Spring has Sprung, but not My Love Life

I thought I’d kick off the first day of Spring by grabbing Gelato with my latest Tinder match, David. We had started talking on March. 15. David and I had a few mutual friends, and didn’t live too far from one another. I made it clear right off the bat that I wasn’t looking for a casual hookup, and he felt the same way. Once that was out of the way, we started getting into a lengthy conversation through our Tinder messages. By day 2, he asked for my cell number, and so the conversation continued via texting. We talked about practically everything; where we went to school, places we’ve traveled, family, friends, likes/dislikes.. the list goes on for miles.

By day 3, we added each other on the iPhone application called Snapchat. What I really like about this app, is that you can send instant pictures and videos to one another for a certain number of seconds – which gives me a sense of relief, knowing their face matches that of their pictures. David and I also made plans to meet on Thursday (today).

By day 4, we must have sent at least 100 text messages back and forth between one another. We still hadn’t spoken on the phone. I had thought of bringing up the option several times but by this point, it didn’t really make sense as I had plans to meet him the next day.

I met up with David after work today, around 5:15pm. To sum up our date… we certainly clicked and there weren’t any long, awkward pauses as I thought there might be. However, I felt the conversation fell a bit flat. It was a bit of a let down as we really didn’t have any of the first date conversation topics left. I wasn’t ready to jump into talking about anything more serious, so all we had left to talk about was how work was and the weather (and that’s a sign to get out!) I also quite honestly didn’t feel the physical attraction was there in person, even though I did find him cute in his pictures.

After about an hour and a half – not even.. we decided to head our separate ways. There was no mention of seeing each other again.

A valuable lesson I’ve taken away from this – is that when you start talking to someone new.. you shouldn’t get to know each others full life story before you meet. It’s important to get to know each other in person. Otherwise, it may sometimes feel like a big let down and disappointment.

So yes, spring has officially sprung, but my love life is unfortunately still pretty cold.

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Business Meets Pleasure

Since my last blog post – I have been busy working on the vector character for the guy I met on LinkedIn – Zach. It was a project completely out of my element, as I have never before designed a Dragon Ball Z type character. However, I was excited to take on the challenge.. especially for him! As soon as Zach e-transferred me half of what I quoted him – I got straight to work.

The first few days were frustrating. However, by Day 4 I got to a stage that I was pretty satisfied with. So I sent the initial design to Zach to review. He wrote back saying it was coming along nicely, although it didn’t quite look like him.

I thought… this is a perfect opportunity for me to ask to meet up with him. Why? So I can get a better ‘visual’ of him to translate his features into the character. So I went for it and sure enough – he was open to meeting up. We made plans for tonight, 8pm, at a local coffee shop.

The day had finally arrived, and I was a bundle of nerves. I could barely get through work today as my stomach wouldn’t stop turning and my heart kept racing at the thought of meeting him. I kept saying to myself.. calm down. Don’t get your hopes up. He may be seeing someone / this could just purely be a business meeting and nothing else. Still, I couldn’t help the way I was feeling.

I parked near the coffee shop at 8pm sharp and walked inside. He walked in a few minutes after me, as I was taking my jacket off. I think my nerves tripled, and my heart was literally about to burst out of my chest. He was just as handsome as in his pictures – tall, dark and handsome, with the most gorgeous greenish-blue eyes.

Zach extended his hand to shake mine and afterwards we put our jackets down. He suggested we grab a hot drink to warm up from the incredibly cold weather outside. We walked up to the counter to place our orders. Once I asked for my tea, the woman behind the counter asked if we were paying together – and he said yes.

Me: “No, you don’t have to. I don’t feel right about that.”

Zach: “Don’t worry – it’s all good. You will just have to take me out for a steak dinner next time”.

At that point, I felt like this was certainly more than just a business meeting.

My nerves started calming down once we sat back at our table. Conversation flowed so smoothly, as if we had known each other forever. From what started off as laughing about how this was both our first ‘LinkedIn’ meet up, turned into talking about what videos games we liked, our family backgrounds, places we’ve traveled to and our favourite food items. An hour in and I was pretty infatuated with this guy. I intuitively felt he was reciprocating those feelings towards me.

We started talking about different languages we spoke, and he told me he could also speak Spanish.

Me: “I’ve always wanted to learn Spanish. Maybe you could give me lessons?”

Zach: “Definitely. If you teach me how to use Photoshop.”

Me: “Deal!”

Around 9:30pm, I reminded him about the designs I had brought to show him in the first place.

Zach: “Oh, I almost forgot about that. *checks watch* Wow, it’s already 9:30. That hour and a half went by fast.”

I lit up and tried to hold in my excitement. For the next 20 minutes we went over the designs and we pretty much were on the same page with how it should be finalized.

10pm arrived and the lady who had served us behind the counter came over and said: “Sorry, but we are closing”.

