Spring has Sprung, but not My Love Life

I thought I’d kick off the first day of Spring by grabbing Gelato with my latest Tinder match, David. We had started talking on March. 15. David and I had a few mutual friends, and didn’t live too far from one another. I made it clear right off the bat that I wasn’t looking for a casual hookup, and he felt the same way. Once that was out of the way, we started getting into a lengthy conversation through our Tinder messages. By day 2, he asked for my cell number, and so the conversation continued via texting. We talked about practically everything; where we went to school, places we’ve traveled, family, friends, likes/dislikes.. the list goes on for miles.

By day 3, we added each other on the iPhone application called Snapchat. What I really like about this app, is that you can send instant pictures and videos to one another for a certain number of seconds – which gives me a sense of relief, knowing their face matches that of their pictures. David and I also made plans to meet on Thursday (today).

By day 4, we must have sent at least 100 text messages back and forth between one another. We still hadn’t spoken on the phone. I had thought of bringing up the option several times but by this point, it didn’t really make sense as I had plans to meet him the next day.

I met up with David after work today, around 5:15pm. To sum up our date… we certainly clicked and there weren’t any long, awkward pauses as I thought there might be. However, I felt the conversation fell a bit flat. It was a bit of a let down as we really didn’t have any of the first date conversation topics left. I wasn’t ready to jump into talking about anything more serious, so all we had left to talk about was how work was and the weather (and that’s a sign to get out!) I also quite honestly didn’t feel the physical attraction was there in person, even though I did find him cute in his pictures.

After about an hour and a half – not even.. we decided to head our separate ways. There was no mention of seeing each other again.

A valuable lesson I’ve taken away from this – is that when you start talking to someone new.. you shouldn’t get to know each others full life story before you meet. It’s important to get to know each other in person. Otherwise, it may sometimes feel like a big let down and disappointment.

So yes, spring has officially sprung, but my love life is unfortunately still pretty cold.

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Defining the Male ‘Friend Code’

Two days ago I came across a guy’s profile that caught my interest on PlentyofFish. Rob’s profile says he is an aspiring author, and is looking for a girl with good intentions, with a positive outlook on life and doesn’t like to play games.

Me: “Hey! What do you write about?”

Rob: “Love and revenge. Or at least that’s what my novels about. What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is ‘insert here‘. I have a few writers in my family as well. So tell me a bit more about yourself.”

Meanwhile, I have still been communicating with Matt, who you may remember from my post back in June called ‘12AM by the Fireplace. Meow.‘ The guy who was looking to have a good time, but wasn’t interested in having an exclusive relationship. Since we hung out that night, he never bothered to ask me out again. It was difficult for me as I had been on several dates following him (which you are all up to speed with). However, none that I had the same physical chemistry with. I hated the fact that I still missed him.

Three months had gone by, and then I received a message from him wishing me a happy birthday. I acknowledged it, asked how he had been doing, which slowly led to us talking again. Not frequently, but every now and then through WhatsApp or ‘SnapChat’. It was all friendly, although as the weeks went by some messages got to be a bit more flirtatious. He had started making hints to see me again, although I was still under the impression he was only ‘interested’ in having fun. I am entitled to have fun… it’s just a matter of making sure my feelings wouldn’t get shattered if I got too far with him and then he moved along to the next girl.

Anyway, the two stories do collide – and you are about to find out how.

Matt sent me a ‘SnapChat’ two nights ago (the night I had started messaging Rob). I sent him one back the same night, and he opened it, but never responded. I didn’t think anything of it but I wrote to him the next day with a cute, playful message.

Me: *devil grinning face* Way to not respond to my SnapChat.

Matt: “Lol. Well I wasn’t exactly motivated to. You hit on my friend on POF playa.”

Me: Who?

Matt: “For me to know and you to be paranoid about. Small world.”

Me: “I’ve only been talking to one other guy so I’m pretty sure I know who it is… That’s pretty awkward”

Matt: “Yep. Really awkward for me.”

