Real Estate Guy: Part 2

I recently got back from The Bahamas – which was the perfect remedy for escaping the cold Canadian Winter. I’d give anything to be back on the beach with a rum punch in my hand, while getting cat called by the Bahamian men…

In the midst of all the last minute packing and finalizing work projects, I forgot to provide everyone with an update on Real Estate Guy (who I talked about in my last post here).

I ended up driving over to his brother’s birthday party around 11PM and REG greeted me at the doorway. I could see the party was already in full gear; there were at least 20-30 people on the main floor. Some were playing beer pong, and others were busy putting together the final touches on his brothers birthday cake. He took me around and introduced me to all his friends – including his roommates and his brothers girlfriends. Everyone was very friendly! I was overall feeling very comfortable with the setting and surprisingly didn’t feel too overwhelmed by the number of people.

After about an hour – we went downstairs to the basement, and there I discovered another large group of people – who I found out were his brothers friends. When he introduced me to his brother – we gave each other a friendly hello, and that was it. I was so relieved his brother didn’t mention anything about us going on a date years ago…

Later on REG gave me a tour of his place – we laughed over all his embarrassing childhood photos on the walls. The tour ended in his old bedroom. It was definitely your typical boys room – with playboy model posters on the wall and all his sports trophies lined up on his chest of drawers. We lay down on his bed and stared into each others eyes. He just couldn’t stop smiling as he stared at me and I couldn’t help but giggle. He kept asking, “what’s so funny?” and I kept saying… “nothing, you’re just a really sweet guy”.

We started kissing and… I could feel something wasn’t right. I wasn’t feeling any sort of spark or excitement when he kissed me. I thought to myself — it’s probably just the setting. It wasn’t very romantic – and I felt a bit uncomfortable being there for too long while his friends were still downstairs. So I cut the kissing and cuddling session short, and we went downstairs to join his friends for a bit longer. At 3AM he walked me to the door, we kissed goodnight and with that I left.

We saw each other again last Sunday. The evening started with dinner at an upscale Italian restaurant. It was our third date and I thought conversation would maybe get a bit deeper. I was still unsure about where him and his ex stood (as 2/3 of his Facebook photos were of him and her). However, it just stayed surface level. Afterwards we went to see a movie at a theater nearby. About half way in he reached to hold my hand. I did feel something when he held my hand – which I thought was a good sign.

When the movie ended, he drove me home. I thanked him for a really nice evening. He told me I should come back to his place the following weekend for a hot tub and wine date and I nodded saying we’d speak more about it later. He then leaned in again and kissed me. I tried to completely relax and clear my head, and be in the moment. I closed me eyes and as we were kissing, but I still felt nothing. I felt… awful.

Perhaps part of me wished he had a bit of a play hard to get / bad side. I know I need someone who is sweet and sincere, but I crave that element of mystery and danger. Passion and chemistry are things you need to build in a relationship, and if I wasn’t feeling anything by date 3, I didn’t feel it would be fair to lead him on any further. It’s been almost a week since our date, and neither of us haven’t written to the other.

Another blogger I follow suggested you should wait at least a week in between dates when you first start seeing someone. I feel like there is something to that. Maybe it was too much too soon, and that was part of what turned me off. What are your thoughts on this?

So here I am again, back to square 1. Months away from reaching a quarter of a century, and trying to stay as optimistic as possible that my prince charming is out there somewhere. I still have a lot of adventures planned for the rest of this year, so I have faith that he is out there!

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12AM by the Fireplace. Meow.

Last night I received a text message from French Fry boy. Let’s call him Matt. You can get a bit of a recap from my blog posts, I Fed Him French Fries for Crying Out Loud! and I’m Just a Playful Girl at Heart.