I looked around and noticed that everyone else had left. I didn’t even notice, nor did he. So we packed up our things, and proceeded towards the front door of the coffee shop. He gave me a hug before we went out into the cold, and I held onto it for a solid five seconds. He was a great hugger.

Something tells me this story is not quite over yet…

What else can it mean?

Let me give you a quick recap as to why I felt my last two dates went so well.

The first guy, Joey (the Italian), had suggested for us to go out to see a movie after we had dinner (which was certainly a sign that he liked me enough to want to spend more time together). He texted me right after our date, asking if I got home safely. I felt our date couldn’t have gone any better. The next day he asked me what my name on Facebook was. The way we kept messaging each other back and forth made it seem that he was still truly interested in going out with me again.

Meanwhile, I felt as if my latest date with David had also gone so well. The fact that we spent over two hours together and with all that we had in common – I had a strong feeling I’d see him again. I had texted David shortly after our date saying I had a great evening. He responded about ten minutes later saying, ‘Glad to hear it :)’

Conclusion with Joey

Three weeks had gone by since Joey and I met and he still hadn’t suggested going on a second date. He seemed to be growing more distant. Confused – I sent him another message two nights ago on Facebook asking if he was still interested in seeing me again. He looked at the message. No response.

The next day I wrote again.

Me: “From your not responding I’ll presume not. I am genuinely curious though what happened between you asking to add me on Facebook to now?”

Joey: “Oh sorry… I forgot to answer. I would be interested in meeting up again. But in the interest of being completely honest, I’m kind of dating someone now (although I’m not sure if it’s going anywhere…) As long as you’re aware of that then yes, I would be interested in hanging out.”

Me: “Thanks for being honest with me. To be honest back, I’m not interested in seeing someone who is already dating someone else but would be up to see you again if things don’t work out. Keep me posted.”

Joey: “It very well might not work out haha… I will let you know. Thanks for understanding. In the meantime, hope you’re doing well. :)”.

Conclusion with David

I also texted David two nights ago with a simple, ‘Hey, what’s up?’ I was hoping that would strike up a conversation again which would lead in to me asking what he was up to this weekend. No response.

To this day, I still haven’t heard back. Since I texted him, I’ve seen him back online on the dating website. It’s very disappointing. Maybe I’ll message him in a few days from now, like I did with Joey, to see what his deal is. Maybe there is another girl in the picture as well.

My advise to you

After a great first date, it’s normal to feel disappointed and upset if you don’t hear from them again. I think the most important thing to remember is that you should never presume it has to do with you.

It’s important to recognize that guys and girls who use online dating sites date a large number of people before picking the one they want to solely pursue – or perhaps they have already been dating someone else and want to know what’s going on it the field before shutting down their profile.

In other news: I finally joined Twitter! For those of you who have an account, please follow me @suburbgirl4love

Also, my next date is with someone who I met offline – so stay tuned for how that works out for me!

Sangria’s, X’S and O’S

Over the last week, my Italian ‘fish’, Joey, has quickly slipped away back into the dating pond. I’m just as confused as many of you may be – after reading about the successful date I had with him two weeks ago. At any rate, I was back on the prowl and might have found myself an even better contender.

Meet David: a 24 year old accountant who also appreciates high tea and shares a love for traveling.

We had been talking back and forth on OKCupid for just over a week, when we decided to move things over to Facebook. The first thing I noticed was that our birthdays were three days apart. Thought that was pretty neat. Next, I saw we shared one mutual friend. Turns out that mutual friend was a girl I went to both elementary school and high school with! As I looked through a few pictures he was tagged in, I put the puzzle pieces together and figured out they were cousins. Small world! Anyway, I suggested the two of us go out for drinks to celebrate our birthdays.

Which leads us to tonight.

The two of us met up at Jack Astor’s Bar & Grill for drinks and dinner downtown. When I got there he was already waiting in the front entrance and stepped outside as he saw me walking up the stairs. He was very cute – just like in the pictures! We hugged each other hello and then proceeded to sit down at a booth inside the dining room.

We looked over the drink menu, and decided to share a pitcher of red Sangria. I could tell David was pretty nervous, as I was initiating the majority of conversation towards the beginning. Maybe it was just my beautiful presence which made his knees week. ;) Anyway, I felt like as we continued making our way through the bottle of Sangria, he felt more at ease and asked me more questions.

We talked about our families, and I was really pleased to hear how close he was with his parents and siblings. Our conversation pretty much covered all areas including places we traveled to, our University experiences, work life and pets (so happy he shared a love for cats like I do!)

The atmosphere was really nice and after about an hour of sitting down together, they dimmed the lights in the room. It was as if the waitress telepathically read my mind as it definitely made the setting more romantic.

