Let me introduce you to Ben; one of the latest guys I’ve been talking with online. Since early last week, we have been writing back and forth a few times and I found we shared a lot in common. Both of us work in the advertising industry, and surprisingly, our workplaces are a ten minute walk away from each other! He appeared cute from his pictures and his profile stated he was looking for a relationship.
By the third day of messaging each other, Ben suggested we meet for drinks the following week. I found this so refreshing as a lot of guys tend to prolong the online conversation and take forever to initiate the first face-to-face meeting. I responded and said I’m not a huge drinker. In which he responded, saying he wasn’t either. Psht! I guess it’s the typical line to ask a girl out, right?
We decided to meet at Starbucks after work this past Wednesday. As I was packing up to leave, Ben told me he found a table inside the Starbucks and so I quickly ran out and arrived there within 2 minutes. We immediately recognized one another. Ben stood up to hug me hello. He was slightly taller than me, wore glasses and overall appeared very clean-cut. My first reaction? Well I didn’t bite my lip, or twirl my hair. He just seemed like a nice guy, but I definitely didn’t sense any physical chemistry right off the bat.
We got in line to order, and Ben insisted it was on him (which was very sweet). As he’s an account manager, I knew we wouldn’t have any problems with conversation. He immediately started asking me about what I do, and seemed genuinely interested in what I was saying. I was also very interested to hear about his work. I figured that even if our relationship didn’t amount to anything romantic, he’d still be a great connection!
A bit later, he asked me about what else I like to do in my spare time when I’m not working. I started talking about how I’m really into seeing live music and even went to see Ellie Goulding/Bruno Mars this past weekend (which was absolutely incredible!) Ben liked Bruno Mars, but never heard of Ellie Goulding. He told me he wasn’t a huge fan of Electronic/Dubstep music. I told him that’s cool, it was in no shape or form a deal breaker for me.
Ben switched conversation topics again and asked if I watched a lot of TV. I wasn’t sure where to begin. I’m a bit of a TV show fanatic. I started with my HBO shows (Californication, Shameless, Girls). He heard of all of them and also watched the first two. I then said:
You may laugh or roll your eyes at this, but I’m kind of hooked on Big Brother.
Ben: Haha. Well if it makes you feel any better, I’m really into The Bachelor.
Really! That’s cool. Me too. Are you watching the latest season?
Ben: Of course. I’m into all of them. The Bachelor. The Bachelorette. Bachelor Pad! Actually, I’m pretty bummed that they discontinued Bachelor Pad.
Wait, did they? I was sure it would air again.
Ben started going into all the names of the people on the last season of The Bachelor Pad which was border line obsessive. Not that I’m any better. I was kind of getting a kick out of our conversation. I thought it was cool we shared a love for that show. I was trying to picture the two of us snuggling up with popcorn waiting for the next episode of The Bachelorette to start. Midst my brief day dream, Ben switched the topic again and started telling me how he’s also very into politics and tracing ancestry. The ancestry part was neat, but I knew I was going to get into trouble when he started up with politics so I veered to the weather. I usually use that topic as a conversation ender, but it has actually been pretty insane in Toronto over the last week. I was surprised we didn’t have a Tornado touch down a few days ago. Anyone hear about it? We had a huge downpour (record breaking amount of rain)… it really felt like we were in a movie.
At that point (about an hour into our coffee date) we decided to start walking towards the subway. The clouds were getting darker and the weather network was calling for another storm to hit. As we walked to the subway, the conversation went like this:
Ben: So yeah, I feel this went well. I like you a lot. I’d love to take you out to dinner soon. I’m pretty swamped for the rest of the week. How about I give you a call this weekend and we can plan for next week?
Sounds good. Have a good night!
We hugged goodbye and I walked into the subway feeling like a horrible person. There was absolutely nothing that went wrong on our date. We shared similar philosophies on dating and were both exploring to find someone outside our main social circles. I just… wasn’t attracted to him. I only got a friendly vibe. Maybe he was too clean cut or didn’t appear like the bad boy I usually go after. He’s a straight up, honest, genuine guy. I know I need someone like that in my life, but at the same time I don’t want to force a level of attraction, nor do I want to lead him on.
Ben texted me an hour after meeting, saying he had a really good time on our date. He restated he’d give me a shout over the weekend to plan something for next week. I wasn’t sure if that warranted any sort of response. I knew it was probably the right thing to do to text back, but my thoughts were swarming all over the place and every text I composed just ended up being erased a few minutes later. It wasn’t until yesterday evening that I finally texted him back and said: I had a nice time too. Hope you have a good time at the concert! (As he has mentioned he was going to see one that night).
Still no response. Maybe I blew it and should have responded right away. He probably got the sense by my lack of response that I wasn’t feeling it as much as him. The question is, if he does call me this weekend, do I take him up on a dinner date? Give it one more try? I just don’t want to lead him on. Honestly, I feel like such a superficial person and I need to stop going for the bad boys that treat me poorly.
Signed, utterly confused and looking for your two cents.