I didn’t respond to Matt. I presumed Rob must of told Matt he was also checking out the online dating scene and as soon as he got my name and told Matt, he immediately knew who I was. It’s not like I owed Matt anything.. but it was still awkward. Especially if they were close.

I went back on POF and wrote to Rob.

Me: “I heard we have a mutual friend in common…”

Rob: “Yeah apparently. Is that weird for you?”

Me: “Well, what did Matt say about him and I? How close are the two of you?”

Rob: “We’re close but he said you guys just didn’t work out. He was just like.. go for it if you like. Lol. Guys aren’t like girls with all that friend code shit, unless they actually had a relationship with the girl.”

I was obviously disappointed. It wasn’t shocking to hear Matt’s comment about the two of us, but deep down it did sting as he had still been leading me to believe he was interested over the past few weeks.

So now I have no clue what to do. There are plenty of other fish in the sea… so maybe it’s better to move away from both of them. Even if I did continue talking to Rob, how could I guarantee he wouldn’t tell Matt everything? I have no clue how much guys open up to each other about girls – especially ones that they have both dated. How far does the male ‘friend code’ go? How do I even know this whole thing wasn’t planned out by Matt – and maybe this is some sort of game now. If they are close… maybe Rob is just like Matt. Although Rob said he doesn’t want a girl that plays games… so doesn’t that mean he’s looking for something more? Okay, phew, my question rant is over!

My head is about to explode and I’m off to a job interview. Hopefully the fresh air will do me good. I’m sure that a combination of that plus any suggestions from my amazing followers will give me the insight I need to move forward with this situation.

The Most Unconventional First Date

It had been almost 3 weeks since I started talking to my South African boy, Jon, on Tinder. Since my last blog post, A True South African Gentleman, we continued talking on a daily basis through Skype and text. The more we talked, the more I felt like we had known each other forever. However, I also started growing a bit tired of our online relationship. I didn’t want what we had to turn into another one of my hopeless fantasies that would never result in anything.

Living about an hour away from each other wasn’t ideal, but Jon and I were both interested enough to make things work. He had gotten into a pretty serious accident and hurt his back around when we first started talking, so he still wasn’t completely comfortable driving on his own just yet. Jon told me that his sister offered to drive the both of them to my area. When he suggested that to me, I wasn’t quite sure what to say. It was about time we had our first date, yet if his sister came along it could make things a bit awkward and also make her feel like a bit of a third wheel. After a long period of contemplation, I decided to have them both over to my house Saturday evening.

When Saturday arrived, I was pretty nervous. I think I changed my outfit at least five times, and my nails have never gone through so many colour changes within an hour. I had actually planned a special surprise for them. My dad offered to cook up a South African delicacy, boerewors (which is a type of sausage).

So yes, I know what you’re thinking. We pretty much fast tracked ten dates for our first ever face to face meeting.

Jon and his sister arrived and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I hugged him and his sister hello. Jon then presented me with a bouquet of beautiful lilacs and I smiled bashfully. He admitted his sister had helped pick out the flowers, which was so incredibly sweet.

We went out to my backyard and my dad had started cooking on the BBQ. I made the introductions. It was so much for me to take in at once. Yet, surprisingly it wasn’t as awkward as you may think. In fact, the four of us got into great conversation right away and it felt like we had all known each other for quite some time. Jon and his sister were grinning at one another as soon as they smelled the boerewors (they knew what it was instantly).

After dinner, my dad left and I opened up a bottle of ice wine for the three of us to share. I gave Jon my guitar and he started playing some of his own, original music as the sun was fading. It was so romantic, although I couldn’t get completely into the moment as his sister was sitting behind him. She was just relaxing and had her eyes closed, so at points of the evening it did feel like it was just the two of us. I sang along with him to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay, and he even taught me a few of the chords which are perfection. Seriously, the most beautiful guitar chords I’ve ever heard. He’s such an incredible guitarist (I told him he needs to get his own YouTube channel going). After Jon gave us a little show, he passed it along to his sister for her to play a song.