Along with our Sangria’s, we shared a garlic bread and pizza. It was deelish! As we finished off our meal, I noticed there were some crayons at the table and our plates covered a sheet of drawing paper. That led into several games of X’s and O’s (which I won twice) and we also played a few games of hang man. Definitely a fun ice breaker activity on a first date. It was also a good way of learning what kind of bands he liked, cities he visited, and TV shows he watched. Even if you don’t have a Jack Astor’s in your city, I’m sure there is a similar restaurant that can allow you and your date to relive some of those classic childhood games.

Just over two hours later, he paid the bill (I offered to contribute) and we walked towards the subway. Once we got there I thanked David again for dinner. He said he had a nice time and hoped I got home safely. We had a nice hug goodbye and then we proceeded our separate ways. I had a silly grin on my face while taking the escalator down into the subway.

I texted him when I got home saying, “Hey. Just wanted to let you know I got home safe and thanks again for a great evening!”

David responded about ten minutes later saying, “Glad to hear that. :)”

I really hope he’s interested in going on a second date! Don’t want to get too excited, but I think he is definitely a good one. Thoughts?

Storia D’amore

Over the last few days I’ve been writing back and forth with Joey on OkCupid. I stumbled across his profile and immediately liked what I saw. He was Italian (tall, dark and handsome). Joey proclaimed he was a huge geek when it came to TV shows, video games, board games, the arts — all of which I equally geek out over! To top of it all off he was studying to become a lawyer and spoke fluent Italian (what girl wouldn’t want to have the sexy Italian language whispered into her ear night and day?) Guys, time to pick up a new language!

We decided to meet Tuesday evening to grab dinner / drinks. I was pretty nervous, though excited! The plan was for him to meet me at the subway station close to where I work and from there go find a local pub and perhaps walk around the area afterwards to spot out some celebrities (as the Toronto International Film Festival is going on right now). At 5:30pm I received a text saying “can you call me when you get this?” I immediately braced myself for the worst, and dialed his number. He picked up after a few rings…

Joey: So I hope you don’t find this really weird but I was on the bus over to you and I got a horrible nose bleed. It’s pretty bad. Probably from the humidity outside. I need to go back home to shower / get changed.

Me: That’s horrible! I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to take a rain check on hanging out?

Joey: No, tonight still works! I’m not too far from my house. Can we meet up in half an hour / 45 minutes?

So the new plan was for me to venture further down the subway line (about 10 stops away from where I currently was) to go to a shopping mall which was closer to him. We decided to meet on the subway platform. Pretty romantic spot, right?

I started walking down the platform to spot him. The humidity was dreadful. It’s about 40 degrees Celsius here and I was praying my hair wouldn’t turn into a complete frizz ball by the time I made it to where he was standing. I finally spotted him. I know what you’re thinking and no… we didn’t run into each others arms and share a passionate kiss. However, we did share a really nice hug hello. We walked into the shopping mall which was connected to the subway and instantly started cooling down.

Joey was just as cute as how he appeared in his pictures. Conversation started off slowly until we parked ourselves down inside a Pickle Barrel restaurant. We ordered food and conversation picked up — we talked about everything from our travels to family to our pets.

We shared a Caesar salad. Of course I had to order the spaghetti and meatballs (classic Italian dish). He ordered a curry dish, and shared a bit of my pasta as it was very filling (unfortunately there was no Lady and the Tramp moment).

We finished dinner around 8:30pm and he suggested we go see a movie, as there was a theater inside the same mall. I definitely wanted to continue our date so we paid the bill and headed over to the theater. The earliest time the next movie played was an hour later, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do as I knew the movie probably wouldn’t end til around 11pm and I would still need to subway back home to the suburbs. Joey said it was totally up to me. He had already seen that movie but would totally see it again. He even offered to drive me home afterwards, depending on what I felt comfortable with.

I decided to stay and watch the movie with him. Over the next hour before the movie started we explored the Indigo store next door, and then played a game of air hockey (which I totally let him win). Afterwards, we got cozy in the theater and started watching. There were definitely some flirtatious vibes in the air! Our legs were touching, and my head was pretty close to resting on his shoulder a few times.

The movie ended at 11pm and we got to the subway around half past. I knew the subway ran until 1:30am but I had never taken it on my own that late at night. Let alone, I had never taken that route before, and knew I’d have to transfer subway lines twice to get back home. Again, he offered to drive me home but I felt bad as he was tired so I insisted to just subway home. I was embarrassed to discover I ran out of tokens and the worker at the booth would only accept cash. Being the gentleman he was, Joey handed me a $10 bill and let me buy some tokens with it. I insisted on paying him back later on but he said not to worry about it.

He waited on the platform with me (got through with his monthly pass). We talked a bit longer although we were back out in the heat and the humidity started making us both fade quite a bit. When the subway started emerging from the tunnel, we shared a fairly long hug goodbye. I told him I had a really nice time and said hopefully we can hang out again soon. He agreed (which I certainly hoped he meant).

