Are My Values Old-Fashioned?

Since my last blog post, I want to give a big shout out to my amazing followers! Some of you gave such great insight as to how I should approach the situation with the guy I’ve recently been dating. I agreed that since the last text I had sent him didn’t exactly warrant any response, I thought I’d write a casual message the next day (Thursday) asking how class was. After I sent the text I went out with a few of my girlfriends and felt satisfied knowing I tried my best and if he really wanted to see me again, he’d make the effort. Sure enough an hour later he wrote to me while in his class. It was the reassurance I needed that he had a nice time on our last date. Our conversation led to him asking me if I wanted to hang out today (Friday) if I wasn’t busy. I had a class this morning but we made plans for me to go over to his place in the afternoon once I got home since he didn’t have the car til later.

I arrived and things immediately picked up from where they left off several days before. We started watching Anchorman (one of his favourite movies) but I wasn’t getting the humour so much so we moved to playing a game of pool in his basement. The attraction was building up again as we played the game and afterwards we lay down on his couch and decided to watch Napoleon Dynamite – well… we caught bits and pieces of it ;).

Things started to get more physical and part of me was nervous to be more intimate with him as I could tell he wanted more but I wasn’t yet sure where our relationship status was. After all… it was only date #3. I knew he had a lot more experience than me which I have no problems with except for the fact that I sensed he wanted more and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I guess I’m still saving myself for that special guy who is fully into me and I trust not to go around behind my back and be with other girls. I’ve never experienced the chemistry I’ve had with this ‘fish’ by date #3 in comparison with the other dozen. When I was just lying there in his arms I thought it would be an appropriate time to be honest with him about how I felt. He was a bit surprised at first and said he didn’t expect to hear that but he was very sweet and said he was willing to go at whatever pace I wanted and just to tell him if things were getting too intense.

He had mentioned that his mom was arriving home around 5 and he wanted her to think I was just a mutual friend who wanted a ‘guitar lesson’. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t comfortable with telling his mom the truth as I’m fairly open about it with my parents. However, I went with it as it was only date #3… so when we heard the door open we grabbed his two guitars and practiced strumming the strings. I was actually doing very well and he taught me how to play the chords to Green Day’s ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’. Then we went up to the main floor as he said he’d give me a ride home earlier. Before we got out the door his mom appeared and he introduced us. She seemed very sweet. He mentioned to his mom he was going to give me a ride home… I wonder if she still bought the story after that. I mean… how many students who come over for a ‘guitar lesson’ really get a personal drive home?

Anyways, I’ve subscribed to Matthew Hussey’s blog posts for awhile now (if you haven’t heard of him – he is a life coach / life strategist and talks a lot about relationships from a male’s perspective – check out GetTheGuy on my Blogroll). In his post ‘The Question You Should Avoid Asking On A First Date’, it says:

  1. Just looking for a relationship scares a guy – it makes him feel like you are using him to cover up your own loneliness. This neediness scares him off.
  2. Most men don’t know they want a relationship until they have fallen for you.

So I completely agree and never really thought about it that way before. However, now that date #3 has already happened and things are getting more intimate, I’m not sure what to do or if I should approach the conversation with him. So far it seems he doesn’t want to be attached to a relationship right now (as he just got out of a 4 year relationship several months ago) and is looking for fun. Except I’m faced with the issue of wanting to be more physical with him but silently freaking out inside about perhaps getting heart broken. I know the risk of that happening is just as probable while in a proper relationship, but still I want to know he’s not seeing other girls if I take the next step.

Is that too much to ask? Is the relationship status talk too soon?

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I’m Just a Playful Girl at Heart

Yesterday I went on date #2 with the guy I blogged about in my most recent post ‘Is smoking weed a turn on or turn off?‘. He picked me up at 7pm and took me to a glow in the dark mini-putt somewhat in the area. It was incredibly foggy; one of the foggiest nights I could remember in a long time. I was a bit nervous having him drive but he reassured me beforehand he drove ‘like a grandmother’ and that I was in good hands. He completely held true to his word and the drive there was very comfortable. We blasted 102.1 and were singing along horribly to different rock songs.

