The Naughty Aussie

5 days ago I got matched with Drew on Tinder. His bio line said he was an ‘Australian abroad’ so I naturally started the conversation by asking what brought him to Toronto. Drew told me he was visiting friends that he met when they did an exchange in Australia.

Unfortunately by the time we started talking, Drew was already on the last leg of his 2 month trip, and was planning on going back to Australia on January 2nd. He told me he was spending the rest of his time in Ottawa and wouldn’t be back in Toronto. Still, we continued talking, and decided to Snapchat a bit back and forth. He had the most dreamy blue eyes, dark hair, and his smile was perfect (which was only fitting as he is studying to be a dentist).

Let’s fast forward to two days later…

Drew: “I may be able to make it to Toronto for one more night before I fly home if you are interested. It would be New Year’s Day.”

I was surprised he said that and really wasn’t sure how to respond. I just told him to let me know of his plans once he was certain. The next day…

Drew: “I’m going to be in Toronto on the afternoon and night of the 1st of January. If you are around, we could hang out?”

Me: “Whereabouts in Toronto will you stay?”

Drew: “I’ll probably just get a hotel room for the night as I arrive in Toronto around 5:30pm and the next day I need to be at the airport for 9am.”

I knew there was probably no point to meet as he lived half way around the world. The other part of me thought.. it truly could be an amazing love story. When I talked to one of my best friend’s about him, she said:

“It sounds crazy he is leaving but I don’t believe in cookie cutter love stories. You’ll never know what this could end up being! At the very least maybe you’ll make a good friend. Just be clear about boundaries.”

One of my new year’s resolutions is to be more spontaneous, so I thought… what the hell. I made it clear I was not looking to rush into anything, but would be open to grabbing dinner and getting to know one another more.

So yesterday evening we met at a restaurant nearby the hotel he stayed at. Drew met me by the front entrance, and said “hello, nice to meet you” in a thick Australian accent which was very cute. Once we sat down at the table and placed our orders, conversation went very smoothly. He told me about his travels thus far, what Australia was like, and his family back home. We sat there enjoying our dinner and had a few glasses of Sangria. Once we polished off our meals, there was about 1/4 of the Sangria mix left so he poured some into my glass, and then I took it from him and poured the last of it in his glass.

Drew: “Trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me later?”

I playfully smirked. After finishing off the last sip of my glass, I started feeling slightly buzzed. As we started running out of conversation topics, he asked if I wanted to walk over to his hotel to grab another drink there. It was already 10pm and I had to get up at 6am the next morning to go back to work. As I knew I’d be drinking – I was waiting for a ride so was open to spending some more time together.

I agreed to walk back to his hotel – only because all the other local pubs were closed as it was New Years Day. It was freezing – I’d say -25 degrees celcius. Drew offered me his gloves which was very sweet, but I felt bad to take them so he put his arm around me for the walk over. We went directly to the bar near the front lobby and ordered two more drinks. I looked at my watch and realized I was getting picked up in half an hour. We continued bantering back and forth about our lives. However, I could tell he was growing tired of the conversation.. and to be honest so was I. Drew started playing with my bracelet saying how it was pretty.. which led into him saying that I was pretty. I truly did want to kiss him then and there. However, we were surrounded by quite a number of people and I didn’t have enough alcohol in me to kiss in front of all of them.

Drew then started talking about his hotel room upstairs – saying how it was so massive for one person and that he had a king sized bed. I had 5 minutes before getting picked up and so I quickly changed the subject.

Me: “So did you have a nice time tonight?”

Drew: “Yeah. You’re a cool girl. Totally beats spending the night in my hotel room alone. The night’s still young though!”

Shit…

At that point I told him I unfortunately had to leave in the next few minutes as I had to get up very early for work the next day. He seemed pretty disappointed but understood. I proceeded to pay the bill for our drinks as he paid for dinner. At that point he walked with me towards the main lobby. I told him I’d still love to stay in touch and perhaps we would cross paths again if he came back to Toronto or I came to Australia. He said that would be nice. We hugged and parted ways.

As I write this, he is probably half way home – every minute further and further away. I wasn’t going to be intimate with a guy who I may never see again – and I especially didn’t want to be with a guy long term who wanted to hook up on a first date. I felt from all I got to know about him over dinner that we shared more differences than similarities and I couldn’t quite see it playing out into a long-distance relationship – even if we had been more intimate.

He knew I wasn’t looking to hook up. Yes, he may have been hopeful that I would change my mind. You could say I led him on to a certain extent by going back to his hotel after dinner… However, I have no regrets about how the night played out.

Happy new year everyone. Look forward to sharing some more great adventures with you in 2014. Hopefully, this will be a great year!

Identity Leaked

Apologies for being MIA for such a long period of time. I have been busy completing a summer internship. I would have thought that by now I would have had at least one adventure to report with one of the guys who also work there, but no such luck. However, I have been hired to work full time now at the same company so I’m sure that story will come along soon enough.