I have a chimineya in my backyard, so at that point we decided to get a fire going. Jon started placing the firewood inside the pit. It was mesmerizing to watch the fire flutter back and forth and seeing little sparks exiting the pit, within seconds disappearing into thin air. The smell of the firewood was heavenly. We made some s’mores and afterwards Jon and I went to lie on my hammock. His sister was on her phone so we just went over. I colossally failed the first time around as I jumped onto the hammock and managed to do a complete 360 degree turn and toss myself over the other side. We just laughed it off and then positioned ourselves comfortably onto the hammock and were lying in each others arms. His head rested on mine and my one hand lay on his chest. He told me he could fall asleep right then and there. It was so perfect. In that moment, I felt like he was my boyfriend. His sister had gone to the washroom for quite some time as we were lying there. We looked at each other at certain moments and I thought of kissing him. However, I decided to wait. It was just the first date, and I wanted to share that moment when it was just the two of us and no one else around.

His sister came over to join us after a little while (dragged a lawn chair over to the hammock and lay facing us). We kept talking and laughing, and the more we talked, the more similarities I discovered. Around 10:30pm the mosquitoes had done an excellent job of attacking his sister and I, so we quickly brought everything inside. We moved into the living room and he had his arm around me on the couch, even with my dad hanging around the house.

Despite it being such a nontraditional first date, it somehow just felt right. Totally worth the 10+ mosquito bites. He texted me on the car ride home saying how incredible I was and thanked me again. It was so sweet and genuine and I couldn’t wipe away the large grin from my face.

As my dad and I got comfortable to watch the latest Hell’s Kitchen episode, we noticed Jon’s wallet had fallen out of his pocket and was tucked into the couch!

I quickly texted him: You totally left your wallet on purpose to see me again, right? ;)

Jon: Oh crap! I like having a great excuse like that.

He couldn’t get anyone to drive him back the next day. However, his mom was visiting their family friends in my area the following day so I just dropped it off there.

I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Hopefully it’ll just be the two of us next time! The only thing that worries me is the hour distance between us. Do you think I should be concerned about that?

Speed Dating vs Online Dating

I got interested to participate in a speed dating event after reading Deb’s blog post about her experience which you can read by clicking here. Like Deb, it’s been on my dating adventure bucket list and I’m sure it would make for an interesting blog post if nothing else.

Yesterday I got a Facebook invitation to attend a local Speed Dating event put on by Hillel (a Jewish organization that students can join through different schools across the world). Not that I’m a super religious girl, but I thought going would make for a fun and interesting experience. I called my girlfriend and told her that we could pick up nice Jewish boys to bring home to our parents. We couldn’t stop laughing as we imagined different case scenarios but figured why not! It could be a total bust and we may be the only two there along with one awkward, quiet guy waiting in the corner of the room… but it could also be the extreme opposite. Of course we knew not to get our hopes up too high but just to sign up knowing we’d go into it with an open mind and as a fun, casual evening.

If you think about it, speed dating is kind of like online dating in the sense that you are still getting to know the other person through asking them a set of questions. The only main difference is that instead of asking them preliminary questions prior to meeting, the in person meeting happens right away. That means you can’t spent 20 minutes coming up with the perfect response, or playing the game where you wait a few hours or even a day or two prior to responding so you don’t appear too eager. With online dating there is never a 100% guarantee that the pictures attached to the description is real whereas in person what you see is what you get.

So maybe speed dating is better. Of course I’ll be a bit self-conscious of what I should say or how to act, but I’ll try to be myself as much as possible. That means they probably won’t see me stop smiling, I’ll be a bit awkward and play with my watch if I find their conversation too boring and I’ll probably ask them right off the bat if they are allergic to cats (because if they are that’s a huge deal breaker).

Anyway the speed dating event is happening in two weeks and I’m looking forward to it.

