When a “spark” fizzles out

It’s been difficult writing a follow up blog post since my date last September. Truth be told, I thought he was going to be a keeper. For those who have been curious to know what happened…

I went over to his place for what baby face framed as a “celebratory birthday dinner for both of us”. I couldn’t go empty handed, so I wrapped up a bottle of merlot, and the cutest kitchen hand towel that had a pattern of every bagel type imaginable. Re-read my last post if you don’t get the reference.

He greeted me with a warm embrace, and proceeded to give me a tour of his 550 sq.ft bachelor pad. I wasn’t exactly impressed with the fact that he had dirty plates and magazines strewn across his bed and couch (could have used a bit more tidying before I got there), but it wasn’t a deal breaker. He had a huge map over his bed with red pins marking all the places he had traveled to, so I excitedly jumped up on his bed to examine closer and started ooing and aahing over some of them. He came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, whispered in my ear that there were so many places on the map we could mark off together, and that was enough to make me turn right around, pull him down on the bed, and get this birthday celebration started. One problem: I couldn’t stop thinking about how much my stomach was growling, and really needed to eat something.

Baby face didn’t have a solid dinner game plan, which was surprising since I had thought he would have started cooking a romantic meal for us by the time I got there. All he had purchased was a bag of frozen shrimp – so was planning on frying those up, and tossing together a russian salad. I was frustrated, as my stomach was growling louder and louder — and he had no clue that I wasn’t a shrimp fan, but I wasn’t going to be rude and tell him to come up with an option B. I let him do his thing. As he started to fry up the shrimp, I got some tunes playing in the background and playfully wrapped my arms around him — he was pleased with the distraction. I then assisted to cut up the veggies, while taking breaks to distract him even more.

We were dancing along to the music like a happy little couple, and at that point I felt it was the perfect opportunity to present him with his second gift (the bagel towel). I told him to close his eyes for a second. I grabbed the towel out of the bag, and placed it on the stove handle. He then opened his eyes and started searching, as if it were a game of ‘Where’s Waldo’. He searched for… what felt like 10 minutes, and I was soaking in every second of his cute puppy dog expression, hopelessly trying to find the treasure I placed. I ended up pointing it out, and he was ecstatic. His reaction made up for the meal he was scrambling to put together.

After dinner, we danced our way over to the bedroom (I had about 3 glasses of wine to make up for the lack of food in my system), and the clothes started falling off piece by piece. I was like… okay… I’m ready. I’m a bit tipsy but hang on… he’s completely naked, and he’s basically ready to go all in. I pushed him away for a second and said we needed a condom. “Really? I promise we’ll be safe. I’ve done this lots of times”. There was no way I was letting him do that, when I had no clue how many other girls he had been with. I basically said that it wasn’t going to happen without one. He seemed reluctant, and at that point I really should have just left, but I didn’t want to lose him because of it. Baby face said, “I don’t have any, do you?” I felt like rolling my eyes, as I couldn’t really fathom how a guy wouldn’t have condoms in his own bachelor pad, but I grabbed one from my purse, and thought – okay dude, deal with it.

5 minutes later… 10 minutes later…. we’re lying awkwardly next to each other, neither happy with how that played out. He had gone limp as soon as he put it on. He was probably embarrassed, and I just lay there feeling disappointed for both of us. To make light of what happened, I said “maybe we should have had oysters instead of shrimp”. We laughed and ended off the night cuddled up watching two episodes of The Office. I ubered home, and en route he texted me saying he still had a great time.

I was willing to give it one more shot. We texted back and forth the next 2 days. Day 3 he messages me on Facebook a long winded message, bottom line saying he didn’t feel a “spark” with me, and was looking for marriage in the near future (obviously not seeing it with me). I was angry and upset that he even connected with me after I left, especially if he never felt a spark. It was definitely a cover up for him being unable to perform. So my line back to him: “Yeah, your “spark” clearly fizzled out for obvious reasons. Good luck finding what you’re looking for.” Harsh, I know, but made me feel better. Two minutes later he unfriends me on Facebook.