To summarize, I started talking to Matt at the beginning of January and there was an immediate attraction from both sides. He had just gotten out of a pretty long term relationship so we casually hung out a few times over the next month. By casual, I mean either hanging out at one of our houses or occasionally going out mini-putting or tobogganing. Whenever I was around him, he made me feel like a giddy school girl. Still, at the same time he scared me, as he had quite a bit more sexual experience and I felt our relationship was progressing faster than I was used to. In fact, further than I had gone with any relationship in the past. I liked where it was going, although I wasn’t ready to give myself for the first time to a guy who I didn’t sense was ready to be exclusive. I knew it would be absolutely heart breaking if he were to just drop me for the next girl afterwards. I went at a pace I was comfortable with. Then, when I got back from my trip to the Caribbean in February, he made no effort to see me. In all fairness, we were both very busy with finishing up the last few months of school. Still, the fact that nothing came of our relationship once I got back was upsetting, but I accepted it.

Matt and I continued talking casually through text – a bit more frequently as of a month ago. Things had calmed down for both of us school wise. I really didn’t think anything more would happen between us up until last night when he asked me if I wanted to hang out as his mom was out of town. His friend was coming in from Burlington to visit him around 7PM so he’d let me know when he’d be free to pick me up. I messaged him around 9PM to let him know my parents would be out between 9:30-11:30PM and that he should just come over to hang out with me. I didn’t get any response. I was waiting and waiting and still, at 11PM I hadn’t heard from him. I couldn’t believe it and was ready to officially write him off when he messaged me at 11:30PM saying he had just dropped his friend off at the bus stop. Matt asked if he could pick me up to go over to his house for an hour or two and then he’d drop me back off at my house.

I was thinking about it and first off, I wasn’t sure how comfortable I felt with him driving me if he had just been smoking weed with his friend. Secondly, I wondered what his intentions were for wanting me over to his house while his mom was away (aside from trying to get in my pants). So I gave him an ultimatum saying either he could come over to my house or it just wouldn’t happen.

Matt was trying so hard to convince me he wouldn’t ever do anything to make me feel uncomfortable. However, I stood my ground and stayed with my ultimatum. He was on the fence about it as he didn’t want my parents to catch us doing anything. I assured him my family would be fast asleep by the time he got to my house. He ultimately caved in… I couldn’t believe it. I was nervous and excited. I made sure all the lights were out upstairs. My parents had gone to bed and he got to my house at 12AM. Yeah, I know it’s late. Still, I didn’t care what time it was. I just really wanted to see him.

I waited by the front door for him and 10 minutes later he showed up. Immediately I was all giddy again (trying to still remain sexy and composed). I literally pounced on him when he walked in, gave him a hug, and in that moment it really felt like it hadn’t gone any longer than a week since I’d last seen him. We tip toed into my basement and plopped onto the couch. One of my kittens followed us into the basement and jumped onto Matt’s lap. All of a sudden, my kitten went ballistic and started digging into him and rolling in circles as if he was high off of catnip. I said:

“Wow, he must really like you.”

Matt: “It seems that way. Meow.”

“I’ve never seen him go this crazy. Do you think he’s smelling something on your pants?”

Matt: “Maybe it’s the weed from earlier.”

“Hahaha.”

Could the smell of weed really have the same effect as catnip? Who knows. Still, we both got a kick out of it. Then I joked around that my kitten was getting more attention than me so I moved the kitten upstairs and closed the door to the basement. Finally.

The pure, innocent angel in me was saying to just take things slow. However, the devilish, inner vixen was saying to turn out the lights, put the fireplace on and pounce on him. I decided to put the fireplace on and dim the lights. I joined him back on the couch and we talked for quite awhile. We seemed so comfortable around each other and I felt really relaxed. However, the more we were talking the more I wanted to kiss him. I could tell he was being hyper vigilant. I said:

“Afraid my dad’s going to come down with a gun?”

Matt: “Noooooo.”

“So then. Why are you being so good?”

Matt: “I’m always good. An angel, really.”

“Is that so?”

I decided not to get all Fifty Shades of Grey at this point in my blog post. What I can say, is that he was certainly a good teacher! ;) I also ended up with a temporary tattoo on my lower back (a snake). We were just having fun and he continued at a pace I was comfortable with. He gave me a goodnight kiss by my front door and left around 3:30AM. I was pretty flushed and overall I was exuding happiness.