Once arrived, we got V.I.P. treatment as his friend is the manager there. As it was a Tuesday, we were one of the only ones there (which I wasn’t complaining about). At first we were very serious about counting how many times it took to get the ball in the hole… no sexual innuendo intended. By the third round, things got more playful/flirtatious. As I was winning by a few points, I thought we could make a bet to make the game a bit more interesting. Of course PG rated as it was only the second date so we concluded that the loser had to either a) buy the winner a drink or b) be tickled for 30 seconds non-stop. As the rounds went on we were trying to distract one another by using our puts to create pretend obstacles. So although the last time I had been mini-putting was probably when I was 15/16, there was something really special about being there with him and kind of reliving that playful/giddiness feeling from my childhood. It was also pretty sexy watching him try to impress me (although failing… but in all fairness I had told him I’d been practicing my mini-put game in my basement for the last 21 years). We physically kept getting closer as the rounds went on. I picked up on his cologne and part of me just wanted to grab him out of my comfort zone and kiss him right there but the other part of me was like… maybe now is not the right time.

Afterwards as part of our V.I.P. treatment his friend gave us free credits for the basketball arcade games so we challenged each other to see who could score the most points. I swear we must have played at least 5 rounds of that and I’d say we were pretty on par with one another. For the last game we played on the same machine and I kept accidentally shocking him but I just took that as a sign there was definitely some ‘electric chemistry’ building between us. We got to redeem our tickets afterwards for a few small prizes including 2 temporary tattoos. He got a guitar and I got a butterfly.

By the time we left it was 9pm and we went back to his car and hung out there for a bit. Again, blasted the music and just talked about everything from our dysfunctional families to who could make a meaner Kraft Dinner. The whole time I kept thinking about wanting to kiss him but I held back and suggested we put on the tattoos. He had a water bottle in his car so he went first and placed the butterfly on my lower back. I may have gotten him to hold onto in a bit longer than you had to. Then I placed his guitar on his upper arm and to be honest it was such a sexy exchange and I highly recommend all of you try this on your next date. Afterwards we decided to go to a Tim Hortons to grab a hot drink but by the time we got there they were JUST closing. So back to the car we went. Luckily we got to steal their wifi so he reclined our chairs back and we watched silly post-wisdom teeth removal videos to playing this Unicorn Dash game on his Android that had a cheesy song called Always by Erasure in the background. I couldn’t stop laughing but it still kind of set the mood I guess.

I felt so comfortable but quite honestly it was so distracting having his one arm on my leg and I couldn’t concentrate much on the small android screen anymore. We tried finding each others ticklish spots but if was a bit awkward while in the car. So we just sat there staring at one another and he asked me what was on my mind. I told him he made me nervous. He said ‘how so?’ I just said he did… I couldn’t explain it. Then I told him I felt he was too far away. He said ‘you want me to come closer?’ I’m pretty sure at that time I knew it felt right to lean in and kiss him so I did and it totally felt right. I can officially check off the bucket list making out in a guys car. Last night really felt like I was 16 again and I really am hopeful that things work out with him. Although you never know.

What date nights have you experienced that made you feel like you were reliving your giddy/childlike days? What was that one song that played on the radio that was border line cheesy but you’ll never forget hearing that song while sharing a moment with someone special?

More Than a Friend

Over the last three years of school I’ve developed an incredible friendship with a guy who at first appeared to me as very awkward, closed off and shy. I was never sure whether to approach him to say hello (as I would see him on the subway going home often standing on his own) and always wanted to say something but never sure whether he wanted to talk.

It wasn’t until one of our classes when we were given a partner assignment and by chance happened to get each others names. Since then over the last three years I have seen him slowly grow out of his quiet, awkward shell and we have become so close that we can talk to each other about anything. We can relate on levels that others may not be able to understand due to our past and we both value each others friendship more than words can say.

Since last summer I noticed a change in his behaviour. The way he acted around me, his constant fidgeting… I could sense he was battling something internally that he wouldn’t share with me. Up until recently I remained silent as it was never anything extreme and I still felt at ease in his presence but this past week things changed dramatically. When we were together working on an assignment it felt very formal and tense talking to him. He was fidgeting more than usual and when I looked into his eyes I could tell there was something wandering in his head that was trapped. It was as if whatever was on his mind kept growing and trying to get out but the more he kept it in the more violent it became.

