interesting stories to share. What was I supposed to say?! I’ve only been on about 80 first dates or so… I could have easily talked about the goose hunter, the time I though I met my perfect match over LinkedIn or perhaps one of my awkward Tinder exchanges, but I simply said I’d also been on a few dates and left it at that for now.

We played with each others fingers and stared into each others eyes for quite awhile. Ryan said that he missed lying in bed with me, which put a huge grin on my face. I told him we should do it again soon – although it’s difficult having to coordinate around our parents schedules / when they would be out of the house. I joked around saying we should take a trip to Niagara Falls next weekend and he replied saying “let’s do it”. He seemed pretty serious too. I told him I was down. Next weekend is also Valentine’s Day – so that would be pretty cute for us to spend the weekend away together. Anyway – it was just casual talk and we will see if he brings it up again.

He dropped me off at home and before going inside – we had a sweet and passionate make out session to Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake. I exited the car just a little bit on Cloud 9. He texted me when he got home saying he arrived back safely and to have a good night. I wrote back saying goodnight and even added a little pink heart into the message. ;)

Several of my friends think I may need to soon change my blog title to ‘Suburban Girl Found Love’ – but I don’t feel I’m there just yet. It’s still early into the relationship and I don’t want to jinx anything. I was thinking if he asked me out on Valentine’s Day – it would be the perfect opportunity to figure out whether we were exclusive or not. I’m not ready to put all my eggs in one basket unless he tells me he’s willing to focus on me, and only me. Would my fellow bloggers agree?