Exposed and Vulnerable

An HBO show I’ve been obsessing over since its 2012 premiere is Lena Dunham’s “Girls.” The story follows the lives of several 20 something year olds in New York City and the challenges and tribulations they face along the way. The script is raw, real and relates so well to every other 20 something year old who has or most likely will experience similar life situations.

Dunham both directs and acts as the lead role ‘Hannah’ who plays her character so well; projecting to all her viewers such confidence in her own skin and makes us feel secure and inspired, knowing that we aren’t going through our day to day’s life challenges alone.

In the most recent episode that aired this week, Hannah was introduced to her next door neighbour who was in his 40s. What was initially meant to be an awkward meeting about dumping her garbage in his disposal bin ended up leading into a torrid sexual relationship. Everything was heated and passionate and he invited her to stay the night at his house. The following day she found herself in such a natural, happy place with him. Once the evening arrived, she came to the realization that she was worth feeling and being in a state of happiness. She fell apart in front of him, leaving herself completely vulnerable and exposed. As she continued talking he listened but you could sense he was withdrawing from the conversation and wasn’t as engaged and responsive as she hoped he would be.

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Just like Hannah, I am constantly trying to get myself outside my comfort zone and experience things I would have never thought I would. The problem is aside from all the crazy adventures and life experiences and being there for my friends and family, I need to also make my own state of happiness a priority. Would I necessarily strip down all my feelings and insecurities on the second day of being with a guy? Probably not or else he’d start backing off a bit. When I told my best guy friend that I always have heart to heart conversations with my sister and we talk about how we’re feeling, he just looked at me strangely and said he never does with his brother. For most guys, it’s hard to open up and I guess for girls it’s different because it’s something we constantly do.

I think it’s important to share you’re feelings with someone you deeply care about, but you can’t engulf the guy with all your feelings in 20 minutes. It’s something that will naturally take time as you continue getting to know one another.

I question whether I opened up too much about my experience level with the most recent guy I’ve been seeing. That was a week ago and as much as I thought he was okay with moving slowly and getting to know me more he’s definitely been more distant. He’s still been texting and asking me how I’m doing but it’s been a week, and still no hint towards wanting to go out again. Truly, it’s probably for the better. As if I fully gave myself to him and that’s all he wanted, I’d probably never forgive myself.

Girls – at what point is it okay to start opening up about your feelings to the guy you’re seeing? Guys – what’s your take on all of this?

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5 thoughts on “Exposed and Vulnerable

  1. I am most definitely not a normal guy. I can open up and talk about my feelings and emotions. I’ve always been able to. I’m comfortable with it. Hell, just look at my blog.

    That being said, I think two days is too fast to open up to anybody. Even if it feels totally natural to you, even if there’s this tremendous connection, I say don’t do it. You’re likely to scare the other person off. I think things like that tend to be built gradually and shouldn’t escalate quickly.

  2. i think that you are putting your virginity on a pedestal. surely sexual relations are important in any romantic human interaction, but to say something like “Truly, it’s probably for the better. As if I fully gave myself to him and that’s all he wanted, I’d probably never forgive myself.” is so melodramatic as to border on full-blown histronics. i mean seriously – to what do you ascribe this mythical importance on the first incidence of sex? you are obviously seeking something,having been on dozens of dates thus far… how often do you sincerely suspect that you’ll think back and reflect on your first time once you’ve established a regular partner, regardless of whether or not it’s the same person? i suggest you talk to a female friend and gather her opinion!

    i think you need to consider your life with a little perspective on what might be important to you when you grow up. do you want to travel? to pursue higher education? to have a career? to have kids? do you think you’ll be bemoaning your first awkward sexual experience (and trust me, everyone’s first is awkward – it’s ok!) while pondering how to make your real dreams a reality? i am not trying to be cruel by saying this; i am just trying to give you my honest opinion as someone who also heavily valued the importance of the “first time” – only to realize, as with most other warm-blooded beings, that sex is ultimately natural and when consensual is not something that you’d “never forgive yourself for”!

    • Thanks for your interesting perspective on this topic! I do agree that my use of wording can be perceived as overly dramatic. Still, I think that the person who I give that privilege to should be someone who I think is deserving of it.

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