I told Matt that the next time we go out he needs to surprise me with something special planned, so hopefully he will stick to that. I still haven’t heard from him since last night but hopefully he’ll get back into gear this time around and continue making the effort to see me.

So when do you think is the right time to ask him if he is seeing anybody else?

Little Boy Blue

Hope you didn’t think I forgot about you! It’s been quite the crazy last few weeks. I wrapped up my final University classes/presentations and can officially say I am done! However, I don’t think it will really sink in until I wear the graduation robe and shake the President’s hand in June. My feelings are pretty mixed about being finished. On one hand I am very excited to start a new chapter in my life and continue meeting new people and stepping outside my comfort zone. On the other hand, I have made such amazing friendships at my school that it will be very strange not seeing them around everyday.

I had talked to you awhile back in my post ‘More Than a Friend’ about a guy I’ve known since my second year of University that I instantly developed a strong bond with. Since then, our friendship has grown leaps and as time went on, he started developing strong, romantic feelings for me. I so wished I could reciprocate those feelings and have that happily ever after with him. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t see us as going past a platonic friendship. I considered him my best guy friend. Someone who I felt completely comfortable talking to about anything, with full assurance everything would remain between the two of us. Sadly, the physical attraction was never there on my end. He suffers from several health conditions, which makes him very self-conscious of his body image and as well struggles with self-confidence. He is also very shy to begin with and after having gotten to know him for three years, he opens up to me much more than his family. I knew that deep down it couldn’t go any further than platonic as I needed that special person in my life to have that level of confidence to push mine higher. Perhaps the attraction could grow if I was open to giving it a chance. However, the fact that I know how self-conscious he is and all the struggles he deals with makes it hard for me to be open to more between us. I casually mentioned to him when we first had this discussion that maybe it would be good for him to talk to someone to help deal with the struggles he faced, but he was very opposed to the idea. He said:

I have you.

I valued how he felt so open to talk to me about his feelings. However, I didn’t think it was healthy to not have any other close friends to talk to and felt it was important he was able to open up to someone else aside from me.

After all of this happened several months ago and we were completely honest with one another, I felt our friendship was strong enough to get through it (as hard as I knew it was for him). This leads us to today.

We were at school clearing out our lockers and fixing a final project to go on display for an upcoming graduate show. As I was eating lunch with him in the student cafe, I could tell he appeared sad. I asked him what was on his mind. He said:

A lot of things.

I asked:

Like what?

He was being kind of vague so I simply started listing off a few things. I asked if it could be about finishing school and not really having any definite next plans. He said that was part of it. I then asked if it had to do with me and being sad that we weren’t going to see each other as often. I could tell from his reaction to that line it was definitely part of it. He proceeded to tell me how he thought I knew how much he cared about me. It was hard on him recently when other students would ask if the two of us were dating. I guess being because we spent a lot of time together at school. He still couldn’t wrap his head around why I didn’t want to be with him. The more he talked, the more I felt sick and upset and I couldn’t form the right responses. I simply said to him how much I cared about him, but I just still didn’t see us as more than platonic. I told him that I felt he really needed to talk to someone about everything going on and feel better about himself/take better care of himself before I were to even consider that. He said:

That’s the thing though. I feel I can only get better when I’m around you. I feel totally comfortable around you.

Still, he would never wear a t-shirt around me. He still suffered from social anxieties and health issues – which I don’t think I could take on in a romantic relationship. I needed to breathe and so I made up an excuse to go to the washroom. After having taken some time to gather my thoughts together, I returned to the table and said:

I would really like to book for the two of us to see a therapist. We have health insurance through school and I feel it would be really healthy for our friendship to talk to someone at least once. Please at least think about it.

He was still very skeptical and didn’t seem like he would. I couldn’t say anymore other than to let me know his decision this weekend. The subway ride home was pretty uncomfortable. There was a lot of silence and small casual talk. When his stop arrived he said:

You’re still my best friend.