Has anyone else participated in an event like this? Or maybe heard about an experience from one of your friends?

More Than a Friend

Over the last three years of school I’ve developed an incredible friendship with a guy who at first appeared to me as very awkward, closed off and shy. I was never sure whether to approach him to say hello (as I would see him on the subway going home often standing on his own) and always wanted to say something but never sure whether he wanted to talk.

It wasn’t until one of our classes when we were given a partner assignment and by chance happened to get each others names. Since then over the last three years I have seen him slowly grow out of his quiet, awkward shell and we have become so close that we can talk to each other about anything. We can relate on levels that others may not be able to understand due to our past and we both value each others friendship more than words can say.

Since last summer I noticed a change in his behaviour. The way he acted around me, his constant fidgeting… I could sense he was battling something internally that he wouldn’t share with me. Up until recently I remained silent as it was never anything extreme and I still felt at ease in his presence but this past week things changed dramatically. When we were together working on an assignment it felt very formal and tense talking to him. He was fidgeting more than usual and when I looked into his eyes I could tell there was something wandering in his head that was trapped. It was as if whatever was on his mind kept growing and trying to get out but the more he kept it in the more violent it became.

After our class this past Friday we rode the subway home together and before he got off at his stop, he turned to me and said…

I really want to tell you something. (pause) I’m just too afraid.

Then he walked off and I was at a loss. I reflected on our friendship over the last three years and what may have caused it to change. I had always sensed how much he cared for me; through his actions and harmless flirtatious comments here and there but I never knew exactly how he felt towards me. I never talked to him about my relationships out of fear he did feel something towards me and if that was the case never wanted to hurt him.

However, I knew it was time he told me how he felt whatever may happen as a result of it. I composed a heart felt email to him Friday night when I got home explaining how I genuinely cared for him and I could sense something wasn’t right. I told him that nothing he would say would jeopardize our friendship.

The next day I got a new notification in my email that he had responded. As I read it, I started crying as my prediction was right. He did in fact have stronger romantic feelings for me that had been growing since the summer. He was always afraid to tell me how he felt as he never wanted things to be awkward if I didn’t feel the same, especially because we are working on several projects together this year.

After reflecting and organizing my thoughts, I sent an email back to him. I explained how honoured I felt that he cared for me that much. I was also so happy he finally expressed his feelings which I knew was hard for him to do as I am one of the only people he feels comfortable talking to, and since the subject was me he had no one else to turn to. I told him that I value his friendship so much and it means the world to me, but I didn’t feel there was a romantic connection that could develop. I would also never want to sacrifice our dynamic work relationship, especially if we were to go into business together post graduation.

I know that it will probably take him some time to process my email response and it may be a bit awkward at first when I see him, but I really hope we can get back to how our friendship used to be.

Butterflies: Fantasy or Fact?

I thought I’d post a follow up to my banker boy blog post.

We ended up going out on date #2 last week and it was a perfect evening. We started at Indigo where he told me to meet him outside, for me to find him holding a beautiful single pink and white rose to present to me. I was flattered but extremely caught off guard, as I had never been given one on a date before. He continued being a perfect gentleman throughout the evening. He bought us ice cream — and then he drove us to a romantic spot where we could walk down a path by a beautiful pond. There were benches and a gazebo. After having finished our ice creams on the bench, we walked down the path a bit and we had our arms around each other. I felt comfortable but then we approached a spot overlooking the water which was ideally the perfect spot for a first kiss. He still had his arm around me and we glanced at each other several times but neither leaned in to make the first move. Then there was the awkward silence staring out into the crystal blue water.

I began overanalyzing the entire situation, wondering why I wasn’t feeling butterflies in my stomach to kiss him. I thought to myself maybe that just means I’m not attracted to him. Isn’t one supposed to feel those butterflies by date #2? Especially in such a romantic setting? Option 2 was I was just overtaken with nerves, believing he had much more experience than me and was afraid of messing everything up.

