Sinking the Balls

Six weeks post-surgery and I’m finally back in the dating game!

Almost a year ago, I got matched with Mathew on Tinder. We messaged each other back and forth for a few weeks and I seem to recall we had tried making plans to meet up, but for some reason or another the timing just didn’t work out. He was finishing up his business program and was off to Argentina to spend his final co-op semester there. We decided to stay connected over Facebook with the possibility of meeting when he returned – but our conversation simply faded away when he left.

Fast forward to two weeks following my operation. AB and I started talking less and less. He never came to visit me which was disappointing and my intuition was telling me to move on. Being housebound, I decided to get cozy on my couch and begin to update my dating profiles with new pictures (I look like a totally different person now!) I began to start my search into the new crop of men that had entered the world of online dating.

Sure enough, at the top of my search list on PofF – appeared Mathew! I had almost forgotten about him. His profile said he was back in town, looking for a relationship, and still lived in my neighbourhood. I decided there was no harm in sending him a private Facebook message to see how he was doing.

He responded, and again, we started writing back and forth. We caught up a bit on both of our lives – and I explained to him about my jaw surgery which he seemed really interested in. About a week into our conversation – I asked if he’d still be open to meeting up for drinks. He said yes! I agreed for him to pick me up at 8:30PM last night and we’d go to a local pub to play some pool and have a drink. Not that I usually advocate having someone you’ve never met before pick you up on a first date – but I thought this guy was harmless and that it was unlikely he’d kidnap me.

He arrived right at 8:30PM. My stomach churned with nerves but mostly excitement. As I entered his car, he said hello in a deep, sexy voice and I immediately melted. He was gorgeous and smelt divine. Mathew pulled out the GPS on his phone to locate the closest pubs and once we settled on one – away we went. Despite my minor recovery lisp – we managed to have a really great car ride conversation – talking about our family, and places we’ve traveled to.

We arrived at the pub and when we began walking towards the entrance, I noticed he was very tall – probably 6’1! No faults so far…

The pub wasn’t huge but there was a private area in the centre with a pool table and a few tables and chairs. Nobody was there so we joked about how he had reserved the section just for us. We placed our coats down and went to the bar to order drinks. This was my first drink post-surgery, and it was amazing! It was nice to finally drink something besides ensure shakes and apple juice…

We placed our drinks down and started playing a game of pool. We flat out admitted at the beginning we were both horrible at pool – but would still give it our best go. Now I’m not sure if it was the few sips of alcohol in me or my new found confidence, but I was sinking those balls in one after the next. ;) Poor Mathew wasn’t having as easy a time, and told me I must have been lying and that I’ve been playing this game all my life. He seemed quite impressed. When I got 3 in a row, he said, “well done” and put his hand out to shake mine but I playfully said “no, I think that deserves a hug!” Seriously – am I the same person?! He opened his arms and embraced me in a warm hug which I could have easily held onto the rest of the night.

I ended up winning and gave myself a little pat on the back. We then sunk the remaining balls and sat down at our table where the drinks were. We opened up so much to one another – which I thought was incredible for a first date! He asked to see before and after pictures of my surgery which I was a bit hesitant to show, but I agreed to it and he was blown away. He really didn’t think it was the same person. Surely – it was! I loved how interested he was in my life, my stories and my surgery. He in turn was so open with me about his life – his family, childhood and even surgeries he had gone through. Most importantly – we bonded over our love for word games and N64. We both play an addicting phone app called Words with Friends (kind of like a virtual game of Scrabble which I highly recommend everyone play!)

It was 11PM and I knew we should probably head back soon as we had work the next day. Mathew also had to get up early but kept saying, “whatever you want, I’m cool to stay until whenever” – it was exciting that he wasn’t the one to mention having to leave. That he genuinely wanted to spend more time with me. As the night went on, it got busier and another group of people started playing pool. I could tell there were a few girls staring over at us and I kept thinking – how lucky am I to be with this incredible, gorgeous guy. Truly… I have no clue why he’s still single but I didn’t want to bring that up on a first date.

Anyway – I made the decision for us to leave at 11:15PM. We got into his car and blasted the heater (it’s freezing in Toronto so it was nice to get cozy). He drove us back to my house and parked the car. Ugh… the moment – will he kiss me? I damn well wanted to kiss him! However, I can’t feel my bottom lip… literally. I’m still numb and was kind of curious to see what I could and couldn’t feel in a kiss after 6 weeks.

