When a “spark” fizzles out

It’s been difficult writing a follow up blog post since my date last September. Truth be told, I thought he was going to be a keeper. For those who have been curious to know what happened…

I went over to his place for what baby face framed as a “celebratory birthday dinner for both of us”. I couldn’t go empty handed, so I wrapped up a bottle of merlot, and the cutest kitchen hand towel that had a pattern of every bagel type imaginable. Re-read my last post if you don’t get the reference.

He greeted me with a warm embrace, and proceeded to give me a tour of his 550 sq.ft bachelor pad. I wasn’t exactly impressed with the fact that he had dirty plates and magazines strewn across his bed and couch (could have used a bit more tidying before I got there), but it wasn’t a deal breaker. He had a huge map over his bed with red pins marking all the places he had traveled to, so I excitedly jumped up on his bed to examine closer and started ooing and aahing over some of them. He came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, whispered in my ear that there were so many places on the map we could mark off together, and that was enough to make me turn right around, pull him down on the bed, and get this birthday celebration started. One problem: I couldn’t stop thinking about how much my stomach was growling, and really needed to eat something.

Baby face didn’t have a solid dinner game plan, which was surprising since I had thought he would have started cooking a romantic meal for us by the time I got there. All he had purchased was a bag of frozen shrimp – so was planning on frying those up, and tossing together a russian salad. I was frustrated, as my stomach was growling louder and louder — and he had no clue that I wasn’t a shrimp fan, but I wasn’t going to be rude and tell him to come up with an option B. I let him do his thing. As he started to fry up the shrimp, I got some tunes playing in the background and playfully wrapped my arms around him — he was pleased with the distraction. I then assisted to cut up the veggies, while taking breaks to distract him even more.

We were dancing along to the music like a happy little couple, and at that point I felt it was the perfect opportunity to present him with his second gift (the bagel towel). I told him to close his eyes for a second. I grabbed the towel out of the bag, and placed it on the stove handle. He then opened his eyes and started searching, as if it were a game of ‘Where’s Waldo’. He searched for… what felt like 10 minutes, and I was soaking in every second of his cute puppy dog expression, hopelessly trying to find the treasure I placed. I ended up pointing it out, and he was ecstatic. His reaction made up for the meal he was scrambling to put together.

After dinner, we danced our way over to the bedroom (I had about 3 glasses of wine to make up for the lack of food in my system), and the clothes started falling off piece by piece. I was like… okay… I’m ready. I’m a bit tipsy but hang on… he’s completely naked, and he’s basically ready to go all in. I pushed him away for a second and said we needed a condom. “Really? I promise we’ll be safe. I’ve done this lots of times”. There was no way I was letting him do that, when I had no clue how many other girls he had been with. I basically said that it wasn’t going to happen without one. He seemed reluctant, and at that point I really should have just left, but I didn’t want to lose him because of it. Baby face said, “I don’t have any, do you?” I felt like rolling my eyes, as I couldn’t really fathom how a guy wouldn’t have condoms in his own bachelor pad, but I grabbed one from my purse, and thought – okay dude, deal with it.

5 minutes later… 10 minutes later…. we’re lying awkwardly next to each other, neither happy with how that played out. He had gone limp as soon as he put it on. He was probably embarrassed, and I just lay there feeling disappointed for both of us. To make light of what happened, I said “maybe we should have had oysters instead of shrimp”. We laughed and ended off the night cuddled up watching two episodes of The Office. I ubered home, and en route he texted me saying he still had a great time.

I was willing to give it one more shot. We texted back and forth the next 2 days. Day 3 he messages me on Facebook a long winded message, bottom line saying he didn’t feel a “spark” with me, and was looking for marriage in the near future (obviously not seeing it with me). I was angry and upset that he even connected with me after I left, especially if he never felt a spark. It was definitely a cover up for him being unable to perform. So my line back to him: “Yeah, your “spark” clearly fizzled out for obvious reasons. Good luck finding what you’re looking for.” Harsh, I know, but made me feel better. Two minutes later he unfriends me on Facebook.

I couldn’t stop comparing all my new matches to him, and I just wasn’t finding the same type of chemistry. It was making dating for me even more discouraging.

This year I have a lot to look forward to. Between celebrating my friends getting married, moving into my own condo, and traveling to a number of destinations, it will be a non-stop ride. I also look forward to the next dozen dates, and hoping one of them will move into 2019 with me. Looks like you’re all stuck with me as suburban girl looking for love… for now. Happy 2018 everyone.