I couldn’t stop comparing all my new matches to him, and I just wasn’t finding the same type of chemistry. It was making dating for me even more discouraging.

This year I have a lot to look forward to. Between celebrating my friends getting married, moving into my own condo, and traveling to a number of destinations, it will be a non-stop ride. I also look forward to the next dozen dates, and hoping one of them will move into 2019 with me. Looks like you’re all stuck with me as suburban girl looking for love… for now. Happy 2018 everyone.

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This might be ‘IT’

Apologies for the months of hiatus…

I’ve been on several cringe worthy dates since returning from South Africa… most of which were too dull to write about. At least until now.

Two weeks ago I matched with accounting boy on JSwipe. His profile description won me over; describing himself as a 6’1 accountant who was fondly proud of his baby face (as I am of mine!) We got right into talking about the benefits of looking younger than our actual age (aside from getting carded everywhere). After a few days, he asked for my number, and it wasn’t long after that we met up for drinks.

As I saw him walking towards me outside the restaurant, I was pleasantly surprised that he looked even cuter than his pictures. Definitely didn’t lie about the height…

We decided to sit on the patio, which had an awesome vibe. Over the course of the next few hours we drank, ate and bonded over the fact that we were born a year less two days apart from one another. Anyone take that as a sign? He also visited South Africa and went to the same cities I went to, so it was interesting to compare our experiences. Bees were buzzing around us left, right and center. He found it very amusing to see me ducking around every time one came near me, but he kept me calm and distracted… with his dashingly cute dimples, and as I’d like to call ‘hypnotizing brown eyes’. When the bill arrived, he paid for my food and drink without hesitation, even though I offered. We proceeded to walk into the subway together. As my train was arriving, he said something along the lines of “this was fun” and then kissed me on the cheek. Such a gentleman, right?

I took him paying and kissing me on the cheek as signs he was interested, but eager to play the game, I wasn’t going to be the first to reach out. I needed to see if he was actually interested. Sure enough, the next day he wrote saying he had a good time, and asked if I’d like to go out again. For the first time in awhile, I was feeling optimistic about someone asking me on a second date. It’s usually been one sided, and so to have mutual feelings with someone was a GREAT feeling.

That was last Friday. It was a busy work week for both of us, so couldn’t hang out again until… last night.

We decided to go see Stephen King’s new movie called IT. I was beyond terrified that I would have clown nightmares for the rest of my life, but I was looking forward to grabbing his hand during the scary scenes. Apparently he was just as fearful as me, but said he was “willing to give it a shot” (aka wanting to grab my hand as well).

We first did a candy run at a grocery store — cos as we all know.. theaters rip us off! I thought it was cute that he was somewhat fearful of taking the outside candy into the movie theater, even though I reassured him that everything would be okay.

When we got to the theater, as predicted, no one bothered checking my bag to find the candy. He led us right up to the very back row. We got cozy in our seats, and eagerly ripped open both bags of mini eggs and sour keys. As the movie started rolling, I shifted my legs towards his, and consciously placed my right hand on my right leg. I figured when a scary scene popped up – he would reach for my hand. About 10 minutes in, the evil clown bit off a child’s arm, and without thinking I grabbed his arm and put my head on his shoulder for comfort. He jokingly covered my eyes with his right hand.

We broke the touch barrier! Oh, and I definitely wasn’t disappointed with his upper arm muscle. About half an hour in, we both jumped in our seats, and proceeded to laugh and stare into each others eyes. Next thing I knew, he leaned in and kissed me. I’m usually not the PDA type, but I was surprisingly into it. For the remainder of the movie we held hands, and had short make out sessions in between every few scenes. I felt on cloud nine.

At the end of the movie, he suggested we go to a Korean restaurant nearby to get drinks. Conversation was effortless. I said to him that it felt like we’d known each other for much longer than 5 hours. He laughed, agreed, and said it was a good thing.

