So I probably won’t forgive myself for this one, but I had to post about it to add to my list of embarrassing, horrible judgments I can make every now and then. About a week ago I found a guy on PofF (Plenty of Fish) that was drop dead gorgeous, my age, said he went to school in Toronto and even resembled a TV show character that I am madly in love with. So I immediately thought, this guy can’t be real. What the heck though, I’m going to write anyways.
So I come up with a cute and witty message and wait a few days. No response. I look through my sent messages.. and turns out he was online an hour before so I write again (sometimes you have to persevere to get what you want). I simply said, ‘playing hard to get?’ Crazily enough, he responded that night and I got so excited when I got the alert to my phone but had to calm myself down saying I should probably lower my expectations as he will probably just say he wasn’t interested.
Turns out he was interested though. He apologized for not getting back to me sooner and asked me how I was liking the school I’m at – which I have to say is refreshing as the last few guys I’ve been in contact with simply write a response with no question back and then I say to myself… so where am I supposed to go from here?
Anyway we wrote back and forth quite a few times that night. After a few messages back and forth he explained to me that his friend had actually created the account as a joke for him, or as he would call it an ‘experiment’. He wasn’t expecting much really from the site and wanted to let me know as he thought I seemed like a nice girl (which clearly I am!) So of course I was confused as here I am talking to this guy who has started opening up bits and pieces to me and now he’s being truthful about how he ended up on the site, except I had no clue where to go from there. It didn’t seem like he wanted to end the conversation so I told him he couldn’t be such a tease and just stop talking. I was already smitten and it had only been a few hours. I thought to myself, how on earth is this guy not taken?
As the night continued I was the one who kept asking questions as he explained to me he wasn’t really sure how to approach conversation through this form of dating. He wasn’t answering all of my questions which I liked as it kept the mystery and desire to continue reeling more information out of him. From the questions he did answer, I couldn’t believe how much more we had in common. We lived in the same neighbourhood, he went to a school I was familiar with and even had the same religious background. I seriously thought I’d faint.
By the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers. This is when things started getting weird. He began asking me to send pictures of myself to him. So I sent him a nice, flattering picture (of course nothing too revealing as I barely know him). He responds saying ‘send me better pics ;)’. I immediately knew what he was referring to. I played along for a bit as I wanted to make sure he was who he says he was by asking him to send a picture of him before I sent more. He explained he was ‘camera shy’ which started making me feel something wasn’t right (especially since he had several up on the site). Then he kept pushing me for more pictures.
For those of you who don’t know what sexting is…
Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. The term was first popularized in early 21st century, and is a portmanteau of sex and texting, where the latter is meant in the wide sense of sending a text possibly with images.
So I made it clear to him I wasn’t looking for that and asked him more questions about his life as he really hadn’t opened up about anything regarding his personal interests, family, etc. It became clear he was only looking for one thing and had no interest in getting to know me on a personal level.
Still, I didn’t want to let him go. I knew he was a bad boy, but I thought I could say something or convince him to approach the whole situation differently. Maybe he was testing me. Ultimately it got to a point where I knew I was never going to go against my morals and values. I decided to make it 100% clear I wasn’t interested in what he wanted and if that’s all he was interested in… to not write to me again.
As I was waiting for a response I decided to do some more investigating to make sure this guy was being truthful with me. Not to scare some of you who may be thinking about experimenting with online dating now or in the future… this is what I found out. This drop dead gorgeous, too good to be true guy ended up not being who he said he was. I contacted my best friend who was in the same graduating class that he claimed to be in. I got her to check her yearbook and there was no one by the name he gave me. I gave her his picture and she had never seen his face before, and this was coming from a girl I’ve known for years who can recognize someone from a mile away.
So I’m at the point suspecting this guy is definitely not who he says he is. He probably realized I caught on to his game to lure in young adults in their 20s. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually in his 40s or 50s and simply fed me all the information I wanted to hear.
He wrote back a few hours after I had made things clear to him what I was looking for. He stated he was confused about what to do. At that point he began telling me the TRUTH. I find out he is actually two years younger than me (which explains why I couldn’t find him in my friend’s graduating class). He had given me a fake last name which I find out when he adds me on Facebook (I put him on my Limited Profile). I said to myself… I need to stop talking to him but I still felt the need to find out more so we continued talking. Almost as an experiment for myself. As a guy who claimed to be a vegetarian, virgin and seriously focused on his career – which he later confirmed except for the virgin part, why was he trying to sound so macho and bad? It was an interesting Psychology experiment. So up until yesterday we continued talking. I felt more and more sure as the conversation went on that things would go nowhere. I had closure understanding that he was incredibly immature. Ultimately, I need to find someone who is older. Not to say I wouldn’t possibly date someone a year younger (please read my 16 vs 21 post if you haven’t already), but only under circumstances that he was mature for his age. As this guy continued going into sexual stories and banter about what he expected out of being together (didn’t get the impression he was looking for anything long term), I officially axed the communication and we haven’t talked since.
From a girl who is very cautious and is familiar with the online dating world, this has been what started off as the scariest experience to the craziest one to one heck of a learning experience. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I actually met up with this guy.
Word of advice to everyone. I’m not saying sites likes PofF are bad. In fact, you can meet some really nice, genuine guys. However, there are guys like this one who can pretend to be someone else at first. Who can feed you whatever information you want to hear. You really know nothing about them. Don’t give them your Facebook if you have your last name on there or any personal/ revealing information. Plus, don’t always get taken in by looks (which is easy to do on online sites). Talk on the phone (which he said he wouldn’t do because it gave him ‘a headache’). Ask them a few personal questions to make sure they are real. I know from previous experience a spark can easily be lost within a week if no contact is made. However, if the guy takes 2-3 days to respond after each message you send, wait! You need to be so careful.
FYI – Watched a 1 hour CBC Doc Zone episode two nights ago called ‘Sext Up KIDS’. It’s all about how youth and teens (especially young girls) are presented as over sexualized through how they dress, their role models and the media in general. It also related to this post regarding how many pornographic sites guys are exposed to online at potentially a very young age, then having expectations of what they want from girls, and how early on. Definitely an episode I’d recommend for everyone to watch.
You can access the link at: http://www.cbc.ca/doczone/episode/sext-up-kids.html.