The Tinder Epilogue

The last few days of texting back and forth with Jon led to this:

So when do you think you’ll be able to start driving again?

Jon: I have no idea. :( The doc said he will check up on me again in a month. I am going camping for 2 weeks. So excited. :D

Who are you going camping with? / when?

No response.

I was fed up. One part of me felt like writing again to say “fuck you for your erratic behaviour!” I wanted straight up answers, and all he kept giving me was small talk. I got the impression that he wasn’t interested to pursue what we had anymore. There was no more effort on his part. No more texts saying, “you’re beautiful, you know that” or “I’ll never stop telling you how stunning you are”. I still couldn’t fathom how Jon could go from being so completely enthralled with me to just start slowly writing me off. Did lying on the hammock, having our arms around each other, mean nothing to him? I felt stupid for having gone through the effort of transcribing the song he played on guitar and creating lyrics to go with it. I had hoped what we had would work out, and I could sing the lyrics to him when we were dating exclusively.

I wrote out a follow up text which took quite some time to compose. I didn’t want to come across angry, nor desperate. I just wanted to write something that’s intent would hopefully get him to snap back into gear and make more of an effort to fight for me. I sent the following text yesterday evening:

Hey. I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know you and I loved meeting you and your sister but I’ve noticed you’ve become distant. I’d appreciate you telling me where your heads at. Because if you’re not interested in getting to know me more, then I have another guy who is interested and I’ve been holding off.

Okay, yes, I lied. There are no other current suitors on the horizon. However, it was my own subtle, plea of desperation for him to fight for me. For him to realize what a good thing I was and to not let his ex get the better of him / manipulate him to think otherwise.

I waited for a response all day today. As the day went on with no response, I knew it probably wasn’t going to have a great ending. I braced myself for the worst. At quarter to 5, my phone flashed and I saw he texted. I took a deep breath, opened the message, and read:

I am so sorry for being distant without realizing it. Your text yesterday has made me think long and hard about why that is. You are an incredible girl, with a lot going for you! I have come to the conclusion that I just can’t handle anything long distance at the moment. Especially when school starts. You deserve someone that has the time for you :). So basically I think I have been distant for the last bit because deep down I knew I didn’t want us to get more attached to each other, only hurting you more. I am so happy to know you have someone else!! You deserve an amazing guy!!

My eyes started tearing up and I hurried towards the washroom, away from my co-workers. I locked myself in a stall, and started sobbing. I called my mom and told her about what happened. She tried consoling me, but it didn’t take away the pain that I felt. Why? I kept thinking to myself. How can this be? It seemed we were so perfect for one another.

I extremely appreciate the support and guidance from all of you. I agree, there were a lot of red flags to begin with, and he certainly comes with quite a bit of baggage from his past relationships. I think the long distance line he said was bull shit. An hour really isn’t bad. And camping when he’s still recovering from his injury? Something doesn’t add up there. I really do feel like the ex got to him, and he probably still has feelings for her. So maybe this is for the best.

The question is, do I give it one last attempt and respond? Maybe just being completely honest with him about how I feel would be good to get off my chest before closing the door.

On a more uplifting note, there may actually be a new suitor around the corner. Here’s a sneak preview:

Zach: Hey, I’m friends with Cory who works with your mom…not a random creeper. Said I should say hello.

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8 thoughts on “The Tinder Epilogue

  1. My two cents… Sleep on it before responding and do some journaling or other processing… I think you should let him go and move on, but that’s easier said than done until you’re ready. My best to you. :)

  2. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It sucks to be into somebody and then get disappointed. In my (far too many) years of dating, the one thing that I’ve learned is that when a guy starts saying things like “you deserve someone who has time for you,” he’s probably right. He’s presenting himself honestly. I had an ex say “I’m either going to be a failure to you now or a failure to you later.” You know what? He was right.
    The right guy for you is going to treat you like the awesome person you are. Keep that in mind through this whole process. I know I do!

  3. To reach out again offers vulnerability which should be held in reserve for one who deserves it. Myself, I’d rather not give such a coveted and valuable parts of me to just anyone.

  4. Awww. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with Jon. I definitely think you should just let him go his way. It’s probably for the best :)

    Best of luck with this new guy ;-)

  5. Don’t follow up. There is something going on with him…and you don’t want to be part of that. Move on to the next guy. And, it seems to me that Tinder is more of a hook up site (I checked it out…and i’m about to disable the account…ick.)

  6. Oh honey, it’s better this way. When a guy really pulls back like that and calls your bluff… he doesn’t want to work harder in the relationship. I’m sorry that happened to you. Have you ever read “Why Men Love Bitches”? Don’t worry, it’s not about becoming a bitch, but understanding how men work and how you can stand your ground and when these things happen, you don’t need to go chasing after him. I’m sure he was just going to fade away. He did like you, it was the distance that he wasn’t going to deal with, and if he wasn’t going to deal with that, then it’s not meant to be. Next time, take it way more slowly with your heart and make him earn your love.

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