En route back to the subway, we walked by a fountain and he asked if I wanted to sit down on the ledge for a bit. I knew what that was code for. So sitting, turned into making out, which went on for about ten minutes. He told me I was a good kisser (I mean… I better be after having gone on so many dates!) Next thing I knew his hands moved down and squeezed my bum. He told me I had a great ass. I replied, “well that’s where all the bagels go, so I guess I shouldn’t stop eating them”. We burst into laughter. Neither of us wanted to leave, but it was already 11:30pm and we both had work the next day.

In the subway, we kissed for a bit longer until my train arrived. We promised to swap a few of our fave songs with one another, so I will end this post with one of the songs he sent me today. It’s incredibly catchy… and I can’t help but think the lyrics speak to his actual feelings.

We will both be celebrating our birthday this week, and have already planned to go out and celebrate. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

A million miles away P.2

Continuation of ‘A million miles away‘…

Me: Safe travels! Let me know when you’re here.

SA Boy: You know it.

Picture he attached upon arrival at airport

SA boy was here, in Canada! It didn’t seem real. We had been messaging and calling one another over Whatsapp since the beginning of February. The thought of finally getting to meet him face to face was incredibly exciting.

He wrote early the next day, saying he was pretty busy with family activities during the day – but could hang out later in the evening for dinner, with the potential of joining him and his cousins afterwards at a bar.

We decided to meet up at 8pm for a late dinner. I was disappointed to learn that he was just going to be having a guys night out with his cousins. That meant we would only have 2 hours together before he had to meet them, but that wasn’t going to put a damper on my evening.

I arrived at the restaurant right at 8, and ran straight to the washroom to freshen up. I awkwardly sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes, eagerly waiting for him to say “I’m here”. However, SA boy didn’t appear to be receiving my messages, and I was developing a pit in my stomach.. thinking that he wasn’t going to show up. Around 10 after I walked out of the washroom back towards the front entrance. As I’m walking, someone stands up from their table and taps my shoulder. Startled, I look over and it was him!

He grinned and showcased the most beautiful dimples I’ve ever seen. He bent his 6’4 stature over to hug me hello. I must have been blushing like a little school girl. Then he started talking…. and my whole body melted. It was one thing to hear his sexy South African accent over the phone, but to have the whole package *ha ha* in front of me, I just couldn’t take it.

Our time together whizzed by. We ordered some drinks and both got the same pasta dish. We were joking around about South African vs. Canadian lingo. Like did you know that in SA, they call street lights robots? Also, trunks here are called boots there! Before I knew it his cousins were writing, asking where he was.

He was quite the gentleman and pulled out his wallet to pay, but I insisted it was on me since he was a guest in my country. He then walked me to the subway. It was so cute… his teeth were chattering the entire walk over (they don’t get snow in SA, and the coldest it ever gets is about 5 degrees). I looped my arm through his, joking around saying I’d keep him warm. He clearly took that as an opening to place his arm around me and pull us closer together.

When we got to the subway, he ordered an Uber and we talked about potentially meeting up once more the next day before I left to go out of town. I looked up at him, our eyes locked, and like out of a fairy tale, we kissed. I completely blocked out the people walking around us – and soaked in those next 2 minutes before he had to go. He was an amazing kisser. ;)

We tried to meet up again the next day, but sadly the timing didn’t work. We agreed that when I go visit there, we would have more time to spend together.

I’m trying to stay realistic. He lives half way around the world. July is also a fair time away. I’ll keep my search going in the mean time, but rest assured there will most certainly be a part 3 to this story. Potentially part 4, if this fairy tale has more chapters.

A million miles away

Well it’s already two months into the new year, and I’ve only had one or two potential matches. None of which were exciting enough to report. Until now…

This year marks my mothers 40th year since she immigrated to Toronto from South Africa, so we felt it was the right time for us to go visit as a family and explore the part of the country she grew up in. So in a few months, we will be flying almost half way around the world (a total of 21 hours to be exact)… for what I’m sure will be quite an emotional and exhilarating trip.

