Talking on the Phone vs Texting

About a week and a half ago, I started communicating with Cory on POF. He looked gorgeous in his pictures (none of them made me question whether he was a ‘catfish‘). Cory recently graduated from University / moved to Toronto. His profile stated that as a recent graduate, he was doing lots of soul searching and introspection to figure out where to go in his life and his response has been to a) drink lots of tea and b) BLOG.

I thought to myself… wouldn’t it would be funny if we were both blogging about our dating stories? It would be interesting to read both of our first date perspectives about one another. Little did he know that I was a blogger myself.

We started talking about what our favourite teas were, as he mentioned working at a tea store. I was telling him about my adventures attending high tea. From there we talked briefly about where we lived (turns out we are only 10-15 away from each other), what we studied, and what our plans for the future were career wise.

After about 5 messages back and forth I made the next move and gave Cory my cell number. I suggested he call or text me sometime as it would be an easier way to have a conversation.

This past Tuesday he texted me. The first two days we were texting very quickly back and forth. On day 2 I asked if he wanted to call me but he said:

“I’m actually watching [fill in movie name] with my housemate. We haven’t seen much of each other lately so we’re catching up. Rain check!”

I thought to myself… that’s fair. At least he asked for a rain check. Mean while we kept texting back and forth a bit while he was watching the movie. As the next few days passed our text messages ranged from being an hour apart to days apart.

This past Wednesday, Cory told me he was having an interview the following day so I told him to let me know how it went. The following day I never heard from him. I texted him Friday night asking how it went. Still no response…

I was beginning to question whether this guy was being legit. I decided to be a ‘catfish‘ detective by dragging and dropping two of his online profile pictures into a google image search. I came across his LinkedIn (which seemed pretty up to date with everything he told me about himself) and it also provided me with his last name. From there I searched that name on Facebook and sure enough, I found him! 930 friends, 2 mutual ones and he even shared some of his WordPress blog posts on his wall which was set to public. I was too tempted and clicked the link and scrolled through. He did have some relationship posts but the majority of what I skimmed through talked about life in general. He is a great writer.

Anyway, I decided to text one last time this morning saying, “everything okay?” About an hour later he wrote back, apologizing for not responding sooner. He was out of town attending his old Universities homecoming weekend. He asked how my weekend was going.

I was getting tired of all the texting. I wrote back saying that he should just call me when he got back in town and we could talk more then. He wrote back saying:

“I’m not really a phone conversation person. I feel a lot is lost when you can’t see body language and hear tone. Although I’m hypocritical because I like to text… haha”.

Yeah, completely hypocritical I’d say. Sure, some people just aren’t comfortable with talking on the phone, I get that. Still – I felt something just wasn’t adding up. I wrote back:

“That’s fair! I like texting too but I find it’s really hard to have any sort of real conversation. Are you interested in meeting up at some point?”

Cory wrote back saying:

“This is true for any prolonged length. For sure. My schedule is a little sporadic this week but maybe we can find time for coffee, or tea! :P”

I haven’t responded yet. I would like to meet him, but part of me thinks I’d feel more comfortable at least hearing his voice once before. Perhaps even if it’s just to arrange where to meet. What would you suggest I do with him? Ever experienced something similar?


11 thoughts on “Talking on the Phone vs Texting

  1. He seems to be a bit sketchy and unresponsive. I think definitely you could meet him without chatting with him on the phone, but when you go for coffee, just don’t have high expectations. I definitely don’t appreciate guys that are unresponsive. If they are interested, they should show it!

  2. I feel like I’m better at writing than speaking, at least when it comes to the phone. Phone conversations are notoriously stilted and awkward for me, especially with new people. But as much as I hate talking on the phone, I’d still rather talk than text. Except once I get up around two minutes, then i’ve gotta get off the phone. :P Do not like prolonged phone conversations. I’m with George Carlin on this.

    What doesn’t add up for me is that he couldn’t come up with at least one time during the week that he’d be available, or at least ask you when you were free, instead of just going, “oh, maybe we can find time…” But that’s just me.

    I’ve been down this road with girls. I’ve asked girls about meeting and they go “yeah, we should meet at some point…” At some point. Hmm. So I suggest a time and place, and they tell me they’re busy then. But they don’t suggest an alternative. So I interpret that as “not interested”. And you had to prompt him about meeting.

    Do with this info what you will.

    PS – I had no idea you could drag and drop pictures to search in Google Images! All the time I’ve wished I could do that and didn’t know you actually could!

    • Agreed – it’s definitely fishy when they don’t suggest to meet up / continue to avoid the subject. In which case, should probably just move on to the next…

      Yes!! I learned the Google Images trick from the show ‘Catfish’ and it’s been an incredibly useful detective tool. ;)

  3. What effort is he putting into meeting you? or even keeping up with you? Seems to me that you are doing all the work, and that is a very bad sign. I wouldn’t bother with a guy who can’t be bothered to talk on the phone or put a little effort in meeting up.

  4. He seems a bit sketchy. I’m not a big fan of talking on the phone myself, but if you’re trying to get to know someone that’s kind of a given. I absolutely LOVE how you stalked him online and found him, I applaud you.

  5. As an awkward individual, I feel I am WAY better at text than talking on the phone. You don’t have to worry about awkward pauses or what to say next… And also, I feel like texting and Facebook and Twitter have created a culture of text. Having said all that, if he won’t call you than he should at least arrange a meeting!

  6. Sounds like he may be hiding something, or just keeping his options option. I say, meet him, but definitely don’t have high expectations. Let him reach out to you, so that way it doesn’t appear you’re overtly interested. He could be a great friend. He may just be flaky, who knows? I say, try and see what happens!

      • Yes, don’t wait around for him! The one thing about texting, it is so unreliable! I mean, I work for a wireless carrier and I get so many calls (even experienced it myself) where I don’t get someone’s texts and vise versa. I am sure it’s not that. His behavior matches his response, sadly.

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