After our class this past Friday we rode the subway home together and before he got off at his stop, he turned to me and said…

I really want to tell you something. (pause) I’m just too afraid.

Then he walked off and I was at a loss. I reflected on our friendship over the last three years and what may have caused it to change. I had always sensed how much he cared for me; through his actions and harmless flirtatious comments here and there but I never knew exactly how he felt towards me. I never talked to him about my relationships out of fear he did feel something towards me and if that was the case never wanted to hurt him.

However, I knew it was time he told me how he felt whatever may happen as a result of it. I composed a heart felt email to him Friday night when I got home explaining how I genuinely cared for him and I could sense something wasn’t right. I told him that nothing he would say would jeopardize our friendship.

The next day I got a new notification in my email that he had responded. As I read it, I started crying as my prediction was right. He did in fact have stronger romantic feelings for me that had been growing since the summer. He was always afraid to tell me how he felt as he never wanted things to be awkward if I didn’t feel the same, especially because we are working on several projects together this year.

After reflecting and organizing my thoughts, I sent an email back to him. I explained how honoured I felt that he cared for me that much. I was also so happy he finally expressed his feelings which I knew was hard for him to do as I am one of the only people he feels comfortable talking to, and since the subject was me he had no one else to turn to. I told him that I value his friendship so much and it means the world to me, but I didn’t feel there was a romantic connection that could develop. I would also never want to sacrifice our dynamic work relationship, especially if we were to go into business together post graduation.

I know that it will probably take him some time to process my email response and it may be a bit awkward at first when I see him, but I really hope we can get back to how our friendship used to be.

What a Charmer

Last week, I had started talking to a guy I found online and there was an immediate connection. Asides from being incredibly good looking he spoke very maturely through his writing and I was impressed with regards to how ambitious he was. What was so refreshing was after a few correspondences back and forth the initial night we talked, he asked if I’d like to meet for coffee. I explained I wanted to get to know him a bit more first but I would love to meet up with him in person soon.

From there we exchanged phone numbers and talked on the phone several times throughout the week. Another refreshing thing about him… he told me he wasn’t a fan of texting and much preferred talking on the phone as it was easier to get a fluid conversation going. At that point I was thinking to myself, is this guy too good to be true? I really find it rare nowadays for a guy my age to be so willing to talk on the phone vs preferring to hide behind their technology. I told myself no silly, it’s rare but guys like that do exist and I should meet him and see how the dynamics are face to face.

By our third conversation, I felt my feelings already growing for him despite not even having met. At that point I knew I was ready to meet him face to face before my feelings grew any stronger, so we set a date to meet for dinner… which was for tonight.

Although I knew he didn’t like to text, I thought I would send him one yesterday to confirm our dinner plans for tonight. He asked if we could change the time from 4 to 6PM which I was fine with and at that point plans were set in stone and I was feeling pre-butterflies in my stomach. I knew not to get my hopes up too high but I just had a good feeling and wished the time sped faster to head to the restaurant.

As today I had a day off from classes, I decided to primp myself for the evening. As I was in the middle of painting my nails, I heard my phone buzz and once my nails had dried with one hand I turned on my cell phone and his name appeared. I opened the message and he said:

I won’t be able to make it this evening. I’m so sorry about the short notice – something related to work that is really crucial got pushed up by a week. Again, please accept my apology for the last minute nature of this.

I read over the message several times and of course I was disappointed that he let me down several hours prior to meeting. I wrote back stating ‘that’s disappointing’ and left it at that. I thought he should feel bad and I didn’t want to let him off the hook for that. I felt he at least deserved to suggest another day that would work. The response I got back was even more shocking. He stated that he genuinely liked me but he felt to be honest, he wasn’t ready to date or be in a relationship. That it was too busy to balance seeing someone with school and work. I couldn’t believe he was telling me all of this after having led me along for a whole week. Despite the short time, we had talked so much and I felt he at least owed me one date. I simply wrote back saying:

Well… I’m grateful you told me ahead of time but you should get your act together before you lead a girl on next time.

