Confidence

On October. 6th, I underwent orthognathic jaw surgery. I had both my lower and upper jaw repositioned along with getting my 4 wisdom teeth removed. Yes – ouch!! The procedure was done for both functional and cosmetic reasons. I committed to this process a year and a half ago and it’s surreal to think I’m in the recovery stage now (which explains why I haven’t posted any new dating adventures in awhile).

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Confidence has always been something that I’ve struggled with in my life. Don’t get me wrong, having gone on so many dates and building this blog has really brought my confidence level up. However, I still struggle with truly being happy with myself and have always been very self-critical as to how I appear in the public eye.

You know that old saying where you have to love yourself in order to be loved in return? Well it’s true. Perhaps this has been why I’ve never committed to a long-term relationship before. It’s always partly been fear, but also because I’ve known that I need to love myself and be fully comfortable in my own skin in order to let someone else in.

AB has been writing to check up on me every other day to see how I’m feeling. I even had the courage to send him a picture of my new profile and he said “Who is that beautiful girl?” I choked up a bit because it was the first time I truly accepted the fact that I did look beautiful. He’s so sweet, and really cares about me. However, I’m healing right now. The more I’ve been recovering, the less excited I’ve been to see him again… (don’t roll your eyes). I need time to reflect on what exactly I need in my life right now. I need to decide how much I really need to share in common with someone in order to progress a relationship.

I’m proving to myself how strong I am throughout this recovery and so excited for what the future has in store. I’ll be unveiling a new me to the public. It will be a bit daunting and scary, but can’t wait to love myself and others even more than before.

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