He’s Perfect, but…

Tonight I went on a date with another ‘fish’ who I started talking to last week. He was 28 (7 years older than me), a lawyer and looking for a relationship. I thought, this guy may in fact be the winner of my heart. I had never talked with a guy who was 28, but I figured that I need a guy that is at least 24, 25 – who has maturity and a sense of where he is going in life and what he wants versus the majority of guys my age who are looking for something more casual.

I knew he was a bit shorter than me before meeting him. However, it wasn’t until we met tonight that I realized he was in fact quite a bit shorter than I imagined him being. Although, I was willing to look past that as he appeared in front of me as cute as in the pictures I had seen. We decided to meet up for drinks at a location he suggested which was closer to his area than mine but I was fine with it. Once we sat down one of the first things I learned was his apartment was conveniently connected right next to where we went. He even threw in a wink. I knew he was just being flirtatious though so I went with it and we talked for an hour sitting down at a booth. The music was loud but it was still easy to converse with one another. By that point I felt comfortable from the cocktail except conversation wasn’t flowing as naturally as I hoped it would. I guess part of my mind was still preoccupied with knowing his place was right next door. Throughout our conversation, he would make remarks like ‘you should come over to my place to watch such and such movie sometime’ and ‘I have the place to myself’. He was checking his phone several times towards the end of the hour and I wondered if he was losing interest. As I was nearing the end of my cocktail a panic button clicked inside of me and I excused myself to the washroom and called my friend to pick me up. When I sat back down conversation started a bit slow but got back to a steady flow. He offered me a second drink but I politely declined. At which point I was interrupted by my phone again to see a message from my friend saying she was waiting outside to pick me up.

I apologized and explained my ride was here early and he was a bit caught of guard saying that was one of the earliest ending Saturday night outings he’d be on. I agreed and felt bad but he still sweetly paid the bill and when I offered to pay he said ‘no… don’t worry, you can pay next time’.

I’ll probably need a night to sleep on it, but I just don’t know if he’s the guy I’m meant to be with. I know you don’t always feel butterflies the first time you get to know someone (although I did feel them with the last guy I dated who turned out to be a bit of a coward). It could have just been fear that had taken over me… as I knew I wasn’t ready to go back to his apartment on our first date and knowing it was right there made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I question whether 28 is too old and with that age comes too much experience. I wouldn’t call him a player at all, in fact he came across as a gentleman which is rare to see a lot nowadays. However, he knew the right things to say (of course, he’s a lawyer!) and maybe I found all those factors put together a bit intimidating which didn’t allow me to fully relax as much as I could have.

A) Would you date a guy 7 years older than you? B) Should height ever be an issue or does that just make someone look completely shallow?  C) Is it the new norm to check your phone while on a date or is that just being rude?

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7 thoughts on “He’s Perfect, but…

  1. What a douche, I’m glad you dropped his butt. Suggesting to go back to his place on the first date is a no-no..

    A.) My current boyfriend is 11 years older than me. When I was on OKCupid, I actually wanted someone at least 7 years older than me. I feel like the men in my age group (early 20’s) are just not looking for a stable relationship.. But thats just my preference :) Its really up to whether you get along mentally and emotionally.. I like to say that my boyfriend and I meet in the middle hehe.

    B.) No, its not shallow.. My first boyfriend was much shorter than me so I had to always wear flats or shoes with as little heel as possible. I didn’t want to be with someone who I would resent for by indirectly “forcing” me to wear these shoes.. I probably would have stayed with him if I didn’t move out of the country, but its just something to consider.

    C.)Rude. Full stop.

    I like reading your blog :) Keep it up!

    • Thanks so much for reading and providing your insight! That’s great you found someone online you’ve really connected with. I hope it works out for the two of you. It’s definitely important you are able to connect not just physically but as well mentally/emotionally. Surprisingly the latest ‘fish’ I am seeing is in his early 20s (definitely more mature than a lot of other guys his age) but only time will tell to see if he is looking for a stable relationship.

      Oh and I wanted to take his cell phone and throw it across the room! Hahah. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks checking their phone while on a date is incredibly rude.

  2. A. There’s nothing wrong with a man being 7 years older than you. My cap is about 8 years though. However, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with other people date with a bigger age gap. I just don’t want that for myself.
    B. The height issue is something I battle with ALL of the time. I love wearing heels so I need somebody that’s at least a certain height because I don’t want to be forced into wearing flats all the time.
    C. That’s just rude!

  3. I’m most bothered by the fact that when you offered to pay the bill, his response was “You can pay next time.” Not to mention he was already talking about you heading over to his place. Gross. Definitely move on.

  4. Use the three month rule. If they can’t go the first three months of getting to know you without having sex, then they aren’t worth it.

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