As we started looking into our trip a month ago, I had a crazy idea: why not see what the guys are like in South Africa? So I hopped onto JSwipe, changed my location setting, and low and behold was presented with a few dozen new profiles of Jewish South African hunks. I knew my chances were slim of getting matched with any of them as they could see I lived so far away — but still swiped right on a few profiles.

The next day, I got a match! SA boy looked absolutely dreamy in his photos — beautiful dimples and the most perfect smile. You know you’ve matched with a guy from Africa when he has profile pictures with parrots on his shoulders and elephant trunks wrapped around his body.

SG (Suburban Girl): “Want to be my tour guide when I come visit?”

SA Boy: “Sure! Gladly.”

SG: What do you for fun in SA?

SA Boy: “You mean when not racing cheetahs? ;P There’s plenty to do, but like anywhere in the world we spend way too much time watching series.”

We started bonding over several TV show series, and he told me about all the romantic things we could do in SA when I came to visit — like going surfing and watching the sunset on the beach. I was already swooning. Fast forward a few messages later…

SA Boy: “Ironically, you might be the one being the tour guide first! I’m actually going to be in your city for a wedding in March.”

I couldn’t believe it. Of all the men I could have matched with in South Africa… he was already planning to come visit here for the first time — for his cousins wedding! I leaped in excitement.

Despite the 7 hour time difference, we’ve been managing to write lengthy messages back and forth to one another. The more I’m discovering about him, the more excited I am about meeting him in person. The countdown is officially on until we meet for the first time. Of course the reality is that he does live so far away, and it’s truly a fairy tale to think that it could end up working out and one of us moves to live with the other person. However, I am truly a romantic at heart, and you never know where life will lead you next.

What are your thoughts? Would fellow romantics route for this to go somewhere?

Hold tight for part 2 of this story.

The Spicy Israeli Soldier

A few weeks ago I departed on a 10 day organized trip to Israel with 39 other Jewish young adults. The thought of traveling without my family or friends for the first time was daunting, while at the same time extremely liberating. It was an opportunity for me to develop a deeper connection with my Jewish roots, and challenge me to go on an adventure so far outside my comfort zone. I was also somewhat optimistic to connect with a nice Jewish boy to bring home to mom and dad. ;)

The first day or two of the trip was extremely exhausting; especially finding it difficult with the time zone change and lack of sleep. We were all running on adrenaline to get through the action packed days.

By day 3 or 4 – I unfortunately had to write the majority of guys off my list, as they were either in a serious relationship or had already hooked up with two or three girls. From the short remaining list – there was one in particular that I was really into. We sparked up conversation here and there, and it sounded like we had things in common. However, he seemed a bit more reserved and shy so I mainly stuck to hanging out with the girls I connected with.

On day 5 – we had a group of Israeli soldiers in the IDF join us for the remainder of our trip. Most of them were close to the end of their mandatory service period and were given the opportunity to travel their country with our group. As we shook hands with all of them, I was surprised to see that one of the soldiers looked a lot like my ex-boyfriend, so of course… he immediately caught my attention.

The following day we all had a long bus ride to the Judean desert. We arrived and got settled into the Bedouin tents. I still had to pinch myself, thinking how unbelievable it was that I was actually in the middle of a desert! When the sun went down we all went star gazing, which was one of the most incredible experiences I’ve ever had in my life. While walking back, the IDF soldier I had been eyeing approached me, and we struck up a conversation. When we arrived at the tents, there was a bonfire going and he asked if I wanted to join him. I had butterflies gathering in my stomach, and happily accepted his invitation.

Over the next few hours – we continued chatting by the fire and it truly felt like there was no one else around us. I was so interested to learn about his life, and in return he seemed to want to absorb every little detail about mine. He was so open to telling me about his position in the Israeli Navy – specifically the submarine unit. Considering his first language was Hebrew, I was pleasantly surprised that there was hardly a language barrier. Hearing all the IDF soldiers share their stories around the camp fire made me gain such a deep appreciation for what they do to defend their country.