You see, I’m used to dating younger, immature boys who don’t typically give me roses or compliments. I like the chase. I feel safe knowing they are approximately at the same level I am in regards to dating and aren’t looking for anything serious at the beginning. Whereas, this guy I was with was very much the opposite — and his eagerness to please made me scared and back off a bit (almost convincing myself I wasn’t attracted to him as a defense mechanism).

Now my friends believe attraction does need to be there to a certain level, but a relationship builds over time. I should stop over thinking things, and if I don’t feel comfortable with the speed at which things are progressing and I genuinely like him as a person (which I do) — I just need to be honest.

So which type of guy would you typically go for and what do you think are the most important qualities you look for. Is it just a fairy tale fantasy to think those butterflies should be there by date #2?

I’d like to Deposit Cheques… and my Cell Number.

Last Friday my family decided to go to the mall to make some bank deposits. Once having arrived at the mall we were initially going to grab a bite to eat for dinner in the food court. However, since the bank was right where we walked in, that became our first stop. As we waited in line I was starving and also incredibly tired from a long day at work. Not to mention, I had no makeup on, my hair was unwashed and the bags under my eyes were probably quadruple the depth they usually were.

5 minutes later we got to the front of the line and a guy who looked fairly young compared to the other tellers motioned to us that he was available. *hint hint nudge nudge* When we got to his teller booth he greeted us hello. As he did I examined him a bit more carefully and noticed he had dimples, a sweet smile and was wearing glasses. My mother immediately dumped a handful of cheques on the counter and expressed they were all given to my sister for her Bat Mitzvah and asked if he knew what that was. He smiled again and said ‘of course, I’m Jewish.’ We were surprised as he looked Italian… and of course my mom lit right up. She had to find out more about him. I’m talking personal questions and putting him on the spot with, ‘Where do you go to school? How old are you? Any siblings?’ As she kept asking him he was responding very coolly and casually and I was impressed… but deep down I was turning 50 shades of red as I knew what my mom was doing. After having answered several questions he looked over at me and asked where I went to school and what I was studying. He seemed interested and turned out we actually had a lot in common. However, the more he continued talking to my mom, I knew the level of redness deep down started projecting to my cheeks and across my face.

He appeared cute, but wasn’t the typical bad boy, scruffy look I usually go for. It was obvious my mom was leading up the dreaded question and before I could stop her… ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ There it was. Out in the open. I knew my face was now 50 shades of red and I had to turn away. He answered no.

It was clearly a mistake to have turned for those few seconds as when I turned back, I saw that my mom had written my cell phone number on a piece of paper and given it to him. She finished making the deposits after having done a pretty good job making sure he wasn’t a criminal. Then she left and said she’d give us a few minutes to get to know each other. Let me repeat… GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Well if my face wasn’t red, it definitely was now, but I tried acting as cool as he was presenting himself. He then said… ‘I could throw this out if you don’t want me to have it.’ I giggled nervously and said of course he could keep it. We ‘got to know each other’ for a few more minutes which was only about a 6/10 on the awkward scale. I walked away not sure whether I wanted to kill my mother or give her an incredibly big bear hug. In the end I did neither, and thought it’d be a good blog post even if nothing resulted of it.

Sure enough just to brief you on what’s happened since. A few hours later… he called me! I was shocked… looking the way I was… but it was a nice surprise. I missed the call so I texted the number and sure enough it was him. He asked me out for drinks and we went out last night! I had a really nice time getting to know him and he was a true gentleman the entire night.

Now I’m not going to say mother’s always know best… but you never know. She seemed to have pretty good instincts and sometimes someone has to make a bold move. He texted me this morning saying he had a great time and wants to see me again. So, I will just have to update all of you if anything progresses with that!

Ever had a similarly embarrassing story that involved one of your parents or siblings? Comment here or if you’d like your story anonymously shared or under a username, send it to suburbangirl4love@gmail.com.