Unfortunately I didn’t get a kiss. However, the first thing he said when we parked was that he had a great time and would love to see me again – even suggesting we go see a movie next week. I was over the moon excited, but stayed cool and responded with, “I’d love that.” He hugged me goodnight and I told him to drive home safe. I got in, ran to my room – stared at myself in the mirror and smiled. I smiled because I was staring at a girl that was more confident, and gleaming from head to toe. A girl who finally felt happy in her own skin. This was the first date where I didn’t end it thinking, “I wonder if he liked me?” To have such a successful first date after being out of the dating game for almost two months – was incredible.

So now we wait. I hate the “game” so much – but unfortunately you have to play a bit hard to get at the beginning! The hook is there, now just have to reel him in. I’ve decided I’ll wait for Mathew to write to me – but if he hasn’t reached out by Sunday I may shoot him a casual message. Unless you can think of a better post-first-date strategy to lock down Date #2?

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Rejection

Adam (the guy I had gone on two dates with from Tinder) sent me a text message around 5:30PM saying “Can I quickly give you a shout?” I received it at one of the above ground stations while traveling home on the subway. My heart immediately sunk… knowing it was probably not something good to share. I had seven stops to go and each stop kept feeling like light years to get to. My mouth was getting dry and my heart wouldn’t stop racing.

I arrived at my station and got on the bus. It was full and everyone was quiet as a mouse. I knew there was no way I was going to talk to him while on the road, at the risk of breaking down in front of everyone. I texted Adam back saying I was on the bus and asked if I could call him back in fifteen minutes. He said, “Sure. Not a problem.”

My mouth was completely dry when I got off the bus. I started walking slowly towards my street and pulled up his number on my phone. I took a deep breath and pressed the dial button.

Adam: “Hey. How’s it going?”

“Hey! Pretty good. Had a long day at work. How about you?”

Back and forth casual banter went on for about a minute…

Adam: “Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’ve had a really nice time going out and getting to know you. However, I don’t really see it going any further.”

He proceeded to tell me (as I had a feeling) that he only felt a friendly vibe.

I told him I respected the fact that he called to tell me that over the phone (which sadly made me like him that much more). I said I had a really nice time getting to know him as well. I tried fighting for him a bit… saying that I’ve found in the past that sometimes friendships can grow into something great… but no budge. He was giving one word responses and I knew it was over. There was no point to fight anymore as it was clear he had made a decision.

He rejected me… and it’s a horrible pill to swallow. I fell hard, and it had only been two dates. He was everything I was looking for on my check list – ambitious, good looking, family oriented, same values – the list goes on.

I was two minutes away from home and saw my mom outside by the garage. I ran to her and started sobbing in her arms – mascara was running down my cheeks and my throat stung. She comforted me for a few minutes and then I proceeded inside, ran up to my room and sobbed more into my pillow. I was sore all over and felt drained from crying so hard. I had a pretty horrible day at work as well, so I think the reason I was so upset was really a culmination of thoughts that had been piling up inside that needed to be released.

Was he not attracted to me? Did he get back together with his ex? Did he meet someone else? I always jump to assume it’s me – but who knows what it could have been.

I just checked Tinder and Adam was active 4 hours ago.

I’ve calmed down now but it’s still a bit surreal. I’m supposed to go out with AB tomorrow – so will try and clear my head and enjoy my time with him.

Deal or No Deal

My aunt and mom were in the living room with me when I unexpectedly heard a knock on the door.

I was waiting anxiously to receive a text from Adam (my Tinder man) to say that he was outside. The plan was for him to pick me up at 2:30PM. I looked at the clock on my TV system and sure enough it was 2:30PM on the dot. My mom jumped up and squealed “It’s him, it must be him!” I told her to calm down and not to move anywhere but of course there was no stopping her from leaping towards our window to spy on whoever was at the door. I coolly walked towards the front door, opened it and sure enough Adam was standing there. I invited him into the front entrance and we hugged hello. Guys – take note: a guy picking a girl up at her front door is very sexy and scores major points (at least in my books). I was thinking to myself… what a gentleman! Also, it’s so refreshing for a guy to do that versus just sending a text from the car. I introduced him to my aunt and my mom. He shook my moms hand hello and I think by that point my cheeks had gone bright red. I pulled him by the arm and said, “Okay, let’s go!”

He drove us to a local spot where we could play all different arcade games. When we arrived, I saw there was a glow in the dark mini putt right next door and let out my high-school squeal. I asked if he wanted to go play a round before going to play the arcade games. He seemed into the idea, so we headed over. Adam paid for the game – even though I offered. We walked inside and it took awhile for my eyes to get adjusted to the dark / see his beautiful, 6’4 stature clearly. We alternated taking turns, playfully distracting one another and high-fiving each other when one of us got close to a hole-in-one. We were probably the oldest there, but that didn’t stop us from having a great time.