I managed to get home safe and sound that night! He texted me around 12:30am to make sure I got home okay, which was so sweet. I didn’t get to bed until 1:30am that morning. Joey and I talked more last night (he initiated the conversation) which is definitely a good sign!

Sweet, genuine guys like him don’t come around very often, and I really hope this one does work out. Let’s all keep our fingers crossed!

Identity Leaked

Apologies for being MIA for such a long period of time. I have been busy completing a summer internship. I would have thought that by now I would have had at least one adventure to report with one of the guys who also work there, but no such luck. However, I have been hired to work full time now at the same company so I’m sure that story will come along soon enough.

What’s consumed my thoughts over the last few days has to do with one of my closest friends. Let’s call him Matt. Matt sent me a lengthy email the other day, and as soon as I opened it my heart sunk. This dear friend of mine, one who has had strong feelings for me for quite some time (which I have been unable to reciprocate) told me he knew about both my blog AND that I was on online dating.

I had wondered why Matt seemed so distant over the last week, and the email pretty much summed up why.

I had mentioned to him several months ago to give online dating a shot, to see who else was out there. I guess he was bound to come across my profile eventually. If Matt had just come across that alone, it wouldn’t have been so upsetting. The fact that he also found out about my blog made me feel horrible… as I was to blame.

Several months ago, I had hinted I had a secret blog to him. I can’t even remember how it came up in conversation, although I said it; and of course, it got him curious. As I’m sure anyone would be, hearing the word ‘secret’ or ‘mysterious’. Matt told me that several times when we were screen-sharing through Skype either my email popped up or I had left a WordPress tab open accidentally. He apologized for invading my privacy (as it wasn’t any of his business) but he couldn’t help but search up the WordPress name that kept popping up and sure enough, he put two and two together.

I was so afraid of the inevitable that Matt would feel completely shattered reading all my stories if he came across this. Finding out I was meeting up with all these different guys to hopefully find my prince charming, when he had hoped that he could be that for me all along.

I told Matt I was proud of him for being so brave and honest. I told him that I care so deeply for him as a friend, but unless he worked through his anxieties and built up more confidence in himself, I could never be with him romantically.

Writing my blog posts have really opened my eyes to the type of guy I need in my life. Ultimately, I need to be true to myself, whether anonymous or real.

So close, yet so far.

Last Sunday, I found a guy on PlentyOfFish that seemed a bit too good to be true. Very good looking, 6’0′ tall, 26 years old, practiced law and lived in the same neighbourhood as me! He didn’t include much of a description in his profile aside from, “I’m new to this, just trying it out.” Usually I like reading a bit more about the guy before sending a message, but the little I already knew about him peaked my interest enough, so I sent a message.

Adam responded to my message within half an hour, and we started writing back and forth pretty quickly. Especially after discovering we lived a few streets away from each other! We also learned we went to the same high school, equally loved going to concerts, and were both on POF to connect with people outside our own circle of friends.

By midnight, we had probably sent about 15 messages back and forth and we both had work the next day. He ended off the conversation saying: “Well here’s my number if you want to text me sometime :) It was nice talking to you!” Then we both wished each other goodnight and logged off. I went to bed still thinking, he’s just way too good to be true, but it definitely ended my night on a positive note.

We texted back and forth for the next few days; and continued to learn more about one another. This past Wednesday evening, he wrote to me asking how my day was. I proceeded telling him how I had a very long day and it would probably be easier if we talked on the phone a bit. He told me he was having a BBQ dinner with his family. I suggested maybe he could call me later on, or another day later in the week. He responded:

Adam: Ya, okay. I recently got out of a relationship. :s It makes me a bit nervous.

Me: What makes you nervous?

Adam: Like moving on so fast.

Me: Well I’m not looking to rush into a relationship either. It’s always nice just to meet new people and see where it goes. (even though I would love that, but didn’t want to frighten him!)

Adam: Yeah, that’s true.

Then he switched the subject and we texted back and forth a bit more that night. Now if some of you think this guy could possibly be a catfish (click here if you don’t know what I’m referring to), he isn’t. How do I know? This is very bizarre – but as I was looking through Tinder after the first few days of us talking, his picture came up! The same one he used on his POF profile. I couldn’t believe it. Same name, and Tinder connects to your Facebook account, so I could see we had two mutual friends (both, really nice people). I did a quick Facebook search and he seemed to be legit. He’d been truthful about where he had gone to school.

We texted back and forth for a bit last night, although our conversation was cut short as Adam was just on his way out to go downtown.

I’m curious as to what all of you think I should do about him. I definitely don’t want to be the rebound again, but perhaps if I take things slowly and go at his pace, this could turn into something great. Throw your thoughts at me!