I said:

You are mine too. Don’t worry, we will get through this.

I really hope we can. What do you think of my situation and suggestion to him?

I Fed Him French Fries for Crying Out Loud!

Since I got back from vacation, I feel as though I’ve been cursed. First, I had a very hard time getting back into my work routine (although who wouldn’t after having just spent 7 days in the Caribbean?) Next, the guy I’ve been dating has backed off and hasn’t reached out to hang out since I got home. I never even received a ‘welcome back’ text or call from him. Just to top everything off, I’ve come down with a wicked cold and have been battling with a sore throat that will just not go away. Oh, and did I mention I have a crucial design conference coming up this Saturday?

Not that the past week and a half has been all bad. It’s been nice to catch up with my close friends again and I’ve also gone in for a job interview. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the paid internship but they did rave about my portfolio which is a boost to my confidence.

I’m just mainly upset about how this guy I’ve been smitten over the last few weeks has slowly been backing off. I did understand from the beginning he had recently come out of a long relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious right away. However, my feelings were developing fast for him. I didn’t want them to, but he was really the first guy I’ve felt such an intense physical attraction/connection with. On top of that I always felt comfortable being around him and besides his child like immaturity at times, I loved it because it got me to loosen up and just live in the moment.

I even bought him a little token from one of the islands I visited. I’m upset that I thought about him so much, since clearly he hasn’t felt the same. It’s just hard to wrap my head around that since I hung out with him the day before I left for vacation. He gave me absolutely no signals that he wasn’t interested. We went tobogganing on a hill (that should probably be blocked off due to safety hazards), and then went to buy some burgers. Before getting the burgers we kissed for awhile in his car and I really felt like we were at a good pace in our relationship and felt hopeful about where things could go. After buying the burgers, he told me he had to drop me off (we couldn’t stay to eat) since his mom needed the car back and he had his older brother’s birthday party to attend. I wasn’t upset he didn’t invite me to come with, as we still weren’t exclusive. However, I would have loved to spend more time with him.

So I fed him french fries as we drove home as we blared 102.1 The Edge and I just felt… happy.

He kissed me goodnight and I got home wishing I didn’t have to leave for vacation so soon.

Now that I’m back I can’t help but question if there’s a new girl in his life feeding him french fries. I saw he was on the dating site the other day which was a bit upsetting but again, we weren’t exclusive so why should I be upset. I messaged him several days after I got back telling him I was home and he’s been making casual conversation. Even still asking me questions so not just providing one line responses. So what’s the deal??

I feel I deserve better. I want a guy who will take me on actual dates and won’t play mind games with me. However, I feel like I need closure from all of this and trying to figure out the best way to do it without scaring him off. Any suggestions? Also – any fast working cold remedies?

Are My Values Old-Fashioned?

Since my last blog post, I want to give a big shout out to my amazing followers! Some of you gave such great insight as to how I should approach the situation with the guy I’ve recently been dating. I agreed that since the last text I had sent him didn’t exactly warrant any response, I thought I’d write a casual message the next day (Thursday) asking how class was. After I sent the text I went out with a few of my girlfriends and felt satisfied knowing I tried my best and if he really wanted to see me again, he’d make the effort. Sure enough an hour later he wrote to me while in his class. It was the reassurance I needed that he had a nice time on our last date. Our conversation led to him asking me if I wanted to hang out today (Friday) if I wasn’t busy. I had a class this morning but we made plans for me to go over to his place in the afternoon once I got home since he didn’t have the car til later.

I arrived and things immediately picked up from where they left off several days before. We started watching Anchorman (one of his favourite movies) but I wasn’t getting the humour so much so we moved to playing a game of pool in his basement. The attraction was building up again as we played the game and afterwards we lay down on his couch and decided to watch Napoleon Dynamite – well… we caught bits and pieces of it ;).