No response.

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

The Summer Untouchables

Every year my family goes to a resort which takes no more than an hour and a half to get there by car. We go for a number of reasons. 1) It’s a great family bonding experience. 2) Buffet for breakfast, lunch and dinner is heaven. 3) The entire sports staff are approximately my age and they each look like they could be abercrombie models.

Well bullet 3 should have been bullet 1 as my cousin and I couldn’t get over how good looking they were and for the majority of our trip stayed in the extreme sports area to talk/flirt with them with our little fantasy clouds hovering over us grinning ear to ear.

Half way through the trip we dubbed them the untouchables. Why? We figured with a combination of incredibly good looks and their natural flirtatiousness, what was stopping them from having that effect on all the girls who drooled over them throughout the entire summer? A lot of these guys work there to be outdoors everyday, party and hookup. Now I don’t want to make that assumption for each of them but living somewhat further away from the resort, I knew nothing serious would happen with any of them. When I asked my younger cousin what she though I got a reply “I’d hookup with one of them”. Why? “They are so hot!” I pondered whether they appeared “hot” simply because they were or if it was because we were contained in this magical resort where everything appeared delicious, scrumptious and almost too good to be true.

I feel whenever I go to a resort I’m away in a fantasy world that thrills me for 5 days and then I go back to reality when home. Since it was my cousins first dose of it she still can’t fathom the fact that the sports staff won’t be in her eyes view until next summer. I explained to her it’s definitely a clever marketing tactic on the resort’s part to keep guests returning!

I’d like to Deposit Cheques… and my Cell Number.

Last Friday my family decided to go to the mall to make some bank deposits. Once having arrived at the mall we were initially going to grab a bite to eat for dinner in the food court. However, since the bank was right where we walked in, that became our first stop. As we waited in line I was starving and also incredibly tired from a long day at work. Not to mention, I had no makeup on, my hair was unwashed and the bags under my eyes were probably quadruple the depth they usually were.

5 minutes later we got to the front of the line and a guy who looked fairly young compared to the other tellers motioned to us that he was available. *hint hint nudge nudge* When we got to his teller booth he greeted us hello. As he did I examined him a bit more carefully and noticed he had dimples, a sweet smile and was wearing glasses. My mother immediately dumped a handful of cheques on the counter and expressed they were all given to my sister for her Bat Mitzvah and asked if he knew what that was. He smiled again and said ‘of course, I’m Jewish.’ We were surprised as he looked Italian… and of course my mom lit right up. She had to find out more about him. I’m talking personal questions and putting him on the spot with, ‘Where do you go to school? How old are you? Any siblings?’ As she kept asking him he was responding very coolly and casually and I was impressed… but deep down I was turning 50 shades of red as I knew what my mom was doing. After having answered several questions he looked over at me and asked where I went to school and what I was studying. He seemed interested and turned out we actually had a lot in common. However, the more he continued talking to my mom, I knew the level of redness deep down started projecting to my cheeks and across my face.

He appeared cute, but wasn’t the typical bad boy, scruffy look I usually go for. It was obvious my mom was leading up the dreaded question and before I could stop her… ‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ There it was. Out in the open. I knew my face was now 50 shades of red and I had to turn away. He answered no.

It was clearly a mistake to have turned for those few seconds as when I turned back, I saw that my mom had written my cell phone number on a piece of paper and given it to him. She finished making the deposits after having done a pretty good job making sure he wasn’t a criminal. Then she left and said she’d give us a few minutes to get to know each other. Let me repeat… GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. Well if my face wasn’t red, it definitely was now, but I tried acting as cool as he was presenting himself. He then said… ‘I could throw this out if you don’t want me to have it.’ I giggled nervously and said of course he could keep it. We ‘got to know each other’ for a few more minutes which was only about a 6/10 on the awkward scale. I walked away not sure whether I wanted to kill my mother or give her an incredibly big bear hug. In the end I did neither, and thought it’d be a good blog post even if nothing resulted of it.