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This might be ‘IT’

Apologies for the months of hiatus…

I’ve been on several cringe worthy dates since returning from South Africa… most of which were too dull to write about. At least until now.

Two weeks ago I matched with accounting boy on JSwipe. His profile description won me over; describing himself as a 6’1 accountant who was fondly proud of his baby face (as I am of mine!) We got right into talking about the benefits of looking younger than our actual age (aside from getting carded everywhere). After a few days, he asked for my number, and it wasn’t long after that we met up for drinks.

As I saw him walking towards me outside the restaurant, I was pleasantly surprised that he looked even cuter than his pictures. Definitely didn’t lie about the height…

We decided to sit on the patio, which had an awesome vibe. Over the course of the next few hours we drank, ate and bonded over the fact that we were born a year less two days apart from one another. Anyone take that as a sign? He also visited South Africa and went to the same cities I went to, so it was interesting to compare our experiences. Bees were buzzing around us left, right and center. He found it very amusing to see me ducking around every time one came near me, but he kept me calm and distracted… with his dashingly cute dimples, and as I’d like to call ‘hypnotizing brown eyes’. When the bill arrived, he paid for my food and drink without hesitation, even though I offered. We proceeded to walk into the subway together. As my train was arriving, he said something along the lines of “this was fun” and then kissed me on the cheek. Such a gentleman, right?

I took him paying and kissing me on the cheek as signs he was interested, but eager to play the game, I wasn’t going to be the first to reach out. I needed to see if he was actually interested. Sure enough, the next day he wrote saying he had a good time, and asked if I’d like to go out again. For the first time in awhile, I was feeling optimistic about someone asking me on a second date. It’s usually been one sided, and so to have mutual feelings with someone was a GREAT feeling.

That was last Friday. It was a busy work week for both of us, so couldn’t hang out again until… last night.

We decided to go see Stephen King’s new movie called IT. I was beyond terrified that I would have clown nightmares for the rest of my life, but I was looking forward to grabbing his hand during the scary scenes. Apparently he was just as fearful as me, but said he was “willing to give it a shot” (aka wanting to grab my hand as well).

We first did a candy run at a grocery store — cos as we all know.. theaters rip us off! I thought it was cute that he was somewhat fearful of taking the outside candy into the movie theater, even though I reassured him that everything would be okay.

When we got to the theater, as predicted, no one bothered checking my bag to find the candy. He led us right up to the very back row. We got cozy in our seats, and eagerly ripped open both bags of mini eggs and sour keys. As the movie started rolling, I shifted my legs towards his, and consciously placed my right hand on my right leg. I figured when a scary scene popped up – he would reach for my hand. About 10 minutes in, the evil clown bit off a child’s arm, and without thinking I grabbed his arm and put my head on his shoulder for comfort. He jokingly covered my eyes with his right hand.

We broke the touch barrier! Oh, and I definitely wasn’t disappointed with his upper arm muscle. About half an hour in, we both jumped in our seats, and proceeded to laugh and stare into each others eyes. Next thing I knew, he leaned in and kissed me. I’m usually not the PDA type, but I was surprisingly into it. For the remainder of the movie we held hands, and had short make out sessions in between every few scenes. I felt on cloud nine.

At the end of the movie, he suggested we go to a Korean restaurant nearby to get drinks. Conversation was effortless. I said to him that it felt like we’d known each other for much longer than 5 hours. He laughed, agreed, and said it was a good thing.

En route back to the subway, we walked by a fountain and he asked if I wanted to sit down on the ledge for a bit. I knew what that was code for. So sitting, turned into making out, which went on for about ten minutes. He told me I was a good kisser (I mean… I better be after having gone on so many dates!) Next thing I knew his hands moved down and squeezed my bum. He told me I had a great ass. I replied, “well that’s where all the bagels go, so I guess I shouldn’t stop eating them”. We burst into laughter. Neither of us wanted to leave, but it was already 11:30pm and we both had work the next day.

In the subway, we kissed for a bit longer until my train arrived. We promised to swap a few of our fave songs with one another, so I will end this post with one of the songs he sent me today. It’s incredibly catchy… and I can’t help but think the lyrics speak to his actual feelings.

We will both be celebrating our birthday this week, and have already planned to go out and celebrate. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

A million miles away P.2

Continuation of ‘A million miles away‘…

Me: Safe travels! Let me know when you’re here.

SA Boy: You know it.

Picture he attached upon arrival at airport

SA boy was here, in Canada! It didn’t seem real. We had been messaging and calling one another over Whatsapp since the beginning of February. The thought of finally getting to meet him face to face was incredibly exciting.