After mini putt, we headed over to the arcade room. We played game after game – from Wheel of Fortune to Deal or No Deal to Triple 7s. Then we got into the more physical games like air hockey, basketball, football and several of the driving ones. I couldn’t believe how much of a workout those games could be!

$60 later we scored about 650 tickets which bought us a Pink Elephant (which we could have probably got at the dollar store), which we named Dumbo (appropriate) and 2 bouncy balls. Yes, a complete and utter rip off, but we still both seemed to have a really fun time.

After 3 hours together, he drove me home as he had another commitment later in the evening as did I (although I would have loved to spend more time with him). He parked outside my house and I started getting all fidgety with nerves. Do I kiss him? Is he into me the same way I’m into him? I told him I had a really nice time and he agreed. He put his arm out for a hug and so I leaned in – I was close to moving my lips towards his but my nerves got the best of me and instead I just went for the hug. I was kicking myself as soon as I stepped in my house for not going for it… but I thought to myself – there’s always next time.

He did ask me what I was up to next week and I suggested we go to a comedy show (I have a number of free tickets given to me as a birthday gift). Yes – I’m turning 23 on Tuesday! He told me he’d let me know so crossing my fingers it works out and I’ll get to see him again, presuming he’s still into me!

Poor AB… he’s been writing asking to see me again – and I can’t decide what to do. Perhaps I should go out with both of them again this week and by the end of the week decide which one to focus on. Ultimately I have to follow my heart… I know that. I’d feel guilty at this point to lead AB on any further if I continued dating Adam.

Conflicted

Adam and I got matched on Tinder at the time I started getting to know AB. We had four mutual friends and lived fairly close to one another. I learned he worked in the financial industry downtown Toronto, his family lived up North (near where I live) and we were both Big Brother fans.

Adam and I tried meeting up, but unfortunately it didn’t work out. We had little opportunity to plan for any other day as he was leaving on a work trip for several weeks. We decided to add each other on Facebook and get in touch when he was home. As I got to know AB more – I started wondering if Adam would write to me when he got back and if he did, if I’d even want to meet up with him.

Sure enough – about a week ago, Adam reached out to me saying he was back in town and he asked if I still wanted to meet for drinks. I was torn, because although I think AB is a very nice and caring guy, I didn’t want to close this door since I had felt that Adam and I would be quite compatible when we first connected. We made plans to go to a pool hall / bar downtown yesterday evening. We met at 7:30 – he was already waiting outside. I approached him and boy was he tall… I learned he was 6’4! He smiled, said hello and put his hand out to shake mine but instead I went in for a hug. We proceeded upstairs to the bar and pool table area. He got drinks for both of us – I got a comso and he got a beer. We sat down at a nearby table. I was living vicariously as he talked about his tales of adventure – getting to swim with sharks and sea lions. After about twenty minutes, we went over to a pool table and got a game going. There were certainly flirtatious vibes in the air. We were both equally horrible at the beginning – neither of us able to sink a ball, but the more alcohol we consumed, the better our shots seemed to get.

I learned we had fairly similar taste in music. I asked Adam what the most recent concert was that he went to and my jaw almost dropped to the floor when he said, “I don’t know if this classifies as a traditional concert, but I went to a taped Bryan Adams event recently”. The exact same concert I had gone to with AB. We could have been rows apart from each other. I mean, what are the chances? We kept taking our turns at pool, and we seemed so completely relaxed in each others presence. I learned we had gone to the same camp when we were younger, he used to work as a lifeguard a mere five minutes from my house and that he too is very close with his family.

After we finished our game of pool – we sat back down and talked for another 45 minutes. He was tall, dark and handsome – and had the sweetest smile and eyes. I could have looked into them all night but alas the night had to come to an end as I had to get up for work early this morning. At around 11 he walked me to the subway station where we said goodnight and he told me he’d be in touch.

The subway ride home was a tough one for me. I was going back and forth in my head between AB and Adam. I definitely connected more with Adam from the get go, whereas it took a bit longer for AB and I to find common ground. Adam and I are also from the same religious background – so it was nice to relate on that level. I also like that Adam and I have mutual friends and he is familiar with my neighbourhood.

However, then I reflected on my relationship with AB who has to this day been so caring towards me and seems really into me. However, I just don’t know if I would have even agreed to meet up with Adam if I was completely convinced that AB and I were meant to be together.

How much of a role do you think religious and cultural backgrounds play when developing a relationship with someone? I feel conflicted because I don’t want to lead AB on any further if I start to see Adam, but I’m afraid of letting him go completely. Do you think I’m being unfaithful by dating two guys at one time if neither relationship has been identified as exclusive?

