When a “spark” fizzles out

It’s been difficult writing a follow up blog post since my date last September. Truth be told, I thought he was going to be a keeper. For those who have been curious to know what happened…

I went over to his place for what baby face framed as a “celebratory birthday dinner for both of us”. I couldn’t go empty handed, so I wrapped up a bottle of merlot, and the cutest kitchen hand towel that had a pattern of every bagel type imaginable. Re-read my last post if you don’t get the reference.

He greeted me with a warm embrace, and proceeded to give me a tour of his 550 sq.ft bachelor pad. I wasn’t exactly impressed with the fact that he had dirty plates and magazines strewn across his bed and couch (could have used a bit more tidying before I got there), but it wasn’t a deal breaker. He had a huge map over his bed with red pins marking all the places he had traveled to, so I excitedly jumped up on his bed to examine closer and started ooing and aahing over some of them. He came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, whispered in my ear that there were so many places on the map we could mark off together, and that was enough to make me turn right around, pull him down on the bed, and get this birthday celebration started. One problem: I couldn’t stop thinking about how much my stomach was growling, and really needed to eat something.

Baby face didn’t have a solid dinner game plan, which was surprising since I had thought he would have started cooking a romantic meal for us by the time I got there. All he had purchased was a bag of frozen shrimp – so was planning on frying those up, and tossing together a russian salad. I was frustrated, as my stomach was growling louder and louder — and he had no clue that I wasn’t a shrimp fan, but I wasn’t going to be rude and tell him to come up with an option B. I let him do his thing. As he started to fry up the shrimp, I got some tunes playing in the background and playfully wrapped my arms around him — he was pleased with the distraction. I then assisted to cut up the veggies, while taking breaks to distract him even more.

We were dancing along to the music like a happy little couple, and at that point I felt it was the perfect opportunity to present him with his second gift (the bagel towel). I told him to close his eyes for a second. I grabbed the towel out of the bag, and placed it on the stove handle. He then opened his eyes and started searching, as if it were a game of ‘Where’s Waldo’. He searched for… what felt like 10 minutes, and I was soaking in every second of his cute puppy dog expression, hopelessly trying to find the treasure I placed. I ended up pointing it out, and he was ecstatic. His reaction made up for the meal he was scrambling to put together.

After dinner, we danced our way over to the bedroom (I had about 3 glasses of wine to make up for the lack of food in my system), and the clothes started falling off piece by piece. I was like… okay… I’m ready. I’m a bit tipsy but hang on… he’s completely naked, and he’s basically ready to go all in. I pushed him away for a second and said we needed a condom. “Really? I promise we’ll be safe. I’ve done this lots of times”. There was no way I was letting him do that, when I had no clue how many other girls he had been with. I basically said that it wasn’t going to happen without one. He seemed reluctant, and at that point I really should have just left, but I didn’t want to lose him because of it. Baby face said, “I don’t have any, do you?” I felt like rolling my eyes, as I couldn’t really fathom how a guy wouldn’t have condoms in his own bachelor pad, but I grabbed one from my purse, and thought – okay dude, deal with it.

5 minutes later… 10 minutes later…. we’re lying awkwardly next to each other, neither happy with how that played out. He had gone limp as soon as he put it on. He was probably embarrassed, and I just lay there feeling disappointed for both of us. To make light of what happened, I said “maybe we should have had oysters instead of shrimp”. We laughed and ended off the night cuddled up watching two episodes of The Office. I ubered home, and en route he texted me saying he still had a great time.

I was willing to give it one more shot. We texted back and forth the next 2 days. Day 3 he messages me on Facebook a long winded message, bottom line saying he didn’t feel a “spark” with me, and was looking for marriage in the near future (obviously not seeing it with me). I was angry and upset that he even connected with me after I left, especially if he never felt a spark. It was definitely a cover up for him being unable to perform. So my line back to him: “Yeah, your “spark” clearly fizzled out for obvious reasons. Good luck finding what you’re looking for.” Harsh, I know, but made me feel better. Two minutes later he unfriends me on Facebook.

I couldn’t stop comparing all my new matches to him, and I just wasn’t finding the same type of chemistry. It was making dating for me even more discouraging.

This year I have a lot to look forward to. Between celebrating my friends getting married, moving into my own condo, and traveling to a number of destinations, it will be a non-stop ride. I also look forward to the next dozen dates, and hoping one of them will move into 2019 with me. Looks like you’re all stuck with me as suburban girl looking for love… for now. Happy 2018 everyone.

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3 thoughts on “When a “spark” fizzles out

  1. Just read this follow up. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, but good for you for sticking to your guns and standing up for yourself and your health/safety! I guess it’s true what they say about having to kiss a bunch of frogs until you find your prince charming. Wishing you all the best for this year! I really hope you find that one who treats you the way you deserve to be treated!

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