Over the days that followed we continued to get to know one another. We had a magical evening in Jerusalem where a replica of the Eiffel Tower was the backdrop to our first kiss.

Screen Shot 2016-06-19 at 12.03.42 AM

We walked around the markets where he bought me an army beret to remember him. Afterwards, we met up with the rest of the group and went to a nearby club. It was overwhelmingly jam packed – but once we ordered drinks and found a spot to dance – all of us had the most incredible time. My soldier and I were grinding against one another in the middle of the dance floor, and somehow or another we ended up dancing on top of the tables with the rest of our group. Meanwhile I saw the other guy I liked in the corner of my eye – and he seemed to be getting closer with another girl on my trip. One might I add that was the polar opposite of me personality wise, and was surprised he would be interested in her. It was a little frustrating knowing that he might of been a better long-term match – but my mind was focused on living in the moment with my soldier.

We all got back to our hotel at around 1:30AM. I didn’t want the night to end with him so he kicked his two roommates out for a while. He shut the door and played some Israeli music. We shared a beautiful night together – one that I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

The time arrived when we had to say goodbye to all the soldiers – which was hard for me. Luckily, being the sweet and incredible guy my soldier was – he promised to come by the airport to see me one last time.

True to his word – there he was, waiting while my group checked in our luggage at 3AM. Once he finished hugging the rest of my group goodbye, he came to me and in the little time we had left together, we shared one last passionate kiss.

Upon my return home – we were still writing to each other quite frequently. Maybe once every day for the first few days. After a week, conversation started slowing down. Although he has plans to come visit here in a few months once finished with the army, I know that I just can’t do long distance.

Overall – the trip was eye opening, inspiring and an absolutely incredible adventure. Hoping there will be more exciting adventures to share soon.

(Everything I Do) I Do It For You

About a month ago I told you about Advertising Boy. Since then, we exchanged phone numbers and have been texting each other frequently. We constantly smile and make small conversation as we pass each other at work and occasionally sit in the kitchen together for lunch.

About a week after we started texting – I asked if he wanted to step out for lunch with me to go to a farmer’s market across the street from where we worked. He said yes! Despite the rain downpour that arrived soon after we got there – we had a nice time! I learned we both enjoyed live music, had similar family values, career goals and aspirations. He had the most gorgeous smile which I couldn’t stop melting over every time I looked at him.

That same week – a co-worker had sent out an all-staff email letting us know there would be a free Bryan Adams concert in our city on July. 23rd. It was first come first serve for the seats – so I immediately texted AB asking if he liked Bryan Adams and sure enough he said yes, and that he’d love to go see him.

The day of the concert arrived and I was a bundle of nerves, at the same time very excited for our “first date”. We had to be at the venue for 7pm. Both of us had to stay late at work to finish up a project – so we left together at 5:45pm. We decided it would be better to go to a mall close by the theatre and grab something from the food court (as that way we would get our food quickly and make it to the concert in time).

We arrived at the venue right at 7pm and took our seats in one of the 4-seater boxes to the right of the stage. We probably had one of the best seats in the house.. not to mention it was very romantic being in such a small, private section. It was one of the most incredible concerts either of us had been to. Bryan Adams was amazing, and we sang along to each and every one of his songs. When he started playing (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, we got a bit closer and our arms and legs were touching. We looked over at each other and smiled.

After the concert he asked if I wanted to go grab a coffee but it was already half past 10 and I knew it would take another hour to get home (and we had work the next day). He walked to the subway with me and once we got there, we both said we had a really nice time and we gave each other a really nice hug goodbye. There was a second there I thought he’d go for a kiss, but the hug was good enough for me. He told me to text him to let him know I got home safe.

I just got home! Thanks for a great evening. :) Had so much fun.