What’s consumed my thoughts over the last few days has to do with one of my closest friends. Let’s call him Matt. Matt sent me a lengthy email the other day, and as soon as I opened it my heart sunk. This dear friend of mine, one who has had strong feelings for me for quite some time (which I have been unable to reciprocate) told me he knew about both my blog AND that I was on online dating.

I had wondered why Matt seemed so distant over the last week, and the email pretty much summed up why.

I had mentioned to him several months ago to give online dating a shot, to see who else was out there. I guess he was bound to come across my profile eventually. If Matt had just come across that alone, it wouldn’t have been so upsetting. The fact that he also found out about my blog made me feel horrible… as I was to blame.

Several months ago, I had hinted I had a secret blog to him. I can’t even remember how it came up in conversation, although I said it; and of course, it got him curious. As I’m sure anyone would be, hearing the word ‘secret’ or ‘mysterious’. Matt told me that several times when we were screen-sharing through Skype either my email popped up or I had left a WordPress tab open accidentally. He apologized for invading my privacy (as it wasn’t any of his business) but he couldn’t help but search up the WordPress name that kept popping up and sure enough, he put two and two together.

I was so afraid of the inevitable that Matt would feel completely shattered reading all my stories if he came across this. Finding out I was meeting up with all these different guys to hopefully find my prince charming, when he had hoped that he could be that for me all along.

I told Matt I was proud of him for being so brave and honest. I told him that I care so deeply for him as a friend, but unless he worked through his anxieties and built up more confidence in himself, I could never be with him romantically.

Writing my blog posts have really opened my eyes to the type of guy I need in my life. Ultimately, I need to be true to myself, whether anonymous or real.

The Ex and Her Daughter

Let me introduce to you Jon’s ex: Danielle. I learned about Danielle within the first week of talking to Jon. In fact, I was first introduced to her through his webcam while we were on Skype. She said a quick hello just as she was about to leave his house. When I asked who she was, Jon claimed Danielle was just a good friend of his.

When Jon was over at my house and we were lying on the hammock together, the past relationships topic came up. Not quite sure how, as I tend to avoid that on the first date, but it did. I knew there was a girl from South Africa who Jon had broken up with early 2013, but then he informed me that he was with Danielle afterwards and they recently broke up – about 2 months ago. I also learned that she has a little girl, and when Jon was dating Danielle he formed a strong attachment with her daughter and is now the primary father figure in her life. Danielle’s new boyfriend doesn’t have the same attachment with her daughter as he does. Jon told me that Danielle is still one of his best friends, but he knew it would never result to anything more a second time around. I prayed that was the truth.

This past Tuesday, Jon texted me:

Danielle wants to know if you want to go downtown this weekend for her birthday? It’s on Saturday. And she mentioned something about staying in a hotel but I don’t know the details. It’s totally up to you, just thought it would be fun. :)

I wasn’t quite sure what to say. On one hand, I thought it may be awkward going to his ex girlfriend’s birthday party. On the other hand, I was curious to see the dynamics between them. I knew I wouldn’t be comfortable staying at the hotel afterwards, but I’d at least go downtown with them so I could spend some time with Jon.

I asked Jon to call me later than day to give me more details. He then texted me back that night to say:

I think Danielle might cancel. :( Having boyfriend problems. So it might be the weekend after.

I was disappointed to hear that as my family had booked to go away for Canada’s Day weekend, so I wouldn’t be able to join them. That would mean I’d have to go another 2 weekends before seeing Jon again.

I asked Jon if he still wanted to hang out, just the two of us this weekend. He then told me his grandmother was coming in from South Africa and he promised to spend the weekend with her. I was like, whaaaaaaat? I wrote:

How would you be able to go downtown with Danielle this weekend if your gran was in town?

Jon: I told my mom that I had an obligation to Danielle and told her she cancelled before you asked me to hang out.

I guess that was fair, but Jon could have still made an effort to see me before committing to spending the whole weekend with his grandmother.

He then wrote to me 3 days ago asking how my day was. I responded but asked if he wanted to call me (easier to have a conversation that way). He wrote back saying he was at Danielle’s house watching The Sopranos. I asked where Danielle lived and he told me 10 minutes away. She had picked him up because he still isn’t driving. Jon said she owed him a ton of rides so the distance was nothing.

I didn’t respond and waited almost 48 hours before doing so. Even though I thought I wasn’t going to have to play games with this guy, I figured maybe he needed to pursue me a bit.

Yesterday early afternoon I texted him and asked how his weekend was going with his grandmother. I still haven’t heard back. I don’t know what’s going on. So many things are running through my head. Danielle was having problems with her boyfriend, so what if she convinced Jon to get back together with her? Should I be concerned about how close Jon is with her daughter? I really don’t want to lose hope about him, but I’m starting to feel like he’s drifting away.