Things started to get more physical and part of me was nervous to be more intimate with him as I could tell he wanted more but I wasn’t yet sure where our relationship status was. After all… it was only date #3. I knew he had a lot more experience than me which I have no problems with except for the fact that I sensed he wanted more and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I guess I’m still saving myself for that special guy who is fully into me and I trust not to go around behind my back and be with other girls. I’ve never experienced the chemistry I’ve had with this ‘fish’ by date #3 in comparison with the other dozen. When I was just lying there in his arms I thought it would be an appropriate time to be honest with him about how I felt. He was a bit surprised at first and said he didn’t expect to hear that but he was very sweet and said he was willing to go at whatever pace I wanted and just to tell him if things were getting too intense.

He had mentioned that his mom was arriving home around 5 and he wanted her to think I was just a mutual friend who wanted a ‘guitar lesson’. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t comfortable with telling his mom the truth as I’m fairly open about it with my parents. However, I went with it as it was only date #3… so when we heard the door open we grabbed his two guitars and practiced strumming the strings. I was actually doing very well and he taught me how to play the chords to Green Day’s ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’. Then we went up to the main floor as he said he’d give me a ride home earlier. Before we got out the door his mom appeared and he introduced us. She seemed very sweet. He mentioned to his mom he was going to give me a ride home… I wonder if she still bought the story after that. I mean… how many students who come over for a ‘guitar lesson’ really get a personal drive home?

Anyways, I’ve subscribed to Matthew Hussey’s blog posts for awhile now (if you haven’t heard of him – he is a life coach / life strategist and talks a lot about relationships from a male’s perspective – check out GetTheGuy on my Blogroll). In his post ‘The Question You Should Avoid Asking On A First Date’, it says:

  1. Just looking for a relationship scares a guy – it makes him feel like you are using him to cover up your own loneliness. This neediness scares him off.
  2. Most men don’t know they want a relationship until they have fallen for you.

So I completely agree and never really thought about it that way before. However, now that date #3 has already happened and things are getting more intimate, I’m not sure what to do or if I should approach the conversation with him. So far it seems he doesn’t want to be attached to a relationship right now (as he just got out of a 4 year relationship several months ago) and is looking for fun. Except I’m faced with the issue of wanting to be more physical with him but silently freaking out inside about perhaps getting heart broken. I know the risk of that happening is just as probable while in a proper relationship, but still I want to know he’s not seeing other girls if I take the next step.

Is that too much to ask? Is the relationship status talk too soon?

Where is the Spark?

Hey everyone,

So yesterday I went on a date with a new online match. We had been talking on and off for the last 2 weeks and our conversation was really fluid and comfortable – despite only talking online and through text. I learned he was a teacher, 5 year age gap (which I really didn’t feel was a big deal as long as the connection was there) and we lived 5 minutes away from each other. Very convenient. We even added each other on Facebook. Which I really am against – as although I may sound like a horrible person, I feel the majority of us instinctively judge someone based on looks and sometimes pictures really don’t do a person justice. However, he was the one that suggested it so I crossed my fingers that the attraction would be there on my end. Sure enough he wasn’t the cutest ‘fish’ I’d ever met, but he looked very tall which is a major bonus in my books, seemed to have a good circle of friends and wasn’t a party animal which is something I’m turned off by. I feel it’s really excessive the amount of pictures people post online showing their drunk faces and beer in hand – I just find it as a sign of immaturity. I also learned we had quite a few mutual friends. So I thought, this guy seems genuinely nice – and I’m excited to meet him.

I asked if he wanted to go out for dinner as a post-birthday celebration (as he had just celebrated his birthday a few days before) which he agreed to. He had offered to pick me up which I actually agreed to as we had been talking for awhile and my gut told me that was an okay decision. So at 7:30pm he promptly picked me up and we said hello and conversation was again as predicted, very natural in-person. He was cute, but again, I wasn’t sure if the attraction was there during the car ride to the restaurant. I gave him an envelope with a card in it I had made wishing him a happy birthday. Conversation was smooth, except I found he lacked a bit of personality (as he appeared a bit too serious).