He wrote early the next day, saying he was pretty busy with family activities during the day – but could hang out later in the evening for dinner, with the potential of joining him and his cousins afterwards at a bar.

We decided to meet up at 8pm for a late dinner. I was disappointed to learn that he was just going to be having a guys night out with his cousins. That meant we would only have 2 hours together before he had to meet them, but that wasn’t going to put a damper on my evening.

I arrived at the restaurant right at 8, and ran straight to the washroom to freshen up. I awkwardly sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes, eagerly waiting for him to say “I’m here”. However, SA boy didn’t appear to be receiving my messages, and I was developing a pit in my stomach.. thinking that he wasn’t going to show up. Around 10 after I walked out of the washroom back towards the front entrance. As I’m walking, someone stands up from their table and taps my shoulder. Startled, I look over and it was him!

He grinned and showcased the most beautiful dimples I’ve ever seen. He bent his 6’4 stature over to hug me hello. I must have been blushing like a little school girl. Then he started talking…. and my whole body melted. It was one thing to hear his sexy South African accent over the phone, but to have the whole package *ha ha* in front of me, I just couldn’t take it.

Our time together whizzed by. We ordered some drinks and both got the same pasta dish. We were joking around about South African vs. Canadian lingo. Like did you know that in SA, they call street lights robots? Also, trunks here are called boots there! Before I knew it his cousins were writing, asking where he was.

He was quite the gentleman and pulled out his wallet to pay, but I insisted it was on me since he was a guest in my country. He then walked me to the subway. It was so cute… his teeth were chattering the entire walk over (they don’t get snow in SA, and the coldest it ever gets is about 5 degrees). I looped my arm through his, joking around saying I’d keep him warm. He clearly took that as an opening to place his arm around me and pull us closer together.

When we got to the subway, he ordered an Uber and we talked about potentially meeting up once more the next day before I left to go out of town. I looked up at him, our eyes locked, and like out of a fairy tale, we kissed. I completely blocked out the people walking around us – and soaked in those next 2 minutes before he had to go. He was an amazing kisser. ;)

We tried to meet up again the next day, but sadly the timing didn’t work. We agreed that when I go visit there, we would have more time to spend together.

I’m trying to stay realistic. He lives half way around the world. July is also a fair time away. I’ll keep my search going in the mean time, but rest assured there will most certainly be a part 3 to this story. Potentially part 4, if this fairy tale has more chapters.

A million miles away

Well it’s already two months into the new year, and I’ve only had one or two potential matches. None of which were exciting enough to report. Until now…

This year marks my mothers 40th year since she immigrated to Toronto from South Africa, so we felt it was the right time for us to go visit as a family and explore the part of the country she grew up in. So in a few months, we will be flying almost half way around the world (a total of 21 hours to be exact)… for what I’m sure will be quite an emotional and exhilarating trip.

As we started looking into our trip a month ago, I had a crazy idea: why not see what the guys are like in South Africa? So I hopped onto JSwipe, changed my location setting, and low and behold was presented with a few dozen new profiles of Jewish South African hunks. I knew my chances were slim of getting matched with any of them as they could see I lived so far away — but still swiped right on a few profiles.

The next day, I got a match! SA boy looked absolutely dreamy in his photos — beautiful dimples and the most perfect smile. You know you’ve matched with a guy from Africa when he has profile pictures with parrots on his shoulders and elephant trunks wrapped around his body.

SG (Suburban Girl): “Want to be my tour guide when I come visit?”

SA Boy: “Sure! Gladly.”

SG: What do you for fun in SA?

SA Boy: “You mean when not racing cheetahs? ;P There’s plenty to do, but like anywhere in the world we spend way too much time watching series.”

We started bonding over several TV show series, and he told me about all the romantic things we could do in SA when I came to visit — like going surfing and watching the sunset on the beach. I was already swooning. Fast forward a few messages later…

SA Boy: “Ironically, you might be the one being the tour guide first! I’m actually going to be in your city for a wedding in March.”

I couldn’t believe it. Of all the men I could have matched with in South Africa… he was already planning to come visit here for the first time — for his cousins wedding! I leaped in excitement.

Despite the 7 hour time difference, we’ve been managing to write lengthy messages back and forth to one another. The more I’m discovering about him, the more excited I am about meeting him in person. The countdown is officially on until we meet for the first time. Of course the reality is that he does live so far away, and it’s truly a fairy tale to think that it could end up working out and one of us moves to live with the other person. However, I am truly a romantic at heart, and you never know where life will lead you next.

What are your thoughts? Would fellow romantics route for this to go somewhere?

Hold tight for part 2 of this story.