A True South African Gentleman

Quick update on Matt: What an idiot. I have not heard from him since he came over to my house. Clearly he was just looking to hook up. I was naive enough to think he was going to make more of an effort a second time around.

Moving on to a happier note. This may be a shock to many of you but I have a new potential love interest from… Tinder. I know what you’re thinking: this coming from the girl who vowed to stop using the app after her last Tinder experience. See ‘Tinder P.2: Another One Bites the Dust‘.

Since then I had stopped liking pictures and initiating conversations. However, I completely forgot my profile was still floating in Tinder land. The last week of May, I got a notification on my phone saying ‘You’ve got a new match’. This reminded me I still had the app and just as I was about to delete it, that match messaged me. Tinder told me that Jonathan was 16 miles away, we had 3 mutual friends, and our shared interests were the TV show, Modern Family, and the band, Deadmau5. I could see four pictures of him and couldn’t believe how handsome he was. In fact, he looked pretty similar to my high school Disney crush, Zac Efron. I’m sure some of you secretly loved watching him as Troy Bolton in the Disney movie ‘High School Musical’, in his Wild Cats jersey and rocking the long, shaggy haircut.

I decided Jon would be the last guy I talked to on Tinder before calling it quits. We started off just talking casually. I asked how he knew our mutual friends. I learned one of them was a family friend of his from when he grew up in South Africa. I thought that was so neat, as my mom also grew up there. The more we talked, the more interested I was in learning more about him.

We added each other on Facebook and started messaging each other on a daily basis. We were both equally fascinated in one another, and couldn’t believe how many similarities we shared. I learned that we both had very artistic families, shared similar music tastes and were both very family oriented. He shared with me that he was at a point in his life where he was looking to find someone to share his life with. I was certainly beginning to get excited about this guy!

Over the last two weeks of writing to Jon, I keep becoming more and more infatuated with him and wonder whether what we have can translate to something real. We spoke on the phone for the first time last night. Might I add it went on for two hours! I couldn’t believe it. Conversation flowed as smoothly as it did writing back and forth. We didn’t run out of things to talk about. He talked and communicated so sincerely. Oh, and the slight South African accent was just a bonus! We even Skyped last night. I was so nervous about it, but seeing him on webcam, vice versa, felt so comfortable and we had a great time. Afterwards I headed to bed with quite the cheesy, large grin on my face.

While I was fast asleep, he sent me a text message at 12:36AM saying: I want you to wake up and read that I actually can’t stop thinking about you :D

So sure enough when I woke up this morning and read that text, it made me feel so amazing. My intuition tells me this guy is very genuine and the real deal. He’s not the type to play games. He even told me he’s talked to his family and best friends about me which is exciting yet nerve racking at the same time. Of course there is still the constant fear of whether he won’t like me when we meet in person. I guess only time will tell.

We are planning to meet within the next week and a half and I’m hopeful that something great will come out of this. Who knows, maybe this South African gentleman will be my Disney prince.

Is Bingo World the new pickup spot?

So I went with my mom, best friend and her mom to World Bowl today. We all had our Bingo Daubers ready to dab away. We packed lunches with as we knew it would be a long and intense afternoon. We got there with minutes to spare before the afternoon round of bingo games started. Looked around and realized as usual we were probably the youngest of the bunch but we didn’t care. Our goal was to win the jackpot. So splurged and bought $20 worth of bingo cards for different games.

There was a young guy that looked around our age who was selling the bingo cards. I could tell right off the bat my best friend was smitten. When we sat down she kept staring and I told her to snap out of it. I was trying to explain how to play the bingo games to her but she was half listening to me, and half in la la land.

I looked at him and agreed he was cute. Tall, cute face, nice butt (yeah, I said it!) I asked her why she was so in awe of him. ‘Well, he seems cute and sweet.’ She was convincing herself he was a possible keeper. It’s funny though how we judge a person so quickly by their appearance. We ended up losing all our money, and she never ended up talking to him cos he was busy helping everyone with their cards.

The most hilarious part was that her mother heard what was going on, which led HER MOM to casually approach him and they ACTUALLY STARTED TALKING. We both started laughing, somewhat embarrassed, but more so excited to hear how the conversation went. She arrived back 5 minutes later saying, ‘He’s a nice boy.’ She briefed us the little knowledge she learned about him.

Really, I knew nothing would have happened. We really don’t know anything about him despite how cute and tall he is. I was happy for my friend and we laughed hard over it. It made me think a lot about how we judge people so quickly. Do we just approach someone based on how good looking they are? Isn’t there more to that or is that how our society has learned to base our decisions of who we want to interact with?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I think everyone is shallow to a certain extent. We all look for different things. I don’t think there is anything wrong with spotting out a cute guy or girl and having fun with the thought of what that person may be like. Sometimes it’s okay to live vicariously, just like when I gave my # to the guy at the restaurant. Realistically though, we have to be cautious.