Ryan and I lay in each others arms on my bed. Burning tears were streaming down my cheeks, as I burrowed my head into his chest. “It’s going to be okay, baby” he said, holding onto me tightly and kissing my forehead. I looked up into his eyes which were red and cloudy with tears.
Around 2AM I walked downstairs with him, gripping onto his shirt tightly until we got to the front door. He tilted my head up and wiped away my tears with his finger. “We will always be in each others lives… don’t forget that”. I nodded and we gave each other one last kiss before he walked out. I stood by the door sobbing, with an awful, heart-wrenching pain that I had never experienced before.
After 9 incredible months of dating Ryan from JSwipe, it was time to say farewell to one another. Ryan was accepted into a PhD program half way around the world, which will take about 4 years to complete.
We knew about 3 months in that he would be leaving to go. It wasn’t an easy time in our relationship. At that point we were developing strong feelings for one another, and I hated the though of him leaving me. It was a difficult decision, but Ryan knew he couldn’t turn it down. It was one of the most prestigious and competitive programs in his field of study.
I could have ended the relationship at that point to avoid the heartbreak and sadness later on. However, I knew I had to let my fears go – not willing to give up the special bond we had.
We carried forward and went on a countless number of dates. Between our lazy nights at home watching American Horror Story, going to The Zoo, spending the night at a fancy hotel for his birthday and slow dancing together at his sisters wedding – we made so many wonderful memories together.
Before we knew it, October arrived and it was inevitable to talk about the future of our relationship. It was a very tough and emotional discussion to have, but ultimately it was decided that we weren’t going to try and do long-distance. As much as we cared for one another deeply, it would be very tough to be apart from one another for so long. As well, I needed the opportunity to explore other relationships – as this is all very new to me… in order to compare and decide what exactly I want in a life time partner.
I can finally say to the whole blogosphere that I did find love, and it has been an absolutely incredible journey to get to this point (even though it meant I had to experience heart break). A part of me will always love Ryan – we plan on staying in each others lives forever. We’ve been talking frequently since he landed – and I look forward to video chatting with him in a day or two once he is all settled in.
Who knows – maybe he will end up being the one I’m meant to be with forever. For now, my journey continues, and I hope you will stay along for the ride.