Defining the Male ‘Friend Code’

Two days ago I came across a guy’s profile that caught my interest on PlentyofFish. Rob’s profile says he is an aspiring author, and is looking for a girl with good intentions, with a positive outlook on life and doesn’t like to play games.

Me: “Hey! What do you write about?”

Rob: “Love and revenge. Or at least that’s what my novels about. What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is ‘insert here‘. I have a few writers in my family as well. So tell me a bit more about yourself.”

Meanwhile, I have still been communicating with Matt, who you may remember from my post back in June called ‘12AM by the Fireplace. Meow.‘ The guy who was looking to have a good time, but wasn’t interested in having an exclusive relationship. Since we hung out that night, he never bothered to ask me out again. It was difficult for me as I had been on several dates following him (which you are all up to speed with). However, none that I had the same physical chemistry with. I hated the fact that I still missed him.

Three months had gone by, and then I received a message from him wishing me a happy birthday. I acknowledged it, asked how he had been doing, which slowly led to us talking again. Not frequently, but every now and then through WhatsApp or ‘SnapChat’. It was all friendly, although as the weeks went by some messages got to be a bit more flirtatious. He had started making hints to see me again, although I was still under the impression he was only ‘interested’ in having fun. I am entitled to have fun… it’s just a matter of making sure my feelings wouldn’t get shattered if I got too far with him and then he moved along to the next girl.

Anyway, the two stories do collide – and you are about to find out how.

Matt sent me a ‘SnapChat’ two nights ago (the night I had started messaging Rob). I sent him one back the same night, and he opened it, but never responded. I didn’t think anything of it but I wrote to him the next day with a cute, playful message.

Me: *devil grinning face* Way to not respond to my SnapChat.

Matt: “Lol. Well I wasn’t exactly motivated to. You hit on my friend on POF playa.”

Me: Who?

Matt: “For me to know and you to be paranoid about. Small world.”

Me: “I’ve only been talking to one other guy so I’m pretty sure I know who it is… That’s pretty awkward”

Matt: “Yep. Really awkward for me.”

I didn’t respond to Matt. I presumed Rob must of told Matt he was also checking out the online dating scene and as soon as he got my name and told Matt, he immediately knew who I was. It’s not like I owed Matt anything.. but it was still awkward. Especially if they were close.

I went back on POF and wrote to Rob.

Me: “I heard we have a mutual friend in common…”

Rob: “Yeah apparently. Is that weird for you?”

Me: “Well, what did Matt say about him and I? How close are the two of you?”

Rob: “We’re close but he said you guys just didn’t work out. He was just like.. go for it if you like. Lol. Guys aren’t like girls with all that friend code shit, unless they actually had a relationship with the girl.”

I was obviously disappointed. It wasn’t shocking to hear Matt’s comment about the two of us, but deep down it did sting as he had still been leading me to believe he was interested over the past few weeks.

So now I have no clue what to do. There are plenty of other fish in the sea… so maybe it’s better to move away from both of them. Even if I did continue talking to Rob, how could I guarantee he wouldn’t tell Matt everything? I have no clue how much guys open up to each other about girls – especially ones that they have both dated. How far does the male ‘friend code’ go? How do I even know this whole thing wasn’t planned out by Matt – and maybe this is some sort of game now. If they are close… maybe Rob is just like Matt. Although Rob said he doesn’t want a girl that plays games… so doesn’t that mean he’s looking for something more? Okay, phew, my question rant is over!

My head is about to explode and I’m off to a job interview. Hopefully the fresh air will do me good. I’m sure that a combination of that plus any suggestions from my amazing followers will give me the insight I need to move forward with this situation.

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5 thoughts on “Defining the Male ‘Friend Code’

    • Hahah. According to urban dictionary…

      “The unwritten rules of friendship. Never have a relationship with someone your best friend has feelings for. Never sleep with your best friend’s exes, no matter what they say. Even if they say it’s okay and they approve, don’t do it if you are a true friend. And if you do, you’re not a true friend.”

  1. Hi! New follower here :) I feel like you should go for it if you’re interested in the second guy, you never know, he might turn out to be someone you really like! x

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