Spring has Sprung, but not My Love Life

I thought I’d kick off the first day of Spring by grabbing Gelato with my latest Tinder match, David. We had started talking on March. 15. David and I had a few mutual friends, and didn’t live too far from one another. I made it clear right off the bat that I wasn’t looking for a casual hookup, and he felt the same way. Once that was out of the way, we started getting into a lengthy conversation through our Tinder messages. By day 2, he asked for my cell number, and so the conversation continued via texting. We talked about practically everything; where we went to school, places we’ve traveled, family, friends, likes/dislikes.. the list goes on for miles.

By day 3, we added each other on the iPhone application called Snapchat. What I really like about this app, is that you can send instant pictures and videos to one another for a certain number of seconds – which gives me a sense of relief, knowing their face matches that of their pictures. David and I also made plans to meet on Thursday (today).

By day 4, we must have sent at least 100 text messages back and forth between one another. We still hadn’t spoken on the phone. I had thought of bringing up the option several times but by this point, it didn’t really make sense as I had plans to meet him the next day.

I met up with David after work today, around 5:15pm. To sum up our date… we certainly clicked and there weren’t any long, awkward pauses as I thought there might be. However, I felt the conversation fell a bit flat. It was a bit of a let down as we really didn’t have any of the first date conversation topics left. I wasn’t ready to jump into talking about anything more serious, so all we had left to talk about was how work was and the weather (and that’s a sign to get out!) I also quite honestly didn’t feel the physical attraction was there in person, even though I did find him cute in his pictures.

After about an hour and a half – not even.. we decided to head our separate ways. There was no mention of seeing each other again.

A valuable lesson I’ve taken away from this – is that when you start talking to someone new.. you shouldn’t get to know each others full life story before you meet. It’s important to get to know each other in person. Otherwise, it may sometimes feel like a big let down and disappointment.

So yes, spring has officially sprung, but my love life is unfortunately still pretty cold.

The Naughty Aussie

5 days ago I got matched with Drew on Tinder. His bio line said he was an ‘Australian abroad’ so I naturally started the conversation by asking what brought him to Toronto. Drew told me he was visiting friends that he met when they did an exchange in Australia.

Unfortunately by the time we started talking, Drew was already on the last leg of his 2 month trip, and was planning on going back to Australia on January 2nd. He told me he was spending the rest of his time in Ottawa and wouldn’t be back in Toronto. Still, we continued talking, and decided to Snapchat a bit back and forth. He had the most dreamy blue eyes, dark hair, and his smile was perfect (which was only fitting as he is studying to be a dentist).

Let’s fast forward to two days later…

Drew: “I may be able to make it to Toronto for one more night before I fly home if you are interested. It would be New Year’s Day.”

I was surprised he said that and really wasn’t sure how to respond. I just told him to let me know of his plans once he was certain. The next day…

Drew: “I’m going to be in Toronto on the afternoon and night of the 1st of January. If you are around, we could hang out?”

Me: “Whereabouts in Toronto will you stay?”

Drew: “I’ll probably just get a hotel room for the night as I arrive in Toronto around 5:30pm and the next day I need to be at the airport for 9am.”

I knew there was probably no point to meet as he lived half way around the world. The other part of me thought.. it truly could be an amazing love story. When I talked to one of my best friend’s about him, she said:

“It sounds crazy he is leaving but I don’t believe in cookie cutter love stories. You’ll never know what this could end up being! At the very least maybe you’ll make a good friend. Just be clear about boundaries.”

One of my new year’s resolutions is to be more spontaneous, so I thought… what the hell. I made it clear I was not looking to rush into anything, but would be open to grabbing dinner and getting to know one another more.

So yesterday evening we met at a restaurant nearby the hotel he stayed at. Drew met me by the front entrance, and said “hello, nice to meet you” in a thick Australian accent which was very cute. Once we sat down at the table and placed our orders, conversation went very smoothly. He told me about his travels thus far, what Australia was like, and his family back home. We sat there enjoying our dinner and had a few glasses of Sangria. Once we polished off our meals, there was about 1/4 of the Sangria mix left so he poured some into my glass, and then I took it from him and poured the last of it in his glass.

Drew: “Trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me later?”

I playfully smirked. After finishing off the last sip of my glass, I started feeling slightly buzzed. As we started running out of conversation topics, he asked if I wanted to walk over to his hotel to grab another drink there. It was already 10pm and I had to get up at 6am the next morning to go back to work. As I knew I’d be drinking – I was waiting for a ride so was open to spending some more time together.