When we got out of the car I learned he was actually about my height which was okay, although in my mind I had expected him to be taller from his description. We sat down for dinner and again we kept asking each other more questions. We learned little things that we had in common like we both loved the same flavour of ice cream and had similar music tastes. So the commonalities were there, although as we were half-way through dinner he seemed to yawn a few times which I wasn’t really sure what that was a sign of. He also asked me several times – ‘what do you mean by that?’ which made me think I wasn’t making sense to him or he just wasn’t processing certain things I was saying. Hence me having to sometimes repeat myself over again. After, we wanted to go buy a scoop of ice cream (our favourite flavour) – except we were 10 minutes too late. Both disappointed, we decided to go to a local bar and have drinks. I thought he would hopefully loosen up a bit more and I would get a bit more personality. We even played a game of air hockey which was fun EXCEPT I still felt something was lacking.

Great guy, many commonalities. However, I was really trying to tell myself there was a physical attraction there, and unfortunately there just wasn’t. I wasn’t sure if it was because of that lack of personality or the fact that there was such a large age gap. So at that point after air hockey I suggested we leave.

When we got in the car he decided to open the card. OH NO… Well it wasn’t bad or anything. It simply said something on the lines of ‘I’m excited to see where this will go’ and I felt like such a horrible person as in my mind I didn’t think it would be going anywhere after all. After reading the card he half-smiled and then leaned towards me and kissed me. I was a bit caught off guard so I just simply smiled back and it was then silent for a little bit. When he dropped me off he told me he had a great time and would love for me to text him tomorrow (being today). I nodded although I knew I probably wouldn’t.

I feel we all have to follow our gut. Not saying it is always right. However, I feel like if I were to see him again I’d just be leading him on unfairly. On the other hand, is the spark generally there the first date? Did he kiss me prematurely? That could be the case, although from past experiences I have felt stronger connections on first dates. So high hopes ended with disappointment. Positive thoughts though from this point forward.

16 vs. 21

So my cousin and I hung out this afternoon and she was explaining to me about her love life and two guys in particular that she is currently smitten over.

I’ll start off by saying she’s 16.

If it were a game show, here’s how it would be presented…

Contender #1 is a year younger, goes to the same school, is tall and handsome and is book smart. Sounds like a perfect catch no?

Contender #2 is about 5 years older. He’s also tall and handsome, in University and has this charm that she’s attracted to. She met him at a party awhile back.

So after doing a thorough text message and facebook picture investigation – I explained to her I thought contender #1 was the better option. Don’t get me wrong I have nothing against the fact that contender #2 is 5 years older as I clearly state in ‘The Dating Age Gap’ how a number can’t define a connection between two people. However, I explained that 16 vs. 21 and 20 vs. 25 are two very different match games. With 16 vs. 21 the 16 year old being my cousin is attracted to the idea of physically being with someone who is older and has more experience. Also the fact that he is gorgeous makes the attraction that much stronger. Not to say all 21 year olds are like this, but I’m going to presume the majority who flirt with girls in their early stages of high school aren’t looking for ‘true love’ or a committed relationship. They are experienced and know how to charm a girl and almost act like persuasive snakes to get certain things that younger girls are sometimes vulnerable enough to give into. 20 vs. 25 can be read more indepth about in ‘The Dating Age Gap’ post.

Contender #1 – despite her hesitation regarding the fact he’s a year younger, I think is still someone she shouldn’t lose sight of. The fact that she knows a lot about him and they go to the same school and live close by means that she’s within her comfort zone. Also, the fact that he is in the more premature stages of a proper relationship makes him a stronger contendor for something long term and meaningful. I understand that at 16 she can’t help but worry how her friends may perceive her dating a guy 1 year younger – but I say go for it.

Usually I wouldn’t recommend dating younger as in my personal experience they are all incredibly immature and are ‘Justin Bieber’ clones. The way she described him though and how smitten she was just goes to show how much of a good thing she thinks he is. So I say make the first move and go out for dinner or to the movies. Get to know him more 1 on 1. Don’t focus too much on what your friends will think. We all need to trust our own hearts and if we always based our decisions on what our friends thought we’d never achieve a full level of happiness.