Online Relationship – Yay or Nay?

For the last 4 weeks I’ve become completely smitten over a guy who I’ve met online. Through texting, Skype and talking on the phone our conversations kept getting stronger and progressively more intense as the weeks went on.

Why? I guess you can say the mystique of not meeting in person. The similarities we have in common also made me develop strong feelings for him. How I’d classify him would be the perfect combination of a bad boy and nerd. We would talk/ flirt back and forth for a few minutes and then he would drift back in and out of our conversation as he was busy playing Starcraft. We’d play word games back and forth over Facebook and he continued getting more bonus points in my books as I find an intelligent guy who can spell and show off words you never even knew existed is extremely sexy and attractive.

While I was away over the long weekend in another capital city I felt like he was there with me. My family was beginning to get sick of me spending too much time on the phone/ on Skype vs. spending time with them. I felt guilty. However, I was so caught up in what I felt was a very strong and alluring online relationship that I was hooked into. I kept asking myself, is there such thing as online relationships having happy endings? A friend of mine told me to watch out, as online can be very different from real life. I really know nothing about him, although deep down my instincts tell me there’s just something about him I can’t let go of.

When I got back home from my trip, reality sunk in and we started talking about meeting up as we both finished school for the year. I was so scared at the thought of meeting him. Through the online realm, he presents himself as a very easy going, confident, sexy guy yet also loves nerdy things like Starcraft and Scrabble. Really the perfect package – which is why I kept thinking this is WAY TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. I couldn’t help but scare myself into thinking what he would think of me when he met me in person. Would my pictures do me justice? Would I present myself in an ideal manner that he expected? I obviously would have to be true to myself, yet our online relationship had become so heated I was afraid at the thought of how meeting in person would effect our ‘relationship’ if you’d in fact call it that.

Well today was the day. We decided to meet at a Dessert Cafe. I arrive on time and began waiting in high anticipation and a bundle of nerves. I had gotten up early preparing out every little detail from what I would wear to what coloured nail polish I’d apply. Trivial things that one really shouldn’t need to over think but I had become so smitten over this guy I had such high hopes and wanted to impress him. Half an hour later he arrives, explaining he had to drop by the bank on the way there.

He appeared just as gorgeous as in the pictures I’d seen. Tall, broad build, dark features, and I immediately melted. We hugged hello and sat down and we seemed to feel very comfortable in each others presence. I tried not to be critical of myself and my actions, but I couldn’t help it every time I looked at him. We ordered a waffle with ice cream and strawberries to share. He was showing me games like Angry Birds on his Android phone and we played some of them. Conversation was alright, except it was hard to think of things to talk about. We had talked and asked each other questions for the last 4 weeks, so there were moments of silence which were both nice yet a bit tense. We finished the waffle and I had a tea, and by that time only an hour had passed. I was desperately wanting him to make some sort of move. I couldn’t take his flirtatious actions of putting his hands through his hair and raising his muscular arms above his head. He even yawned a few times, yet I surprisingly found that attractive. Kind of rude, but attractive.

He had told me in advance he had to leave early. An hour and a half later the time had arrived for him to leave and I was waiting for him to say something to reassure me he had a good time and the spark wasn’t lost but it was very hard to read him – a real mystery boy. He got up, walked around to my side of the table and said, “do I get a hug goodbye?” As much as I felt there was so much more to find out and more reassurance I needed, I got up and gave him a hug goodbye. He gave a very tight hug, and I felt secure in his arms and didn’t want to let go but I did. He smiled and said he would text me.

He left and as he walked out the doors I felt very conflicted reassessing everything that went on in the short time we were together after weeks of talking online. I then realized the bill had not yet arrived, and I felt foolish that he left me with it. I thought… maybe he forgot? Or maybe he thought to ditch and dash, as he didn’t plan on seeing me again. Slightly humiliated, I paid the bill.

When I got home he texted me stating he had totally forgotten about the bill and that he’d make it up to me the next time I saw him. Relieved that he at least had the decency to own up to having forgotten, I still wasn’t sure if he was going to live up to his word. Would he make an effort to see me again?

The question I have is… when you’ve been talking to someone solely online for weeks vs. a few days prior to meeting in person is it more of a bad vs. good thing? Sure, it’s very alluring and sexy to be flirtatious and almost feel vulnerable with that person having opened up so much about your life. However, when so much is said online, is the relationship realistically doomed when the first real encounter is made? Can the reality of meeting a person really live up to their online presence?

I guess we will have to see if any more moves are made. It’s certainly his turn to make a move now.

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7 thoughts on “Online Relationship – Yay or Nay?

  1. I think your thinking too much. You just have to let everything go its natural course! Everyone has the fear of the unknown. Thinking too much will just give you a headache (from experience!) From what you wrote, he seems genuinely sweet. I think you should meet him again in a different setting to see where everything goes! :)

  2. Relax. Breathe. Just be yourself :) It sounds as if you were expecting sparks to fly on the first date, when thats hardly the case. You guys barely know each other despite the online communications you have had. Think of it as getting to know someone new as a friend as opposed to a boyfriend.

    I met my current boyfriend through okcupid almost 2 years ago.. When I met him, I didn’t think about how good we would be together. I just wanted to get to know him as a person. If you both like each other, it’ll just happen naturally (I became his girlfriend after a week of us seeing each other).

    I also don’t think it matter how long you have been talking for online, as long as you eventually meet up and interact with them in real life.

    Also in all honesty I kind of think its a red flag when he forgot to pay the bill.. Just my two cents =P

  3. Thanks Mel! Jan, I totally agree about just being yourself. I think I may have tried a bit too hard but I think the anticipation had built up so much I couldn’t help myself. I also agree abut the red flag… although he did apologize. Will have to see what happens.

  4. I think it takes a lot of guts to go from talking so candidly to a person online meeting them in person. Sometimes you lose the confidence to be open and yourself when the boundaries of a computer screen or text message go away.

    As the other commenters said, the biggest thing is just being yourself. He will decide whether or not he wants to pursue something, but you can’t be at fault if you were being yourself and real the whole time. Go into things with the expectation that you’re going to meet someone new and just want to learn more about them. Sometimes thinking too much about the future and the potential makes you lose sight of the current moment.

    Hope everything works out! Sometimes I feel like I’m living vicariously through you :)

  5. I enjoyed your post. I agree with the other comments. It’s difficult and a tricky line when you are transitioning from an online communication/relationship to an IRL (in real life) one. And, if he’s a gamer type guy and very “in his head” intellectual, they can be a bit aloof and distant sometimes. Perhaps you can get him to take the Meyers-Briggs personality test so you can determine his personality type (if he’s open to this, of course). Time will tell. And Time can be one fickle bitch, that’s for sure. I wish you the best of luck!

    • I should have gotten him to take the test! A bit hard now that he’s taken me off his Facebook but I know it’s for the better. Thanks for your help/feedback though! Love your blog, looking forward to reading more.

      • Thanks! That’s a shame he disappeared like that. Oh well, another one bites the dust, as they say! Gotta weed them out somehow!

        Glad you like my blog! I am in the process of writing more. I enjoy yours, as well! Very well written and thought-provoking. Looking forward to more, too!

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