I agreed to walk back to his hotel – only because all the other local pubs were closed as it was New Years Day. It was freezing – I’d say -25 degrees celcius. Drew offered me his gloves which was very sweet, but I felt bad to take them so he put his arm around me for the walk over. We went directly to the bar near the front lobby and ordered two more drinks. I looked at my watch and realized I was getting picked up in half an hour. We continued bantering back and forth about our lives. However, I could tell he was growing tired of the conversation.. and to be honest so was I. Drew started playing with my bracelet saying how it was pretty.. which led into him saying that I was pretty. I truly did want to kiss him then and there. However, we were surrounded by quite a number of people and I didn’t have enough alcohol in me to kiss in front of all of them.

Drew then started talking about his hotel room upstairs – saying how it was so massive for one person and that he had a king sized bed. I had 5 minutes before getting picked up and so I quickly changed the subject.

Me: “So did you have a nice time tonight?”

Drew: “Yeah. You’re a cool girl. Totally beats spending the night in my hotel room alone. The night’s still young though!”

Shit…

At that point I told him I unfortunately had to leave in the next few minutes as I had to get up very early for work the next day. He seemed pretty disappointed but understood. I proceeded to pay the bill for our drinks as he paid for dinner. At that point he walked with me towards the main lobby. I told him I’d still love to stay in touch and perhaps we would cross paths again if he came back to Toronto or I came to Australia. He said that would be nice. We hugged and parted ways.

As I write this, he is probably half way home – every minute further and further away. I wasn’t going to be intimate with a guy who I may never see again – and I especially didn’t want to be with a guy long term who wanted to hook up on a first date. I felt from all I got to know about him over dinner that we shared more differences than similarities and I couldn’t quite see it playing out into a long-distance relationship – even if we had been more intimate.

He knew I wasn’t looking to hook up. Yes, he may have been hopeful that I would change my mind. You could say I led him on to a certain extent by going back to his hotel after dinner… However, I have no regrets about how the night played out.

Happy new year everyone. Look forward to sharing some more great adventures with you in 2014. Hopefully, this will be a great year!

The Quick and Torrid Love Affair

Two posts in one weekend, just because my latest Tinder match made such an impression that I had to share. The following conversation happened last night.

Charlie: “Ah, you like ‘best vines’ too. We must be soulmates!” (For those of you that don’t know, Vines are short videos, usually 5 to 10 seconds long of compiled clips).

Me: “It’s a sign!”

Charlie: “Hahah yup. When’s the wedding?”

Me: “Tonight. City hall.”

Charlie: “Okay. 8pm sharp.”

Me: “Perfect. I’ll go get the dress now. Do you have a suit ready to go?”

Charlie: “No. I’m not from here so I left my suit at home. :(”

Turns out Charlie was from Halifax, NS and had come into town for the weekend to watch the big NFL game.

Me: “Geesh. You should carry your suit with you everywhere – especially for important times like this.”

Charlie: “Haha. Didn’t know I was gonna meet my dream girl up here!”

Me: “When do you go back to Halifax? Maybe I can convince you to stay longer. After all, we’ll be married as of 8pm so it’s not entirely your choice whether you get to leave. ;)”

Charlie: “Well of course I’m not going to be leaving now! The plan WAS to fly out Monday morning.”

Charlie and I continued this playful marriage banter for the next ten minutes. I learned he was an engineer and loved sports.

Me: “What’s going to happen with your job now that you’re moving to Toronto?”

Charlie: “It’s going to be tough on me. But, love, nothing you can do about that.” (How cute!)

Me: *blush face*

I discovered he was staying with his cousin downtown on the street I worked off of! All joking aside, I was feeling a bit sad that he had to leave Monday morning as I thought he may actually be fun to get to know in person.

We proceeded to add each other on SnapChat, and then started sending a few harmless pictures back and forth. The first picture Charlie sent me was of him holding out his hand. He had drawn a ring inside of it. Of course, I responded with a picture of me grinning, pointing to a similar drawing of a ring on my finger.

I said to him that realistically if our city hall plans didn’t work out for last night, perhaps we could quickly exchange vows Monday morning before I had to go to work. Unfortunately, his plane was taking off at 7am and I knew there was no possible way I could get downtown for 5:30am from the suburbs. I could barely get out of bed for that time. The other option was to meet him tonight, but I already had plans.

He texted me a picture from the NFL game today and we wrote a bit more back and forth. Just moments ago…

Charlie: “Does this mean we are postponing the wedding or you’re gonna go without a bachelorette party?”

Unfortunately for Charlie, as fast and furious as our Tinder relationship went, I really don’t know if it will work with the distance. It’s really too bad he lives so far away. It was a short love affair, but certainly one that I won’t forget.