Sure enough just to brief you on what’s happened since. A few hours later… he called me! I was shocked… looking the way I was… but it was a nice surprise. I missed the call so I texted the number and sure enough it was him. He asked me out for drinks and we went out last night! I had a really nice time getting to know him and he was a true gentleman the entire night.

Now I’m not going to say mother’s always know best… but you never know. She seemed to have pretty good instincts and sometimes someone has to make a bold move. He texted me this morning saying he had a great time and wants to see me again. So, I will just have to update all of you if anything progresses with that!

Ever had a similarly embarrassing story that involved one of your parents or siblings? Comment here or if you’d like your story anonymously shared or under a username, send it to suburbangirl4love@gmail.com.

Okay to Mix Work and Pleasure?

Yesterday I had a scheduled meeting with a senior designer at a fairly large advertising agency in Toronto. I had met him about a month ago as part of a design conference and was completely in awe when I first laid eyes on him (as I’m sure a million of the other girls in the room were). I was expecting to meet professionals who were in their mid to late 30s or 40s. Instead, I walk into one of the rooms and there I am standing face to face with a guy who looks to be my age in very casual attire. Gorgeous blue eyes and shaggy brown hair, with a bit of a stubble. Very tall — at least 6 feet, and he was wearing a sports cap. While he was explaining what his agency was all about and some of the work they did, I was blown away, yet at the same time incredibly distracted listening to the words coming out of his mouth. I kept saying to myself… “stop being so unprofessional and FOCUS,” but I just couldn’t get over the fact that he was the senior designer there. Prior to showing us some of the work the ad agency had done, he talked about his past work experiences and I was amazed at some of the big agencies he had worked at prior to his current position.

I thought to myself… he must be incredibly talented having gotten to the level he is currently at, also seemingly no older than 25 or 26. He also appeared almost TOO attractive. One of those guys who I’d most likely be too shy to approach in a bar. Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. In my eyes, he certainly got my attention. Another thought running through my head… “is he gay?” Well you never really know. I decided to keep my fantasy alive of me and him being a power couple in the design industry.

A few days following the conference I wrote to him asking if they were looking for a summer design intern or Junior Graphic Designer. Unfortunately after a few correspondences I found out they had already hired one for the summer. Despite this, he had offered to meet me one-on-one to discuss my portfolio and give me pointers. Of course I jumped at the opportunity and agreed to meet him.

For those of you who haven’t read the novel called ‘Fifty Shades of Grey,’ I’d say go buy it this instant. It’s part of a trilogy and once you start you really can’t put it down. I’ve listed it under my Goodreads widget in the sidebar.

Quoted from the ever so trusted Wikipedia…

Fifty Shades of Grey is a New York Times bestselling erotic fiction paperback and e-book by E.L. James. Set largely in Seattle, the trilogy traces the deepening relationship between college graduate Ana Steele and a young business magnate, Christian Grey.

Until you read it this association won’t make sense. However, I truly felt like the main character Anastasia Steele prior to meeting this guy similar to the other main character in the novel — Christian Grey. Similarly, I became in awe of someone close in age, who I found incredibly attractive and appeared in my eyes so powerful, smart and sophisticated.

Yesterday was the day. I arrived fifteen minutes early and was greeted 5 minutes later by him. He gave me a gorgeous grin and we said hello to each other. He guided me to a boardroom in the back and again, I was in awe, but tried my best to maintain a mature and professional level of composure. We chatted casually at first about where I went to school, which then led to me taking out my portfolio and I began talking through each of my pieces.

He patiently listened and seemed interested as I was talking. Following this, he gave me his feedback about each of my pieces. One at a time, in great detail. His ideas were brilliant and I was absorbing every word he had to say. I ultimately convinced myself, “he can’t be gay… at least in my mind he wasn’t”. An hour and a half later (which went by too fast) we said goodbye. I told him I would keep in touch and hopefully he would keep me in mind for any new opportunities at the agency.

So to answer my blog title question… is it okay to mix work and pleasure? Well for me it wasn’t so much work as it was gaining real world experience in my profession. Still, I believe it’s okay to mix in a bit of pleasure as long as it’s appropriate and doesn’t distract you from your daily tasks and objectives. I think everyone is entitled to a bit of fantasy… no matter which environment you are in. Thoughts?