AB: That was fun! I had a great time as well. So mad its over haha. Okay gnite see you tomorrow!

Night!!

The next day at work – my co-worker that had sent out the email about the Bryan Adams concert came up to my desk and asked if I had a nice time. I looked at him and said yes, I did. He then proceeded to tell me that he saw AB and me together. My jaw dropped. I said we just went as friends and he replied..

Whatever you say. *wink face*

The truth of the matter is that we are still just in the “friend” phase, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s almost better to start it off as a friendship and see where it goes. I can see he still checks his OKC page.. as do I… so I’m not getting too excited just yet. Definitely feel it’s off to a good start though!

Should I be ‘Game’?

Over a month later, and I finally have an update on Zach, the guy I met through LinkedIn! If you haven’t read about him, take a quick read over ‘Business Meets Pleasure‘ and ‘Post Valentines‘. I followed your advice, and stopped wasting my time pursuing him. About a week later, he reached out to me again – which I found very interesting. Since then, we had been writing back and forth every few days.

Friday night, I casually asked Zach what he was up to this weekend. He told me he was free Saturday night, and asked if I wanted to go out. I was pretty excited that he asked, although I knew my expectations shouldn’t be very high. I suggested going to Dave & Busters, which was very appropriate as we were both gamers – and knew it would be a place for us both to relax and have fun.

Zach picked me up at 8pm last night and I felt sparks flying as soon as I got in the car. When we got to D&B’s, we went to the restaurant/bar area to grab some food. Conversation flowed pretty smoothly. Zach told me how he mentioned to some of his friends how he met a girl off of LinkedIn, and they responded, “how can you get a date off LinkedIn, when I can’t even get one girl off of Tinder?!” I couldn’t stop laughing.

After dinner, we proceeded over to the games/arcade room.

As soon as we walked in, both of us turned into giddy school kids. I ran over to the first game I saw, where you had to hit a button 3 times and if you landed on ‘7’ each time, you won the ticket jackpot. Sure enough, on my very first game, I WON THE JACKPOT!! I couldn’t believe it. He seemed pretty impressed, which was one of my goals for the evening.

We played a good hour and a half of games. He creamed me at Guitar Hero, but I creamed him at Mario Kart. Once we ran out of points, it was time to go over to claim our prize. For 860 tickets, Zach picked out a blue pucker fish for me, which we named ‘Lorenzo’.

We headed back to his car around 11:30pm. Zach warmed up the seats so it was nice and toasty – and to top it off he started playing Spanish tunes from his iPod which was incredibly sexy. I suggested we go to a Tim Hortons in my area. When we got there, the parking lot was pretty vacant. He parked, and blasted the music a bit louder, and started singing along to it. I was more than a bit mesmerized, and just lay there staring at him / stupidly grinning / trying to remain somewhat sexy and flirtatious myself. He then looked over at me and asked what I was thinking about. I told him way too many things were running through my head and asked what he was thinking.

Zach: “I’m thinking… that you should kiss me and then we’ll go and grab some Hot Chocolate.”

At that point I just went for it, and I’ll tell you… it was definitely worth the wait. ;)

A good half hour later, the conversation started getting a bit deeper (past relationships, sexual experiences, etc.) which started making me feel a bit uncomfortable. I could tell from what Zach was sharing with me that he had quite a bit more ‘experience’. We were pretty honest with one another in the car, and he made it clear that at this point in his life he wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship. When he first said it, I was a bit disappointed. However, I appreciated the honesty. He told me he was really enjoying spending time with me, but it was my decision whether to go any further (knowing for right now it would just be harmless fun or friends with benefits).

He dropped me off back at my house around 12:30am and kissed me goodnight. All of last night my brain was floating in a million directions as to what I should do. On one hand I think it’s important to gain sexual experience and go with the flow. He’d definitely be a great teacher. On the other, there’s always the fear of getting too attached / risking your heart getting broken. Your two cents?